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Posted by patrickklepek (3065 posts) -

If there was a single trend during the Game Developers Conference this year, it was empathy.

Cart Life tries to convey the daily life of a struggling, working class cart owner (spoiler: it's not fun). Depression Quest wants (hopes?) to help the player understand what it’s like to live with the crippling disorder of depression. Most cannot know what those experiences entail. These games bridge the gap.

In Depression Quest, the main character binges on streaming video to fill the void of time, not actually taking anything in.

There is no way to “win” playing Depression Quest. There are endings, the story comes to a conclusion, but at no point will you, the player, be granted the satisfaction of a happy resolution. That’s not what Depression Quest is about. It’s not what you’re left with when the story is over.

“There was a moment where I just lost it and broke down crying.”

That’s Jennifer. Earlier this year, Jennifer found a game that finally spoke to her.

Jennifer is not her real name, but she is an active member of the Giant Bomb community, and for understandable reasons, wanted to remain anonymous while talking to me about her experience with Depression Quest.

Like many people, she lives with depression every day. She has for a long time. In 2011, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said one in 10 adults in the United States reported signs of depression.

“Like a handful of my family members, I have a lifelong history of it,” she said.

Depression is specifically defined by the CDC as follows:

“Depression is a mental illness that can be costly and debilitating to sufferers. Depression can adversely affect the course and outcome of common chronic conditions, such as arthritis, asthma, cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity. Depression also can result in increased work absenteeism, short-term disability, and decreased productivity.”

Depression Quest is a “game” from designer, writer, artist, and coder Zoe Quinn, writer and editor Patrick Lindsey, and musician Isaac Schankler. The quotations around game are there only to remind you what to expect, as Depression Quest isn’t about empowering the player. It’s a text adventure (which is more commonly referred to these days as interactive fiction) that addresses a very serious subject matter that is often dark, unsettling, and confusing. I consider Depression Quest a game, but I have loose definitions. In any case, it doesn’t matter. It’s semantics, and it doesn’t remove the power of Depression Quest.

"Games are in a unique position to elicit empathy from players, since when you're playing a game you kind of take on a different role for a little while."

--Depression Quest designer, coder, writer, and artist Zoe Quinn

“We hadn't seen depression represented much in any medium, much less games,” said Quinn. “Considering that in our research we found that more people would rather tell an employer that they'd committed a misdemeanor and served jail time over telling them that they've received psychiatric care, we thought we could make something to push back against the stigma. Games are in a unique position to elicit empathy from players, since when you're playing a game you kind of take on a different role for a little while. A lot of the experience is autobiographical. The situations may be slightly different but the little things and the thought processes and the emotions, those are very much autobiographical.”

The game opens by explaining why it exists, partially because the experience could possibly trigger episodes with anyone already living with depression. It's a serious warning. There’s much more to the opening, though. It’s honest. How many other games lay themselves bare before they’ve begun?

“Our hope is that in presenting as real a simulation of depression as possible, other sufferers will come to know that they aren't alone, and hopefully derive some measure of comfort from that.”

The playing part is deceptively simple. You read blocks of text, and some bits are highlighted. Those sections contain information about the main character, but you aren't beholden to these backstory details. Then, at the bottom of each page are some options. Click one, go forward. If you want to take the character in a direction than their past history suggests, it’s an option. Each time, the first choice, a seemingly obvious one, one a person might rationalize in their head, is presented but scrawled out.

Jennifer discovered Depression Quest through humor-centric website Cracked.com, of all places. She actually hangs out on the forums a fair bit, which she described as a “safe place" to be open and honest.

Dealing with depression is not new to Jennifer. It’s a struggle that’s been with her for decades.

“I distinctly remember situations in elementary school," she said, "where I would be surrounded by friends who were laughing about horses and tamagotchis and Rose Art, and I would have moments where I would get pried out of my body. I went through the motions of smiling and talking but I didn't feel like I was actually there. Like I was lost somewhere in the wrong place, although where the ‘right place’ was supposed to be was unclear. It was strange and confusing. I assumed it was normal and never told anyone.”

As she approached puberty, a ruthless and complicated emotional period even without depression being in the mix, the situation became worse. Now, she was having suicidal fantasies and fighting bulimia.

Cart Life, like Depression Quest, isn't about "winning."

“I was bullied relentlessly because I was pale and skinny and weird,” she said. “I excused myself to the bathroom once per class every day so I could lock myself in a stall to cry so hard I couldn't breathe and then go back and smile and pretend it never happened. One day as I was walking along the tile floor of my home while my parents were running errands, I was just so tired of everything that my legs gave out mid-step and I didn't see any reason to get up for hours afterward.”

Jennifer, now in college, has sought help in various forms, but still struggles with the term “depressed.” It has a stigma. Depression Quest was like looking into a slightly foggy mirror--familiar but different.

Though Depression Quest is about a person, the story is written vaguely enough to avoid trapping the player into specifics. This person is suffering from depression. This person has a boy/girlfriend trying to understand. This person may as well have been Jennifer.

“As a college-aged straight lady with a long-term boyfriend,” she said, “I can relate to the main character's struggle to such a degree that playing the game made me feel sick to my stomach. It was as if I were looking in a mirror under harsh fluorescent lighting--I could see everything. The little secrets, the ugly truths, the things I tried to deny to convince myself I was okay. And while I still hesitate to look back on the experience of playing because it was so unpleasant, it led me to the first step of saying, ‘Hey dummy, this is not normal behavior. You have a problem.’

One of the most repeated scenarios in Depression Quest is struggling to explain the character’s conflicted feelings to another person, whether a boyfriend, mother, brother, or friend. These moments are infuriating, as I struggled to understand why a person would bury their feelings, forcing themselves into awkward situations. The reasons they do this, though, are the point. It’s why Depression Quest gives us access to the moments before and after, listening to the character reflect on their own action and inaction.

I’d heard about Depression Quest, but like so many games, the link sat somewhere ignored. When Jennifer sent me a message, writing hundreds of completely unsolicited words about the impression Depression Quest had left on her, I wanted to know more. Something so simple managed such an impact.

“I want to push the boundaries of what people expect from games, and welcome people who might not understand that there's more going on in games than FPSes,” said Quinn.

"It has helped me. If it can do the same for someone else, I think it's fair to say that it's a game worth supporting."

--Jennifer

Depression Quest hinges on its deeply personal writing style. It feels as though you’re reading someone’s unfiltered mental diary. Depression Quest is uncomfortable in that it feels voyeuristic, but the cramped proximity is how you develop a relationship with the character. It’s why, by the end, I was able to say I understood depression a bit better. It's a window.

In some ways, the choices in each scenario provides some agency to the player, but that’s mostly uprooted by the end. The game provides no real closure. The character is still depressed, and depending on your ending, it actually feels like they’ve regressed and you've failed them. No matter what you do, no matter how much you push the character to change themselves for the better, you can't win. It hurts.

“It was really important that the endings reflect that depression is something you live with and manage, it's not like you magically are cured someday,” said Quinn. “We wanted there to be some hope for players who were able to reach out to others and seek help, because we didn't want to portray depression as a death sentence or essentially emotional snuff, but we didn't want it to be suddenly cured either. That doesn't reflect our experiences or those of who we've talked to while making the game.”

Playing Depression Quest isn’t "fun," like watching Schindler’s List isn’t "enjoyable." They're important for different reasons, and it’s okay if they exist for the small audiences who will appreciate them as they are.

“It has helped me,” said Jennifer. “If it can do the same for someone else, I think it's fair to say that it's a game worth supporting.”

(Depression Quest is free on browsers, but you can donate. A portion of the proceeds go to iFred, which supports depression research and education. It's also trying to get approved on Steam Greenlight.)

Staff
#1 Edited by armyofmeat (19 posts) -

Thanks for a great article, Patrick. I played this a few weeks back and was blown away by it. I have a lot of loved ones who suffer from depression, and it helped me understand their struggles a lot more deeply, and let me adjust my own behavior to better support them.

#2 Posted by WalrusWalrus (5 posts) -

Love these indie games exploring unknown territory.

#3 Posted by perilator666 (431 posts) -

great writeup. im gonna play this.

now im just waiting for schizotypal quest to help me.

#4 Edited by vucub88 (20 posts) -

Amazing article, Patrick. Thanks for not shying away from a difficult subject.

#5 Posted by mrfluke (4836 posts) -

glad that the game is helping Jennifer with her depression issues.

@patrickklepek i know your checking comments right now,

mind taking a look at this thread

curious to know what you make of this

#6 Edited by Coafi (1433 posts) -

@patrickklepek You should check out The Cat Lady, if you haven't already. It deals with similar themes, with great writing and a very distinct art style.

#7 Edited by MEATBALL (2783 posts) -

<p>&lt;p&gt;Playing this game with depression extra sucked, to be honest, left me with the impression that even if I do opt to do things constructive that I might often avoid life will fucking suck anyway.</p><p>Obviously I wasn't expecting a happy "You're cured!" Moment or anything, I've been in therapy and dealing with this long enough to know it's not that simple, but I really just felt the game left me feeling worse more than anything.

It definitely captured the affliction well, but personally I think it's a game more useful in offering those without depression some unique perspective.

#8 Posted by Weatherking (40 posts) -

This game was part of the reason I finally came out to my folks that I probably needed psychiatric help. I haven't had a meeting with a therapist yet, but I hope I'll be able to figure things out and not stop myself from pursuing how I want to live my life in the future.

Speaking of which Depression Quest also was one of the major inspirations for a game I'm making for school about Social Anxiety Disorder, which I pitched today and was in to much of a nervous daze to remember how it went, freakiest part is that the only thing I remember is hearing my voice like it was traveling through a wall. It'll probably work out alright...

#9 Posted by Winternet (7936 posts) -

Yes, let's put a quote from a man who committed suicide. That will cheer everyone up :)

#10 Edited by Envisioned (3 posts) -

Echoing others, but thanks for this article @patrickklepek. The game is indeed an immense help for not only those with depression, but those struggling to understand just how difficult it can make everyday tasks.

This is tremendous exposure, and I'm really grateful to you for taking the time to write the article and for Jennifer for sharing her story. I know how difficult that can be, and it's awesome to see her express her thoughts like this. Yaaaaay gaming!

#11 Posted by rebgav (1429 posts) -

The 'game' seems well-meaning and all but the writing has a one-note amateurish feel and the music is quite overbearing. It reminded me primarily of "A Closed World," which I guess is probably not a compliment.

#12 Posted by Sor_Eddie (79 posts) -

Good article and I'm glad that people are going to be more aware of this game, but there IS something of a good "winning" ending, Patrick. If you follow a good mindset path, go to the doctor and stay regular with your therapy and medication, etc you end up with a pretty positive ending where your character reflects on how far he's come and even though he'll always have his bad days and still have to live with depression, his life is doing better and better each day, and he's got people who love and support him. It's a realistic "good" outcome, and I'm glad it's there, because misrepresenting depression as "it always ends tragically" is just as inaccurate as a super happy Hollywood ending would be.

I'm also not really sure why you kept referring to your character's boyfriend, since he's a straight guy and Alex is a girl.

#13 Posted by Sweep (8540 posts) -

Just played through Depression Quest and was actually kinda startled by how much of it I could relate to. I don't feel depressed, though? Am I depressed?! I don't think I am. I feel great! Right? Yeah! ....yeah.

I don't know what's real any more!

Moderator
#14 Edited by patrickklepek (3065 posts) -

Good article and I'm glad that people are going to be more aware of this game, but there IS something of a good "winning" ending, Patrick. If you follow a good mindset path, go to the doctor and stay regular with your therapy and medication, etc you end up with a pretty positive ending where your character reflects on how far he's come and even though he'll always have his bad days and still have to live with depression, his life is doing better and better each day, and he's got people who love and support him. It's a realistic "good" outcome, and I'm glad it's there, because misrepresenting depression as "it always ends tragically" is just as inaccurate as a super happy Hollywood ending would be.

I'm also not really sure why you kept referring to your character's boyfriend, since he's a straight guy and Alex is a girl.

You're right about that. The game intentionally allows you to project. I've tweaked the language to reflect that.

Staff
#15 Posted by Little_Socrates (5649 posts) -

@sor_eddie said:

I'm also not really sure why you kept referring to your character's boyfriend, since he's a straight guy and Alex is a girl.

Yeah, I was able to play the game where Alex was a woman and I was a man. I think the writing is vague and the questions can probably be answered in a way that changes the gender of Alex (a gender-neutral name, and my name, which was weird.) Think of the moment in Kentucky Route Zero where you either name your dog Blue (a girl) or Homer (a boy).

I played Depression Quest sometime last week when I found Zoe Quinn on twitter. Rather than summarize my thoughts too succinctly, I'd rather do a write-up.

#17 Posted by rjayb89 (7713 posts) -

Would have been more depressing had you titled this article "The Game That Made Me Feel Again."

#18 Posted by RecSpec (3678 posts) -

Depression Quest was a pretty good experience. I played through it a while ago and I'm glad that I did, thanks for the article.

#19 Posted by Jayzilla (2538 posts) -

Thanks for this Patrick. As someone who is bipolar and suffers from depression, it's nice to see coverage of this title! I am an avid gamer and sometimes the only way for me to cope with my disorders is with writing, gaming, or a book. Sometimes all I can do is lay in bed. I will totally play this. Thanks again man!

#20 Posted by BasketSnake (1111 posts) -

I'm getting depressed just thinking about playing a text-game.

#21 Edited by Fobwashed (1620 posts) -

Played through it choosing the options I felt I would take for myself and it ended on what seems like a good note. The interesting thing about this game is that while the choices were obvious ones for me, it didn't cause the other choices to become obviously wrong. I also felt a bit like I was playing the game as someone giving advice to myself on what I should do as opposed to what I might do if I were in the mental state the character was in. All in all, this game is very well put together and I feel like I've experienced the state of depression better in half an hour than in all the other depictions of it I've seen before combined. Excellent work. And thanks Patrick for pointing this out.

#22 Edited by SleepyDoughnut (1177 posts) -

@meatball said:

<p>&lt;p&gt;Playing this game with depression extra sucked, to be honest, left me with the impression that even if I do opt to do things constructive that I might often avoid life will fucking suck anyway.</p><p>Obviously I wasn't expecting a happy "You're cured!" Moment or anything, I've been in therapy and dealing with this long enough to know it's not that simple, but I really just felt the game left me feeling worse more than anything.

It definitely captured the affliction well, but personally I think it's a game more useful in offering those without depression some unique perspective.

I'm better now, but I was depressed all of last year and didn't realize it for a long time. I agree, playing this game sucks if you empathize. Playing this game I said aloud multiple times "fuck you and your accuracy!" It was fun to laugh at how accurate it was, but after a while it's like I get it, depression was and is a bitch.

This part,

"Lately you've developed a nasty habit of waking up 10 - 20 minutes before your alarm rings, and unfortunately today is no exception. You lay in bed, each minute ticking closer and closer to "wake up time" and passing on a swelling wave of ever-encroaching dread. Sooner than you would like, your alarm blares with caustic inevitability. You frantically pound the snooze button and then retreat under your blankets, as if the warmth of your comforter can shield you from the passage of time."

was shockingly accurate to my life. I'm so thankful that the study abroad trip I'm currently on has changed my thinking and my worldview. For everyone who suffers from a troubled mind, know that change is always possible.

"A great Tibetan teacher of mind training once remarked that one of the mind’s most marvelous qualities is that it can be transformed." - The Dalai Lama

#23 Posted by Trejik (107 posts) -

Playing this game has helped me understand a friend of mine better. He's struggled with depression his whole life and clearly demonstrates the symptoms, but hsa never admitted it, even if he did see a therapist for a short time.

I identified myself with the mother in the game, to such a degree it almost made me cry. I'm the type of person that always pushes for more, and fights for more, and I want my closest friends to be the same. I have my own problems because of this, and occasionally feel down and understand this particular friend better after those bouts of "depression", but never had I really opened my eyes to the fact that maybe, my most recent attitude towards his problems have hurt him more than they've helped, much like the mother in the game, and even though he knows I love him and would do most anything for him, this attitude doesn't help him progress, and contrasting that with my previous attitude towards his problems I can see I haven't been a good friend because I didn't fully understand that maybe he needed something different from me.

tl;dr: What I'm trying to say, is that after playing this game, I read up on depression, and have realized some mistakes I've recently made with a close friend. This game has impaced my life, made me feel terrible for things I've done, and has made me want to be better, in this case, for the well-being of my friend. I happily donated, and everyone should play this game.
Thank your for the article Patrick. Excellent work.

#24 Posted by joetom (88 posts) -

I might have to check this out. While I've never suffered from it myself, I've known far too many people who have depression, including a family member who committed suicide a few months ago. I don't expect this game to cause any huge societal change, but if it can help just a few people really understand what depression is, it seems like it'd be worth it. Our societal view on depression and mental illness sucks and needs to change.

Thanks for the article, this is one of many reasons why Giant Bomb is my favourite website.

#25 Posted by NME (45 posts) -

Depression Quest was not at all what I was expecting. I guess I'm glad I played it before reading this, because I probably would have written it off entirely had I known it was, and I'm boiling it down, a choose your own adventure story.

As empathy-inducing games go, I felt ambivalent about Depression Quest. Parts of it hit very close to home, while others felt like a charicature of a depressed person. I suppose that makes sense from both a story telling perspective and a design constraint, but it took me out of the experience a bit.

#26 Edited by Vorpal (12 posts) -

Great article, Patrick. I saw this on Greenlight and I've seen it mentioned on Twitter but it's nice to get some context for the game. I'll definitely be checking it out.

#27 Edited by dvorak (1495 posts) -

I find this game and amateur articles like this about depression and mental illness to be extremely irresponsible for a huge number of reasons.

#28 Posted by Branthog (7332 posts) -

I haven't played this yet (and I've never watched Schinder's or Reqium for a Deam, either), but found the part about "trigger" to be really damn weird. Is it a warning, because there is something about rape in the game, or because a game named "depression" that is about depression might trigger reliving of depression for a depressed person going through depression, while playing the game...?

Also, the point about employers is totally accurate. There was a time when I very briefly considered a therapist, but despite having very awesome health insurance, I did not want anything like that on my record. I didn't even accept the risk of calling the insurer to find out how to arrange an appointment or find someone. It must be difficult for someone with a persistent problem and the same sort of concern. Even 22 years ago, as a little kid in an abusive situation being sent to a therapist, I was aware enoug of the stigma that I refused to ever talk, until the therapist (after about two months and a dozen hours of staring at each other) gave up. :D

#29 Edited by BBAlpert (1258 posts) -

I may give this a try, but I'm willing to bet it'll hit closer to home than I'd like. But if it is helping get the message of what depression really is (or can be, at least), then I'm all for it. From the description, it sort of brings to mind a little PSA thing about obsessive compulsive disorder I saw online a while back.

The video was basically just a message like "This is a simulation of what every day is like for individuals with certain forms of obsessive compulsive disorders," but the video was only about 3 seconds long, with the text only on screen for about 2 or 3 frames (maybe a tenth of a second). The effect was that the first time you watch the video, you only see it long enough to recognize it as text, but not read it. So you rewatch the video to read the message, but you only have enough time to get in the first few words. So you watch it a third time, and get a few more words. By the time you've read the whole message, you've probably watched the same video clip 5 or 6 times in a row. Maybe this is just because I'm someone that suffers from that kind of OCD to some extent, but I think it really nails the feeling of "wait, did I lock my car? I think I did, but I'm not sure. I know I just checked twice, but maybe I should check one more time..."

*edit: Here's the video. I was a little off about the "tenth of a second" part, but it's still very quick*

#30 Posted by mbr2 (548 posts) -

@dvorak said:

I find this game and amateur articles like this about depression and mental illness to be extremely irresponsible for a huge number of reasons.

...and those are?

#31 Edited by Asmo917 (356 posts) -

I've dealt with depression for around 5 years, and probably exhibited symptoms of it for close to 10. For me, seeing the "optimum" answer to a prompt, seeing it's not available, and then seeing the available options were the things I had done in the past was powerful. It was upsetting, and it brought 5+ years worth of regret and second-guessing rushing over me.

I'm still really glad I played it.

#32 Posted by cabrit_sans_cor (97 posts) -

I tried to play it. I had to stop. It was hitting so close to home for me that it was incredibly uncomfortable.

#33 Edited by Lyfeforce (317 posts) -

Good article about an interesting game. One that hits me way too close to home to not have an emotional reaction while playing. Thanks, Scoops.

#34 Edited by FinalDasa (1253 posts) -

I'm glad this is getting a prominent spotlight and I hope Jennifer from the article knows she isn't alone. It's very difficult to explain depression when so many people who haven't suffered from it simply think you can cheer up from it. Good to see something attempting to remove the stigma from mental illness.

#36 Posted by crusader8463 (14305 posts) -


Got the 647-723-5274 number from the friend. Googled it to check and sure enough it's a number for a real depression helpline. Nice touch. And it's Canadian too.

#37 Edited by Phatmac (5686 posts) -

Thanks for the article Patrick. I wish Jennifer well wishes with her depression. I'll be sure to play this soon.

#38 Posted by neoepoch (1290 posts) -

Thank you.

#39 Posted by roguehallow (207 posts) -

Thanks for another great article Patrick.

#40 Posted by MariachiMacabre (6936 posts) -

@mbr2 said:

@dvorak said:

I find this game and amateur articles like this about depression and mental illness to be extremely irresponsible for a huge number of reasons.

...and those are?

He's a troll. That's all the reason he needs.

#41 Edited by fox01313 (5032 posts) -

Still not finding this much as a game I'd be wanting to play (as RPGs work good for right now) but having dealt with depression after company layoff & spending the next year trying to find just about anything in the corporate creative jobs, I can at least fully relate to what others have gone through with it. Just sucks all the motivation out of you, gives you insane amounts of stress & psychologically drains you; with something like what I went through, very hard to get out of for very long but games are a great way of just a mental escape & break from the stress, great article Patrick.

#43 Posted by Y2Ken (969 posts) -

Thanks for writing this Patrick, and thanks to the person who contacted him for getting in touch and speaking their mind on the suspect. It was a really interesting read.

#44 Edited by Psychohead (133 posts) -

@branthog said:

I haven't played this yet (and I've never watched Schinder's or Reqium for a Deam, either), but found the part about "trigger" to be really damn weird. Is it a warning, because there is something about rape in the game, or because a game named "depression" that is about depression might trigger reliving of depression for a depressed person going through depression, while playing the game...?

The warning at the front of the game is for people currently dealing with depression. Basically says "if you have depression, this may set you off." It's a good warning, and one I really wish I'd heeded. The content cut a little too close to the bone for me, and I spent the next few hours curled up on the bed just feeling shitty. I mean, it's always nice to see that other people understand what you're going through. At the same time, having it all laid out in black and white like that just god damn wrecked me.

It's a heck of a game, but if you're someone who is already predisposed to this stuff, I strongly recommend you steel yourself before going in.

#45 Edited by Oni (2067 posts) -

Awesome to see this being talked about, I played it and saw so much of myself in it. I related a scary amount. I think I've suffered from some of the symptoms for years, though never quite as strongly as depicted in DQ, but the first few months of this year were awful for me. I'd always feel guilty for even thinking I might be depressed in some way though, like I was looking for an excuse for being so unmotivated in life. idk, it's confusing. I feel better now, which makes me think I probably wasn't really depressed - that's not something that comes and goes, right? I mean I can't even begin to honestly compare myself to Jennifer.

#46 Posted by rebgav (1429 posts) -

@tjuk: What on Earth are you talking about? It's an IF about depression, how could its existence possibly offend you?

#47 Edited by Ben_H (3200 posts) -

Holy crap did that game hit close to home. It basically described me circa a year and a half ago after my mom got sick. I shut down, avoided people like the plague, never wanted to do anything, had no motivation, etc. etc.. I've had symptoms on and off for probably a good 5 years now.

Somehow I have managed to turn it around without help. I still have bad days like once a week but other than that things seem a bit better. I still get far too anxious about things I shouldn't though.

#48 Posted by Branthog (7332 posts) -

I can understand being put off by games like this or the discussions surrounding them, but even then, they still deserve credit for trying something different. I hate rhythm games, but that doesn't disqualify them from anything but my own gaming shelf.

#49 Posted by Milkman (16226 posts) -

@tjuk said:

OK that's it, I have to say it:

Fuck this kind namby-pamby indie game.

I'm sick of all the games in recent years that want to make me "feel" something. Just shut up. I'm 33 years old, I've been been playing video games my whole life and am certainly a million miles from being a "bro gamer". I'm looking for interesting game mechanics as much as the next gamer.

I swear it's crap like this that makes people crave a game that just gives them a gun and something to shoot at.

FUCK FEELINGS LET'S SHOOT SOME SHIT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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