Very cool, I really want to play this game. You are making me want to play it more.
You need to fix the eyes though. In the drawing he is clearly looking at you. In the render he looks like some inverse-cross-eyed bug monster. I do see what you mean about the cloak though. It's pretty weird.
I think it's a simple matter of flattening the face out instead of making it perfectly round. That will also decrease the angle on the air filter, which should look a little better.
EDIT: now that I look at it again, the air filter is fine. Never mind about that.
You know what it's lacking?
I meant to put that in but I forgot about it somewhere along the line. It doesn't make much sense but it's a nice little incidental detail.
@nintendoeats: Well it's not perfectly round as it is, just curved.
I think I can fix the problem you're sensing with the air filter by giving it a tiny taper, as well as rotating the mask downwards.
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