The horrible truth about Cliff Bleszinski

#1 Posted by august (3846 posts) -

Add yet another anonymous insider hornblower to the pile:
 
 http://truthepic.blogspot.com/2010/10/horrible-truth-about-cliff-bleszinski.html
 

I am an employee at Epic Megagames. I do not work on anything directly related to Cliff Bleszinski, but somewhere around that area. Long story short, everything you think you know about "Cliffy B" is a lie. He is hopelessly addicted to Hostess Fruit Pies and it is ruining his life. Why did COG not allow women to fight even though it would take embryos 12 years to be fightin' fit and it makes more sense in the short term to have as many soldiers as possible on the front lines? Not because of any chauvinism or lack of foresight, but strictly because the dude running the show was eating upwards of 20 lemon flavored Hostess Fruit Pies EVERY DAY while both Gears of War and GOW 2 were in development.

Why the sudden appearance of ladies in GOW3? It's not a reaction to HALO: Reach, or fan demand, it's just because the dude's brain is wired differently since he switched to Cherry Flavor Hostess Fruit Pies. I just can't keep quiet about working under these conditions any more though. It's like, who knows what will happen to this company if he gets back on the Apple flavor kick again and suddenly decides to re-make Jazz Jackrabbit? I weep for the current generation, were that to happen. Now, I know I haven't offered any solid evidence but check this out: google the name "Cliff Bleszinski", now with those results up, start typing in "hostess f" and it will auto suggest hostess fruit pies, just as it does for Cliffy B, cause the dude loves 'em so much.

A lot of us have sensed something from the beginning too, I mean, during UT development he was LITERALLY bouncing off the walls, which is the inspiration behind that move by the way, but as far as I know only a few other people have noticed the piles of empty wax paper wrappers tucked away in Cliff Bleszinski's closet. I just hope he kicks this habit, because ingesting that much sugar in a day is probably worse for a 35 year old than still being saddled by the nickname "Cliffy B". 

#2 Posted by AlisterCat (5568 posts) -

Oh. Parody. Funny.
 
Ha.
 
:/

#3 Posted by EpicSteve (6487 posts) -

I call him "Young Clifford".

#4 Posted by BraveToaster (12589 posts) -

lmao

#5 Edited by pickassoreborn (525 posts) -
#6 Posted by Diamond (8634 posts) -

This story is 100% true.  I know because I run a gaming website along with some other dudes and we've been hearing this from multiple independent sources for months.

#7 Posted by Lego_My_Eggo (1053 posts) -

If Hostess can change a man, what does this mean for giant bomb? 
  

#8 Posted by Diamond (8634 posts) -
@Lego_My_Eggo:  Remember splitting up the Bombcast?
#9 Posted by ch3burashka (5082 posts) -

Poor Cliff, so hopelessly addicted...

#10 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -

Enough with the "insider info" crap already.
Sjeez.

#11 Posted by FlyingRat (1446 posts) -
@TaliciaDragonsong said:
" Enough with the "insider info" crap already. Sjeez. "
Why do i get the feeling you didn't read it?
#12 Posted by natetodamax (19207 posts) -
@FlyingRat said:
" @TaliciaDragonsong said:
" Enough with the "insider info" crap already. Sjeez. "
Why do i get the feeling you didn't read it? "
She could be referring to the so called parodies that are showing up.
#13 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -
@FlyingRat:  
Not sure about that feeling, might wanna get that checked out.
 
I did read it, because Cliffy is an ace guy and because I don't comment on stuff without reading it.
It's only polite to know what you're talking about before going nuts aye?
But come on, 3 or so insider letters on 1 day? Either the bizz is going to hell or someone's having a fun day with all this.
#14 Posted by FlyingRat (1446 posts) -
@TaliciaDragonsong said:
" @FlyingRat:   Not sure about that feeling, might wanna get that checked out.  I did read it, because Cliffy is an ace guy and because I don't comment on stuff without reading it. It's only polite to know what you're talking about before going nuts aye? But come on, 3 or so insider letters on 1 day? Either the bizz is going to hell or someone's having a fun day with all this. "
Wait.... You read it and you think it's serious....?
#15 Posted by Jeffsekai (7032 posts) -

Oh my god that was amazing.

#16 Edited by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -
@FlyingRat: 
Oh no, not serious, but whoever's doing this is overdoing it is all I'm saying.
 
@natetodamax:
Indeed I was, thank you!
#17 Posted by BUCK3TM4N (549 posts) -

haha wtf

#18 Posted by Dork_Metamorphosis (251 posts) -

clifry 

#19 Edited by FlyingRat (1446 posts) -
@TaliciaDragonsong:  Ah right, okay. Just wanted to make sure.  Sorry if i came across as a dick.
 
@natetodamax:  Also I was unaware that there were multiple parodies. The "Icrefrog" thing or whatever it was called was a real one though right?
#20 Posted by natetodamax (19207 posts) -
@FlyingRat: Oh I dunno, this one has to be a parody. Maybe I should have said "the influx of random insider whining and parodies"
#21 Posted by Brendan (7811 posts) -

I found this to be funny.  Of course this is the only "insider" parody that I have come across as of yet, so I guess I don't feel saturated by them.
#22 Posted by MikkaQ (10291 posts) -

Why is anyone bothered by this? It just made me chuckle a bit to myself, I'd say that's worth it.

#23 Posted by Einherjan (588 posts) -

Kids, it's just a joke.

#24 Edited by MrKlorox (11209 posts) -
@Dork_Metamorphosis said:

" clifry  "

Ah... Jeff K. What a fag0rt.
 
SomethingAwful circa 2000 was the best.
#25 Posted by Geno (6477 posts) -

Tried the google thing, didn't work. 

#26 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -
@natetodamax said:
" @FlyingRat said:
" @TaliciaDragonsong said:
" Enough with the "insider info" crap already. Sjeez. "
Why do i get the feeling you didn't read it? "
She could be referring to the so called parodies that are showing up. "
parodies of what? whats the real story ?
#27 Posted by evildeadron (830 posts) -
@Ahmad_Metallic said:
" @natetodamax said:
" @FlyingRat said:
" @TaliciaDragonsong said:
" Enough with the "insider info" crap already. Sjeez. "
Why do i get the feeling you didn't read it? "
She could be referring to the so called parodies that are showing up. "
parodies of what? whats the real story ? "

this is the real story here 
http://thetruthaboutryandavis.blogspot.com/2010/10/it-must-be-told.html 

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