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The Death of a Video Game Benchmark

One of the easiest and best ways to judge a video game console's graphical prowess has, quite literally, been cut. Guess it's back to counting lines of resolution?

Everyone has their own "thing" when it comes to determining the graphical capabilities of a given console. For awhile, people used water effects. Or, once Gran Turismo 3 came around, folks started staring at models of cars to see how powerful a game console was. Heck, for awhile, the notion of in-game models that could actually sweat was the clearest sign that basketball game graphics are becoming more and more realistic.

But my benchmark just blew away into the wind. Esteemed news outlet TMZ is reporting that Triple H has cut his hair.

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As far as I'm concerned, the only way we're going to know if a PlayStation Orbis or Xbox Durango are capable video gaming devices is to look at the mane of HHH. And it's been this way for years, really. Seriously, go on back to the N64 and take a look around. See what THQ was able to do back then with The Game's long, stringy, sort-of-crappy, usually wet mop. Actually, don't go back. I already went back for you. Look at this shot from WWF Wrestlemania 2000:

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Or these shots from WWF No Mercy!

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Now check it against a more modern rendition of the professional wrestler that's poised to pretty much run the WWE someday.

Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?
Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?

See? Not even close. Ipso facto, modern machines are more powerful than older ones. And we wouldn't ever be able to come to this conclusion if it wasn't for Triple H's classic 'do. So it's with some sadness that I bring this report to you, dear reader. The only consolation I can offer is that every time an longtime pro wrestler cuts off his shitty heavy metal hair, the easier it is to see them calling moves in the ring. And, really, isn't that what sports entertainment is all about?

Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

306 Comments

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crithon

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Edited By crithon

Hair still not there, I feel this might be a food way to step back and rethink things as Triple H regrows his hair for the next generation of video game graphics.

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flaminghobo

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Edited By flaminghobo

This has got to be one of the funnier articles I've seen on the site in ages! Well played, Jeff!

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unsolvedparadox

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Edited By unsolvedparadox

HARD HITTING REPORTING!

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PimblyCharles

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Edited By PimblyCharles

Ageia..... I mean NVidia Physx can render hair quite well and realistically with today's top Geforce GPUs.

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SuperPickle

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Edited By SuperPickle

I have not watched fucking wrestling since hulk hogan the the fucking wwf was around and have not played more than 40 fuckinh minutes of a wrestling game since the fucking nes and the SNES genesis and arcades,

in other words I play the fucking demos and never played the crap 32bit wrestling games out side of the demos on the disc and have to sit through it while other people played it and how dumb they are.

and the onlky fucking wrestling game i ever liked was and was wowed by is pro wrestling and it had starman. Hell I still rather play fucking pro wrestling to this day.

Besides Only the fucking PC has real benchmarks anyway nobody cared or has ever cared about benchmarking weak ass console hardware anyway seem alive and well to me benchmarks come out all the fucking time. everytime a console comes out it looks like the same old ass GPU effect we have seen on PC 3 years before that the fucking xbox 360 came out and I thought the games looked like old ass PC games from 2003. The benchmark is get some dinosaur or hot chick to do crap that looks impressive or combine both and have a sexy dinosaur hot chick to stuff that pushes polygons and GPU effects.

The only benchmarks console get is ones made up by nintendo sega microsfot and sony so they can show it give fake numbers and then say you can launch fucking missles with it then ducktape 4 them together and run norad in your basement while running pixar movies in real time...you know all that stuff you could do with a PC anyway. there this chick has the fucking hair of the next 5 years for consoles already benchmarks are over. Next e3 you will see chicks with this same fucking hair.

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huntad

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Edited By huntad

I never knew how important it was. May his hair rest in peace?