Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution HOLLER!

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#1 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

In our time, there have been many influential political movements which have changed the course of our human existence. Malcolm X. Fidel Castro. Che Guevara. Whether you agree with their views or not, it cannot be denied that their influence has stretched far and wide. But we must be realistic. As the decades roll by, the relevance of their movements is ultimately crippled by time as their pertinent issues, the very causes for which they fight, either get resolved or society simply moves on beyond it. This is a problem for any organization looking to impact people beyond the immediate generation they are introduced in, which is why I am here to tell you about the first and only timeless revolution to be created in the course of history. I am, of course, referring to the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution.


The Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution stand for a lot of things, but our primary purpose in life is to roam about school cafeterias day in and day out to ensure that injustices are not exacted upon the commoners. We do this in the hopes of creating a better tomorrow, for it is our genuine hope that when the children saved by our actions today grow up and become leaders themselves, we may then influence adult cafeterias and more directly shape the world directly. In time, we hope to have a hand in even the White House, for even leaders of the free world require saving from malicious bullies trying to steal pocket change and horrid tasting lunches. These are issues which affect us all, which is why we, The Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution, feel we cannot limit the scope of our actions. We're here for humanity and so we must eventually be able to affect everyone, even if we can only act in middle schools today.

We operate under the orders of our beautiful and understanding leader, Chie Satonaka. Coming from the rural Japanese town of Inaba, she knows first hand what it's like to endure hellish lunch-eating environments. It is because of that fact that her wisdom has never let us down; she is able to sympathize with our lunch-related quandaries like no other and strategizes with those considerations. It is because of her vast repitroire of skills that we have been able to get so far in only the short span of a few years. For example, did you know that it was her strategic prowess which enabled us to win the Food Fight Massacre of 09, the lunch room battle started by the teachers union in the hopes of squashing us? Or that she was the one behind our victory in deposing Yosuke Hanamura as leader of the Lunch Mafia long before he unwittingly trapped himself in the same town as our leader? Almighty Comrade Satonaka is behind these and many more triumphs which have followed in the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution's wake since day one. She is a gorgeous, yet powerful force to be reckoned with.

However, we are at a crossroads. We wish to do great things, but at our current capacity, we are unable to expand and move into the sectors which really matter. We have managed to be successful despite our size up until now, but if we are to fulfill Almighty Comrade Satonaka's ultimate plans for the world, we need to grow and fast. This is where you come in. You now know what it is that we, the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution and hopefully why it is such a necessary organization. If you can commit yourself to our cause, together we can alter the face of the earth forever. There has been too much tyranny in our lunch rooms for too long, which has implications on everything from the economy to international relations. We cannot sit by and do nothing. Please, join us and know that you will have a purpose and that never again will you be tossed aside. Almighty Comrade Satonaka can use the assistance of each and every one of us to fulfill her dreams. If only for her, please join us. We could very well be the greatest revolution humanity ever needs.

Oh, and we take our business very seriously. You don't want to know what happened to both the fellow who mocked Alimighty Comrade Satonaka's work and the one who soiled our cause by boiling it down to a mere video game achievement. We don't take parody lightly and consequences will be exacted upon those who dare to display them.


#2 Posted by Manachild (470 posts) -

To be perfectly honest with you, i'm kind of at a loss for words..... 

#3 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Almighty Comrade Satonaka is okay with such sensations. What matters is that you join our cause sooner rather than later so that together we can make the world and its cafeteria better places. It is of the utmost importance that we grow and recruity new members so that we may satisfy Almighty Comrade Satonaka's vision.

#4 Posted by LordAndrew (14426 posts) -

Sometimes you scare me, Pepsiman. :)

#5 Posted by Manachild (470 posts) -
LordAndrew said:
"Sometimes you scare me, Pepsiman. :)"
Indeed, but its still awesome somehow
#6 Posted by zitosilva (1839 posts) -

You'll never have me! I already follow Yukiko and the Boneless Taste Cuisine.

#7 Edited by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -
LordAndrew said:
"Sometimes you scare me, Pepsiman. :)"
In this instance, I call it "being too bored to study for finals, but have enough motivation to change the world one lunchroom at a time." Such were the principles upon which the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution were founded.

zitosilva said:
"You'll never have me! I already follow Yukiko and the Boneless Taste Cuisine."

You might be interested to know that the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution have, in fact, been allied with Yukiko and the Boneless Taste Cuisine Brigade since our founding. Almighty Comrade Satonaka happens to be close friends with Delicious Mistress Amagi and as such the two have collaborated on numerous occasions for the betterment of mankind. Surely you heard about the cooperative effort that was the Lunchables Riot of 2008?

#8 Edited by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -

The vending machines in my cafeteria don't accept dimes, how do you plan on combatting this injustice?

#9 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

There are a number of tactics which the Vanguards of the Revolution can employ in order to rectify the situation. At our calmest, we can attempt to employ diplomacy and legally request the vending machine to change its ways. We did something similar with in 2005 with the Case of Two-Dollar Bill Hater in which we were able to peacibly request a discriminatory vending machine to accept the iconic bills in exchange for edible goods. Should that not work, however, we are not an organization above blackmailing and kidnappings and have as such managed to achieve plenty with our methodologies. The point is that we'll do whatever we have to do in order to get that vending machine to accept your dimes, no matter the personal costs on our end, legal or otherwise.

#10 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -

But she's not real...

Moderator
#11 Posted by Lies (3866 posts) -
ZombiePie said:
"But she's not real..."
Quiet you.
#12 Posted by MB (12079 posts) -

I don't get it.

Moderator
#13 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

I could attempt to explain it, but then that would mean breaking out of character, an offense that Almighty Comrade Satonaka deems to be worthy of a Galactic Punt at minimum.

#14 Posted by LordAndrew (14426 posts) -
ZombiePie said:
"But she's not real..."
You're not real!
#15 Edited by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
LordAndrew said:
"ZombiePie said:
"But she's not real..."
You're not real!"



What are you talking about?


Moderator
#16 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Agh, dammit, it's HAL, the computerized, yet sentient arch-nemesis of ours! I never expected to find him here! I wonder what Almighty Comrade Satonaka would recommend we do in such a dangerous situation....

#17 Edited by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
Pepsiman said:
"Agh, dammit, it's HAL, the computerized, yet sentient arch-nemesis of ours! I never expected to find him here! I wonder what Almighty Comrade Satonaka would recommend we do in such a dangerous situation...."
I can take her on, here's my proof:

  

Moderator
#18 Posted by pause422 (6172 posts) -

You scare me sometimes pepsi, yet at the same time this is awesome as it is very weird.

#19 Posted by vidiot (2737 posts) -

Pepsi: You are my hero.
I will follow the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution to the ends of the earth!

#20 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11501 posts) -

This is very weird. Nonetheless, I support this movement and all that it stands for.

Online
#21 Posted by Manachild (470 posts) -

Normal is boring

#22 Posted by Aaox (1657 posts) -

Normal is boring. If I join, can I say 'Huzzah' whenever acceptable?

#23 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Almighty Comrade Satonaka actually expects you to utter "Huzzah" at any and all opportunities when it is possible to do so. Furthermore, she also appreciates it when you go "Booooom!" when you make a critical hit on the enemy. That pleases her greatly.

#24 Posted by Manachild (470 posts) -
Pepsiman said:
"Almighty Comrade Satonaka actually expects you to utter "Huzzah" at any and all opportunities when it is possible to do so. Furthermore, she also appreciates it when you go "Booooom!" when you make a critical hit on the enemy. That pleases her greatly."
critical hit on yosuke?
#25 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -

Huh... so this is a communist collective based around a video game character... maybe if the Soviets had tried that instead of a collective based on cronyism and militarism things would have turned out better. But I suspect that this is all going to collapse anyways when peole are going to have to wait in line to get shit.


I Hope Your Revolution Can Justify This


Moderator
#26 Edited by vidiot (2737 posts) -
ZombiePie said:
"Huh... so this is a communist collective based around a video game character... maybe if the Soviets had tried that instead of a collective based on cronyism and militarism things would have turned out better. But I suspect that this is all going to collapse anyways when peole are going to have to wait in line to get shit.


I Hope Your Revolution Can Justify This
"
There are no lines in the Lunch Revolution!

You forget yourself comrade. They created Goho-M's for a reason! I can assure you waiting your turn outside of your: house, business, church, doctors, lunch room, randomly generated dungeon that reflects your friends inner psyche was not one of them!!!
#27 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Vidiot speaks wise words and understands Almighty Comrade Satonaka's philosophies very well for a brand new member. Indeed, what she espouses for is not a revolution in the manner in which the people govern themselves; she merely seeks to resolve the injustices to be found across cafeterias everywhere. She merely wants access to politicians' dining places one day so that she may better help the leaders who will then empower the lives of oh so many constituents. But at its core, it's all about maintaining peace in the cafeteria and nothing more. We are the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution, after all.

#28 Posted by ChrisTaran (1570 posts) -

Viva la Vanguards!

#29 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -

So what is this the Asian version of the Black Panthers except you don't carry guns?

Moderator
#30 Edited by Aaox (1657 posts) -

Oh, I want A LARGE PUNTING MACHINE. I heard there was a bike LARGE PUNTING MACHINE around here somewhere...

Huzzah!
I LOVE DOING THAT.
#31 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
Aaox said:
"Oh, I want guns. I heard there was a bike gun around here somewhere...
Huzzah!
I LOVE DOING THAT.
"
So it's as I suspected... you're all a bunch of violence seeking, gun toting,  fist throwing, adrenaline seeking, round house kicking, commie bastards! You all realize that very single "glorious" (communist) revolution, regardless of size and scope, has resulted in the frivolous deaths of thousands of innocent civilians... is your Messiah ready for that?
Moderator
#32 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -

Communist? Since when do Revolutions have to be communist?

#33 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
FrankCanada97 said:
"Communist? Since when do Revolutions have to be communist?"
When they're lead by Asian anime/video game chicks.
Moderator
#34 Posted by vidiot (2737 posts) -
ZombiePie said:
"Aaox said:
"Oh, I want guns. I heard there was a bike gun around here somewhere...
Huzzah!
I LOVE DOING THAT.
"
So it's as I suspected... you're all a bunch of violence seeking, gun toting,  fist throwing, adrenaline seeking, round house kicking, commie bastards! You all realize that very single "glorious" (communist) revolution, regardless of size and scope, has resulted in the frivolous deaths of thousands of innocent civilians... is your Messiah ready for that?"
Your anti-lunch fear mongering agenda is ridiculous ZombiePie. Was the end of the lunch mafia too much for you? Not getting kickbacks from Hanamura now? I see through your facade.
Our leader is not divine in nature, but is wise beyond your comprehension. This is a rally against injustice during lunch. Where a few will cry out and stand together against hate, fear, and the hostile environment hellscape that is a modern lunchroom. Viloence will only be inacted on those who threaten others, and that justice will not be done by something as barabaric as a gun. Our method usually involves a phenominal swift kick to the face that will punt said perpatrator out of the lunch room.
#35 Posted by Aaox (1657 posts) -

Did I say guns? What I meant to say was... Puns. Punts. Yes.

Huzzah.
#36 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
vidiot said:
"ZombiePie said:
"Aaox said:
"Oh, I want guns. I heard there was a bike gun around here somewhere...
Huzzah!
I LOVE DOING THAT.
"
So it's as I suspected... you're all a bunch of violence seeking, gun toting,  fist throwing, adrenaline seeking, round house kicking, commie bastards! You all realize that very single "glorious" (communist) revolution, regardless of size and scope, has resulted in the frivolous deaths of thousands of innocent civilians... is your Messiah ready for that?"
Your anti-lunch fear mongering agenda is ridiculous ZombiePie. Was the end of the lunch mafia too much for you? Not getting kickbacks from Hanamura now? I see through your facade.
Our leader is not divine in nature, but is wise beyond your comprehension. This is a rally against injustice during lunch. Where a few will cry out and stand together against hate, fear, and the hostile environment hellscape that is a modern lunchroom. Viloence will only be inacted on those who threaten others, and that justice will not be done by something as barabaric as a gun. Our method usually involves a phenominal swift kick to the face that will punt said perpatrator out of the lunch room."
I am not afiliated wth this "Hanamura," and his kiddie "lunch mafia," I answer to a higher authority....


I Shall Fight You to the Death!

Moderator
#37 Posted by RelentlessKnight (963 posts) -

Somehow I think Pepsiman is the real Chie. I still don't know why.

#38 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

I think we all know by now that Mr. O'Reilly did, in fact, answer to Diabolical Rice Fascist Hanamura just a few years ago. The only reason why he's not associated with the Lunch Mafia anymore is that his cover was blown during an assassination plot against Almighty Comrade Satonaka. I was there and I was the one who unmasked the guy personally. I do know that nowadays he runs his own anti-lunch ring, but frankly, it's a far cry from his glory days. We at the Vanguards of the Revolution therefore don't take your higher power seriously anymore. But should he arrive at our front door again, I assure you that a Galactic Punt will most definitely be in order.

#39 Edited by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
vidiot said:
"ZombiePie said:
"Aaox said:
"Oh, I want guns. I heard there was a bike gun around here somewhere...
Huzzah!
I LOVE DOING THAT.
"
So it's as I suspected... you're all a bunch of violence seeking, gun toting,  fist throwing, adrenaline seeking, round house kicking, commie bastards! You all realize that very single "glorious" (communist) revolution, regardless of size and scope, has resulted in the frivolous deaths of thousands of innocent civilians... is your Messiah ready for that?"
Your anti-lunch fear mongering agenda is ridiculous ZombiePie. Was the end of the lunch mafia too much for you? Not getting kickbacks from Hanamura now? I see through your facade.
Our leader is not divine in nature, but is wise beyond your comprehension. This is a rally against injustice during lunch. Where a few will cry out and stand together against hate, fear, and the hostile environment hellscape that is a modern lunchroom. Viloence will only be inacted on those who threaten others, and that justice will not be done by something as barabaric as a gun. Our method usually involves a phenominal swift kick to the face that will punt said perpatrator out of the lunch room."
You have no idea how much my cafeteria is like this, in fact I think the lunch servers are in cahoots with the loudmouths. Which is why I have to suffer the horrors of preparing my bagged lunches.
#40 Edited by Aaox (1657 posts) -

When's the get-together again? You know, the one where we're going to watch 'Trial of the Dragon' on Blu-Ray over at Almighty Comrade Satonaka's house? I've got the chips and the salsa.

#41 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -

Hmmmm, then it appears that I must summon reinforcements. First I will attempt to seduce you with bodily riches and great pleasure to stop this revolution from occurring...


Have I Seduced You Yet?

Moderator
#42 Posted by punkxblaze (2961 posts) -

God damn it, I <3 this thread ;_;.

#43 Posted by Aaox (1657 posts) -
Damn it, Mara! You always come and ruin the get-togethers! Remember last year? It took a WEEK to get Tatsumi off of the walls.
#44 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -
Aaox said:
"When's the get-together again? You know, the one where we're going to watch 'Trial of the Dragon' on Blu-Ray over at Almighty Comrade Satonaka's house? I've got the chips and the salsa."
You don't remember this? It's the day after the Bruce Lee marathon, which is set to take place three days, two hours, and seven minutes after the Nile River floods over again. Can't be more specific beyond that because otherwise we could spring another Mara trap.
#45 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
Pepsiman said:
"Aaox said:
"When's the get-together again? You know, the one where we're going to watch 'Trial of the Dragon' on Blu-Ray over at Almighty Comrade Satonaka's house? I've got the chips and the salsa."
You don't remember this? It's the day after the Bruce Lee marathon, which is set to take place three days, two hours, and seven minutes after the Nile River floods over again. Can't be more specific beyond that because otherwise we could spring another Mara trap."
Which prefecture is this in anyways? Curse my inability to decipher all things vague and ambiguous.
#46 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Am I the only one who can read Almighty Comrade Satonaka's handwritten memos?

As for the prefecture... look for the deer. Look for the deer. That's all I have to say.

#47 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -

Argh, I'll never figure this out. Any chance I'll be able to teleconference the meeting?

#48 Posted by Pepsiman (2459 posts) -

Aluminum cans and string are the only accepted long-distance means by which Almighty Comrade Satonaka allows members of the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution to communicate amongst themselves. Figure out the logistics of working that out and it'll be hunky dory.

#49 Edited by Manachild (470 posts) -
Pepsiman said:
"Am I the only one who can read Almighty Comrade Satonaka's handwritten memos?As for the prefecture... look for the deer. Look for the deer. That's all I have to say."


























a wild tanuki appears, what will you do?
#50 Posted by ZombiePie (5592 posts) -
Pepsiman said:
"Aaox said:
"When's the get-together again? You know, the one where we're going to watch 'Trial of the Dragon' on Blu-Ray over at Almighty Comrade Satonaka's house? I've got the chips and the salsa."
You don't remember this? It's the day after the Bruce Lee marathon, which is set to take place three days, two hours, and seven minutes after the Nile River floods over again. Can't be more specific beyond that because otherwise we could spring another Mara trap."
Oooooo skweee! I know where that is! I could make my divine spinach, brussels sprout, and broccoli stuffed liver dish. I'll also bring freshly shucked oysters slathered in mayonnaise and topped with cilantro and sour creme. And this goes well with my special lima bean beet split pea soup. And then I could bring a cherry flavoured jello mold that has meat chucks in it to end my wonderful medley of food.
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