Posted by ShaggE (6335 posts) -

Okay, so I haven't been able to get this dumb idea out of my head. Fanfics about real people have always made me slightly uncomfortable and disturbed, and if there's anything that I enjoy doing, it's making people slightly uncomfortable and disturbed. So what better thing to waste my (and, hopefully, your) time on than a collection of short and surreal horror/comedy stories about the Bomb Crew?

I can't promise that they'll be Worth Reading, but I do hope you take at least a Quick Look when I post each new chapter. If I had more talent, I'd do some sort of Video Thing, but I'd rather do this than go about my usual habit of just playing Random PC Games. Something something Endurance Run.

So here's the introduction, and I'll keep writing as inspiration strikes. I apologize in advance for this stupid thing.

--------------------

The internet is a big goddamn place. Imagine that every website takes up the same amount of space as a building. Google, YouTube, PornHub, etc. would be skyscrapers. 420yolo.com, catfancygifts.com, and so on would be average-sized houses. Mike's Duke 3D Maps and Wishbone Fan Page (under construction) would be a cardboard box in an alleyway.

Picture that, and try not to pee yourself.

Now, with the internet being so unfathomably huge, so bladder burstingly massive, what are the chances that an unassuming man what cracks wise about video games for a website the size of your local PetSmart would accidentally ingest the entire thing?

Pretty fucking low. Which is why that didn't happen. What DID happen takes a bit more explaining. You see, there's this website. Giantbomb.com. To your average Joe McGillicutty that comes across it, it's a weird and funny site about video games. That's Jeff Gerstmann's doing. He founded this site, and it's his job to maintain the facade of relative normalcy.

But I'm here today to tell you this: There's nothing about Giantbomb.com that even comes within the same zip code as "normalcy". What if I told you that one of the staff members, a Bradley Shoemaker, gave birth to himself just last week? Or that one Ryan Davis became a website two days prior?

"That's nonsense", you'd say. You'd be correct, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. That doesn't mean that a Mr. Vinny Caravella isn't occupying the same physical space as Danny DeVito as we speak.

Perhaps I should elaborate, starting with Jeff "Jeff Gerstmann" Gerstmann and the first "incident" following the launch of the website...

#1 Posted by fodigga (123 posts) -

Slow start, I'm not even a little uncomfortable or disturbed yet. Maybe next time.

But really, I would like to see where you take this.

Online
#2 Posted by ShaggE (6335 posts) -

Slow start, I'm not even a little uncomfortable or disturbed yet. Maybe next time.

But really, I would like to see where you take this.

Haha, yeah, the more I look at it the more it reads like a bad John Dies at the End ripoff. I have a bad habit of hating everything I write, though, even when it's a silly throwaway thing like this.

Still, I wasn't expecting any comments other than "The fuck is this?" and "Stop doing this thing you're doing.", so cheers!

#3 Edited by JJWeatherman (14557 posts) -

I will read more of this.

#4 Posted by JackSukeru (5904 posts) -

I read some of the stuff you posted in the Bombcast thread, it was fun to read, will you be reposting those here?

#5 Edited by PenguinDoctor (293 posts) -

Can we just agree in advance to not include any cannibalism?

Not much here yet, but i'll give it a few chapters.

#6 Edited by Demoskinos (14563 posts) -

Can we just agree in advance that it has include cannibalism?

Not much here yet, but i'll give it a few chapters.

I agree. I agree.

#7 Edited by ShaggE (6335 posts) -

I read some of the stuff you posted in the Bombcast thread, it was fun to read, will you be reposting those here?

Cheers! Yeah, I'll rewrite them and flesh them out a bit. I had this whole other plot in my mind with the expanding walls and Ryan's internal search engine.

As for cannibalism, does Vinny gnawing his own leg off count? I mean, if his leg isn't a leg anymore? :P

#8 Edited by JackSukeru (5904 posts) -

@shagge: Cool, I'll look forawrd to it.

#9 Posted by notdavid (822 posts) -

Ok, internet. Let's see where you take me this week.

Oh no. This is... This won't do at...

This will be fine.

#10 Edited by EquitasInvictus (2004 posts) -

WHAT IS THAT LOVECRAFTIAN ABOMINATION OF JEFF AS THIS THREAD'S PICTURE?!