Dark Souls: Doing Hard The HARD Way!

Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

I think I have completely screwed up my Dark Souls play-through! And only 85 hours in! The night was so young!

It all began with my escape from the gadamm painting world of Priscilla. I FINALLY beat the cross-breed beotch into submission, but it seems her cursed grasp has not left me since. I decided to take on Anor Londo's bosses Ornstein and Smaug, but was having a tough time doing it. Decided to do a bit of soul farming for some extra levels, but twice, not once, TWICE got sliced to bits by invaders. Sigh.

So with going un-hollow out of the question due to this annoying influx of pain-in-the-ass invaders, I had to take on the duo on my own. Astonishingly I actually beat them on my second try.

Yeah, no more warm fire cuddles for me.

But what really rubs me the wrong way is that I finally figured out how to invade the world of the murderer of the firekeeper in Firelink. I kill the dude and his henchmen. It pops up that I have a firekeeper soul. Awesome! What would anyone who has had little sleep at 3am who sees this do? Straight to the lady in Anor Londo and upgrade my estus! Then straight from there to Firelink to save the damsel in distress! I charge down the steps excited to see how my favourite mute is faring. Dead. Still. *Despair*

To my EXTREME frustration, it turns out that the souls I just ate, was hers. I kinda feel a mixture of sorrow and kinkiness (cannibalism is kinda sexy dontcha think? ya know, you just ATE her SOUL), but it now means no fire at Firelink. So it's kinda just a link now.

Sigh. Well at least I still have my Anor Londo bonfire at kindle 20!! Well........

At the same site I saw my screw up with the firekeeper, I saw there was an easy hidden covenant to find in Anor Londo. Darkmoon blade thingy. Seriously, I've lost count of how many Gwyns, Gwyniveres, Darkmoon Gwyns and Gwyndolins there are. Geez, try for a new name you incestuous inbreds! Anyways, I go down, and find the covenant. Awesome! But I don't join. The teenager-like voice goes - and I QUOTE - "Oh well, exit her then". I take that as, "Exit through this mysterious fog wall here!". Another mistake. Some little creepy teen dude starts taking me on. Hard fight until I figure out how to dodge his attacks. Then I destroy him.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSH- Erm I mean firekeeper soul...

Brimming with pride, I skip back to the Anor Londo bonfire. "Hey honey I'm HOOOOO--- What the? Why are you lightning your sword? URGH! Hey! Why are you attacking me???" I get slapped to death by the lady in the bonfire there. Apparently she liked the little teen deity dude I just killed. On my long walk back, I have time to think about my actions and now how much I was regretting them. I kill her and it turns out she was a firekeeper!! And now that bonfire is out too!! FFS!!!!

Everywhere I turn I seem to be destroying my game. The lordvessel? To find the hidden darkwraith covenant I needed to NOT put it on the altar. BOOM, did that, screws it up until NG+. FML. Now I'm stuck in the bliming Duke's Archives. Took me foreverrrrr just to escape the tower, and now I can't reach the exit on account of all the bloody spell casters and arrows slinging my way. Tried to summon my way out and instead got invaded. The dude was funny though, trapping me on one of the rotating stairways. We danced for a while before I got backstabbed. I can NEVER seem to backstab ANYONE.

At least I learned how to get a special item outta one of those mimic chest things. Scary as hell, but chuck a Lloyd's Talisman at them, they turn back into a normal chest which you can loot! If you're lucky, you'll get a chest for a helmet! With a tongue and everything!

So the moral of the story is: you will probably screw up your game in some way, but here are some things NOT to do.

#1 Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

I think I have completely screwed up my Dark Souls play-through! And only 85 hours in! The night was so young!

It all began with my escape from the gadamm painting world of Priscilla. I FINALLY beat the cross-breed beotch into submission, but it seems her cursed grasp has not left me since. I decided to take on Anor Londo's bosses Ornstein and Smaug, but was having a tough time doing it. Decided to do a bit of soul farming for some extra levels, but twice, not once, TWICE got sliced to bits by invaders. Sigh.

So with going un-hollow out of the question due to this annoying influx of pain-in-the-ass invaders, I had to take on the duo on my own. Astonishingly I actually beat them on my second try.

Yeah, no more warm fire cuddles for me.

But what really rubs me the wrong way is that I finally figured out how to invade the world of the murderer of the firekeeper in Firelink. I kill the dude and his henchmen. It pops up that I have a firekeeper soul. Awesome! What would anyone who has had little sleep at 3am who sees this do? Straight to the lady in Anor Londo and upgrade my estus! Then straight from there to Firelink to save the damsel in distress! I charge down the steps excited to see how my favourite mute is faring. Dead. Still. *Despair*

To my EXTREME frustration, it turns out that the souls I just ate, was hers. I kinda feel a mixture of sorrow and kinkiness (cannibalism is kinda sexy dontcha think? ya know, you just ATE her SOUL), but it now means no fire at Firelink. So it's kinda just a link now.

Sigh. Well at least I still have my Anor Londo bonfire at kindle 20!! Well........

At the same site I saw my screw up with the firekeeper, I saw there was an easy hidden covenant to find in Anor Londo. Darkmoon blade thingy. Seriously, I've lost count of how many Gwyns, Gwyniveres, Darkmoon Gwyns and Gwyndolins there are. Geez, try for a new name you incestuous inbreds! Anyways, I go down, and find the covenant. Awesome! But I don't join. The teenager-like voice goes - and I QUOTE - "Oh well, exit her then". I take that as, "Exit through this mysterious fog wall here!". Another mistake. Some little creepy teen dude starts taking me on. Hard fight until I figure out how to dodge his attacks. Then I destroy him.

I DRINK YOUR MILKSH- Erm I mean firekeeper soul...

Brimming with pride, I skip back to the Anor Londo bonfire. "Hey honey I'm HOOOOO--- What the? Why are you lightning your sword? URGH! Hey! Why are you attacking me???" I get slapped to death by the lady in the bonfire there. Apparently she liked the little teen deity dude I just killed. On my long walk back, I have time to think about my actions and now how much I was regretting them. I kill her and it turns out she was a firekeeper!! And now that bonfire is out too!! FFS!!!!

Everywhere I turn I seem to be destroying my game. The lordvessel? To find the hidden darkwraith covenant I needed to NOT put it on the altar. BOOM, did that, screws it up until NG+. FML. Now I'm stuck in the bliming Duke's Archives. Took me foreverrrrr just to escape the tower, and now I can't reach the exit on account of all the bloody spell casters and arrows slinging my way. Tried to summon my way out and instead got invaded. The dude was funny though, trapping me on one of the rotating stairways. We danced for a while before I got backstabbed. I can NEVER seem to backstab ANYONE.

At least I learned how to get a special item outta one of those mimic chest things. Scary as hell, but chuck a Lloyd's Talisman at them, they turn back into a normal chest which you can loot! If you're lucky, you'll get a chest for a helmet! With a tongue and everything!

So the moral of the story is: you will probably screw up your game in some way, but here are some things NOT to do.

#2 Posted by Elazul (1327 posts) -

That was a pretty good illustration of how screwed up Dark Souls can be, but you probably should have put "spoilers" in the thread title.

#3 Posted by p00rdevil (158 posts) -

Lloyd's Talisman turns a mimic into a real chest? Will wonders never cease? I'll have to try that out sometime.

#4 Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

@p00rdevil said:

Lloyd's Talisman turns a mimic into a real chest? Will wonders never cease? I'll have to try that out sometime.

That's exactly why I love Dark Souls! There are so many hidden things which surprise you and are waiting for you to find. As for the mimic? Well the change isn't permanent - it's a chest but with its tongue sticking out and it's sleeping like a little bubba. After the talisman wears off, bubba is grumpy and wants some man flesh. Wear the gold serpent ring and try to be human to boost your chance of looting the helmet from it. The helmet is really cool - you get a tongue chest on your head. It drains health, but you get boosts to item discovery and soul amounts for killing enemies. And it gives some background to the chest people - they're like a cursed tribe or something which has to wear the chest on their head to show their sins.

#5 Edited by CptBedlam (4449 posts) -

@SpawnMan:

- you should've read the item description of the Firekeeper soul

- your playthrough isn't screwed up

- the darkwraith covenant is more a NG+ thing anyway; normally you most likely wouldn't stumble across it on your first playthrough unless you read some wikis (which is not how you should play the game on your first playthrough)

#6 Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

@CptBedlam said:

@SpawnMan:

- you should've read the item description of the Firekeeper soul

Really? Thanks.... -_-

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