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Dane Cook Reviews Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

The game review business comes under fire from outsiders yet again as a famous stand-up comic muscles in on my gravy train.

Maybe I'll just take to reviewing movies, instead. Here, I'll try this one. My Best Friend's Girl looks like it probably sucks. How's that?
Last year, we all witnessed the first salvo in the process that makes game reviewers obsolete. Yes, I'm talking about Soulja Boy Tell 'Em's shockingly accurate review of the Xbox Live Arcade release, Braid. At the time, he said... well, I actually don't really remember what he said. I just remember that feeling of being shaken to my very core.

Well, the full-scale invasion of famous-type people reviewing video games is now in full-swing. The latest transgression comes courtesy of stand-up-comic-turned-actor Dane Cook, who recently took a little trip to Infinity Ward to check out this "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" game they're working on.

After the trip, he had this to say...
Infinity Ward - Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: How good? Eating your fav ice cream while getting a bj in zero gravity ... is a close 2nd.
...oh, and he said it via Twitter. I suppose I should point that out so that the lack of specifics on the graphics, gameplay, number of levels, and "fun factor" makes a bit more sense. I like that he's ditched the whole "wait until the game is done" thing that the current crop of game reviewers seems so hung up on these days. Just get to the point already, right?

And, obviously, Cook comes with a pretty heavy pedigree. From another entry on the man's Twitter thing:
I'm a hardcore life gamer. ColecoVision was my meth growing up. Mr. Do!'s Castle was my turf. Looping was my bzitch. WarGames owned pwned.
LIFE GAMER, dude. Anyone that can casually name drop Looping is A-OK in my book. So that's why I'm packing up my stuff and turning my attention to more fruitful endeavors, such as my new business venture, jeffgerstmannshowsyouhowtorumba.com.

Well, regardless of my now-obsolete career, this all looks like sound purchasing advice to me. I mean, I like ice cream. And I like Call of Duty. And I like "ice cream," if you get what I'm saying. So clearly Modern Warfare 2 is going to be the greatest game of our generation. If you need me, I'll be packing up my things and crying.

[UPDATE]: As I was getting ready to fire Ryan and shut down the office, I showed him the text of Dane Cook's review and he immediately became infuriated. It seems that Ryan used this exact wording in his review of Raymen 2 for the N64, which was written back in 1999! Old habits die hard, eh Dane? Well I guess we ain't going nowhere and you can expect to hear from our legal team. Good day, sir.
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+
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Posted by Jeff
Maybe I'll just take to reviewing movies, instead. Here, I'll try this one. My Best Friend's Girl looks like it probably sucks. How's that?
Last year, we all witnessed the first salvo in the process that makes game reviewers obsolete. Yes, I'm talking about Soulja Boy Tell 'Em's shockingly accurate review of the Xbox Live Arcade release, Braid. At the time, he said... well, I actually don't really remember what he said. I just remember that feeling of being shaken to my very core.

Well, the full-scale invasion of famous-type people reviewing video games is now in full-swing. The latest transgression comes courtesy of stand-up-comic-turned-actor Dane Cook, who recently took a little trip to Infinity Ward to check out this "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" game they're working on.

After the trip, he had this to say...
Infinity Ward - Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: How good? Eating your fav ice cream while getting a bj in zero gravity ... is a close 2nd.
...oh, and he said it via Twitter. I suppose I should point that out so that the lack of specifics on the graphics, gameplay, number of levels, and "fun factor" makes a bit more sense. I like that he's ditched the whole "wait until the game is done" thing that the current crop of game reviewers seems so hung up on these days. Just get to the point already, right?

And, obviously, Cook comes with a pretty heavy pedigree. From another entry on the man's Twitter thing:
I'm a hardcore life gamer. ColecoVision was my meth growing up. Mr. Do!'s Castle was my turf. Looping was my bzitch. WarGames owned pwned.
LIFE GAMER, dude. Anyone that can casually name drop Looping is A-OK in my book. So that's why I'm packing up my stuff and turning my attention to more fruitful endeavors, such as my new business venture, jeffgerstmannshowsyouhowtorumba.com.

Well, regardless of my now-obsolete career, this all looks like sound purchasing advice to me. I mean, I like ice cream. And I like Call of Duty. And I like "ice cream," if you get what I'm saying. So clearly Modern Warfare 2 is going to be the greatest game of our generation. If you need me, I'll be packing up my things and crying.

[UPDATE]: As I was getting ready to fire Ryan and shut down the office, I showed him the text of Dane Cook's review and he immediately became infuriated. It seems that Ryan used this exact wording in his review of Raymen 2 for the N64, which was written back in 1999! Old habits die hard, eh Dane? Well I guess we ain't going nowhere and you can expect to hear from our legal team. Good day, sir.
Staff
Posted by Vasta_Narada

I knew there was no point in going for a game reviewing gig in a few years! I told you!

Posted by GobiasIndustries

Dane Cook seems like a pretty cool guy, he wears Dio shirts and talks about video games.

At the same time though, he's the biggest and unfunniest douchebag in existence.

Posted by Spencer
Edited by MiasmaFett

pretty amusing read

Posted by Crash_Happy

I like Ice Cream?

Posted by TheClap

Get him on the podcast.  He may be looking for work in a few months.

Posted by Jackel2072

Gaming is like a religion...

Edited by Lifestrike

Dear Dane Cook
-
Snooping as usual, I see?

Posted by h83r

Uh, I don't get why Infinity Ward would even let Dane Cook in their offices, let alone having him check out MW2. 

Posted by AllanIceman

Keep fighting Jeff!

Posted by John

You know, someone right now is buying that domain and making a silly .JPEG to go along with it. Good work.

Posted by imayellowfellow

dane cook is a douche i hate that guy

Posted by Crash_Happy

It's viral advertising, that's why they let him in.

Posted by Out_On_Bail

Yeah, I don't really think Dane Cook is all that funny.   A lot of people I talk to say he is overated.  To each their own I guess. 

But when it concerns CODMW2, I'd listen to anyone who has been to IW to see it. 

Posted by TeflonBilly
Jeff said:
"[UPDATE]: As I was getting ready to fire Ryan and shut down the office, I showed him the text of Dane Cook's review and he immediately became infuriated. It seems that Ryan used this exact wording in his review of Raymen 2 for the N64, which was written back in 1999! Old habits die hard, eh Dane? Well I guess we ain't going nowhere and you can expect to hear from our legal team. Good day, sir."
BWAHAHAHA! That can't be real. So Ryan is as awesome as Louis CK then?
I can live with that.
So when is Carlos Mencia gonna start talking about Razor Callahan?
Posted by c1337us

Dane Cook is no Soulja Boy. Classy review though.

Posted by thedez

get him on the podcast to sort this all out.

Posted by Claude

You guys would buy that game even if it was like eating sardines and getting cornholed... with no lube.

Posted by Snail

That's an... unusual metaphor/comparison there.

Posted by LiveOrDie1212

Dane Cook is a fucking douchebag, that dude is not even funny. i bet i can kick his ass in COD4 any given day.

Posted by HatKing

That is so weird...oh man...I wouldn't think he'd rip off an old ass game review like that though...maybe he did....funny either way.

Posted by jakob187

I can't wait to see the Robin Williams review of 50 Cent: Blood in the Sand...

...or the Conan O'Brien review of Noby Noby Boy!
Posted by Arkthemaniac

Dane Cook is a cocknugget.

Posted by Mister_Snig

I am all for the Conan review of Noby Noby Boy.

Then again, anything Conan does I enjoy.

Posted by jakob187
Arkthemaniac said:
"Dane Cook is a cocknugget."
I 100% agree...
...that this is an inaccurate statement.

Dane Cook is not a cocknugget.

That would be an insult to cocknuggets.
Edited by Arkthemaniac
jakob187 said:
"Arkthemaniac said:
"Dane Cook is a cocknugget."
I 100% agree...
...that this is an inaccurate statement.

Dane Cook is not a cocknugget.

That would be an insult to cocknuggets.
"
Oh, you're right. Terribly sorry.

Also, props for that wordplay.
Posted by FlipperDesert

So... They brought in a standup comic/rom-com film actor to look at an FPS that no footage has been shown of yet? Well, at least he liked it, maybe it's a good way to reach the "hardcore life gamer" audience instead of just entheusiasts that read sites like this.

Posted by zoozilla

Huh, that's strange.

Though Dane Cook could do any old thing he wants and I'll still never watch any of his shows or pay attention to him, period.

Posted by TheGreatGuero

Hahaha. Take him to court, Ryan!

Dude, "owned pwned"? That's the lamest thing I've ever read. It's bad enough all these people say either of the words, but to combine them? Disgusting.

Posted by GiantGUS

Fuck, am I going to have to register jeffgerstmannshowsyouhowtorumba.com? Because I already own the pumping gas one.

Posted by Pepsiman

I think that's pretty much your obligation in life, yeah. You're the one we can all rely on to stay on top of these URL trends. I'd say it's a noble purpose in life, really.

Edited by jakob187
TheGreatGuero said:
"Dude, "owned pwned"? That's the lamest thing I've ever read."
Not lamer than trying to stomach sitting through Employee of the Month in its entirety.
Posted by Crono

Fuck Dane Cook, and fuck Infinity Ward for letting him in their building.  Tainted.

Edited by Milkman

A friend of my mine actually had the pleasure(?) of playing GRAW 2 with Dane Cook. My friend started spawn killing, which was not down in Dane Cook's book. So, Dane simply said "Not cool, man..." and booted him from the game. And that was the end of that. In case, you're wondering what Dane Cook's gamertag is, it's Dane Cook. Yep.

Edited by MeatSim

Dane Cook steals jokes and video games reviews, whats up with that?

Posted by pedantics

haha @ the dane crook burn

Edited by TheFrostedGamer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QVvgMro3D0

All that ever needs to be said about Dane Cook.

Posted by GiantGUS
Pepsiman said:
"I think that's pretty much your obligation in life, yeah. You're the one we can all rely on to stay on top of these URL trends. I'd say it's a noble purpose in life, really."
Yeah, I believe I have come to terms with that. I need to finish watching His Name Was Jason. Then I shall register the website. There MIGHT be a video for this one. And maybe I'll overhaul the pumping gas one.
Posted by Dustpan

I can't say i have eatin my favorite ice cream wall getting a bj in zero gravity guess Dane Cook has tho

Posted by Branthog

I don't begrudge the guy his thoughts on a game, but in general I find him to be an unfunny douche-bag (with an all too obvious hair implant). Durr. Look at me! I put two fingers together and call it a super finger and then talk about things that aren't funny and fail to grasp the word "irony"!

Posted by Ping5000

Dane Cook can talk about bottled water all day on stage. That's it. That's the joke. Bottled water.

Posted by LordAndrew

Whoever let Dane Cook into the Infinity Ward offices should be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.

Posted by Everyones_A_Critic

I hate Dane Cook even more now, and I didn't think that was possible.

Posted by Lukeweizer

What a tool. Jeff you should challenge him to a CoD 4 Cage Match!

Edited by Mustard

I played on Xbox Live with Dane back when Ghost Recon 2 was fairly new, and Dane was still hardly known (compared to now).
He posted his Xbox live account on his website, so i figured what the hell, i'll check it out. I was a fan. (it was DANECOOK, btw, not sure if it is anymore).
Either way, he fucking LOVED GR2, and was acctually pretty good at it... so it seems authentic and probably not forced...and it makes sense to me that he would spooge over CoD:MW2 (man, the zero G element of that comment just got weirder when you consider Zero G spooge, eh?)


Posted by Bucketdeth
GobiasIndustries said:
"Dane Cook seems like a pretty cool guy, he wears Dio shirts and talks about video games.

At the same time though, he's the biggest and unfunniest douchebag in existence.
"
Thats fuckin A-OK in my book.
Posted by Muffin_Hunter

Dane Crook strikes again!

Edited by BiggerBomb

Jeff, you're a great guy. You're smart, funny, and an excellent writer. But I have to say, you are overly insecure about the appreciation of game reviewing.

Game reviewing =/= music reviewing. Music is entirely subjective, as can be seen by the 21st century's crapfast; which still makes a shitload of money, despite the fact that the "music" of The Jonas Brothers is entirely abysmal.

And while some dude might have thought Vampire Rain was the best game ever, games cannot be taken subjectively (consensus)even when compared to movies. Because games either work, or don't work.

Posted by Rain_Dog

Argh! I hate Dane Cook because he's popular, but I tell people it's because he's a bad comedian and steals jokes! Arrrr!

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