Uninteresting $#!% #11

Posted by jakob187 (21671 posts) -
IN THIS BLOG
 
Howdy folks.  It's gonna be a concise and focused blog this week.  It will also probably be a rage-filled blog this week.  A lot of that is probably due to the fact that I hate the on-ramp to I-35 at the "Baylor Food Court", which is essentially ten restaurants smack dab in one area.  It's the exit right before the exit I use to go to work, and sadly, I go to work an hour earlier than my scheduled time...which puts me at this one particular exit at 5:00pm.  Rush hour.  Fucking lovely.  Now that school is back in session, it also means that I get to deal with that small section of the highway going 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR!  Seriously, WHO the FUCK goes 15 MPH on the goddamn highway at any point?  What's the point of some rich Baylor kiddie driving his fucking Porsche if he's going up on the on-ramp AT 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR?  *ugh*  I'd take the backroads, but the backroads go through the ghetto.  I'd rather die in a car crash than get shot. 
 
With that said...GAMES!!! 
 

Deathspank Can Suck My Deathdick

Funny...that's the same look I had playing most of this fucking game! 
Plain and simple, I had high hopes going into Deathspank that I would enjoy the game.  While many have criticized it for being not-so-funny without reading tons of text and generally grindy, I thought to myself "I have little issue with grindy hack 'n' slash games".  I spent forever on Champions of Norrath and World of Warcraft that I know a grind pretty damn well.  Unfortunately, no one ever conveyed to me that Deathspank is pretty much eight hours long of the WORST part of grinding.  Sure, the mechanics of the game - like swinging a sword and moving around - work just fine.  The art style is pretty interesting to take in, and the areas have a good amount of variation from each other that you can tell the differences of where you are currently located.  Nonetheless, it's the actual part of playing the game that pisses me off tremendously. 
 
You know those parts in RPG games...the ones where someone tells you "hey, go get these" and you do it, bring it back, and they say "cool, now go get these"...and you do it...and they make you go get something else...then tell you to talk to someone on the other side of the world that you have to run to through shit you can't fight like ghosts in a haunted forest...and then they tell you they have no clue what the fuck is going on so you go all the way back to the guy who sent you there in the first place only for him to tell you to go fetch something else that is completely insignificant?  Welcome to Deathspank, because between that happening pretty much every single time you talk to someone, an overarching story that really isn't that funny and is kind of pointless, and killing shitloads of enemies by smashing on one button over and over while literally selling every other piece of gear that you collect because you can have the game auto-equip the best armor you pick up... 
 
I mean it wholeheartedly when I say that Deathspank is all of the worst parts of RPG games thrown into a $15 package with 200 easy achievement points.  It's a fucking joke.  I rarely feel like I've wasted my money on an Arcade game, but I wish I could get a goddamn refund here.  Why would anyone create a generally unfunny game with a weak story and a grindfest of the worst grinding possible?  People, do NOT buy this game.  It's not worth it.  The first hour is charming and interesting, but it quickly turns into a complete worthless endeavor, something that you will never redeem your soul from.  I'm sure that some will say they found it to be charming and it's not that bad of a game, and you are partially correct.  It's not broken.  It's just not designed well from the standpoint of an RPG...or an action game...or a hack 'n' slash...unless you enjoy fucking off with no purpose for eight hours. 
__________________________________________ 
 
That's it.  There you go, folks.  Next week, I should have the skinny on Shank (because you know me - I'm always a week behind on video games...at LEAST a week behind), and hopefully, I can start keeping these blogs a little more focused and small in size. 
 
Until next time, piece. 
 
P.S. - Seriously, fuck that game.
#1 Posted by jakob187 (21671 posts) -
IN THIS BLOG
 
Howdy folks.  It's gonna be a concise and focused blog this week.  It will also probably be a rage-filled blog this week.  A lot of that is probably due to the fact that I hate the on-ramp to I-35 at the "Baylor Food Court", which is essentially ten restaurants smack dab in one area.  It's the exit right before the exit I use to go to work, and sadly, I go to work an hour earlier than my scheduled time...which puts me at this one particular exit at 5:00pm.  Rush hour.  Fucking lovely.  Now that school is back in session, it also means that I get to deal with that small section of the highway going 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR!  Seriously, WHO the FUCK goes 15 MPH on the goddamn highway at any point?  What's the point of some rich Baylor kiddie driving his fucking Porsche if he's going up on the on-ramp AT 15 MILES A FUCKING HOUR?  *ugh*  I'd take the backroads, but the backroads go through the ghetto.  I'd rather die in a car crash than get shot. 
 
With that said...GAMES!!! 
 

Deathspank Can Suck My Deathdick

Funny...that's the same look I had playing most of this fucking game! 
Plain and simple, I had high hopes going into Deathspank that I would enjoy the game.  While many have criticized it for being not-so-funny without reading tons of text and generally grindy, I thought to myself "I have little issue with grindy hack 'n' slash games".  I spent forever on Champions of Norrath and World of Warcraft that I know a grind pretty damn well.  Unfortunately, no one ever conveyed to me that Deathspank is pretty much eight hours long of the WORST part of grinding.  Sure, the mechanics of the game - like swinging a sword and moving around - work just fine.  The art style is pretty interesting to take in, and the areas have a good amount of variation from each other that you can tell the differences of where you are currently located.  Nonetheless, it's the actual part of playing the game that pisses me off tremendously. 
 
You know those parts in RPG games...the ones where someone tells you "hey, go get these" and you do it, bring it back, and they say "cool, now go get these"...and you do it...and they make you go get something else...then tell you to talk to someone on the other side of the world that you have to run to through shit you can't fight like ghosts in a haunted forest...and then they tell you they have no clue what the fuck is going on so you go all the way back to the guy who sent you there in the first place only for him to tell you to go fetch something else that is completely insignificant?  Welcome to Deathspank, because between that happening pretty much every single time you talk to someone, an overarching story that really isn't that funny and is kind of pointless, and killing shitloads of enemies by smashing on one button over and over while literally selling every other piece of gear that you collect because you can have the game auto-equip the best armor you pick up... 
 
I mean it wholeheartedly when I say that Deathspank is all of the worst parts of RPG games thrown into a $15 package with 200 easy achievement points.  It's a fucking joke.  I rarely feel like I've wasted my money on an Arcade game, but I wish I could get a goddamn refund here.  Why would anyone create a generally unfunny game with a weak story and a grindfest of the worst grinding possible?  People, do NOT buy this game.  It's not worth it.  The first hour is charming and interesting, but it quickly turns into a complete worthless endeavor, something that you will never redeem your soul from.  I'm sure that some will say they found it to be charming and it's not that bad of a game, and you are partially correct.  It's not broken.  It's just not designed well from the standpoint of an RPG...or an action game...or a hack 'n' slash...unless you enjoy fucking off with no purpose for eight hours. 
__________________________________________ 
 
That's it.  There you go, folks.  Next week, I should have the skinny on Shank (because you know me - I'm always a week behind on video games...at LEAST a week behind), and hopefully, I can start keeping these blogs a little more focused and small in size. 
 
Until next time, piece. 
 
P.S. - Seriously, fuck that game.
#2 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

A week behind... try months, years even. Knowledge still gained, but I knew this one wasn't for me.

#3 Posted by FunExplosions (5407 posts) -

Yeah, the game really did kill me a little bit. I think the only reason I finished it was because I was recovering from wisdom teeth removal and couldn't do anything else. I didn't think any part of it was really funny, aside from the occasional chuckle. Most of the humor was just plain childish and completely unclever (that's a word). I think Matt Kessler remarking on the thongs in his little Deathspank: Thongs of Virtue article was a good way to sum up how most people felt about the attempts at humor.

#4 Posted by jakob187 (21671 posts) -
@FunExplosions: There were a couple of moments where I genuinely laughed.  For instance, some of the things about the orphans were funny to me, like one of the quests having something about "I wonder why the parents of these orphans don't help look for them, that would make this so much easier" and a sign that said "Any orphans excepted, including red-headed ones".  Other than that, there were a couple of little quips here and there that I found chuckle-worthy, but the game was just constantly trying far too hard to be funny. 
 
In the case of something like Monkey Island, that stuff works just fine.  In the case of Deathspank, nope.
#5 Posted by pweidman (2334 posts) -

The demo was boring and not funny imo, so I passed.  Sounds as though I did right from yur take jakob.
#6 Posted by FunExplosions (5407 posts) -
@jakob187: Yeah, I remember that red-headed child comment. The thing about the humor that I hated was just how stupid a lot of it was, regardless of the genre. 
For example: 
  • Thongs. Were those funny in 4th or 5th grade? I forgot which.
  • Bacon (the artifact was a piece of bacon, as revealed in a trailer). Again, way too simple and not even remotely funny.
  • Deathspank, himself. Yeah, we all liked The Tick, Underpants Man, Powdered Toast Man, etc., but if you're gonna try and copy that kind of charm, you gotta do it with a more likable character. And besides, that was a long time ago, and such things just aren't funny anymore. We've grown up, and people have moved on. It's like trying to force a Chuck Norris joke in the game somewhere.
  • Sparkles. Yeah, haha, a funny little sidekick with a feminine name. That's it? Wow, that's clever...
It's like they just had the programmers and graphics guys write the jokes. Sounds a little harsh, but it's true. 
 
Oh, I actually really enjoyed the paintings near the end, though. Like the one of (forgot the bad guy's name) bursting from his mom's womb, riding the donkey and holding a sword. A couple things like that were nice.
#7 Edited by jakob187 (21671 posts) -
@FunExplosions: Totally agree.  The humor was far too 4th and 5th grade, and that form of lowbrow humor has evolved into something much bigger at this point.  It may have worked back when Monkey Island FIRST came out, but nowadays, it doesn't work.  I was also unaware of what the Artifact was, but whatever.  No spoiler to me in all honesty.  I also agree that it seemed they were trying to take that persona of stuff like The Tick and Powdered Toast man to some "new level".  However, they forget that there was a strong irony to the way that The Tick and Powdered Toast Man worked - they were funny because they were completely and utterly serious about their personas without knowing just how doofy they really were.  Deathspank is fully aware of how stupid and dumb he is, and it kills the character as a whole. 
 
The paintings at the end were mildly amusing...but those jokes have been made a million other times before.  It was funnier seeing the image of Ben Stiller literally wrestling a bull by the horns in Dodgeball than it was to see Lord Van Prong on a donkey in that painting.  I thought the second "accidental boat accident" was chuckle worthy. 
 
Even then, the humor isn't where my real problem lies.  The big issue is that the game is designed to literally just be every annoying bit of questing in RPGs that people constantly talk about how much they hate.  A prime example is with the Talking Tree.  At first, he sends you to the logging camp to do something worthwhile - to kill the loggers from cutting down his brothers and sisters.  Cool, got it.  Afterwards, he has another quest for you to go back to that logging camp and collect something.  Gotcha, do that.  Then you go back to collect a Live at Budokan album.  Ooookay...  Then you get a black light?  Wait, what?  Then a Keep On Truckin' poster?  Then a thumbtack to hang the poster?  You have to travel back to the logging camp a total of six or seven times for side quests...when they could've EASILY made it to where you just went there once and collected everything for one big funny kind of joke.  Instead, they decided to annoy me by having me go over there six or seven separate times...for stupid shit?  No fucking thanks!  That's like all the quests in WoW where someone says "hey, talk to this guy for me"...and the guy is standing literally no more than five feet away from the guy.  Sure, it's a free 1200 XP...but it's also lazy as FUCK!  Deathspank is that...for eight hours straight!  Moreover, the only real stat that exists on any gear in the game is "+health", basically meaning that having resistances to any type of elemental damage is pointless, the weapon you are using (which there are only, like, four or five models for in the game total) has all the attack power stats on it, and there's incredibly poor inventory management all around! 
 
Yeah, the game is just flat-out terribly designed.
 
Oh, I remember the other thing that made me giggle:  "Did you poke holes in 'em?"  "The bag or the orphans?"  "Either one is fine..."
#8 Posted by mylifeforAiur (3484 posts) -

If only it was "Tim Schafer's Death Spank." That man can make anything funny ;)

#9 Posted by SumDeus (1857 posts) -

I was just as excited about this game. After playing the demo I was in shock of how much it sucked.

#10 Posted by Worm (83 posts) -

I wouldn't use the word "Fuck" so many times and in so many different ways but.. err.. yeah, Deathspank is pretty disappointing, they made a pretty straight forward Hack N' Slash RPG with no new elements or fun factors... So all you do is run around, kill stuff, wait for rage to fill, get your ass kicked, munch some tacos and repeat.
I loved the game's humor, too bad the game itself is underdeveloped.

#11 Posted by Marsbergen (42 posts) -

Awesome game.

#12 Posted by Jadeskye (4367 posts) -
@Marsbergen said:
" Awesome game. "
Awesome necropost.
#13 Posted by Marsbergen (42 posts) -

Just bringing notice of this game back from the dead.

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