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234 Comments

Pokémon Your Way to Hell

It's super effective!

Regional TV evangelists are essentially a bottomless well of insane, ill-informed hyperbole, so it honestly shouldn't be too surprising to see this nutty diatribe on the satanic powers of Pokémon. Still, it's a slow news day, and I enjoy things that are profoundly absurd, so here we go!
   

 
 
I really enjoy how this guy spends the first full minute explaining, in pretty concise, accurate detail, what Pokémon are, before launching into this awesome paranoid rant about dark realms and evil forces. I mean, seriously dude, it's just Pokémon. It's not like we're talking about Digimon or, God forbid, Yu-Gi-Oh!
234 Comments
Posted by Ryan

Regional TV evangelists are essentially a bottomless well of insane, ill-informed hyperbole, so it honestly shouldn't be too surprising to see this nutty diatribe on the satanic powers of Pokémon. Still, it's a slow news day, and I enjoy things that are profoundly absurd, so here we go!
   

 
 
I really enjoy how this guy spends the first full minute explaining, in pretty concise, accurate detail, what Pokémon are, before launching into this awesome paranoid rant about dark realms and evil forces. I mean, seriously dude, it's just Pokémon. It's not like we're talking about Digimon or, God forbid, Yu-Gi-Oh!
Staff
Posted by Evilsbane

LOL that is fantastic

Posted by Bigandtasty

Slow news day indeed. But dude is pretty funny. I thought we were over this already.

Posted by JeffGoldblum

Less youtube videos more quicklooks!

Posted by Breadfan

This is hilarious.

Posted by baconbits33

Dude.... lol this was funny... oh man I'm actually gonna go on a youtube patrol lol.

Edited by UnlivedPhalanx

Oh my god, this is amazing, that's all I can really say about this. I forwarded this to my friends at Nintendo.
 
The casual .45 reference really made this for me.
 
He even got a rock music jab in there, bravo.

Posted by zyn

LOL he must be a big fan of Pokémon

Posted by Addfwyn

I'm gonna go worship Satan now.
 
I mean, play Pokemon <.<

Edited by TooWalrus

Ryan should read This Sticky
 
I went to a Christian school up until the 7th grade, where they also raged the war against pokemon. It's over now, as Pokemon was really a fad back that didn't really make it past the turn of the century (I think). This is old news. The whole thing was ridiculous. The sooner people accept that Christians will hate random things for dumb reasons and forget about it, the better.
 
EDIT: Judas Priest rock \m/

Posted by HistoryInRust

Just another reason to love the fuck out of Pokemon.

Posted by pirata

I remember that Pokemon was banned at my church-run daycare because one of the attacks in the game was called "guillotine," which was deemed too graphic (mind you, this was back in the gray brick Gameboy days, so "suggestively graphic" would probably be more appropriate). Oh, yes, and hail Satan.

Posted by wolf_blitzer85

Haha that's great. I always thought pokemon was the devils work anyway. Seriously it made me give up on life when I first got my Blue version for christmas all those years ago.

Posted by MarkWahlberg

Digimon, of course, being a Communist conspiracy. 

Posted by ThatFrood

I was uncomfortable watching this.

Posted by Xelloss

Ugh, but hey hes right I was about to stab this kid that stole my Venusaur card.

Posted by dbz1995

I cannot think of anything to comment about this video other than this.

Posted by Dynamitekyle

Lmfao. Jesus Christ, this is overkill.

Posted by septim

Why does every evangelical preacher clip look like it was shot in the mid 1970s? Are they all using the same outdated equipment or something?

Posted by Nictel

I wonder how he reacts when he finds out thousands around the world are summoning Satan to defeat shadows...

Posted by eroticfishcake
@septim said:
" Why does every evangelical preacher clip look like it was shot in the mid 1970s? Are they all using the same outdated equipment or something? "
Nope. They're just stuck in that era.
Posted by addictedtopinescent

Oh dude, I love this, in an it makes me angry it exists kinda way

Posted by Doupi

I hope some crazy pokemon loving kid shoot this guy and makes love to his internal organs...

Posted by FinalDasa

Who knew my Blastoise was so evil?? 

Moderator
Posted by Bishop113

Did you hear him, he said we're going out and playing role playing games in the streets. Who the fuck plays D&D in the streets, the fiery depths of your mother's basement is where it's at.

Posted by Six

Russian Roulette is just a game!!

Posted by Bishop113
@septim said:
" Why does every evangelical preacher clip look like it was shot in the mid 1970s? Are they all using the same outdated equipment or something? "
Jesus stopped producing holy cameras forty years ago.
Posted by Jayzilla

While I find this completely laughable; it upsets me that us gamers are stereotyping christians just the same way that it upsets all gamers when they are stereotyped as shiftless, slackers who live in their mothers basements. I am a christian. I am a gamer. I would hope that one of our groups would take the high road and not continue to stereotype each other. If you don't like crazy over the top preachers that have no idea what they are talking about(i know i don't) that is fine. Just don't lump those of us that happen to share their same faith in the same group. To have to get the same kind of hypocritical abuse from both gamers and christians is more than i can handle sometimes. In short, don't stereotype if you  don't like being stereotyped. It makes you just as insane and hypocritical as that guy in the video.

Posted by JJOR64

I like Pokemans.

Edited by Mushida

I love Pokemon and I love He-Man
 

Posted by KinjiroSSD

Killing people over Pokemon cards?!?! That's worse than killing people because they aren't Christian!!

Edited by Hamst3r

What!? They're really dead? D:
 
Oh man, this is horrible. I shot all of my friends last night in real life and I thought the reason they didn't respawn was because they all ragequitted. :(
 
I've gotta find a new server to play on now. *shoots self*
Posted by Ladnar

i just am gonna hope this aint real, for humanity's sake
Posted by AndrooD2

Man, he was digging deep. D&D, baby!

Posted by Willy105

I may not agree with his version of Christianity, but I definitely agree on Pokemon.
 
No matter how you spin it, Pokemon is about monsters.

Posted by nohthink

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by lilarchie232

"POKEMON WORLD IS A WORLD OF THE DEMONIC."

Posted by MAST

Just to be clear, I agree this guy is completely ill-informed, a bit crazy, and is exaggerating things to the extreme, but...
 
Please don't allow Giantbomb to become like Destructoid with all their controversial blog posting just for the sake of getting a rise out of people. Dtoid is constantly doing this type of thing. Posting some topic about religion that barely has anything to do with games, and then proceeding to bash anyone that believe in God within the blog post. Calling them absurd, stupid, retarded, crazy, etc, just because of their beliefs... I don't come to gaming websites for that type of thing.
 
 
 
Now, just to play Devil's Advocate here. Clearly that video had been cut by some youtube user, and they added the phrase at the end "Everything is Terrible" in an attempt to be sarcastic and/or funny, but fact of the matter is. Everything does have the potential to be "terrible," or "bad." I'm not sure how much validity is behind him saying "A kid stabbed another kid over Pokemon cards" but It wouldn't surprise me all that much if it was true. As far as the D&D thing that he mentioned, I think that might actually be true. I remember my parents not letting me play D&D when I was a kid because they had heard that exact same thing. That some D&D players actually busted out real weapons, and had a role-playing session to the death. So they were afraid I'd get caught up in something like that, and that the same thing would happen to me. 
Fact of the matter is, there is a reason why the saying "Too much of a good thing" exists. Because even something good can get carried away, and turned into a bad thing. Especially by younger people who don't have life experience, have no self-control, and regularly do off the wall things. Hearing that a kid killed someone over Pokemon wouldn't really be all that shocking. It's a sad truth. Thus, even things like Pokemon need to be watched and controlled by parents, just to make sure that their kids don't become completely insane over it.
 
Just my 2 cents.

Posted by bshirk
@Jayzilla: 
 
I agree with that. There are definitely a lot of stereotypes about both. I've lived around several nuts my entire life, but I wouldn't say the majority of Christians are that way.
Edited by lilarchie232

"POKEMON WORLD IS A WORLD OF THE DEMONIC."  
And what's even better than that is a still image of Jigglypuff, whilst the man goes on about how they're the devil.

Posted by Gamer_152

I've ranted about how stupid the anti-Pokemon Christian movement is before so I'm not gonna entertain this rubbish by going on about how TVs aren't mind control devices and why gang warfare doesn't revolve around filling up your Pokedex. I'm just going to say when he said "Satan takes it seriously" and a picture of Jigglypuff appeared, I laughed my ass off.

Moderator
Posted by Brackynews

There's only one Mew.  Noah wouldn't know what to do with that shit.

Posted by ZmillA

such a great video, everything is terrible!!

Posted by DiGiTaL_SiN

I LOVE the fact that right after he says that "satan takes it seriously" at 1:35 a picture of Jigglypuff is displayed. It actually made me wonder if this video is fake. But this is SRS BSNS. Satan is SRS, SRSLY!

Edited by jakob187

Someone needs to give that dood a Christian side hug.

Posted by 71Ranchero

Im a convert. Pokemon is the devil.

Posted by Systech

Thanks to Pokemon, I now know my place in life. Right now, I am an apprentice to a black mage who currently is working on a cure for AIDS, at the expense of a small number of three year-olds, of course. After he finds this cure and eliminates the president of the United States, I get to become his right-hand man. Together, we are going to play Pokemon and bask in the glory and display our ever-increasing love for witchcraft. The next step of course, is waking up from this dream that I will have tonight after watching that video.

Edited by Defunctfrenzy

Ugh, we're not all like that you know. Some Christians can be a bunch of asses. Sorry.
 
*Edit* That said, now that I've finished that video. Yes, he is talking a bunch of crap, but the video is also edited heavily to make him look worse. Not entirely sure I could sit through a full 'message' tho, might find myself vomiting a bit in my mouth.

Posted by Hamst3r
@jakob187: Christian side hugging leads to intimacy.
 
Your armpit is an erogenous zone, so side hugging is basically arm-fucking with someone like two lesbians scissoring.
Posted by Video_Game_King

Oh, if only he knew the truth: that Satan Claus is a true threat. Hell, Pokemon are one of the few things able to stop him.