I've grown up in house with a high tech toilet. It has been initially installed for the benefit of my grandpa, whom has lost a foot to diabetes, to make his life easier.
My childhood toilet was a combination between toilet and bidet and blow drier. The seat was heated too. There were weight-sensors on the rim, and it would activate the bidet functionality while flushing, when it detected somebody sitting on it. The toilet then extended a horizontal metal hose, that proceeded to squirt a strong and steady jet of warm water up my butthole. Kind of a low rent enema. Made my butt feel real clean. After, a hot air blower dried my nether regions gently.
Needless to say, pretty much every toilet since has been beneath me. After moving out, it took years to become comfortable with regular toilets. Still hate the nasty business of wiping a lot. Fucking wet wipes just don't compare. Public toilets without wet wipes? A nightmare.
Taking a shit was one of my most favorite things in life back then. Now, it's a hassle and annoyance. That's how good a high tech toilet is. If you can afford to spoil yourself with a killer high tech toilet, you are a horrible person if you don't do so. Not saying Ryan shouldn't marry his girl, but I'm also not saying he shouldn't rather marry a high tech toilet instead.
Life is too short, and taking shits too inevitable for it to be a hassle and annoyance. Spruce up your life, and turn taking a shit into an outright sexually pleasing experience. Like getting your butt licked-out clean by mermaids, and dried off by angles blowing fairy dust up your keister. High tech toilets - because good people deserve better.
Are any of you guys high tech toilet snobs like me? Or are you stalwart defenders of the old faithful chamberpot and other low-fi poop receptacle solutions?