The Walmart description of Diablo III is HILARIOUS.

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#1 Posted by ThineOarlock (37 posts) -

Link: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Diablo-III-PC-Mac-PC/19237343

And a copy paste for those at work or something.

The Diablo III PC/Mac Game revolves around an interesting plot which will keep you spell bound. while you are playing. This Strategy Video Game also has some similar setting as the Diablo II like Tristram. The Witch Doctor is a new character in this game, is reminiscent of the Diablo II Necromancer, The Barbarians in this strategy video game have a variety of revamped skills at their disposal on the basis of the use of their incredible physical prowess. Bring home the PC video game to solve the mysteries of the mighty Barbarians.

I can't wait to solve the mysteries of the mighty barbarian.

#2 Posted by spiceninja (3070 posts) -

I don't even know how that could happen and how it's stayed like that the entire day.

#3 Posted by RandomInternetUser (6789 posts) -

Is the mystery of the mighty Barbarians a mystery fit for the E3 Mysteries team?

#4 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I'm guessing that this poorly formatted description is a bunch of shit, right? I've never played a Diablo game, and was surprised to hear that Diablo in the title refers to an actual character in the game (that just seems so direct), so to me, anything's game.

#5 Posted by ThineOarlock (37 posts) -

It's not just poorly formatted, its insanity. Strategy Video Game? Interesting plot to keep you spell bound? Half of it is like a preview of the witch doctor, which was the first new class the released, like 3 years ago.

#6 Posted by Ramone (2976 posts) -

THE MYSTERY OF THE BARBARIAN MUST BE SOLVED! IN A STRATEGY VIDEO GAME FORMAT!

#7 Posted by Rabid619 (1109 posts) -

I kind of expected that to end in "and it's got SICK dragons too!"
 
Really seems like it was written by an excited school boy. I honestly kinda love it for that.

#8 Posted by BraveToaster (12588 posts) -

Holy hell. Just wow...

#9 Posted by ArcadeHero (74 posts) -

"This Strategy Video Game also has some similar setting as the Diablo II like Tristram."

Count me in.

#10 Posted by ShaggE (6715 posts) -

This is video game to make click at. Do to play, but no children it violence.

#11 Posted by Phatmac (5728 posts) -

Wow..

#12 Posted by Napalm (9020 posts) -

That is pretty great.

#13 Posted by Bocam (3826 posts) -

MY MIND IS FUCK

#14 Posted by Cloudenvy (5891 posts) -

@PlasmaBeam44 said:

I don't even know how that could happen and how it's stayed like that the entire day.

It should stay like that forever.

Never change.

#15 Edited by John1912 (1977 posts) -

Barbarians are well known for their mysteries, plots, and deductive reasoning through smashing things. Fuck you Sherlock Holmes!

#16 Posted by SpunkyHePanda (1743 posts) -

The last sentence is just so awesome.

#17 Posted by Demoskinos (15162 posts) -

I like how they made "while you are playing" its own sentence instead of putting it on the last line like it should have been.

#18 Posted by frankfartmouth (1018 posts) -

This product description Made in China

#19 Posted by Excast (1041 posts) -

It sounds like Japanese game text translated into English circa 1994 or so.

#20 Posted by ImmortalSaiyan (4702 posts) -

@Demoskinos said:

I like how they made "while you are playing" its own sentence instead of putting it on the last line like it should have been.

I like that they added that sentence at all. It's completely unnecessary and goes without saying. Unless the writer feared people would think he meant the game is so good you would be spellbound while not even playing it.

#21 Posted by Demoskinos (15162 posts) -

@ImmortalSaiyan: Hahaha. True enough.

#22 Posted by Turambar (6898 posts) -

I'd like to think it was Bring Your Child To Work Day at the office and someone let their 4 year old write the description based on a 3 year old game preview.

#23 Posted by Bwast (1342 posts) -

This summer be on the lookout for Adam Sessler in Mystery of the Mighty Barbarians.

#24 Edited by DragonBloodthirsty (470 posts) -

OMG LOL that's hilarious. It's like they put their original text through Translation Party and posted the result. Who do they have writing these things, some 14 year old kid?

Actually, that might be what they did. Suddenly it makes sense...

I am still fascinated by the "Mystery of the Barbarians" part. What the heck is mysterious about the Diablo II barbs?

#25 Posted by ShadowConqueror (3086 posts) -

Hilarious.

Online
#26 Posted by Klaimore (940 posts) -

E3 Mysteries!! Someone get Adam Sessler!

#27 Posted by RedRavN (414 posts) -

Sounds like it was an advertisment auto generated by a computer or someone who has never played a game in their life.

#28 Posted by StealthRaptor (531 posts) -

I'm sold!

#29 Posted by Seedofpower (3949 posts) -

What you are telling me is that Jeff needs to make a podcast based on reading Wal-Mart video game descriptions?

#30 Posted by MentalDisruption (1670 posts) -

Haha wow someone didn't feel like doing their job right.

#31 Posted by ez123 (1997 posts) -

LOL, either that's translated or written by someone extremely funny.

#32 Posted by Bocam (3826 posts) -

If you haven't noticed Walmart descriptions are always great. For example:

Halo games have shaped entertainment history and defined a decade of gaming. Halo 4 (Xbox 360) is the next blockbuster installment in the iconic Halo games franchise. It is the seventh installment of this action packed adventure game. Get set for the action paced new series and experience the thrill of Halo gaming with this all-new video game. Catch up with Master Chief in this Halo 4 first person shooter game where the plot is sure to kindle your excitement. Halo 4 marks the start of a new trilogy named the "Reclaimer Trilogy" that begins with its release in 2012.
#33 Posted by Stonyman65 (2873 posts) -

God, I hope no one at Blizzard signed off on that LOL.

#34 Posted by lmenzol (270 posts) -

@ThineOarlock: rofl

#35 Posted by lmenzol (270 posts) -

@Video_Game_King: diablo games are badass i strongly recommend you play the older ones i thinks diablo 2 digital is like only 3 bucks on the blizzard site

#36 Posted by kmg90 (417 posts) -

@Seedofpower said:

What you are telling me is that Jeff needs to make a podcast based on reading Wal-Mart video game descriptions?

YES! YES! YESS!

#37 Posted by CornBREDX (6044 posts) -

Ya. Item descriptions online can be so weird sometimes. It's seriously like they don't think anyone even reads those.

I haven't even played the game yet but I know that description is ridiculous.

Online
#38 Posted by kmg90 (417 posts) -

@DragonBloodthirsty said:

OMG LOL that's hilarious. It's like they put their original text through Translation Party and posted the result. Who do they have writing these things, some 14 year old kid?

Actually, that might be what they did. Suddenly it makes sense...

I am still fascinated by the "Mystery of the Barbarians" part. What the heck is mysterious about the Diablo II barbs?

How long have I not known of this wonderful tool!?

#39 Posted by FancySoapsMan (5818 posts) -

I can't wait to experience that spellbinding plot. while I am playing.

#40 Posted by mandude (2666 posts) -

Was kinda on the fence about this game, but they've definitely sold it on me...

#41 Posted by HerbieBug (4208 posts) -

@Excast said:

It sounds like Japanese game text translated into English circa 1994 or so.

It's another order of magnitude past that I think. Poorly written english translated to Japanese, then translated back to english.

#42 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

Oh my dear lord Jesus. Walmart is so awesome guys! Just for this I'm ready to forgive all the exploitation.

#43 Posted by Soapy86 (2623 posts) -

Christ. That reminds me of something you would read on the back of a Chinese bootleg DVD.

#44 Posted by Fattony12000 (7568 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

I'm guessing that this poorly formatted description is a bunch of shit, right? I've never played a Diablo game, and was surprised to hear that Diablo in the title refers to an actual character in the game (that just seems so direct), so to me, anything's game.

Huh, and you call yourself a king.

#45 Posted by s10129107 (1213 posts) -

Can't be an english speaker who wrote that.

#46 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@Fattony12000:

My duties lie not with the games of public knowledge; they lie with those neglected by the public.

#47 Posted by gamefreak9 (2419 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

I'm guessing that this poorly formatted description is a bunch of shit, right? I've never played a Diablo game, and was surprised to hear that Diablo in the title refers to an actual character in the game (that just seems so direct), so to me, anything's game.

Diablo is basically the devil.

#48 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@gamefreak9:

That seems obvious. Also, something about cows.

#49 Posted by gamefreak9 (2419 posts) -

@Video_Game_King: um cows? there's a secret cow level in D2... O that reminds me...(moves on to "scrubs ask vets answer" thread)

#50 Posted by PenguinDust (12638 posts) -

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