The 'Five Bucket' Theory

This is in regards to the 'five bucket' theory brought up on the recent Bombcast, as described by Jeff. Now, I have long subscribed to such a theory - no matter how other websites try to justify their stars or points or ratings, anything can be boiled down to 'five buckets'. This is particularly evident in the new (now old) Joystiq star system they adapted. They have an explanatory page describing their star rating system, attributing definitions such as "this is for people who like the genre" or "you will definitely like it despite its flaws". While I think they're spineless jerks who caved in to the rating system so as to be included in the Metacritic fold, that's neither here nor there (I still respect the editors and writers, but fuck that noise). The main point I'm trying to make is, only the most dedicated of fans will give enough of a shit to read up on your rating system. Most will assume, as Jeff correctly pointed out, that your website follows the 'five bucket' rule. I always found the Newgrounds rating system to be concise and to-the-point. They deal on a 6-point scale, but the concept is intact:

Now, after ranting/soliloquy-ing for a good length, you may ask what the hell is the point of all this. In this roundabout way, I simply wanted to say that the 'five bucket' theory reminded me of a chapter from Sideways Stories from Wayside School, a delightful book by Louis Sachar. In this particular story, Mrs. Jewls states that there will be a pop quiz the following week. The students, eager to avoid any such thing, begin to rationalize and finally figure out that, if there is no pop quiz on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, then it can't possibly "pop" on Friday because they'll already be expecting it and it will no longer be "pop" in nature. Mrs. Jewls agrees, and concedes that it won't "pop" on Friday. Fresh off their victory, the students perform their deduction a further 3 more times to eliminate Thursday, Wednesday and Tuesday, which by proxy eliminates Monday. At the end of the chapter the reader learns that, in fact, there won't be a pop quiz the following week.

Now that I have your attention, you may have noticed that this has stealthily transformed into a Wayside Stories From Wayside School thread, in which we delve into our long-lost memories related to WSFWS, or Louis Sachar stories in general. How about that Holes? That was pretty funny. The movie wasn't too hot though.

Sideways Stories from Wayside School is probably my favorite children's book. Goddamn. 
Goddamn.

Last time I read that book was at least two years ago.

Those books are awesome. So is Holes.

@SexyToad said:

Last time I read that book was at least two years ago.

So you're... 14...?

Just joshin'. I'm a fan of going back to childhood favorites. I feel like a complete dumbass, and would never actually read a children's book in the open, but when I'm alone, I'll gladly curl up and pop open Harry Potter 1, which I did a few months back... and finished it in about 3 hours. That shit is short. It seemed daunting at the time.

On a related note, I highly recommend Lloyd Alexander's Prydain series. It's a 5-book series, which is basically Tolkein for 12-year-olds, but it's still an excellent series. That's where the Black Cauldron comes from, for those in the know.

Did Jeff describe it or just mention it in passing when Vinny was rating Unwritten Tales?

SSfWS is good. Its sequel is also good. "Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger" is okay... I assume the sideways spelling and math books are good for budding cryptographers, but I couldn't make much sense of it when I was younger.

Holes is pretty good. How are "Stanley Yelnats' Survival Guide to Camp Green Lake" and "Small Steps"?