Facts about Chuk Norris. Post ONE yourself, Only one

  • 60 results
  • 1
  • 2
#1 Posted by narley (289 posts) -

When he gets in the water, Chuck Norris doesnt get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

#2 Posted by AgentJ (8778 posts) -

Chuck Norris is so cool that his jokes remained funny for years, but even Chuck Norris jokes get stale. 

#3 Posted by Red (5995 posts) -

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through the same door twice.

#4 Posted by TwoOneFive (9459 posts) -

Chuck Norris blows bubbles with beef jerky. 

#5 Posted by Keyser_Soze (1186 posts) -

Chuck Norris is the only man to have played Russian Roulette, with a loaded machine gun, on his own..... and won.

#6 Posted by Expletive (1057 posts) -

while you may wear superman pajamas, superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

#7 Posted by Tru3_Blu3 (3222 posts) -

The Great Wall of China was built to take Chuck Norris out. It failed... horribly.

#8 Posted by Commando (1878 posts) -
Man, I have so many though! I'm gonna break the rules, because that's what Chuck would do.

  1. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  2. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Those are my two favorites.

Here's Chuck's picks.
  

#9 Posted by bwooduhs (1618 posts) -

Chuck Norris had to promise never to go skydiving again, one Grand Canyon was enough.

#10 Posted by Gunner612 (4338 posts) -

Chuck Norris sneezed once.. seconds later hurricane Katrina was formed.

#11 Posted by papercut (3505 posts) -

Chuck Norris dosn't do push ups, he does earth push downs.

#12 Posted by William (441 posts) -

Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

#13 Posted by papercut (3505 posts) -

Evolution doesn't exist, there is just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to exist.

#14 Posted by EVO (3920 posts) -

Born March 10, 1940.

#15 Posted by JJOR64 (19023 posts) -

Chuck Norris has counted to infinite twice.

#16 Posted by Dethfish (3686 posts) -

Chuck Norris kills anyone who spells his name wrong.

#17 Posted by Leopard (108 posts) -

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not cry.

#18 Posted by SinGulaR (2368 posts) -

Chuck Norris will have this thread closed in no time.

#19 Edited by super_machine (1931 posts) -

Chuck Norris is highly overrated.

#20 Posted by cc23574 (665 posts) -
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
#21 Posted by zungerman090 (311 posts) -
 There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris

#22 Posted by natsumesosexy (76 posts) -

Chuck Norris' alcohol addiction destroyed his marriage and cost him joint custody of his only daughter. 

#23 Posted by Satune (477 posts) -

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

#24 Posted by Oedipus (72 posts) -

Whenever Chuck Norris goes over to his friends' houses, he always looks through their medicine cabinets.

#25 Posted by heavymtlhead (219 posts) -

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

#26 Posted by ahoodedfigure (4240 posts) -
#27 Posted by Oedipus (72 posts) -
Every Friday night, Chuck Norris orders a whole large meat-lovers pizza from Papa Johns, eats it by himself, and spends the rest of the night crying in front of the mirror.
#28 Posted by Seraphim2150 (325 posts) -

Only Chuck Norris can divide by 0

#29 Posted by HandsomeDead (11863 posts) -

Hey, i'm 14 again.

#30 Posted by natsumesosexy (76 posts) -

Chuck Norris can't afford a washer and dryer, so he has to do his clothes at the laundromat.  Once he stepped out to get a sandwich, and when he came back he saw that someone had thrown all his whites onto the floor.  He tried to confront the man who did it, but was yelled at and backed away.  That night, on the bus ride home, he thought about all the comebacks he wished he said.

#31 Posted by Alex_Murphy (1184 posts) -
@ahoodedfigure said:
" Chuck Norris has no sense of humor about Chuck Norris jokes "
He will never win that case. The stuff is so outrageous that no sane person would believe that Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands and when he came back they were just the islands. It's just like when Larry Flint published a story about Jerry Falwell losing his virginity to his mother in an outhouse.
#32 Posted by VWGTI (1919 posts) -

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

#33 Posted by zombie2011 (4983 posts) -

Fact #21 Chuck Norris is a bitch and i could kick the old mans ass.

#34 Posted by T0mF5 (929 posts) -

Chuck Norris can grate parmesian cheese with his beard.

#35 Posted by Meowayne (6084 posts) -

Chuck Norris was born Carlos Ray Norris Jr.

#36 Posted by RipTheVeins (1546 posts) -
@Meowayne:  bastard, you took mine....
Chuck Norris' orgasms leave exit wounds.
#37 Posted by Computerplayer1 (991 posts) -

There's a book for this you know (The Truth about Chuck Norris). It has all the top rated facts from the original website dedicated to Norris jokes. I actually have one in there so I bought it haha.

I don't think this is the one that's in the book (I'll have to look through it sometime and find out) but this one was also pretty popular:

"Chuck Norris once won an entire game of Celebrity Jeopardy by answering with "Who is Chuck Norris?""

#38 Posted by Computerplayer1 (991 posts) -

Ok, I can't resist making them up now. These are really fun haha.

"Albert Einstein later adapted his theory of relativity to describe how Chuck Norris was created. The end result, which later won him the Nobel Prize in the Sciences, read: Chuck Norris = (Fortitude)(Beard)^2 ."

#39 Posted by Kiemoe (1056 posts) -

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his Dad did.

#40 Posted by gingertastic_10 (4141 posts) -

chuck norris doesnt consider it sex unless the woman dies

#41 Posted by Coleslaw893 (411 posts) -

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip.

#42 Posted by Griddler (3344 posts) -

Chuck Norris's parents divorced when he was 16

#43 Posted by Emandudeguyperson (2501 posts) -

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse, and it is now a giraffe.

#44 Posted by joey (985 posts) -

One time Chuck Norris walked down the street with an erection. Everybody died.

#45 Posted by Ineedaname (4319 posts) -

Chuck Norris only has one hand, the upper hand.

#46 Posted by Matte (65 posts) -

Chuck Norris once sneezed causing the Earth to shift it's orbit, and thus causing what is perceived to be global warming.

#47 Posted by Whisperkill (2969 posts) -

Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird
#48 Posted by ryoma122 (699 posts) -

when children go to bed at night to look under there bed for the boogi man  
but when boogi man goes to bed at night he looks under his bed for chuck norris  
 

#49 Posted by Willy105 (4690 posts) -

When God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said "say please."

#50 Posted by stephengotlost (703 posts) -

Chuck Norris does not visit GiantBomb

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.