In some weird alternate dimension, arcades still matter in North America and the classic quarter-sucking games of the 80s and 90s are still absolving us of our pocket change while simultaneously keeping us out of the house under the guise of “going out and doing stuff.” In that reality, Target: Terror came out and was lovingly received by a gaming public that still cares about things like full-motion video and light-gun games.
Here in our dimension, though, Target: Terror came out to today’s arcades: empty, lifeless places full of the damned and people who just don’t know any better. There’s probably some sales chart somewhere that pegs this game, which you might as well call “Area 51: Dudes With Shirts Over Their Faces Instead Of Aliens… Gold,” as a success in today’s arcade market. Someone somewhere probably considers it “a real earner” in their bowling alley or laundromat or wherever it is that people are hiding arcade games in this day and age. But then Konami somehow decided to pick up a Wii port of the game. And it’s, you know, bad?
Or maybe Target: Terror is great. At the very least, it looks like it was a lot of fun to make. The game is mostly comprised of dated-looking pre-rendered environments that scroll around on a track as a piece of full-motion video in the background. Terrorists and civilians are superimposed on this footage, and you need to shoot (or not shoot, in the case of innocents) them before they shoot you. If your gun is empty, you reload by firing while pointed off the screen. The part that looks like fun is that all of the people you can shoot are digitized humans, who go through a little animation routine, switch into another one if shot, and make their way off screen. My favorite is “guy with dynamite under his jacket,” who pops up close to the screen when you aren’t paying attention and rips his shirt open with a zest for living that I haven’t had in decades. Actually, my favorite is the girl who plays the newscaster at the beginning of each level. They shot her against a green screen, as well, but apparently they didn’t have any actual microphones, so she’s just reading fake news in some echoey room, probably using whatever mic was built into whatever camera they were using. This game feels super low-budget across the board, but in a sort-of-funny way.
But being hella budget doesn’t excuse Target: Terror. It’s way pixelated, the Wii Remote doesn’t do a great job of simulating a light gun, it doesn’t even run in 480p, and as a game meant to extract as many quarters from your pockets as possible, it’s jittery and fast, making it really tough to avoid damage as you work through the game’s scenes. Someone, somewhere is able to play the arcade version of this on one quarter. If you encounter him, do not take this gentleman on his up offer to give you a ride home! It will only end in tears, several years of forced servitude, and a shallow grave near mile marker 117.
You’re given 30 continues on your first attempt, and when you discover that isn’t enough, the game lets you start over with 40 continues on your second attempt. That probably won’t be enough, either, but by that point you’ll have played way more Target: Terror than you should have played, whether you’re playing alone or with a friend.
As I played Target: Terror, the thing I realized is that I’d rather be watching a “making of” video for all of the terrorists. I have a feeling it involved a lot of people hanging out near a green screen, slapping on sunglasses, tossing on a bubble vest, wrapping a T-shirt around a head or two, and acting like lunatics in front of a video camera. Instead of spending the $40 on Target: Terror, I recommend you wrap a T-shirt around your head and film yourself pretending to be a ninja, a terrorist, or a ninja terrorist. Then post it online and send it to your friends.
40 Comments
greenscreen makes me thjink of tim and eric
rofl at the thrid screenshot, reminds me of sega cd
Jesus, that does look like shit.
gosh and I thought those full motion video light gun games were dead and gone…
why would you make something like that… and let the public see it?! But, I’ve been drunk enough to play bar deer hunter and have fun doing it.
I didn’t know you were playing this game, probably because i haven’t listened to the podcast yet. All i have to say is that it looks like Lethal Enforcer but with crappy photographs pasted all over the place :D.
That’s easily the best review you’ve ever written!
I love this game in all of its horrible-ness. The newscaster is probably the worst actor ever in an FMV game, and it’s fantastic. Even better is the fact that she more or less has one line that only slightly varies at the beginning of each level.
Let’s go to the scene, RIGHT NOW!
The five other people playing all of the bad guys must have had a wild night indeed.
I love this game in the arcades, such a guilty pleasure. It stinks that the Wii edition was just rushed together, it would have been great if it didn’t have all those technical problems I keep hearing about. I sure hope that the inevetable sequel is better put together on the Wii…
Yes, maybe you guys read my e-mail? I told you guys to get the redline!
Games like these make me glad I only buy the really good games for wii..
DA FUH?! LMAO.
I hope no one is forced to play this.
Yeah, well I’m glad I read this otherwise I would of gone crazy and bought it as soon as I saw its misleadingly good looking graphics….. wait, what?!
bets on what game will get a 1?
Seriously Jeff, you shouldn’t have even bothered reviewing this game. I hope there weren’t any other games better then this right now, cause if there is, then you should have used you’re time to review those games instead of this failure.
I don’t know why, but the screenshots put me in mind of the Tex Murphy games… I know, I know, not a light gun game, not even the same genre, but the dodgy FMV and crazy acting just made me all nostalgic.
I think I might even start an on-line petition to bring Tex back - people HAVE to listen to those things, right?
This totally reminds me of tim and eric dude
GOTY 2008, whenever i see this at a garage sale i(m picking this one up
Prolly next on Broken Pixels..
Could the Giant Bomb folks do something similar to that show by 1up?
I think more games should superimpose real people on screen. Think of how awesome games would look!
My favorite part of this game is that IGN has been running Flash ads on their boards for it. Nintendo fanbois am cry.
So when is Vinny Caravella coming on board guys
what the hell is this?
I almost thought what is a Sega CD game doing up here… Oh wait it’s for Wii.
If the game was that bad why didn’t it get one star? If this doesn’t qualify for one star, what does?
2? You are being way too generous to this. This looks like an old Sega CD title. Looks like it was done by a beginner, and the greenscreen work is horrendously done. I could do better as a beginner in After Effects or Shake.
I think IGN called this “The best, and worst game of the year” lol…
My initial reaction to this was split between “this, will be awful”, and “sweet! it’s like kick as arcade games of 1993!”.
With a fast following afterthought of “who the fresh hell still makes games like this?”
As someone who remembers Area 51, and that first laser disc based arcade game, whatever that was called (some crazy space themed thing with ‘real’ people in white suits jumping around shooting “freakin’ lazer beams man!” I can kind of see that it’s trying to evoke things.
I think however, that there’s a good reason why they are still wheeling out Streetfighter II updates, and Pitfighter was a one off.
I think I like it in a sort of ‘Gernsback Continuum’ kind of a way. Nostalgia, for a vision of the future that never really caught on.
At the same time i know it’s shit.
2 stars for that reason is fair.
Is that the same target reticle as in Goldeneye?
And here I thought that game’s with full-motion video were dead, boy was I wrong.
This game looks just like Area 51 for the arcade
This game is just pure puke.
Eeminds me of area 51 and other bad FMV light gun shooters that brought in the death of arcades.
I didn’t have to see that again.
Oh well could have be worse, might have been crusin usa they was all stuck in the back of the room togeather.
Geez, this game is only one star behind Mario Kart Wii. Kart must have bombed. It’s a shame I played the heck out of the DS version
I remember watching some videos of it when the wii port was no where around, it sure was funny
Definitely not worth buying!
There is still one arcade left here in town. I’m going to go over there ASAP and see if they have Target: Terror. I want to play this masterpiece of the FMV art form.
Did they go some where? no posts in two days makes me sad
too busy making thier database
why r graphics so good looks like actual pepole