In our time, there have been many influential political movements which have changed the course of our human existence. Malcolm X. Fidel Castro. Che Guevara. Whether you agree with their views or not, it cannot be denied that their influence has stretched far and wide. But we must be realistic. As the decades roll by, the relevance of their movements is ultimately crippled by time as their pertinent issues, the very causes for which they fight, either get resolved or society simply moves on beyond it. This is a problem for any organization looking to impact people beyond the immediate generation they are introduced in, which is why I am here to tell you about the first and only timeless revolution to be created in the course of history. I am, of course, referring to the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution.
The Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution stand for a lot of things, but our primary purpose in life is to roam about school cafeterias day in and day out to ensure that injustices are not exacted upon the commoners. We do this in the hopes of creating a better tomorrow, for it is our genuine hope that when the children saved by our actions today grow up and become leaders themselves, we may then influence adult cafeterias and more directly shape the world directly. In time, we hope to have a hand in even the White House, for even leaders of the free world require saving from malicious bullies trying to steal pocket change and horrid tasting lunches. These are issues which affect us all, which is why we, The Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution, feel we cannot limit the scope of our actions. We're here for humanity and so we must eventually be able to affect everyone, even if we can only act in middle schools today.
We operate under the orders of our beautiful and understanding leader, Chie Satonaka. Coming from the rural Japanese town of Inaba, she knows first hand what it's like to endure hellish lunch-eating environments. It is because of that fact that her wisdom has never let us down; she is able to sympathize with our lunch-related quandaries like no other and strategizes with those considerations. It is because of her vast repitroire of skills that we have been able to get so far in only the short span of a few years. For example, did you know that it was her strategic prowess which enabled us to win the Food Fight Massacre of 09, the lunch room battle started by the teachers union in the hopes of squashing us? Or that she was the one behind our victory in deposing Yosuke Hanamura as leader of the Lunch Mafia long before he unwittingly trapped himself in the same town as our leader? Almighty Comrade Satonaka is behind these and many more triumphs which have followed in the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution's wake since day one. She is a gorgeous, yet powerful force to be reckoned with.
However, we are at a crossroads. We wish to do great things, but at our current capacity, we are unable to expand and move into the sectors which really matter. We have managed to be successful despite our size up until now, but if we are to fulfill Almighty Comrade Satonaka's ultimate plans for the world, we need to grow and fast. This is where you come in. You now know what it is that we, the Vanguards of the Lunch Revolution and hopefully why it is such a necessary organization. If you can commit yourself to our cause, together we can alter the face of the earth forever. There has been too much tyranny in our lunch rooms for too long, which has implications on everything from the economy to international relations. We cannot sit by and do nothing. Please, join us and know that you will have a purpose and that never again will you be tossed aside. Almighty Comrade Satonaka can use the assistance of each and every one of us to fulfill her dreams. If only for her, please join us. We could very well be the greatest revolution humanity ever needs.
Oh, and we take our business very seriously. You don't want to know what happened to both the fellow who mocked Alimighty Comrade Satonaka's work and the one who soiled our cause by boiling it down to a mere video game achievement. We don't take parody lightly and consequences will be exacted upon those who dare to display them.
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