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Quite Possibly The Greatest First-Person Shooter I've Ever Played

Shooting people in the face has rarely been this enthralling.

When the newspaper wasn't enough, the website was there. When the text on the site got stale, there was always video. And now The Onion has uncovered the next layer for its totally sweet fake news jokes by making its own deliberately shitty Flash game, Close Range. The game demo serves as a follow-up to a video piece about the game, which is solely focused on shooting people in the face. Here is said report:

  


Good stuff. But it gets better when you realize that the URL mentioned in the piece, closerangegame.com, is active. It distills the first-person shooter experience down to its bare essentials by focusing on headshots and a unique, compelling story that rivals the heavyweights of the genre.
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+
64 Comments
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Posted by Jeff
When the newspaper wasn't enough, the website was there. When the text on the site got stale, there was always video. And now The Onion has uncovered the next layer for its totally sweet fake news jokes by making its own deliberately shitty Flash game, Close Range. The game demo serves as a follow-up to a video piece about the game, which is solely focused on shooting people in the face. Here is said report:

  


Good stuff. But it gets better when you realize that the URL mentioned in the piece, closerangegame.com, is active. It distills the first-person shooter experience down to its bare essentials by focusing on headshots and a unique, compelling story that rivals the heavyweights of the genre.
Staff
Posted by ComradeCrash

Lol that looks super sweet!

Posted by FiestaUnicorn

But is the body damage as dynamic as Soldier of Fortune

Posted by bman3737

I want this game...now

Posted by Rudy

Speechless.

Posted by BoG
Posted by JoelTGM

that is hilarious

Posted by AndrewB

If you thought GTAIV was the current pinnacle of storytelling in games, then play the demo for this game.

Posted by Fr0Br0

Pretty funny. But when it comes down to it, most FPS don't stray too far from that game. Most have shallow stories and characters, give you a gun and tell you to shoot these dudes (And it will kill them faster if you shoot them in the face)

Posted by dsplayer1010

Haha

Posted by LiveOrDie1212

man, that was stupid

Posted by Wally

I'd buy it

Posted by SJSchmidt93

Lol. Never heard of that IGN "game reviewer"

Posted by Meltbrain

Haha, that's dumb, but also awesome.

Posted by LordAndrew

I love The Onion. :)

Posted by Abomstar

Kill Town!

Edited by Brackynews

I expect this will be on the iPhone no later than Friday.
Hm, the story scenes are longer than the gameplay, yet I don't see a Kojima Productions logo...  c'mon, having animals is a dead giveaway!

Posted by TwoOneFive

the onion rules. 

Posted by Linkyshinks

Sheer awesomeness, clearly the future of FPS gaming.

Posted by ZmillA

wow, one flash game single-handedly destroyed the first person shooter genre, as it stands today. lmao.

Posted by JackiJinx

Cure for crying children: smothering.

Posted by MeatSim

The Onion is the master of satire.

Posted by Spiritof

I wasn't sold until they revealed the side quest mode where I could shoot animals in the face.

I wonder what the achievement points will be like?

Posted by MetalGearSunny

lol That's some good stuff.

Posted by Derios

Great stuff.

Posted by elliottsmith001

gross. i don't like this.

Posted by georgecletus

this is almost as good as the apocalypse survival skills news report

Posted by demonbear

You know, i'm not sure how many people here are picking this up but this is also a critic of the FPS genre in the gaming industry. That we can create all sorts of shooters and reviewers can call for genius all they want, but down the line, for the regular guy's point of view, this is just a game where you shoot people in the face.

Posted by raven_squad

Probably more fun then Resistance 2. 

Posted by MikeFightNight

"NOOOOOOOO! I LOVED HER!!!!!"

lol

Posted by Dethfish

I've known about this for a very long time....of course smothering is the best solution for crying children.

Posted by GobiasIndustries

Hahaha amazing. I felt like shooting the horse was a milestone in video games.

Posted by Grilledcheez
Fr0Br0 said:
"most FPS don't stray too far from that game. Most have shallow stories and characters, give you a gun and tell you to shoot these dudes (And it will kill them faster if you shoot them in the face)"
That's why it's funny. : |
Posted by lamegame621

Haha. Satire at it's finest :D

Posted by AURON570

haha awesome.

Posted by Scorched

lol
that's great

Posted by Grady

Oh No!!!! Somebody call PETA!!!

Posted by AllanIceman

In Stores Now!

Posted by LiquidPrince

I'd play it XD

Posted by Computerplayer1

GOTY Edition please.

Posted by TooWalrus

So, it's Resident Evil 5? Nah, I love that game.

Posted by Media_Master

thats some good satire!!

Posted by Milkman

One thing that always impressed me about the Onion is their video game parodies. They actually know what they're talking about. I mean, what kind of satire website actually knows what IGN is or for that matter, that video game critics even exist? The most awesome kind. 

Posted by papercut

Is it coming to P.C.????

Posted by Trnck

Too bad it's on Onion.

Posted by Junior_AIN

LOL! Awesomeness!

Posted by Azrail
http://doomcat.mybrute.com

^better game
Posted by Krenor

This game's story about revenge and brutality is one of the best ones I have seen in at least 10 years, the gameplay is fluid and the graphics are better then that of the greatest titles available now, I recommend everyone to play the demo and experience this themselves 

Posted by sneakysnake128

Ahaha this is too good.

Posted by AliasOpilo

http://www.closerangegame.com/close_range.html

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