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This Asteroids Movie Can Only Be Amazing

"We really went after a mythology on the level of Star Wars."

Properties are optioned by movie studios all the time. It doesn't always mean that the property is going to be actively developed into a film. So, when Universal Pictures picked up the rights to turn arcade classic Asteroids into a blockbuster release--overseen by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, producer of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, we all had a good laugh about the futility of adapting the story-less game into a watchable film.
 
But neither logic nor reason stand in the way of exploiting/ruining every major franchise/property to come out of the '80s, and the result is that di Bonaventura is actively talking about the development of an Asteroids property with press outlets. It can't go away and vanish into a locked file cabinet in an executive's office forever if people keep asking him about it!
 

 What was flying that damn spaceship?! Finally, we'll know the answer.
 
== TEASER ==But that's exactly what film site Coming Soon did when interviewing di Bonaventura about the release of the Angelina Jolie vehicle, Salt. And di Bonaventura is still thinking about how to turn the arcade game into a damn movie.
 
Says di Bonaventura:
 

"When I was called about the property - I was called because of what I'd done with 'Transformers' and 'G.I. Joe.' Atari reached out to me and said, 'We have Asteroids,' and I had an immediate reaction 'Yes.' 

Immediate reaction. Atari says Asteroids and di Bonaventura jumps at the chance. What did he see in the game that would make a successful producer jump at the prospect of making a movie?

The reason was not because playing the game, we thought somehow that game could be translated into a movie, it can't.

So then why call it Asteroids? Why does the movie need to be based on the arcade game? Atari doesn't own the right to rocks what float in space.

The word 'Asteroids' conotates a large-scale experience, so the challenge, which was great, was 'Okay, so how do you get a mythology that will support that?"

Wait a minute... mythology.... you don't mean....
 

We really went after a mythology on the level of 'Star Wars' and we'll see if we succeeded or not but it's not a simple thing of the asteroids are going to hit the earth. We never come to earth. 
 
The entire movie takes place in the asteroid field.

Done. Sold. Day one. Here's my $20. I need two tickets, in case the first one catches on fire, because this movie sounds too hot.
 
Oh, and di Bonaventura says that the movie will finally reveal who has been flying inside those spaceships that keeps you from destroying Asteroids. You'll get to see the aliens inside.
 
I'm going to the theater right now. Who else is with me? And by with me, I mean behind me.
92 Comments
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Posted by habster3
@DoctorWelch said:
"Someone kill me now. "
Posted by ArbitraryWater

Perhaps the most disgusting part about this entire thing is that this sounds like a movie that would appeal to the general public. BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS TO BE MADE ON THIS CONCEPT.

Posted by Bones8677
@AgentOrange said:
" Can't be any worse than the forthcoming Stretch Armstrong or fucking magic 8-ball movie.  *groan* "
Stretch Armstrong movie? Fuck yeah!
Posted by JuggaloAcidman

Ghostface Killer as the thing flying the ship. Corey Feldman as the asteriods..... Directed by Uwe Boll! Fried Gold anyone!
Posted by granderojo

Matt I look forward to you posting more editorials for this site. Keep up the good work sir. Awesome quicklook btw.

Posted by AncientMecha

My father worked The Belt... 'Till the day it took his life...

Posted by Mikl

Is it going to be amazing or amazing?

Posted by The_Bowman_007

One of the best articles I've read in a while, Mr. Kessler.  You had me laughing out loud throughout.  Of course, you'll have to thank Mr. di Bonaventura for his part in the funfair.
 
Oh wait...
 

Never mind...
Posted by BaconGames
@YukoAsho said:
" So, when's the Custer's Revenge movie coming out?  How about Mr. Driller? "
You know goddamn well a Mr. Driller movie would be amazing.
 
This all sounds like what I would do if I was allowed to make licensed films.  Personally I like the idea of forcing a large production out of such a small concept like Asteroids.  It still has to be good of course.
Edited by Brackynews

Side effects of consuming Surströmming may include: fits of madness.
 
@Red said:

" This only bodes well for the success of my Jungler Movie screenplay. "

O, izzit Jungler Fever?
Posted by fox01313

The only way if there's an asteroids movie would be if it's 90 minutes of gameplay on the original asteroids with the occasional drunken voice over of blowing up the ufos or getting blown up.

Posted by ThePickle

Ge Hype for Asteroids!

Online
Posted by Castiel

Oh wow this is... I don't even know what to say. 

Posted by TatsurouXIII

asteroids barely even registers as a video game.

Posted by Demigonis

Dude, what?

Posted by LordXavierBritish

Where is my fucking Joust movie.

Posted by mavs

Why the hell did they have to pay Activision to make a movie about asteroids? Is the success of the movie really so dependent on being able to actually call it Asteroids?

Posted by Computerplayer1

"And by with me, I mean behind me."
 
That's what she said.
  

Posted by Icemael

Day. One.

Posted by BraveToaster

When Hollywood runs out of good movie ideas, the moon will be covered in blood and fire will rain down from the heavens...

Posted by S0ndor

They are comparing an arcade game to the single largest franchise on earth, lawl. 

Posted by c1337us

That actually sounds awesome.

Posted by SinGulaR

I bet it will be about a century old clan of space miners who will get attacked by aliens. And I also bet it won't be an adult film.
Posted by mr_shoeless

I would pay for a 90 minute quick look of Asteroids, in a movie theater.
 
However, I'm really waiting for Hollywood to adapt Tetris into a movie.

Posted by FlipperDesert

What I would really like to see is a Pitfall! movie.
 
"Sir, I know how to beat them!"
"You... What?"
"I know how to beat them! You run to the left!"
"You're crazy! That can't possibly work!"

Posted by radar5

Sounds like  di Bonaventura  is ramping up to give Uwe Boll a run for his money.

Posted by TommyH

Kind of feels like it's SO stupid, it might actually work... in a stupid kind of way, will defenitely be keeping an eye on the development of this one. ;)

Posted by CompleteInanity

Screw Asteroids, I want a Tetris movie.

Posted by Connelo

This sounds like the best video game movie ever. First this, then they make a pong movie.

Posted by Dauragon

I am going to see this movie 3 times.  
 
This is going to be a absolutely gorgeous train wreck. 

Posted by Meptron

 " Done. Sold. Day one. Here's my $20. I need two tickets, in case the first one catches on fire, because this movie sounds too hot.  "   
 
laughed my ass off.

Online
Posted by MeatSim

I think it's been accepted as fact that the Asteroids movie will be better then the original Star Wars trilogy.

Posted by GrendelPr1me

Wyatt Earp, seen here speaking with di Bonaventura in regards to this movie, had this to say:
 

Posted by Arjuna

The people who are making this movie think you are fucking retarded.  There are great, talented script-writers out there, and fantastic novels to base a movie on.  They choose something like this because they think you are a fucking idiot.

Posted by Vendetta

"How do you get a mythology?"
 
Christ, he sounds like a 4th grader.

Edited by lolwot

deleted

Posted by JerkFace
@onarum said:
" yep, next up we'll have a movie based on pong... seriously, wtf are these people smoking man?
 
also
 @Deusoma said:

" Okay, Asteroids is a stupid, stupid thing to base a movie on, but Transformers 2 is actually one of my favourite movies, so it's not entirely out of the question that the Asteroids movie will be fun to watch, if not exactly cinematic gold. "

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you really have to watch more movies, because if that garbage is what you consider one of the best you've watched, you clearly haven't watched much. "
You were way nicer than me.  I was just going to say, 'You're a bad person, and no one will ever love you."
Posted by Metroid545

Sounds like your going to have to fight me for those tickets Matt

Posted by drummerboykhari

now if they made a movie called "Spectre Challenger" ...that would be sexy good

Posted by Southgrove

*giggle*

Posted by Lydian_Sel

Ahhhhhhh Movies.

Posted by Light_Bahamut

This should be cross-posted on Screened.