Don't bring an oxyacetylene welder to a gun-fight

#1 Posted by VipeR (142 posts) -

Picture this:

Me blissfully running around on the battlefield (3) as an engineer. My job is simple, repair shit and occationally shoot my bigass bazzoka at stuff. I can manage that, that requires enough cognitive ability for me to handle. But when my superiours flashes a shiny new MP5 and says "If you want this weapon you'll have to do some crazy shit! Like.. I dunno, shank a dude with your welder or something!", I start to doubt my superiours somewhat. Now I'm not one to turn down a challange, but it would seem highly ineffective choosing my welder over my high powered assault rifle. But I'm a good soldier, I want a promotion (and a new shiny MP5) and maybe a raise in my pay. So I begin my journey wanting to dish out some butt rape with my welder.

Well turns out, you shouldn't bring a welder to a gun-fight.. After my attempts to blind my enemies to death (and perhaps subdue them with eye cancer) I figured I'd sneak on some sniper instead. The welder was very good at making the snipers clothes burn, I figure I'd be nice to him and put out the flames with my knife (was not very effective mind you). Ended with him laying on the ground all dead, accident I promise! Unfortunately stabbing people in the throat with your knife isn't barbaric enough for my superious. They want me to kill people in the slowest most ineffective ways possible, which is kinda hard considering I haven't gotten any super ninja special forces training from my army (yes, talking about you recon!).

In conclusion, I hope Dice doesn't declare war against someone. Also that MP5 looks dope.

#2 Posted by ThePhantomnaut (6269 posts) -

Defib all day every day.

#3 Posted by GS_Dan (1431 posts) -
@ThePhantomnaut

Defib all day every day.

Unfortunately it does literally take all day :l
#4 Edited by WilltheMagicAsian (1547 posts) -

Did they take out killing duders with paddles? I just started playing again since release week and I can't for the life of me kill an enemy with them, even when I'm right on them.

Edit: Oh, apparently it takes more than one shock now.

#5 Posted by GearDraxon (143 posts) -

I saw this Assignment and was like "this is never gonna happen, even if they added the USAS frag ammo to my welder."

Two matches in, some jerk was trying to de-weld MY tank, so I jumped out and welded his happy ass to death. I think he died of surprise more than anything.

#6 Posted by bwmcmaste (894 posts) -

@johnLongview said:

Two matches in, some jerk was trying to de-weld MY tank, so I jumped out and welded his happy ass to death. I think he died of surprise more than anything.

I have also done this, but I killed him entirely by accident: he was already damaged as I was de-welding his tank and I turned to him in utter surprise with the torch still going, thus frying off his last few HP.

#7 Posted by SSully (4656 posts) -

I had the same mindset where I thought it would be impossible. Then I came up to a sniper on a rock and welded his ass real good. Now I have to kill a vehicle with a torch....

#8 Posted by TobbRobb (5096 posts) -

@bwmcmaste: That sounds like a scene out of a slaptick film. i'm not sure that's a good thing.

#9 Posted by Hailinel (25787 posts) -

@TobbRobb said:

@bwmcmaste: That sounds like a scene out of a slaptick film. i'm not sure that's a good thing.

For bwmcmaste, I'm sure it was.

#10 Posted by Cronus42 (303 posts) -

@WilltheMagicAsian said:

Did they take out killing duders with paddles? I just started playing again since release week and I can't for the life of me kill an enemy with them, even when I'm right on them.

Edit: Oh, apparently it takes more than one shock now.

Still only takes one hit with the paddles, problem is the hitbox when using them is about 3 inches square

#11 Posted by GearDraxon (143 posts) -

@SSully: That poor sniper. Human Centipede 3: I Want That Chinese Rifle.

And yeah, despite my rampant welder-wielding, I've yet to completely destroy any enemy vehicle.

#12 Posted by Kazona (3256 posts) -
@johnLongview I laughed out loud at that.
#13 Posted by ikilledthedj (369 posts) -

Rocket up a tanks ass then burn what's left of it

#14 Edited by Tennmuerti (8300 posts) -

Torch kills surprisingly fast actually.

Online
#15 Posted by VisariLoyalist (3091 posts) -

If you read this replacing "my superiors" with "the voices in my head" it all makes a lot more sense.

#16 Posted by Swoxx (3016 posts) -

I killed a certain individual ( ) with my torch, It went fairly quick, and was super embarrassing for him, I imagine.

#17 Posted by believer258 (12795 posts) -

1) Find a friend

2) Join the same server

3) Make sure he's on the other team

4) Get him to let you torch his noggin

5) Then let him do the same to you

6) profit!

#18 Posted by Tennmuerti (8300 posts) -
@believer258 said:

1) Find a friend

2) Join the same server

3) Make sure he's on the other team

4) Get him to let you torch his noggin

5) Then let him do the same to you

6) profit!

That's for quitters!
Online
#19 Edited by believer258 (12795 posts) -

@Tennmuerti said:

@believer258 said:

1) Find a friend

2) Join the same server

3) Make sure he's on the other team

4) Get him to let you torch his noggin

5) Then let him do the same to you

6) profit!

That's for quitters!

No, that's for cheaters. There is a difference, though the two actions are pretty equal in terms of jackassery.

However, when it comes to something as insanely luck based as this I would hardly consider it bad. I'd be A-OK with doing this. It's when you cheat and artificially make yourself better than everyone on the other team that I start to abhor a person.

#20 Posted by Canteu (2862 posts) -

When I did this, I simply ran at men with my welder out for a few games. Eventually backed one into a corner while he missed his flashlighted M9 all up in my grill.

It's actually quite hilarious to play like this.

Online
#21 Posted by mosdl (3388 posts) -

@Swoxx said:

I killed a certain individual ( ) with my torch, It went fairly quick, and was super embarrassing for him, I imagine.

I am stilling going to Torched Anonymous meetings, I am only at step 5 of 26...

#22 Posted by Swoxx (3016 posts) -

@mosdl said:

@Swoxx said:

I killed a certain individual ( ) with my torch, It went fairly quick, and was super embarrassing for him, I imagine.

I am stilling going to Torched Anonymous meetings, I am only at step 5 of 26...

Could you let me know when you get to the revenge step? I'd like to be prepared.

#23 Posted by GearDraxon (143 posts) -

@mosdl: We're all friends here. You can tell us. Tell us where he torched you.

#24 Posted by mosdl (3388 posts) -

@johnLongview said:

@mosdl: We're all friends here. You can tell us. Tell us where he torched you.

He..he...torched me in the ass...cause swoxx can't stop talking about it.

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