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The End of N-Gage

Special interview with the world's leading N-Gage enthusiast inside!


 Some sort of N-Gage compound or something.
Gadget-focused web site Pocket Lint is reporting that Nokia is finally pulling the plug on the N-Gage platform next year. I know, right? I figured they had pulled the plug on that mess years ago. But Nokia is planning to shut down the N-Gage store in September of 2010, and the service side of it--meaning the community features for all of those awesome N-Gage games you're still totally playing--will run through the end of next year.

Of course, the N-Gage service isn't the only casualty here. There is also the robust and not-at-all-dead fan community for Nokia's cellular taco. We floated some questions past the admin of the only N-Gage-focused website worth talking about, sidetalkin.com, to see what he thought about all this.

But first, some history. Sidetalkin.com was the spot for the sidetalkin' crazy of 2004-2005. I loved it for its amazing photos of Frank Provo, but, really, the entire site was amazing. But it was brought to a crashing halt when Nokia released the N-Gage QD, an "upgraded" version of its device that no longer required you to hold phone conversations by holding the side of the taco directly up to your stupid face. As soon as I got my idiotic hands on new QD, we sent off the photo that would shut down the site:

 Anyway, here is the transcript of said interview:

Giant Bomb: I figure as the world's foremost authority on sidetalkin', you must have some feelings on this important issue. What will happen to sidetalkin.com in the wake of this important news?

Sidetalkin: I REALLY ANGER THIS QUESTION, it is not nice to me, THE SITE WILL NEVER GO AWAY like a TRAIN that is TWO LAYERS OF STEEL WITH ENGINE POWER BY WHITE GOLD NUGGETS IT CAN’T BE STOPPED…... CAN’T MEANS CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

GB: Do you feel that Nokia was right to abandon something as robust as the N-Gage and/or the N-Gage QD in favor of a software-only solution?

ST: DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE A STUPID MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE ANY PENS??

NOKIA was wrong 555% and i am angry, THEY REMOVE THE BEST PART END OF SENTENCE PLEASE don’t understand NOKIA ARE MY HEROES BUT THEY ARE LIKE HEROES WHO FAIL TO THE GROUND, LIKE ICARUS WHEN CRASHING INTO THE SUN.

NOKIA™ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ^_((((

GB: If you were running Nokia, what would you have done differently to ensure N-Gage domination in the marketplace?

ST: Firstable, SOME PEOPLE [[[not my friends]]] WOULD SAY “STEP ONE: NOT MAKE THE CUSTOMER LOOK LIKE INTERGALACTIC RETARDS WHEN USING PHONE"

BUT SCREW IT HOLE YOU GUYS ~~~ THIS ADVICE IS 155% BULLSHITS. SIDETALKIN’ was LIKE A WELCOME TO THE FANTASY ZONE, the WORLDS #1 METHOD TO TALK AND SCREEN FORWARD SIMULTANEOUSLY.

PROOF IS RIGHT HERE: SIDETALKING HAS NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFULLY COPIED BY ANY COMPETITOR!! not even china. BOOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT w/sniper rifle no cheating

so my advice would be simplest: TRY harder MORE advertising CHEAPER PRICE ALSO better ads FREE SALES AND GIVEAWAYS, finally MAYBE A HIGH-IMPACT STREET TEAM, but i guess it is now too late.

……………………………~~~

HERE IS TRUE STORY NOKIA® GAVE ME MONEY TO PROMOTE NGAGE QD on sidetalking website BUT NOKIA OUT OF PROTEST I WOULD GIVE ALL YOUR DEVIL NAZI MONEY BACK NOW!!!!! would but unfortunately I’ve spent it all

NOKIA HAS LOST ME FOREVER and now I HAVE A MOTOROLA RAZOR :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

RIP SIDETAKLING 1903-2005

<IMG SRC=“ANGELSTEARS.BMP” WIDTH=“32

-Sidetalkin.Com Admin Staff, who may or may not be Cabel Sasser Jeff Gerstmann on Google+
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Posted by Jeff

 Some sort of N-Gage compound or something.
Gadget-focused web site Pocket Lint is reporting that Nokia is finally pulling the plug on the N-Gage platform next year. I know, right? I figured they had pulled the plug on that mess years ago. But Nokia is planning to shut down the N-Gage store in September of 2010, and the service side of it--meaning the community features for all of those awesome N-Gage games you're still totally playing--will run through the end of next year.

Of course, the N-Gage service isn't the only casualty here. There is also the robust and not-at-all-dead fan community for Nokia's cellular taco. We floated some questions past the admin of the only N-Gage-focused website worth talking about, sidetalkin.com, to see what he thought about all this.

But first, some history. Sidetalkin.com was the spot for the sidetalkin' crazy of 2004-2005. I loved it for its amazing photos of Frank Provo, but, really, the entire site was amazing. But it was brought to a crashing halt when Nokia released the N-Gage QD, an "upgraded" version of its device that no longer required you to hold phone conversations by holding the side of the taco directly up to your stupid face. As soon as I got my idiotic hands on new QD, we sent off the photo that would shut down the site:

 Anyway, here is the transcript of said interview:

Giant Bomb: I figure as the world's foremost authority on sidetalkin', you must have some feelings on this important issue. What will happen to sidetalkin.com in the wake of this important news?

Sidetalkin: I REALLY ANGER THIS QUESTION, it is not nice to me, THE SITE WILL NEVER GO AWAY like a TRAIN that is TWO LAYERS OF STEEL WITH ENGINE POWER BY WHITE GOLD NUGGETS IT CAN’T BE STOPPED…... CAN’T MEANS CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

GB: Do you feel that Nokia was right to abandon something as robust as the N-Gage and/or the N-Gage QD in favor of a software-only solution?

ST: DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE A STUPID MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE ANY PENS??

NOKIA was wrong 555% and i am angry, THEY REMOVE THE BEST PART END OF SENTENCE PLEASE don’t understand NOKIA ARE MY HEROES BUT THEY ARE LIKE HEROES WHO FAIL TO THE GROUND, LIKE ICARUS WHEN CRASHING INTO THE SUN.

NOKIA™ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ^_((((

GB: If you were running Nokia, what would you have done differently to ensure N-Gage domination in the marketplace?

ST: Firstable, SOME PEOPLE [[[not my friends]]] WOULD SAY “STEP ONE: NOT MAKE THE CUSTOMER LOOK LIKE INTERGALACTIC RETARDS WHEN USING PHONE"

BUT SCREW IT HOLE YOU GUYS ~~~ THIS ADVICE IS 155% BULLSHITS. SIDETALKIN’ was LIKE A WELCOME TO THE FANTASY ZONE, the WORLDS #1 METHOD TO TALK AND SCREEN FORWARD SIMULTANEOUSLY.

PROOF IS RIGHT HERE: SIDETALKING HAS NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFULLY COPIED BY ANY COMPETITOR!! not even china. BOOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT w/sniper rifle no cheating

so my advice would be simplest: TRY harder MORE advertising CHEAPER PRICE ALSO better ads FREE SALES AND GIVEAWAYS, finally MAYBE A HIGH-IMPACT STREET TEAM, but i guess it is now too late.

……………………………~~~

HERE IS TRUE STORY NOKIA® GAVE ME MONEY TO PROMOTE NGAGE QD on sidetalking website BUT NOKIA OUT OF PROTEST I WOULD GIVE ALL YOUR DEVIL NAZI MONEY BACK NOW!!!!! would but unfortunately I’ve spent it all

NOKIA HAS LOST ME FOREVER and now I HAVE A MOTOROLA RAZOR :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

RIP SIDETAKLING 1903-2005

<IMG SRC=“ANGELSTEARS.BMP” WIDTH=“32

-Sidetalkin.Com Admin Staff, who may or may not be Cabel Sasser
Posted by stripclubdj

 RIP SIDETAKLING 1903-2005

Posted by nanikore

No, not the taco! Nooooooooo!

Edited by louiedog

I think this same guy comments in the forums I visit and on the youtube videos I watch.

Posted by Double0hFor

goodnight sweet prince

Posted by Jeffsekai

lmao

Posted by JJOR64

I miss talking to the taco.  :(

Posted by Damien

I remember when the N-Gage first came out.  I wanted it and almost got it.  Oh sweet naivete.

Posted by Majkiboy

Quality stuff!

Posted by Ineedaname

What on earth have I just read?

Posted by Vinchenzo

Lolwut.

Posted by Myomoto

Shit.. I still totally use a taco as my phone...

Posted by natetodamax

Anyone else manage to locate N-Gage on the periodic table of the elemtns? Pretty cool.

Posted by Sikboy1029

That made 000% sense.

Posted by roylink

I remember when the N-gage was released, I thought it was a stupid concept to combibe as cellphone with a gaming device. But in the year of the iphone, it not that stupid of an idea.

Posted by Babylonian

This is the best interview I have ever read on the internet or anywhere.

Posted by Afroman269

I forgot the ngage existed until now.

Posted by darkjester74

Best....interview...EVAR!!!  XD

Posted by AjayRaz
@Babylonian said:
" This is the best interview I have ever read on the internet or anywhere. "
this.  
 
what a sad day :( 
Posted by ZeroCast

  
 
  NO MORE SIDE TALKIN RIP 2004- 2005
Posted by nrain
@louiedog said:
"I think this same guy comments in the forums I visit and on the youtube video I watch. "
^^ = pure win.
Posted by FunExplosions

"Note: the other party will not be able to hear you, BUT WHO REALLY CRAPS A THING, SIDETALKIN' 2009++!!!"

Posted by Bucketdeth

1903-2005, side talkin you'll never be forgotten.

Posted by Haze

An original N-Gage is part of my console collection. Never got a QD though.

Posted by niall077

sad day indeed. 
 
I saw my first hardcore porn on a N-gage  
 
:(
Posted by guiseppe

I thought that thing died several years ago. Oh well..

Posted by SuperJoe

I'm gonna sidetalk with my iphone from now on.  I'll be like, "Speak louder, I'm sidetalkin'!"  They'll be like, "What?"  Then I'll turn on the speakerphone.

Posted by wipu

Great picture. I lolled :D
 
Then there were way too many CAPS, that gave me headache :S

Posted by nick_verissimo

Is this real? 

Online
Posted by onlineatron

The service was on other Nokia phones as well. It was the Nokia games service but was branded with the N-Gage name... so that's what's shutting down. 
 
The actual phones and games for those platforms were killed long ago.

Posted by Gamer_152

That was a fine interview right there.

Moderator
Posted by Hemlock

this is amazing

Posted by Xander

Nokia N900 is a much better platform anyway, akin to iPhone.

Posted by max3000

I'm lolin' as I'm typing this

Posted by Jensonb

Little known fact, Jeff Gerstmann once took an N-Gage into the past and sold it to some guy he met on the street (Who looked suspiciously like a man who would eventually work for GameSpot).
 
 

Posted by Tiwi
@louiedog: I'm having that feeling too
Edited by strangeling

YOU got NO PENS!!!??? PENS i GOT!! you NEED PENS! i give YOU PENS!! YOU PENS! GET. 
YEAH, that is WRITE!!!

Posted by MattyFTM

Man, this article makes me want to dig out my old n-gage and do some sidetalkin'. SIDETALKIN' FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moderator
Posted by fisher81
@nrain said:
" @louiedog said:
"I think this same guy comments in the forums I visit and on the youtube video I watch. "
^^ = pure win. "
Posted by spacekatgal

"  DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE A STUPID MORON WHO DOES NOT HAVE ANY PENS??"" 
 
Wow. That's how i'm ending my next difference of opinion with my husband. Thanks for the share! 

Posted by buzz_killington

"Nokia's cellular taco "

I laughed for a few hours after reading this line.

Posted by Kohe321

I remember buying the first n-gage with tony hawk. It was awesome.

Posted by VWGTI

I was just mind fucked by that interview. It made -155% senses.

Posted by wwfundertaker

Goodbye taco

Posted by ajamafalous

 BOOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT w/sniper rifle no cheating

Posted by Scarabus

 BOOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT w/sniper rifle no cheating .  

Posted by ThePelinal

At least it lasted longer than the Gizmondo.

Posted by ZombiePie

Ahh I remember when gaming websites had tabs for the N-Gage and then everyone realized it was a piece of crap and dropped support for it in an instant.
 

Moderator
Posted by MjHealy

OK then... I mean your only holding a phone sideways....

Posted by Venatio
@Jensonb: Dude I just watched that entire thing, Time trotters was awesome, damn I miss the old Gamespot
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