After some very vague hints were dropped that Dota 2 may be this week's TNT, I have taken it upon myself to provide the Giantbomb community with an expedited master class in pub-level Dota that I have dubbed:
How to Not Make an Ass of Yourself on Live Broadcast 101
So let's get down to business. I have already taken a leap in logic assuming this is going to be a community TNT, so let me take yet another daring leap and assume you all understand the basics of Dota.
You still following along? Okay good.
Now then, as you all already understand the basic concepts of building your hero, last hitting, hero roles and team fighting let's get this class started with some basic survival tips. The most important thing about playing Dota on a live stream is
DON'T FUCKING FEED.
Not only will your team lose any and all faith in your ability to contribute to the game, but you will also be laughed at and berated by hundreds of people who almost assuredly are far beyond your level and almost definitely wouldn't have ever under any circumstances died in your position.
Lesson #1: Use the Buddy System
One of the first things you may realize when joining a game of Dota, and something that takes most players months of game time to comprehend, is that there are four other people on your team.
Please take a moment to reflect upon this new information.
Contrary to what most people belief, the four other people sitting in your fountain are your friends. They are not competing with you for highest gold per minute or most kill steals. These other people are both your allies and friends, and you should come to rely on them for assistance in times of dire need.
If you have played a significant amount of Dota then you probably realize that there is power in numbers. In a game between two teams of roughly equal skill most early kills will not come from even engagements, but rather from 2v1 or 3v2 engagements. Unless your opponent really fucks ups and doesn't respect your hero's effective range of threat (the area around which each individual hero can apply pressure through attacks or abilities) you are rarely going to kill another player in a scenario where both sides have the same amount of heroes, at least in the early to mid game. Just having one more stun or even a little more right click damage is usually enough to get a kill.
Really what it all boils down to is if you are trying to accomplish something have a buddy. If you are going to gank a lane make sure you outnumber them. If you are trying to push a tower bring someone with you to get it done that much faster. Hell if you're just going to check Roshan have someone tag along, because you can be damn sure if you get stuck out in the middle of the river with no back up you're fucking dead.
If you need any reassurance further reassurance of the power of numbers just go look up how many times Wisp has been banned in the last few months in any tournament outside of Asia.
There ya go.
Lesson #2: WAAAAAAAAAAAARDS
This one is going to be rather short, but it is probably the most important.
I don't know how there are still so many peoplepeople who still don't get this, it's really kind of baffling. You've all probably played an RTS right? Starcraft? C&C? Warcraft 3 perhaps? You see all that black shit all over the map? Yeah that's called Fog of War.
Under normal circumstances you will not be able to see what is underneath the Fog of War, so allow me topull back the curtain and enlighten you.
HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL YOU.
There's a reason you can only buy four wards at a time, it's because they are easily the most powerful item in the game.
Aghanim's Scepter? Fuck that. Divine Rapier? Baby shit. Aegis of the Immortal? Please.
Information is everything, and knowing where your enemy is is the easiest way to get ahead in this game. You see the enemy mid hero going top to gank? Guess what he just wasted a whole two minutes accomplishing fucking nothing because you were ready for him before he even got there.
And I don't want to hear this "That's the support's job." shit either. Do you know how much gold a hard support has at any given point in time?
It's fucking zero
Yes they should be buying wards and placing them, but when it's twenty minutes into the game and they're still working towards boots because they have to spend 200 gold every six minutes it's time for the team to start contributing a little.
Also while we're at it have a fucking TP scroll on yourself, forever.
I'm not going to explain this to you just fucking do it.
Lesson #3: Just pick someone with a fucking stun
Sadly this will be our last lesson for today, however do not take this topic any more lightly than our previous ones. It may, perhaps, even be the most important.
When you think of heroes commonly picked by pro players in high level Dota may names come to mind: Nature's Prophet, Chen, Io, Puck, Visage, Tinker.
You are not a pro player, these are not the heroes you will be playing. This is pub level Dota mother fucker and we got a saying around these parts, "Whoever has the most stuns wins."
While this may not be true in all cases, picking a hero with good crowd control abilities is probably the best thing you can do for you team. It doesn't matter how farmed you get, how many items you have or how far ahead in levels you are; if you get chain stunned for ten seconds you're probably going to die. At the very least, you're not going to be contributing to a fight.
Well that is unless you have a Black King Bar, but let's get real this is a pub game.
Heroes like Sven, Nyx Assassin, Rubick, Chaos Knight, Witch Doctor, Vengeful Spirit, Ogre Magi, Lion and many others; these are heroes with powerful stunning abilities that are pretty much impossible to fuck up. Having any one of these heroes will boost your killing potential, survivability and laning presence ten fold. Hell even powerful slows like Lifestealer's Open Wounds or Venomancer's Venomous Gale are enough to give you the extra edge you need, even if their usefulness starts to fall off late game.
Really what it's all about is when you're picking make sure you are contributing something to the team that the team needs. Whether this be more damage potential through hard carries or magical nukers, pushing power through summonable pets or abilities, initiation via powerful ultimates, or even just really useful abilities like Beastmaster's Hawk or Dazzle's Shallow Grave.
But most of the time, just having stun is enough. If you can't find any weaknesses in your team's line up, if you just don't know what to pick and you got ten seconds left on the clock, just pick someone with a fucking stun.
Okay that's all for now, I would write more but I don't want to. I can't think of anything funny to say, I just don't want to write anymore. Hopefully we weren't horribly misled and this weeks TNT will be full of laughter and tears on the digital fields of war we lovingly refer to as Dota 2.
Remeber, don't fucking feed.