Burnout Crash, the Cartoony Top-Down Racer (With Lobster Monsters) You've Wanted All These Years

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Posted by Alex (1980 posts) -

We caught wind of the existence of Burnout Crash! thanks to the Australian Classification Review Board and their penchant for acknowledging games that have been put into their ratings database, regardless as to whether or not PR people have bothered to announce them yet. Now, the ESRB has gone a step further and written up one of their famously awkward summaries of what the game actually is, and... well, you know what? Why don't you just read for yourself.

 The most disturbing lobster monster of them all.

This is an action game in which players earn points for creating traffic pileups. From a top-down perspective, players initiate crashes by driving 'cartoony' vehicles (e.g., cars, trucks, vans, buses) into busy intersections; multiple crashes trigger score multipliers and rack up large 'bills' of property damage. Each level is accompanied by crashing sounds, small explosions, and vocal encouragement (e.g., 'Cool,' 'Maximum Carnage!'). In some levels, players are instructed to crash into police cars (e.g., 'Crash them before they bust you!'); in other sequences, oversized airplanes, tornados, lobster monsters, and UFOs slide across the screen, destroying any vehicles in their path.

Okay, let all that sink in for a moment. I'll wait.

== TEASER ==We good? Excellent. So, on the subject of the top-down perspective, that would certainly fit, given that the current assumption is that this will be an Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network download. It also sounds like this game is, true to its subtitle, largely based around some kind of permutation of the classic console games' crash mode. As for the crashing into police cars? Sure! Why not? We all love crashing into cops. And the oversized airplanes, tornadoes, UFOs, and lobster monsters? I mean, hey! We can... I mean, you know, it's probably just... I mean, I love SimCity, and that game totally had... alright, you know what? I give up. I don't know what to do with any of that.

For what it's worth, the game is rated E-10+. Probably because of all the lobster monsters. No child should have to endure such a thing.
Staff
#1 Posted by Alex (1980 posts) -

We caught wind of the existence of Burnout Crash! thanks to the Australian Classification Review Board and their penchant for acknowledging games that have been put into their ratings database, regardless as to whether or not PR people have bothered to announce them yet. Now, the ESRB has gone a step further and written up one of their famously awkward summaries of what the game actually is, and... well, you know what? Why don't you just read for yourself.

 The most disturbing lobster monster of them all.

This is an action game in which players earn points for creating traffic pileups. From a top-down perspective, players initiate crashes by driving 'cartoony' vehicles (e.g., cars, trucks, vans, buses) into busy intersections; multiple crashes trigger score multipliers and rack up large 'bills' of property damage. Each level is accompanied by crashing sounds, small explosions, and vocal encouragement (e.g., 'Cool,' 'Maximum Carnage!'). In some levels, players are instructed to crash into police cars (e.g., 'Crash them before they bust you!'); in other sequences, oversized airplanes, tornados, lobster monsters, and UFOs slide across the screen, destroying any vehicles in their path.

Okay, let all that sink in for a moment. I'll wait.

== TEASER ==We good? Excellent. So, on the subject of the top-down perspective, that would certainly fit, given that the current assumption is that this will be an Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network download. It also sounds like this game is, true to its subtitle, largely based around some kind of permutation of the classic console games' crash mode. As for the crashing into police cars? Sure! Why not? We all love crashing into cops. And the oversized airplanes, tornadoes, UFOs, and lobster monsters? I mean, hey! We can... I mean, you know, it's probably just... I mean, I love SimCity, and that game totally had... alright, you know what? I give up. I don't know what to do with any of that.

For what it's worth, the game is rated E-10+. Probably because of all the lobster monsters. No child should have to endure such a thing.
Staff
#2 Posted by Yummylee (21302 posts) -

Cool maximum carnage, bro!

#3 Posted by Phoenix87 (474 posts) -

Space Lobsters or no sale.

#4 Posted by WaywardGamer (77 posts) -

Maximum Chloe.

#5 Posted by Sbaitso (513 posts) -

I'll wait for DJ Atomica to be confirmed till I put any of my money down!
#6 Posted by Underachiever007 (2468 posts) -

They should  just sell the Lobster Monsters separately.

#7 Posted by bcjohnnie (442 posts) -

I guess I'm not sure what the problem is... sure this isn't going to be a new real Burnout game, but done right, this could be a lot of fun.  I really really miss crash mode, so a simplified version of that with any depth at all could be worth picking up.


I'm not exactly sure what "cartoony" means here though.
#8 Posted by Klaimore (945 posts) -

What about normal size lobsters in a tornado?

#9 Posted by SaturdayNightSpecials (2323 posts) -

Sounds fun, but I wonder if the crashes will be as interesting in a cartoon style.

#10 Posted by Skald (4367 posts) -

That sounds crazy. I just hope it's crazy in the right kind of way.

#11 Posted by lockwoodx (2479 posts) -

Gotta get them before they get you!
#12 Posted by JJOR64 (18916 posts) -

So this isn't a main game?  Poop.

#13 Posted by Terjay (809 posts) -

What. The. Fuck.

#14 Posted by Hero_Swe (1116 posts) -
@Buzzkill said:
"
               

Gotta get them before they get you!

            "

Dada-chum, Dida-chick, Deda-check?
#15 Edited by I_smell (3925 posts) -

Sounds like an iPhone game.

Y'know, like that one where you have to manage traffic n not crash cars?

#16 Posted by Tekkor (30 posts) -

Ingame image...



#17 Posted by Yanngc33 (4496 posts) -

So there is no reason to care

#18 Posted by AncientMecha (102 posts) -

Somebody call Carbon Neutral Games, sounds like EA's ripping off Unsafe At Any Speed.

#19 Posted by Hexogen (766 posts) -

Top-down perspective? I'll pass. Chase camera fo' lyfe, son.

#20 Posted by Romination (2776 posts) -

Sounds like Cobra Triangle with cars?

#21 Posted by HT101 (1151 posts) -

The only thing in that description that doesn't make sense is that the cars, trucks, buses and vans were described as cartoony.  What the hell does that even mean?

#22 Posted by chilibean_3 (1626 posts) -

Lobster Dog is the greatest!

#23 Posted by LordCmdrStryker (346 posts) -

This is the way EA is headed, so I'm more disappointed than surprised.  I guess I'll just have to live with Burnout Paradise for the rest of my natural life.

#24 Posted by JoshyLee (177 posts) -

You can crash for MAXIMUM DAMAGE!

#25 Posted by Falconer (1681 posts) -

I have a feeling this is made by some offshoot EA developer, and not Criterion. But if it is Criterion, I would bet this came out of a drunken conversation, someone remembered it, and they've gone mad with power.

#26 Posted by kennybaese (658 posts) -

All I needed to hear was lobster monsters. Provided PSN ever comes back online, I will buy this in an instant. 

#27 Posted by FlipperDesert (2082 posts) -

Lobster monsters? No, what you have to watch out of is those fucking coconut crabs. They stole Amelia Earhart's remains!

Seriously though EA, just make a real Burnout sequel.

#28 Posted by Xeiphyer (5597 posts) -

Wasting the franchise!!

#29 Posted by andriv (256 posts) -
@Hero_Swe: @Buzzkill said:
"

Gotta get them before they get you!
"
thats exactly what I thought of, lobstrosities.
#30 Posted by Choffy (440 posts) -

Just green light another real Burnout game, EA. Do it. DO IT.

#31 Posted by Rotnac (630 posts) -

Now I fully regret trading in my copy of Paradise...

#32 Posted by icytower38 (462 posts) -

As long as Criterion is developing, it'll probably kick some major ass no matter how off the wall it sounds at this point.

#33 Posted by Eribuster (484 posts) -

I hope there is another big Burnout in the works. Crash sounds like an offshoot with a Battlefield Heroes art style.

#34 Posted by Red12b (9081 posts) -

MAXIMUM CARNAGE!
#35 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

sure why the hell not

#36 Posted by JJWeatherman (14557 posts) -

Hmm. Well, the concept of lobster monsters is obviously very exciting, but I'm just not sure.

#37 Posted by DeadMonkeys (821 posts) -

My friends and I loved the insurance tallies in the original Burnout, and would often play "crash mode" before it was released as an official game type in Burnout 3.

#38 Posted by craigbo180 (1739 posts) -

So an budget downloadable arcadey version of burnout?


Could be tight.
#39 Posted by kidman (465 posts) -
@JJOR64 said:
" So this isn't a main game?  Poop. "
This.
#40 Posted by FreakAche (2950 posts) -

Sounds like this has potential, but they really need to get on making a full fledged new Burnout game. It's been three years already! Come on!

#41 Posted by CowsWithGuns (216 posts) -

Wouldn't it be crazy if this is more dlc for burnout paradise?! I could see them pulling that one....but whatever it is, if its being developed by criterion I'm sure it'll be good.

#42 Posted by Cronson (3 posts) -

DJ Atomica!

#43 Posted by blalala (122 posts) -

Oh man, I'll reserve judgement until I see actual gameplay, but damn. Also, is this a Criterion developed game?!

#44 Posted by animathias (1172 posts) -

Sounds like Crash Mode, so I'm cautiously optimistic. When you break it down, it's really just a puzzle game, so it could work from the top-down angle and there's room for some crazy stuff.

I'll reserve judgment until more info, and hopefully some video surfaces, but I would be down for some more Crash Mode, even if it's a little weirder and has a different camera.

#45 Posted by Googly (245 posts) -

Lobster sticks to magnet.

#46 Posted by MisterMouse (3543 posts) -

ahh hohoho puppy!!!1

#47 Posted by MooseyMcMan (10566 posts) -

I'm not gonna lie, lobster monsters totally make me want to play it more. 

Moderator
#48 Posted by Subway_Ninja (5 posts) -

this game sounds great

#49 Posted by Roddykat (237 posts) -

Damn shame what they did to that puppy.

#50 Posted by Xpgamer7 (2377 posts) -

ESRB made it sound evil and crazy. I fully expect a T rating if not a E10.

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