And all because the lady loves cake..
When I was a small boy I used to dream about being a mighty warrior. One that wouldn't think twice about carving a path through the hordes of enemies that had kidnapped an innocent damsel. Once through the hordes and into the castle where she was held, I would stop at nothing and fight my way to the dungeon below, vanquishing soldiers en route, until finally, triumphantly, arriving at the side of my beloved princess, then I would stick a big piece of cake in her mouth, sling her over my shoulder and run off back to my castle.
Now at long last my dreams have been made a reality!
Fat Princess is, at its heart, a capture the flag game. You get to join one of two warring factions in the struggle to rescue your princess and get her back to her throne. This task is made somewhat harder by the fact that princesses are susceptible to cake, which strangely grows in abundance around the kingdom. I suppose though that if the land around my house had a habit of sprouting fully formed chocolate cake I would probably be a bit of an addict too. Anyway, this cake makes the poor flag-err-princess pile on the pounds, to the point that if you have to rescue one and she is in full on caked up mode, you are going need backup from your teammates to drag her arse back to base.
To aid you in success, the game offers up six classes for the player to choose from at the drop of a hat, literally. To change class you simply pick up the relevant hat and off you go. These hats can either be taken from the still warm bodies that lay cooling on the floor, or from convenient hat making machines within your castle walls. This all adds a wonderfully fluid element to the game. One second you are a Warrior chasing a Mage around with a big axe, you kill him, grab his pointy hat and prepare to shoot fireballs at the Ranger that just appeared round the corner. The classes themselves seem a nice mix, though 1on1 fights tend to suffer from a rock, paper, scissors style outcome.
Its when you work as a team that this game works though, and a clever combination of classes roaming the landscape can result in some serious dominance. Its not all combat though as there is a nice strategy element to the game too, in that players can choose to be Workers, which lets them grab resources from the maps in the form of wood and stone, that can be used to bolster the defences, or if you prefer, upgrade the classes to give them such things as better weapons, potions and even bombs.
The battles take place over a number of beautifully stylised and unique maps, from Pirate ships docked at either end of an island, to lava strewn volcanoes. The maps themselves offer plenty of different ways to accomplish the objectives, with secret passages and catapults all allowing for quick movement around the terrains, and from the defenders point of view, a feeling that no matter what, that castle isn't impregnable.
Like all games though, Fat Princess isn't without its flaws. Playing offline with bots can be frustrating as they tend to do pretty much whatever they choose. Online with real people throws up its problems too in that for most people Teamwork is a four letter word. A round filled with lone wolf type players can result in long stalemates as neither team has the edge needed to get the Princess back to base. These niggles aren't enough however to take away the sheer fun this game can bring, and even if you grow weary of rescuing the princess, there's a few more modes in there to discover and enjoy.
Fat Princess is a PSN game for people like me. In fact, if you think the best way to stop someone from stealing your princess is to fatten her up on cake and lock the castle doors then Fat Princess is for you too.
