A quest for dragons. In screenshot form.

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#51 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I'm pretty sure somebody's gonna die in today's update.

It seems to be coming true.
I don't know why. They're incredibly easy to find. I have my museum stacked with the fuckers.
Didn't he go to his home village just outside a bustling town?
Eat it, Mr. Ono.
She then pukes her guts out at all the horrible things lying in my heart.
"Son, it's time I told you something..."
My Dad The Vampire. Coming this summer to Disney Channel.
If only this applied to Dragon Quest V as a whole.
Where to begin? The shithead mountain hobo or the inbred axolotl?
Only good things can come of this.
The darkness.
ONLY GOOD THINGS CAN COME OF THIS.
What did you think my answer would be?
Says....that mustache to the right? That lady in the back? I don't know where to fire my jokes. (Oh, and it turns out that that nap didn't kill me, but raised my strength 5 points. I TOLD YOU.)
"Yo Who's dis here beotch ta page me ugly, anyway? At least ah gots uh boy toy , wOrd!"
Eventually, all must bow before Generic NPC.
"Then again, the hell do I know? I told you that I'm not a doctor."
Can't say the same for you.
What a view.
Now I REALLY want to find my badass mom.

#52 Posted by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

They have Sting in the castle?

#53 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

They have Sting in the castle?

In the museum, technically. If we really want to be technical, they spawn periodically outside the desert castle (Telpador?).

#54 Posted by insane_shadowblade85 (1530 posts) -

Has there ever been a Dragon Quest that used the subtitle Quest for Dragons? That sounds like a no brainer.

#55 Posted by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

Death Metal Barbershop Quartets are the best kind.

#56 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Finally, The King returns to his Kingdom of Granvania. Sadly, as we shall find out, it is not a happy reunion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kas6akz1jWU
That the translation team was British AND inexperienced?
You know you need me.
Suck it, previously established series limits!
"How?" "Hell if I know."
This is what happens when a Mimic manages to Thwack your entire party into nothingness.
What?
"Like every other King ever. Nobody ever said he was a creative leader."
Damn it! That mountain man told me this jerky would mask the smell!
HOW FUCKING BIG IS THIS CASTLE!?
How crazy is this place that an angel goes unnoticed? Hopefully, all the crazy.
"I believe you. Andre, however..."
"Yo ah wanted ta travel da world, spitting mad rhymes like uh modern day poet don't make me shank ya!" "......As I was saying, this is my wife, Bianca..."
Don't fuck with British nannies. I'm speaking from experience.
You may want to shorten that.
My wife. Don't get any ideas.
"Why isn't she bowing to ME!?"
News travels faster than people, apparently.
How? I don't remember ever having sex with her........Has Bianca been cheating on me?
Because you knew it'd be the end of this marriage, right?

In retrospect, maybe I should've married Debora.

#57 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Today, I shall demonstrate my power as King:

Who in the world are YOU?
I'm gonna have a LOT of fun with this name.
"Hos before bros."
Are you sure you want to put it like that?
Maybe ask the dancing penguins if they've seen it.
The Cave of Fairy Farts: a proud Granvanian landmark (that nobody's bothered maintaining).
This I can back up.
A maxim realized by making you turn statues until they face each other. Granvania never really got the hang of metaphors.
You fucking know it.
It knows of our rocky marriage.
What the hell are THESE things?
FUCKING BASH ITS BRAINS IN.
YOU KNOW I DID.
YOU KNOW I WILL.
"They don't have a good grasp on that there logic thing."
Recurring Dragon Quest villain (probably) and kinda racist hippo thing with glasses (probably). Alright, then.
Not that he needs it. His agility is through the roof.
"Papas, you magnificent bastard."
How long's she been pregnant for? Two months?
Ontological paradox ahoy!

#58 Posted by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

In retrospect, maybe I should've married Debora.

I knew you'd come around eventually.

#59 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

What was wrong with my previous irradiated nipple monster theory? Now they're just frostbitten irradiated nipple monsters.

#60 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

"Yo But why did you bring uh pool o' mercury wif you? ain't dat gonna be bad fo' da kids? what the fuck sup now?"
APPARENTLY NOT.
It's settled, then. We'll call him Numor.
"It was a one time mistake. You know she still loves you."
"OH, HELL."
Don't know why I chose this. She gave birth to two gigantic children without her legs flying across the room.
If you're gonna fuck with a kid, best to do it from the beginning.
I am gender equal, after all.
"Yo If dis here wasn't uh stupidly Christian game, ah'd git uh divorce. Don' make me come ova there bitch..."
He says super sarcastically.
That's to be expected when you give birth to children the size of full grown poodles.
"Confusion and repetition spread throughout the kingdom."
I did it. I became a Triple King.
How? You didn't have any room to sleep.
So badass.
So very, very badass.
"Well, we already did, didn't we?"
Like Paladin's Quest without all the suck.
"Kill them all. So sayeth the King."
Usually, you don't attach an exclamation mark to that.

#61 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Let us indulge an old, time-honored Granvanian tradition: beating the shit out of a roided up horse in a fit of hungover fury.

"Ugh....what did we do today?....Screw it. Bianca has it coming."
"Maybe I went a little overboard with this."
Granvania: The Party Kingdom.
She was no the entire time.
Are we dealing with a serial date rapist? Poppin, I'm looking at you.
Oh my god! The Chancellor was Zero this whole time!
The way I play games, that's almost NEVER the case.
So the Chancellor's forced to play time travel sudoku and I'm apparently a vampire. What the hell has happened to this feature?
Actually, I think he's just following his heart.
Somehow, this only makes me feel worse about killing them in droves.
A face only a mother could hate. (Why do I feel like this isn't the last time I'll be saying that?)
And I didn't have to blow up any castles to see it.
Somehow, in this universe, clowns are MORE terrifying.
One of two monsters in the entire game to specify their level for no real reason.
Be glad there's no voice acting. Otherwise, this would've sounded all kinds of weird.
"The last five to drop by have been a little dry."
But what about FIRE spells?
You know, I'm not supposed to agree with the villain.
I can't place it, but there's just something about this pose that I love so much. Maybe it's the "come at me, bro" posture. Who can say?
Bianca, now's not the time to be an absolute badass.

#62 Posted by Do_The_Manta_Ray (744 posts) -

Oh, jesus, man.. See, this is why the servers have been so damn slow of late. Why won't you learn?

#63 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Let's rock out with our genitals exposed! It's Dragon Quest V time!

Suck it, Gourmet King.
".....Well, this is all kinds of awkward."
That explains SO MUCH.
Depression incoming in 3, 2...
"I've always preferred existential nightmares like this."
"Wait, how does ice work, again?"
Be glad that she's frozen in that position. Otherwise, you'd probably lose a lot of fingers. And eyes.
"All hail King and Queen Baby!"
Do you get it?
They just learned what those names mean.
"I say in front of the babies."
Apparently, I am worth as much as a pair of Killer Earrings.
You sick fuck.
Shady Mario Bros.
I'm pretty sure it gets worse.
Howard Stern's penis?
"Braaaaiiiiinnnnsssss....." "Look, honey! His first words!"
"I never thought she'd cheat on me with my infant son."
Quite a bit.
This can only end well.

#64 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

You know, it's really heartwarming to watch your children grow up before your very eyes. And thinly harbor a murderous rage for your horrible parenting. Just warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it?

Before Cloud Strife was an eco-terrorist with identity issues, he was a farmer with a Cockney accent.
And so the seasons change.
And yet the fountain remains unfrozen.
"Does that count, Gema?" "Not even close."
Did I father Cloud Strife (who apparently became a time traveler between jokes)? Fucking awesome!
Seen here.
Because who wants a cool status effect in battle and a staff to cure it?
Since when did he become Mario?
"Got you to thank for that one."
"................................................"
"You've inhereted your mother's gangster speech? You've done me proud, son."
"Two children are born, and the father abandons them both for eight years. A real laugh riot, right?"
Wait a minute.
Ikutsuki was definitely involved in this game. As writer or translator, though, I cannot say.
Somehow. How much does that thing weigh?
"Could you get him to leave? He's been causing a lot of trouble 'fighting with love'."
"Finally. Something we can agree on."
"The pleasure's all yours."
"Can I talk with you in private for a sec, The King?"
We're so fucked.

#65 Posted by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

I'm so far behind I don't even know where I left off. I guess I have to start all the way over from the beginning again.

#66 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

An extra picture today! Why? Because I fucked up organizing these way back when I originally played this.

"She insists on keeping us around. Something about looking sexier in comparison. I don't get it, either."
You fucking know it.
"Swipe their wallet and hope they don't notice?" "That's ma boy!"
He just browsed the Terranigma image gallery.
"........................." "I take it I shouldn't have said that."
"Yea, that's right, DAD. Didn't you have children eight years ago?"
Uh, Henry, he's close enough to see that you're not wearing contacts.
"Seriously, though, what the hell's going on with that son of yours? It's like you weren't even there to teach him any better."
Maria: a shitty parent first, a shitty nun second.
"....Sancho? That fake queen? I don't follow, sweety." (And wait a minute, how would Maria know this to remind him? They only met toward the tail end of their slavery careers. She wouldn't have been around to see Little Shithead Henry.)
"I would've been put in jail if I wasn't the prince. Guess that slave camp was karmic justice."
It just struck me: how did he develop Bianca's mannerisms if she wasn't there to raise him? I don't remember Sancho speaking like this.
"EXCEPT HOW TO RAISE A CHILD."
Collins might take issue with that.
Why not boost its already high defense even higher?
Why's he spacing it out like that? Has he been lighting up without us?
Bennett doesn't think much of us, does he?
Do I even need to add a caption? The joke just makes itself.
"Finally, something we can agree on." "You already said th-" "At least that's one thing you can remember, DAD."
"I gotta say, I wasn't expecting your DAUGHTER to inherit this 'stache." (Wait, how would they bear any resemblance to him if Bianca was adopted? I better not spot a plot hole in the next screenshot.)
Is there a concept page for this kind of thing? I feel like there should be.

#67 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Model parent.
Shin Megami Tensei in a nutshell.
How? He doesn't have hands or the ability to speak.
"Are you high?" "Is this Dragon Quest V?"
Dragon Quest: Christianity if God was a fucking dragon.
How are you still in business?
End celestial segregation!
"You will be consumed by the fire, though."
It's just the same picture of Burt Reynolds repeated endlessly.
Just the funny psalms, which explains why there are only two pages.
"No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming." "..............." "Oh, right. She's still a statue."
Maybe I should hire security better than an old man's ghost.
Still a model parent.
Which one? Also, gross.
Why not boost his high agility higher still?
"Just thought you'd want to know that."
After trudging through that labyrinthine hellhole, I can understand.
"Burn it all. Burn it to the Earth."
"I don't want to die first."
Nothing more menacing than a fat cat.

#68 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

I have the second most posts on a forum for a game I ain't even played.

Carry on.

#69 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

All this time, Bianca's been rotting away in her stone statue prison. Will this be the update that sees her freed?

I'd say this is badass if his size didn't bump the textures down to PS1 levels.
Some men just want to watch the world burn. Others bring their kids.
"Seriously? This is what I'm dealing with?....Might as well make the best of it."
Of course he can't. That red nose is a dead giveaway.
"Fuck a white Christmas. I'm going for a red one."
"And sang the most beautiful aria your ears had ever heard."
You know you're fucked when he isn't even phased by giant freezing spikes on his genitals.
"Why do you think I live in this secluded area where law enforcement can't touch me?"
You can never get close to that fucking rock :(.
Millions died.
So Israel and Satan are a palette swap away? Way to get controversial, game.
No, but it is supposed to get you butt deep into a secluded sports shed.
"Speedy, sit this one out. I have a death wish for me and my kids."
HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?
Probably as a result of that 20 year cart ride.
Like the Phantom Train, except you don't die.
THIS IS SO GODDAMN AWESOME!
Excuse me. Just wrapping up my latest blog.
Now where are the words "Dragon Quest V"?
How does sepia tone even exist in a world where cameras don't?

No.

#70 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Let us emerge in the land of spells and fairies!

"Because they're dead."
I want to say "Still ignoring what the game's telling me", but I don't know how a gangster accent translates into Victorian.
Still a fucking klepto, I see.
He looks more like the assassin, after all.
No. Don't make me live through this again.
It's like he knew he'd be in a 19th century sepia tone photo.
Damn, even Andre doesn't want to watch this again.
Fight fire with LOVE.
One down. Two to go.
"Nothing is true; everything is permitted."
"That includes smashing this thing into nothingness."
"Was it made of glass?" ".....Fuck."
Insanity runs in the family. Loveless can't be too far behind.
I end up walking with a knife in the back of my knee for the rest of the game.
If only Bianca didn't disappear immediately after you were born. Maybe then she'd be able to teach you proper gangster grammar.
This is how people die.
In this case, it's The King.
Then what the hell are you?.......WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?
The creepiest fucking melodies imaginable.
MY SPELLS CAN DEFY SPACETIME ITSELF!

#71 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

It sorta seems like once this Debora chick didn't show up everybody quit checking this thread.

#72 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

It sorta seems like once this Debora chick didn't show up everybody quit checking this thread.

Oh shit. Does this mean that people are gonna check out of my Katawa Shoujo thread once they realize I can't get with Miki? Well, we'll have to get through this thread first to find out, won't we? (We'll also have to wrap up the Planet Laika thread, but let's just ignore that for now.)

"And it's not something you should be proud of."
"A what?" "I don't know. An electric cake?" "What kind of cake?"
Victorian as fuck.
Can this end well? Probably not.
I don't buy it. What part of Heaven could contain anything like her?
"It was technically incest. Because it's a medieval game, you see."
"Because his father certainly hasn't."
Brilliant.
Damn it. Why couldn't it be an actual wizard cat? Why must you crush my dreams, Enix?
"No."
......What?
"See anything you like? Hmmmmmm?"
You're so very fucked.
"PUT IT ON, SON. MAKE YOUR DAD PROUD."
As a full-grown man?
Prepare for rejection.
What the hell...?
I wanted to show him throwing pots and say something like "His heart's purest desire: utter destruction", but here, it just looks like the pot's floating in mid-air and he's mildly fascinated by such wizardry.
"Did you hear about the spanking he received for sneaking out for several nights?"
Not even close.

#73 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I have traveled through time and raised the very heavens themselves, yet I still can't fight against the power of the double post.

And then burn it to the fucking ground.
That's all he can do: stare in disbelief.
His first words!
"Don't bring your son on your adventures. Gonna save you a LOT of trouble."
So I've been playing as Jesus the whole time? Hell yes?
"Even when they're completely reasonable and eerily specific in detail."
"I don't normally believe in prophecies, but your feminine eyes tell me otherwise."
Apparently, my character is just oozing sexual appeal. Apparently.
"You're so very fucked, kid."
"Man, was THAT confusing as hell."
"In that cave to the north, where nobody will see us? I see no problems with that."
THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE.
"Hope your past self is colorblind?"
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me."
Notice where everybody's looking.
It gets better.
"I can tell from this completely windowless room."
"Hahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."
"All huddled up in fear, thinking that they'd somehow survive."

Just in case you guys forget to bump this thread and let me wrap things up:

#74 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

Just when you thought it was dead.

#75 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

The word of the day is "translation", as in "This game's translation isn't very good."

From their perspective, flying this thing amounts to standing on a giant SQUARE button. Imagine their confusion.
HOW!?
If Link was a kleptomaniac...even moreso than usual.
"Are you dyslexic?" ".......Can you keep a secret?"
Yes. That's what thunder looks like.
OK, so maybe that electricity joke a while back doesn't hold up in a world with rogue robot dragons.
Oh, right. Forgot about that.
On an eight year old girl. Remember that.
Notice anybody missing?
"Imagine that."
"You know, my daughter's still available."
PISS OFF, DRAGON QUEST.
I already have enough psychological issues. Don't need yet another one.
Sadly, this doesn't give me that kickass cape from long ago.
See? I have that shit equipped, but still have this drab purple affair.
Because people tend to SUPPRESS bad experiences.
"Why did I bother asking, again?"
FUCKING FINALLY. I think Nyx went down faster than this guy.
DAMN IT.
".....What?" "Shut up. It makes sense."

I feel I should mention that there's a little over a week's worth of updates left in this feature. The end is sort of in sight!

I feel I should also mention that this thing has experienced delays that probably add up to two weeks, meaning it should've been done last week.

#76 Edited by Slag (4888 posts) -

@video_game_king:

Edit: ok that was weird my reply got eaten. I was just trying to ask If you like this better than DQ Iv. Haven't played DQV obviously, so I don't have much else to add to the thread.

#77 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

BEHOLD THE FACE OF GOD!

"My PSYCHOLOGIST told me that YELLING THINGS helps me to REMEMBER THEM. THIS JOKE WAS STOLEN FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS."
Could've been badass, but just looks kinda stupid here.
"Loveless, are you abusing your levitation powers again?"
We got back just in time to see an angelic mugging. Huzzahs are in order.
I have obtained the ultimate power.
A FUCKING DRAGON GOD.
"Those twenty years on the cart have worked up my appetite."
"I felt like I was just going in circles over and over again."
Only so I can do a live reading of one of my blogs.
"And I shall rain heavenly fire upon your foes."
Turns out to be even better. (Wait, isn't this the third flying vehicle I've gotten in this game?)
Like Rocky with more cults.
Forgot a couple of S's there, Guard Who is Apparently Part Snake.
When you see something like this, you just HAVE to capture it for future generations.
How many other developers would put the armor you're about to get in the battle background? Now that's attention to detail.
"I AM THE DRAGON QUEST!" "You mean Dragon WARRIOR?" "....I guess?"
".................You disappoint me, son."
Maybe post some guards outside, too. I don't even remember any random encounters out there.
"Funny. That's the same as my mom's."
I'd make a Star Wars joke if that didn't end up being exactly the case.

It's mine. It's my face.

#78 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Can't think of a genuine compliment, can you?
"Yea, he was a badass warrior king, but what else did he have going for him? Jack shit; that's what."
It's bound to be long and boring and all other kinds of things.
I think this is actually necessary to proceed. Doesn't stop her from cursing me.
He doesn't have a good memory, does he?
Go back to the last screenshot so you can appreciate how poorly hidden this thing was.
"Man, this takes me back. All those whippings and nightmares...Those were...those...the d..."
Fuck respecting the dead; just think of all the juicy gossip that lies within!
Now I know why they wouldn't let me marry Maria.
"If I had another, it would be to not die." (And why's he stuttering? He WROTE THIS DOWN.)
AFTER ALL THIS TIME, that Prayer Ring FINALLY breaks down.
"That old fairy angel whatever guy ain't got shit on me!"
The wagon that Master Dragon agreed to carry on his back.
"And sentient puddle of mercury! (Is that what that thing is?)"
Kinda wish I had a robot party member so that previous joke actually made sense.
"Turns out that previous fight was completely meaningless."
"You're looking uncomfortable. Don't you want to slip out of those robes and into mine?"
"There are children here, for Mildarth's sake!....(Meet me later behind the dumpster.)"
"On second thought, alligator men aren't really my type. They just don't listen when you say 'no teeth'."
That's Dragon Quest for you!

#79 Posted by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

What is this about not dating robots? I already don't date humans, if I can't date robots either then I'm gonna die alone.

#80 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I've got a week's worth of updates left. Let's just hope I can post them all before the actual blog for this game.

Oh, and I guess a ring starts floating down from the ceiling. Might've made a bit more sense for Gema to drop it or something, but that works, too.
Thermodynamics can go to Hell. (Guess where we're going next?)
The meds are helping with that.
"Don't ask how. Just trust me: I know my shit."
That thing in the back is sneezing on my wife, isn't it?
Or maybe just coughing. Hard to tell, really.
That's just what she says whenever she wakes up.
"Last tyme ah challenge an entire bar ta uh drinking contest all ye damn hood ratz."
"Who would've thought? Certainly not you, dumbass."
Time flies when you're grinding like crazy. (Or at least I wish it did.)
"Wait, why be ah da one sayin` dis here? Shouldn't it be one o' da kids?"
"At least ONE OF YOU remembered us."
"Why did you give us such horrible names?" (Take note of the typo. Who WOULDN'T want a mom like Bianca?)
"Would you mind changing your name or something? It's needlessly confusing."
"You were screaming about it in your sleep. Woke up the entire castle."
Bianca: ready for absolutely anything. Was there ever any doubt?
Most people say LOVE, Bianca.
You think he'd have figured that out by now.
"Starting with you."
This is too late for you to just be learning these things, Loveless.

#81 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

In today's update, our team goes to Hell. Isn't that wonderful?

"That's because they refuse to speak to me."
"After a while, you just get used to the stench of vomit and corpses." "Tell me about it."
You could've just said "booze" and gotten the same result.
But she does serve children, apparently.
This was my first battle after bringing her back from the dead. Her first instinct? Wreck some shit up. Bianca: don't you ever change.
By the end of this battle, that guy on the right looks worse than the guys on the left. FAR worse.
All that's left is Cortana freaking the hell out.
"And beaned him straight in the skull."
Fantasy as....not quite fuck. Maybe just fantasy, really.
You know how most RPGs have NPCs that say "Welcome to [TOWN NAME]"? Well, Dragon Quest V has this.
400 gold!? There better be a jacuzzi in my room for that price, lady.
But what about Ice spells?
So when did I enter the first season of Digimon?
"In the Room of Moral Ambiguity, tucked away in the Maliciousness Wing."
It's even stranger than any joke I could make about it.
Told you. And no, it isn't a haiku (or if it is, it's definitely a translated version).
The strange thing here is that the Inn part is a still image rather than models and stuff. The More You Know.
Again?
"Did you have to steal the chest, too?" "Of course! Where else am I supposed to store all my crap?"
The hood's designed like that to hide his shame. His horrible, sweaty shame.

#82 Posted by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

When's the blog coming? Because I don't think you're gonna make it.

#83 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

When's the blog coming? Because I don't think you're gonna make it.

Mid-December.

Anywho, the good news: The King's mom comes back. The bad news: everything fucking else.

Hooray! Now I can go and revive Bianca several updates ago!
Museums will do that to a kid.
At first, I was going to point out the shitty sky texture, but then I realized that the perspective had glitched in this one area so that it's permanently stuck like this.
I see the flare; I don't see the dragon.
Well, you can fuck about with the camera on those stairs to get it back to what is should be, but it glitches right back after a random encounter.
Prepare to rip your arms in two, Snake Guy.
You know you're awesome when God provides a spotlight for your introduction.
"I'm, like, level 35." "Seriously? How did you even make it this far?"
OH, COME ON. I spent 20 hours searching for you, Martha. Why do you have to end it all in five minutes?
Jazz hands count as praying, right?
"Thought you couldn't hate my character more?"
"That line probably would've made more sense eight years ago, now that I think about it."
Sanity's requiem?
Again, he takes forever. This turns out to be a recurring theme among these end-game bosses.
Well, at least he gets a kickass death animation.
NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TOKE UP, MOTHER.
"I guess that runs in the family. Isn't that right, dad?"
"I've got enough explosives to nuke a small country."
That's right. She's still gonna die :(.
"...killing me instead of him. Let him live with the agony."

#84 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -
@pyromagnestir said:

When's the blog coming? Because I don't think you're gonna make it.

Mid-December.

I don't think you're gonna make it.

#85 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I think this feature's getting a little too sexy for its own good.

Still not the time, Mom.
"(This is some really good shit.)"
"Stop disappearing for his entire life and forcing him to chase after you."
"You will never have a moment of peace for the rest of your life."
As opposed to all the other swords you've seen.
"I told you: always watching over you. Always."
Finally, I can complete the ensemble.
Kamikaze by what? Master Dragon? Magic carpet?
"Honey, we've been here for two hours. When are we going to leave?" "In a minute. I just......j....uh....."
Sadly, I am not sexy enough for it.
It's beginning to look a lot like Earthbound.
"Man, this place has some really weird gang problems."
It's not a cloak or anything. You just gain the ability to shrug in battle.
As always, BEAT ITS ASS.
YOU KNOW IT. NOW GIMME THAT EXP.
Those statues in the back track your position throughout this hall. It's all kinds of creepy.
ALL kinds of creepy.
".....You thinking about putting that back anytime soon?"
It'll go great with my adamantium skeleton.
Rifling through this man's personal belongings is off limits, but reading his most intimate thoughts is game.

#86 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Let's kill Jesus! Woo!

It only gets more badass from here, folks.
I wasn't even aware there was an identity issue going on here.
Let's beat the shit out of Jesus!
"...in this economy, it's tough to make ends meet. Hell, one of my slimes has started pulling night shifts at McLudman's."
I will never mature enough to stop pointing out typos.
Enix: Our Games End With You Beating Up Piccolo Christ.
I should mention that this guy never changes position in any of these story scenes. It's off-putting as hell.
"No, seriously, I'm gonna need you to die, though."
OK, which one of you stole Mildarth from my screenshots?
This is what we're fighting. Kinda dumb, but I'll t-
OK, scratch that. THIS is what we're fighting.
Or maybe it's this.
FUCKING PICK SOMETHING ALREADY.
That tail's gonna sprout nine other tails, isn't it?
Not as menacing with the tongue sticking out, is it?
What oddly specific numbers.
But enough about marriage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CdVTCDdEwI
"(Plain bitch.)" "What was that?" "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Say, whatever DID happen to that Mildarth fellow?" "........Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit...."
FUCKING FINALLY.

That....probably didn't make sense from any angle, did it?

#87 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

Oh, does this need bumping again already? Heh. Considering all this work I put in I really should get my name in the end credits. Will the thread have end credits? If not get on it!

#88 Posted by Daouzin (119 posts) -

Awesome thread, huge fan of this game.

Makes me want to play it for a third time. Never played the PS2 version though, so it was cool to see what the game looked like on PS2 vs SNES/DS.

#89 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
Except not quite shit.

If only medieval art was this badass.
"I also work as a disco ball, somehow. I told you how tough it is out there, right?"
Quite a way to go.
"That doesn't include the demon realm. I'm honestly clueless as to how you even got here."
Sexist dragon dick. (Is coincidentally the name of this underground porno I'm making.)
I can imagine what The King has sacrificed, somewhat, but for everybody else, I'm kind of at a loss.
"How about we get rid of these sentries and just go wild?" "Come on, man! My kids are right here!" "....You saying you wanna take this behind the dumpster out back?"
Twaddle? Gotta remember to use that word.
"Oh, honey, it wasn't that much of a shock. We both know Collins won't really amount to anything." "I'm right here, Mom." "I know. You need to hear it."
"Nahh, it's perfectly fine. Ah lost count uh while ago, too in the hood." (Do not question the Ebonics translator.)
"Honey, have you been drinking again? I told you that we were having company!"
There are some really lax nuns in this universe, aren't there?
HOLD UP A SECOND. What happened to this place being burned to the ground?
Just look at how ecstatic this fucker is.
Watching his McLudman's empire collapse into the dust.
You're right that you better not. I've already had enough Debora talk to deal with.
What astute powers of observation.
"I needed an excuse to lie down, anyway."
Tautology: The Game.
"Spousal abuse is hilarious, especially when it's happening to my daughter."

#90 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
*maniacal cackling*

Because I don't have enough already.
I love how casual religion is in this universe. Just full of laughing priests and lustful nuns.
"I asked him to change your name because holy shit, this is confusing."
Once again, recognize.
"And who are you, again?"
"This is a weird kingdom we rule over." "It sure is."
Master Dragon became a human once again just to get his groove on.
No idea who those other two people are.
"We bestow upon thee the ability to create Mildarth, the ultimate form of the Judgment Arcana."
"OUR children? How many men did you fuck behind my back?"
"Now why couldn't WE dance in our throne room like that?"
Who left the fucking window open?
When they raise their hands, the women just spin in place. The Dance of Granvania.
"That's what we call foreshadowing....sort of."
This would be a phone number if not for the medieval universe.
"But dolls don't have that down there."
Remember when your dad escaped to some cave and died right before your eyes? What sweet memories.
Remember how that didn't open the door? Well, I have no problems telling the same joke twice.
"The only happy day of our marriage. Right, Bianca?"
She then spends the night crying into her pillow and breaking everything in sight.
"But you only compose the m-" "I WANT FULL OWNERSHIP."
"Look, you didn't even write anything new for this. It was only arran-" "I'LL SUE THE ASS OFF YOU!"
Finally.

And so ends this quest for dragons, 800-something screenshots later. Not that you'd know. Nobody really paid any attention once Debora refused to show. How disappointing. Sad thing, too, because I had a couple of leftover images, too. In fact, here they are:

Where do I go from here, though? Well, I'll be giving these types of threads a break for a little bit. You understand how tiring these fuckers are? Especially when they get to be as long as this? Not as bad as the Persona 3 thread, but....anyway, you may see a couple of shorter screenshot threads here and there, but it's gonna be a while before I try anything longer. But when I do get back to it...

...I think you'll b-NO! WE SHALL NOT SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!

Anyway, when I do get back to it...

...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

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