Ultimate n00b advice

#1 Posted by dudeglove (9302 posts) -

So you're having trouble with this game. So you're not all that good with reading enemy patterns and can't parry for shit. But you have at least one finger on the block button. Well that's all you need... right?

Wrong wrong WRONG. You're missing something. You're missing that key something. But WHAT is that thing, I hear you cry?

- No, it's not the drake sword.

- No, it's not havel's ring.

- And it's certainly not the goddamn master key gift either.

Fellow GBers, if you're over the age of... whatever that thing is that allows you to legally make "responsible" (guffaw!) decisions, or if you have free access to your parents' stash - you have that something. That's right:


Yeah yeah, liver/brain damage, blah blah, whatever - get over yourself, prude. Wanna succeed at Dark Souls? Get tanked up. Don't believe me? Take a step back and really *look* at the enemies. Most of the time they move as though they've had a night out in the center of Glasgow and are getting rowdy in the queue for the chippy at 3 in the morning, or are about to pass out/throw up outside it. You, too, must get into their mindset; to get an insight into how they think and how they move.

I beat Havel whatshisface after three beers, and the gargoyles didn't have shit on me after I was over the limit. Why? Because of that sweet, sweet liquor. It made me sit back and realize that I don't need to hammer the attack button, or have my shield up at all times. Because I realize I need to conserve my precious stamina, as well as make sure I have a free hand to take the next swig. That's the real secret.

Don't listen to all this shit about wikis or beginner threads. All you need is a fake id.

[That and a copy of Dark Souls itself and a PS3, but you can get to that part later.]

#2 Posted by Example1013 (4855 posts) -

I've logged tons of time into Demon's Souls, and I approve this message.

#3 Posted by BeautifulSpaceCowboy (658 posts) -

Now this is some advice I can get behind.

#4 Posted by EuanDewar (5148 posts) -

I much prefer heroin

#5 Posted by amir90 (2243 posts) -

I don't drink.

And I beat this game.

#6 Posted by NyxFe (252 posts) -

@dudeglove said:

All you need is a fake id.

Pretty much says it all.

@amir90 said:

I don't drink.

And I beat this game.

I don't drink, and I beat Demon's Souls twice and Dark Souls three times. Yay!

#7 Posted by amir90 (2243 posts) -


You sir, or miss.

Are awesome.

#8 Posted by Phoenix778m (302 posts) -

Dark souls made me beat my wife; until I found alcohol now our relationship is better than ever! ;)

#9 Posted by dudeglove (9302 posts) -

Half a bottle of wine and I took down a giant butterfly. The formula works, folk. I am king.

#10 Posted by Red12b (9342 posts) -

ha nice

#11 Posted by HotSauceMagik (277 posts) -

Have to admit I seem to make faster progress when I've had a few. At the very least it will make grinding out humanity and titanite chunks more fun, although I tend to make fatal errors on bloodstain runs more ofthen... Its a give and take.

#12 Posted by Canteu (2864 posts) -

Sober S rank.

If you suck you just suck, it's as simple as that. Needing any help with the butterfly is telling...

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