How to eat boned wings!

Posted by audioBusting (1488 posts) -
I got this stock photo from foxnews.com, no joke.

Okay, that's it. This whole #TeamBoneless thing has been driving me crazy, because boned wings are obviously superior to boneless wings, which aren't even the wings of a chicken! Anyway, one of the major arguments for boneless wings is that they are clean; they do not require you to use your hands, which are apparently the utensil of savages. Now, I do understand the cleanliness argument, but ignoring my belief that our hands are -- in fact -- quite sophisticated and difficult to use properly (have you ever eaten loose rice with your hands before? You know what I'm talking about), I don't think eating wings is actually that difficult with other utensils.

As I have mentioned in another thread, I usually eat wings with a spoon. Well, sometimes with a knife and a fork, sometimes with a pair of chopsticks, but I think the technique is universal. What you need is just some knowledge of the wings' anatomy. Mind you, my limited knowledge of wings anatomy is just from eating a bunch of wings. (Aside: I like to eat any part of the chicken without my hands; I like the challenge and clean hands. I usually end up with cleaner bones than others too!)

I did some serious research to prepare this post anyway (which involves a full minute of Google Image Search! phew!) to illustrate things properly.

(Taken from some wikispaces site, 2nd Google result for "chicken wings anatomy")

I think you all know why eating wings are so goddamn difficult. It's that hole in the middle of the forearm! Well, here's the obvious solution to this problem: separate the bones. Specifically, the ulna and the radius. How we separate them depends entirely on how the wings are cooked.

If they are well-cooked, with very tender meat and softened tendons, you want to go for the elbow. The elbow should be the fatter end of the forearm (away from the pointy "hand", if it is not cut off). What you want to do is to pull or scoop away the thinner bone (the radius) at the joint so that it comes off from the elbow. Then, you can either cut the other end off the wrist, or just pull it away.

If the wings are a bit hard (this usually happens to slimmer country chickens, or if just lightly fried), the elbow end could be a bit difficult to separate as the tendons might not be soft enough. In this case, I usually go for the wrist. Still going for the radius first, I'd try to cut between the two bones, and then lever the bone away from the elbow. Even if it's still too hard to come off completely, having the wrist joint freed helps a lot. (Addendum: if it's still too hard to do it without touching, I usually bring it up to my mouth for a quick bite or grab.)

(Taken from ~lunarballad's DeviantArt, 1st Google result)

So, I guess the second part to the strategy is what we came for: the meat. This part is a bit easier if you see how muscles are connected. As long as you don't cut the muscles across, it should be really easy to get the most out of your wings without ever touching it with your hands! I would discourage this with beef, pork, or chicken breast -- as cutting them along the lines make them harder to chew -- but I think the wings and thighs of chicken are great for this way of eating. They're naturally more tender, so this gets maximum springiness out of them. Wings are too short across to get anything if you cut that way anyways. Well, if you get good enough with getting the bones out, I'm sure you can keep most of the meat intact and cut them however the heck you want. I usually get the outermost biceps of the wings first (marked orange in the diagram), but it's up to you where you start!

...Are you still reading? Thanks for reading this all of this text that doesn't really have anything to do with video games! It is great to know how to do this when I want both chicken wings and clean hands, like when I'm socializing at dinner, watching TV, or playing video games! Feel free to post about how you eat wings yourself; I'm sure I'm not the only one who always tries to eat chicken as efficiently as possible. #TeamBoneIn

P.S. Here's a good video guide on how to do something similar and have the wings still intact, but it requires hands:

#1 Posted by selfconfessedcynic (2496 posts) -

... #teamboneless

But I'll give this a read in the morning, as someone else was telling me something similar. Not that it'll change my mind - boneless "wings" rock.

#2 Edited by JackSukeru (5908 posts) -

Man, whoever wrote the blurb for the chicken concept page did a great job.

#3 Posted by audioBusting (1488 posts) -

@selfconfessedcynic: The debate is silly anyway, since wings and breasts taste so different even though they come from the same animal. And in the end, more #TeamBoneless means more wings for #TeamBoneIn!

#4 Posted by 49th (2722 posts) -

I'm sorry but eating boned wings with a knife and fork is almost as bad as having boneless. At that point you may as well just have boneless since you're wasting your time, and probably wasting a lot of meat too.

Grab the wings like a man and bite the sides off, eat the cartilage, seperate the bones and strip them of any remaining meat.

#5 Edited by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -

Jesus. Maybe it's just me, but my problem is more that bones and veins and fat are gross. The entire concept of chewing on an actual chicken wing is completely unappetizing. Just give me the meat.

#6 Posted by isomeri (1242 posts) -

Jesus. Maybe it's just me, but my problem is more that bones and veins and fat are gross. The entire concept of chewing on an actual chicken wing is completely unappetizing. Just give me the meat.

You do know that all that fat and veins are still in your boneless wyng, right? It's terrible how people these days find actual food unappetizing.

Anyways, I always just suck the bones clean without any fancy techniques.

#7 Posted by Dalai (7016 posts) -

I was fine until the part where you eat wings with a spoon.

Anyway, I know how to eat a chicken wing. All you need are hands and a mouth.

#8 Edited by Butano (1731 posts) -

The fact alone that you have to post how to eat a chicken wing is why I stand on #TeamBoneless' side.

#9 Posted by pyromagnestir (4283 posts) -

Eh, I'll continue to eat it by hand, separate the bones, and just eat whatever's on there. After eating all the meat and cartilage off the bone, I like to bite open end of bones and suck out marrow. I go hardcore. I'd eat the bone itself if I could.

Now I want some chicken wings...

Online
#10 Edited by Arbie (1449 posts) -

@jacksukeru: "They are more well known for crossing roads than for their bravery." - Absolute genius!

#11 Posted by GIyn (202 posts) -

@audiobusting: The wings always taste the best, I just wish they were more easily accessible and larger pieces.

#12 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -

@isomeri said:

@jjweatherman said:

Jesus. Maybe it's just me, but my problem is more that bones and veins and fat are gross. The entire concept of chewing on an actual chicken wing is completely unappetizing. Just give me the meat.

You do know that all that fat and veins are still in your boneless wyng, right? It's terrible how people these days find actual food unappetizing.

Anyways, I always just suck the bones clean without any fancy techniques.

Don't even give me that. There's a clear difference. Dark meat vs. light meat. Also, I'm not sure why food has to consist of gross animal pieces to be considered "actual food." I'd ask you to explain your logic, but you just used the word "wyng," so uh, nevermind. Agreeing to disagree would probably be best.

#13 Posted by Demoskinos (14713 posts) -

#TeamBoneless for life. I want to pop that shit in my mouth and move on with my day no mess no fuss. Bone-in chicken is for people with too much time on their hands!

#14 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Just dive in there and get your hands dirty. Wings ain't got no time for your fanciful tableware.

#15 Posted by huss (52 posts) -

The best part is eating it with your hands. I don't understand some of you at all.

#16 Posted by insane_shadowblade85 (1414 posts) -

If you don't know how to eat a wing then you're the same person they show on infomercials who can't do anything right. You know the ones.

#17 Posted by Fattony12000 (7251 posts) -

Wings have bones in them.

#18 Posted by Oscar__Explosion (2230 posts) -

#boneless4lyf

#19 Edited by audioBusting (1488 posts) -

@49th said:

I'm sorry but eating boned wings with a knife and fork is almost as bad as having boneless. At that point you may as well just have boneless since you're wasting your time, and probably wasting a lot of meat too.

Don't you worry, I clean out the meat pretty quick and thorough! Utensils can get the meat in the nooks too small for my fingers, which comes in handy especially for the upper thighs.

@huss said:

The best part is eating it with your hands. I don't understand some of you at all.

Maybe it's just me, but when it comes to chicken I like the precision and the challenge. I prefer eating breasts with my hands, strangely enough.

@giyn said:

@audiobusting: The wings always taste the best, I just wish they were more easily accessible and larger pieces.

Exactly why I wrote this post! But really, when it comes to ease of wings consumption the responsibility lies largely on how they're cooked. The same goes for ribs and fish.

Speaking of which, I forgot to mention that knowing where the muscles and bones lie in wings is really helpful when you're cooking them. Stuffed boneless wings (real wings, mind you. example recipe) may take some time to prepare, but they are excellent!

#20 Posted by TheHT (11080 posts) -

bones are gross. cartilage is grosser.

#teamboneless

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