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The Death of a Video Game Benchmark

One of the easiest and best ways to judge a video game console's graphical prowess has, quite literally, been cut. Guess it's back to counting lines of resolution?

Everyone has their own "thing" when it comes to determining the graphical capabilities of a given console. For awhile, people used water effects. Or, once Gran Turismo 3 came around, folks started staring at models of cars to see how powerful a game console was. Heck, for awhile, the notion of in-game models that could actually sweat was the clearest sign that basketball game graphics are becoming more and more realistic.

But my benchmark just blew away into the wind. Esteemed news outlet TMZ is reporting that Triple H has cut his hair.

No Caption Provided

As far as I'm concerned, the only way we're going to know if a PlayStation Orbis or Xbox Durango are capable video gaming devices is to look at the mane of HHH. And it's been this way for years, really. Seriously, go on back to the N64 and take a look around. See what THQ was able to do back then with The Game's long, stringy, sort-of-crappy, usually wet mop. Actually, don't go back. I already went back for you. Look at this shot from WWF Wrestlemania 2000:

No Caption Provided

Or these shots from WWF No Mercy!

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Now check it against a more modern rendition of the professional wrestler that's poised to pretty much run the WWE someday.

Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?
Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?

See? Not even close. Ipso facto, modern machines are more powerful than older ones. And we wouldn't ever be able to come to this conclusion if it wasn't for Triple H's classic 'do. So it's with some sadness that I bring this report to you, dear reader. The only consolation I can offer is that every time an longtime pro wrestler cuts off his shitty heavy metal hair, the easier it is to see them calling moves in the ring. And, really, isn't that what sports entertainment is all about?

Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

306 Comments

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KaneRobot

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Edited By KaneRobot

Terri Runnels vs Val Venis vs Triple H 3 way match in that first N64 pic. Good times... I guess.

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MattyFTM

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Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

I'm submitting this article to the game journalism prize. If it doesn't win, it's a fix. It is scientifically impossible to write a better article than this.

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sweep

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Edited By sweep  Moderator

I don't actually think it's a hardware issue. Hair has always been a bitch to produce with a high degree of naturalism. Even when you can pre-render it and cache the animation it's difficult to get it to look like actual hair and not just a high-resolution cloth model with an elaborate hair texture stuck over the top. While more processing power would help with the cloth and higher resolution textures, the animation capabilities already exist, they just aren't often implemented very well.

You can actually get a job in the film industry as a groomer - that's the official job title - and your job is entirely about getting hair and fur to animate realistically. That's how intense this shit gets.

There's a long list of graphical junk that needs to be addressed. My own personal beefs include:

  • Clipping during in-game cut-scenes. That's just fucking lazy, shitty animation.
  • Clipping in general. I mean really?
  • Water that has no fluidity. That's a hardware thing, again.
  • Hands with no bones - when characters pick shit up with disembodied stumps on the ends of their arms.

I could go on...

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singular

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Edited By singular

I stopped watching wrestling at the age of 16. But to see a professional wrestler becoming the CEO of Futuremark by getting a haircu... wait...

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Phoenix87

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Edited By Phoenix87

Botchamania is the greatest thing ever, and kane should have never taken off the mask.

and jeff should really do a Raw rundown or something each week. Cause I aint gonna watch it.

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joey2683

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Edited By joey2683

It really must be a slow week. Sorry

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Zaxex

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Edited By Zaxex

I thought this story was going to be about FutureMark going under or something.

This is much worse.

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fattony12000

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Edited By fattony12000

NEW PREMIUM VIDEO LIVESTREAM...

Gerstmann and Ryckert Wrestin' Talk

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ProfessorEss

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Edited By ProfessorEss

Hunter... how could you.

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Vexxan

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Edited By Vexxan
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korolev

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Edited By korolev

Why does Triple H no longer love America?

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Evercaptor

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Edited By Evercaptor

Is Destructoid.com's Jim Sterling ghost writing for Jeff? Unregardless, I enjoyed this article.

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ladnar

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Edited By ladnar

More stories like this, so good. Also bring back Mankind! His shitty hummingbird nest of hair could be Triple H's replacement.

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wolfskind

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Edited By wolfskind

A sad sad day. :/

But a great article. We need more of this.

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edmundus

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Edited By edmundus

DOOSH

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sickVisionz

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Edited By sickVisionz

Huk yuk

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dropabombonit

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Edited By dropabombonit

I remembering joking with my friend the other day that he should just cut it but now that he has done it I'm actually sad

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deactivated-5e49e9175da37

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I love that video.

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MachoFantastico

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Edited By MachoFantastico

Remember when sweat was all the rage, games would go out of their way to show athlete's sweating.

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thesage

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Edited By thesage

This is my favorite article of all time.

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crelio

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Edited By crelio

The world is truly ending this year, this is the first sign!

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camp7203

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Edited By camp7203

HHH has a kid and wife that have the physique of grimace.

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Meltac

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Edited By Meltac

Huh?

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Winternet

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I have yet to read this article, but it's looking like it's amazing.

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TheUnsavedHero

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Edited By TheUnsavedHero

His transformation into Vince McMahon is complete...

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RoyCampbell

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Edited By RoyCampbell
@Joey2683 said:

It really must be a slow week. Sorry @Jeff

dafuq
 
Flavor articles denote slow weeks now, I guess.
 
Kotaku's calling you.
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Winternet

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Edited By Winternet

My initial impressions were spot on. This article IS amazing!

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Shaka999

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Edited By Shaka999

@thesage said:

This is my favorite article of all time.

"I am commander shepard and this is my favorite article on Giantbomb."

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veektarius

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I was incredibly confused until I spent a minute thinking about what I'd just seen.

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RabidBadger

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Edited By RabidBadger

My thoughts and prayers go out to Triple H's and family... His hair will be missed by us all.

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MachoFantastico

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Wrestling... the male soap opera.

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AiurFlux

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There's not only this but I just found out that Kevin Butler did a Bridgestone commercial promoting the Wii. The world is fucking ending. I'm sure of it now.

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excast

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Oh dear god no.  Not the hair.  Not those beautiful locks.

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Ramone

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Thank you for introducing me to Botchamania Jeff.

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TechnicallyProficient

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Damn, I wanted a Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar Wrestlemania rematch with a Hair vs. Chest Tattoo stipulation.

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ArtisanBreads

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Edited By ArtisanBreads

Great article Jeff.

Considering all the focus on the old Attitude era of WWF in this game though I bet HHH's long hair is still in. Regardless, gave me a good laugh and I love that video.

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Satsugai

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Edited By Satsugai

There will probably always be alternate skins.

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UltimAXE

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Edited By UltimAXE

I love how this is news on a video game website.

HHH looks weird with short hair, but, then, they all do.

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ShinjiEx

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Edited By ShinjiEx

Quality thread here ^__^

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dangeRUSS04

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Edited By dangeRUSS04

damnit now i fell down the botchamania hole

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Keeng

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This is actually, legitimately depressing.

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stinky

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Edited By stinky

@Demoskinos said:

@sempiternal said:

I did wonder a few weeks ago during his teary promo on Raw if he would ever cut his hair now that he's gone from being "semi-retired" to "possibly another couple of matches in him somewhere down the line but pretty much retired". Took him like two weeks.

Nobody in wrestling is ever really retired.

how about Macho Man?

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Zelnox

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Edited By Zelnox

Unbelievable

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RuthLoose

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Edited By RuthLoose

@RoyCampbell said:

@Joey2683 said:

It really must be a slow week. Sorry @Jeff

dafuq Flavor articles denote slow weeks now, I guess. Kotaku's calling you.

Kotaku? Now that's just in poor taste, good sir.

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stinky

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Edited By stinky

wanted to share this news while surfing TMZ, heads up:

SOFIA VERGARA
Eats a Banana

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RoyCampbell

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Edited By RoyCampbell
@RuthLoose said:

@RoyCampbell said:

@Joey2683 said:

It really must be a slow week. Sorry @Jeff

dafuq Flavor articles denote slow weeks now, I guess. Kotaku's calling you.

Kotaku? Now that's just in poor taste, good sir.

Well intended.
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delsaber

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Edited By delsaber

Triple H is now one British accent and several character deaths away from becoming Sean Bean. Except he never jobs to anyone. /rimshot

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Pop

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Edited By Pop

Maybe there will be a classic skin for Triple H in the next wrestling game so we can still benchmark the new systems.

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deactivated-5945386c8a570

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aah, mmkayy? 8/