One giant fart joke
The original Fable was an interesting experiment, but ultimately didn't deliver on enough of its promises to have any lasting impact. When Fable II was announced, many (myself included) thought that the franchise's second outing would take the opportunity to right all previous wrongs. This proposition couldn't be farther from the truth. Fable II does nothing more than retread old ground, once again failing to deliver on its overly ambitious promises.
The main selling point for Fable II is that everything you do has a consequence. But the game only follows this mantra in the most shallow way possible. Everything you can do in the game takes little effort, and has no lasting effect. Want to get married? Simply walk out to the town square, flex your arms and let out a fart or two, and then observe as all the nearby townsfolk instantly fall in love with you. This process takes less than five minutes, and even then, having a spouse does absolutely nothing to help or hurt you- the only result is that some arbitrary person is labeled as your spouse. Everything in the game operates in this manner, even down to managing your items and money. Just blew all of your gold on a pub game? Don't worry, you can go mash the A button making swords for ten minutes, and will probably end up with more money than you began with anyway. It's easy enough to get all the money you need, which actually isn't a lot. There is nothing really worth buying in Fable II, making it another easily accomplished task with absolutely no consequence.
The main reason that you won't need money is because Fable II is stupid easy. The only equipment you'll need to buy are your weapons, and practically anything you equip will be good enough to get the job done. Even if you do manage to die, you'll be brought instantly back to life with a paltry experience penalty- an amount of which you'll easily recover by killing the next thing you see. I could go on and on with this stuff, but I think you get the point. Fable II is an incredibly shallow game, as everything you do seems to follow the mantra, "You could, but why would you want to?". You do things simply for the sake of doing in Fable II, as the game can be "beaten" quickly with no extra effort required. Thus, Fable II is more of a virtual playground than anything else. It's not a game that shows you something, or gives you any satisfying task to complete. It simply exists so that you might wander around and find something that will tickle your funny bone. Assuming you can navigate through the clunky interface and frequent slowdown to get there.
What hurts Fable II even more is that all of this was already accomplished by the original Fable. Other than your dog (who is seemingly useless), there is nothing of note in Fable II that wasn't in the original. As such, its promises of unparalleled freedom and choice ring hollow once again. I'm sure there will be those who can find something entertaining to do in Albion, but a slew of juvenile attempts at humor and entertainment only rarely made me smile- fart jokes can only carry a game so far.
For additional information on my review style and scoring system, click here.
