Howdy folks. It's gonna be a concise and focused blog this week. It will also probably be a rage-filled blog this week. A lot of that is probably due to the fact that I hate the on-ramp to I-35 at the "Baylor Food Court", which is essentially ten restaurants smack dab in one area. It's the exit right before the exit I use to go to work, and sadly, I go to work an hour earlier than my scheduled time...which puts me at this one particular exit at 5:00pm. Rush hour. Fucking lovely. Now that school is back in session, it also means that I get to deal with that small section of the highway going 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR! Seriously, WHO the FUCK goes 15 MPH on the goddamn highway at any point? What's the point of some rich Baylor kiddie driving his fucking Porsche if he's going up on the on-ramp AT 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR? *ugh* I'd take the backroads, but the backroads go through the ghetto. I'd rather die in a car crash than get shot.
With that said...GAMES!!!
Deathspank Can Suck My DeathdickPlain and simple, I had high hopes going into Deathspank that I would enjoy the game. While many have criticized it for being not-so-funny without reading tons of text and generally grindy, I thought to myself "I have little issue with grindy hack 'n' slash games". I spent forever on Champions of Norrath and World of Warcraft that I know a grind pretty damn well. Unfortunately, no one ever conveyed to me that Deathspank is pretty much eight hours long of the WORST part of grinding. Sure, the mechanics of the game - like swinging a sword and moving around - work just fine. The art style is pretty interesting to take in, and the areas have a good amount of variation from each other that you can tell the differences of where you are currently located. Nonetheless, it's the actual part of playing the game that pisses me off tremendously.
You know those parts in RPG games...the ones where someone tells you "hey, go get these" and you do it, bring it back, and they say "cool, now go get these"...and you do it...and they make you go get something else...then tell you to talk to someone on the other side of the world that you have to run to through shit you can't fight like ghosts in a haunted forest...and then they tell you they have no clue what the fuck is going on so you go all the way back to the guy who sent you there in the first place only for him to tell you to go fetch something else that is completely insignificant? Welcome to Deathspank, because between that happening pretty much every single time you talk to someone, an overarching story that really isn't that funny and is kind of pointless, and killing shitloads of enemies by smashing on one button over and over while literally selling every other piece of gear that you collect because you can have the game auto-equip the best armor you pick up...
I mean it wholeheartedly when I say that Deathspank is all of the worst parts of RPG games thrown into a $15 package with 200 easy achievement points. It's a fucking joke. I rarely feel like I've wasted my money on an Arcade game, but I wish I could get a goddamn refund here. Why would anyone create a generally unfunny game with a weak story and a grindfest of the worst grinding possible? People, do NOT buy this game. It's not worth it. The first hour is charming and interesting, but it quickly turns into a complete worthless endeavor, something that you will never redeem your soul from. I'm sure that some will say they found it to be charming and it's not that bad of a game, and you are partially correct. It's not broken. It's just not designed well from the standpoint of an RPG...or an action game...or a hack 'n' slash...unless you enjoy fucking off with no purpose for eight hours.
That's it. There you go, folks. Next week, I should have the skinny on Shank (because you know me - I'm always a week behind on video games...at LEAST a week behind), and hopefully, I can start keeping these blogs a little more focused and small in size.
Until next time, piece.
P.S. - Seriously, fuck that game.