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Posted by Ryan

Holiday video-game gift guides are, by and large, worthless. Who are they actually meant for? If you're the kind of person who visits Giant Bomb--or really, any video-game-focused publication--you're already wired in well enough to know what games you want for Christmas. You read reviews, you check out demos, you comment on forums. You know what's up. If you're the kind of person who actually needs advice on what games to buy your loved ones, the chances of you finding your way here are razor-thin. It's always nice to think your website's got a big enough reach to hook such a casual audience, but in all likelihood, it just isn't so. And regardless of whether the gift guide is intended for hardcore or casual types, they'll all inevitably end up with Modern Warfare 2, Left 4 Dead 2, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Assassin's Creed II, and The Beatles: Rock Band in one order or another anyway. Again, who benefits from such obvious-ass lists?

Which is what prompted us last year to make a Giant Bomb holiday gift guide with a very specific, clear-cut audience: ourselves. Rather than reiterate the reviews that we already provide year-round, we shared some of the other stuff we'd like to find under the tree, providing our inner circles of gift-givers with some handy tips, as well as some insight for you, dear reader, into the personalities behind Giant Bomb. And now we're back for round two. Yeah, it's 2009, and we've still got more games than we know what to do with, but that doesn't stop us from coveting other material goods!
To reiterate what we said last year, our hope here is to expose you to some of the stuff outside of games that we're into. So please, don't take this as a call to actually try and buy us any of this crap. If you see something shiny that you like, feel free to follow the link to Amazon and pick it up there. Ultimately, though, these lists are provided for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

Drew provides proof that money can buy happiness. Lots of it.



Official Nintendo and Star Wars Wii Darth Vader Sensor Bar Holder
If you want to make it crystal clear to people who come to your house that you are a colossal nerd, look no further.

Logitech Flight System G940 Force Feedback Joystick
In another universe, where I have time to play video games, I would totally make use of this sucker. Since this is not to be, I might just buy it and look at it.

Sonic The Hedgehog - The Complete Series (1993)
The only game-related show or movie that I've ever actually enjoyed. Plus, I just discovered that Sonic is voiced by Jaleel White. Woah.

  Now I just need some pinball machine parts. 
ATN PhantomIR Thermal Vision Binocular

Dude, SCREW night vision goggles. These babies let you see like the freaking PREDATOR. Speaking of which...

Predator [Blu-ray] (1987)
Sometimes I watch this movie just for the Handshake. You know which one I'm talking about.

Uranium Ore 
Amazon really does have everything.

Fade Gear Crunch Box Disc Golf Bag
Every time I'm out on the course and I see a dude with a bag like this, with a disc for every conceivable kind of shot, I think "man, I wish I was like that dude, except with a shirt on."

 Hello ladies. 

T-Rex Adult T-Shirt
Wasn't really interested in this one until Amazon told me that other users who had bought the Uranium also bought this. Now it's got me thinking...

JBL 42-inch Speargun
Fishing rods are for chumps. Also, you and a friend can both get one, and then you can fight while wearing this:

Medieval Full-Size METAL CHAIN MAIL (emphasis original)
Just look at that picture. Dude is STOKED to be wearing chain mail. And why shouldn't he be? I mean, he's practically impervious to arrows now. That's power you can't buy... or IS IT?

Brad drank way too much nog and would settle for a bottle of Tums.

LED Faucet Lights 

 I literally cannot process the contents of this image.
THE WATER CAN BE BLUE OR RED. BLUE. OR RED. Hang on, let's just hop in my flying car and jaunt on over to the future store to buy these.
Fight Club 10th-Anniversary Blu-ray 
Man, I feel old. I'm confident in saying this is still the best David Fincher/Brad Pitt collaboration ever, without having seen Benjamin Button.
Air: Love 2 
Dreamy-fuzzy French synth-pop warms my soul. Wait... crap. I just bought it. Curse you and your instant gratification, Amazon MP3 store. You should probably still buy it anyway.
Stephen King: Just After Sunset
King's novels are a little long-winded for my taste but the guy sure spins a spooky short story. I still go back to Night Shift and Skeleton Crew once every year or two.
Hickory Farms Family Reunion Gift Box
I don't have any long-lost family to reunite, but that's OK, I was planning to eat all this myself anyway. (One box cracked pepper & olive oil Triscuits sold separately.)
Intel 160gb Solid-State Drive
I'm tired of hearing about how snappy and awesome an SSD will make your computer. Almost as tired as I am of waiting for the price to drop below $4 a gigabyte.
Modern Warfare 2 Limited Edition Xbox 360
Actually, I just wanted the 250gb hard drive; you can keep the console.
Nintendo 2000-Point Card 
My Shop account needs bolstering for all those incredible DSiWare games I'm going to be buying in 2010. Right? Right Nintendo?

Soprano Ukelele
Yeah, like I need another excuse not to wear shoes around the office.


Vinny is sleeping straight through Black Friday.

  Always a pimp.

Touchcharge Kit
Screw you Nintendo and your damn peripherals! Now I have to buy a new charger because the Wii Motion Plus adapter renders my current one absolutely useless. Why do you hate me?

1974 Cap'n Crunch Cereal Marx Big Wheel Offer Print Ad
The 70's were a strange time for everyone.

Xbox 360 Arcade
I'm still rocking my original, component only, Xbox 360. Though I'm proud of it for lasting this long, I wouldn't mind placing a new HDMI version atop its ANTIQUATED-ASS CARCASS. WHAT AM I LIVING IN 1989?

  Uh...my knife says "Human"

Bose® SoundDock® Portable digital music system - Gloss Black
I like to listen to music while I cook, and my crappy little thing that currently spits hot tunes at me doesn't say BOSE on it. That means it's not ridiculously overpriced, but also it doesn't say BOSE on it.

Wacom Techno Cintiq 21UX 21-Inch Interactive Pen Display PC Tablet
I'm still using the same beige Wacom tablet I've had since the dawn of time. Seeing as the DS did not satisfy my artist need to constantly draw mustaches on photos of Mario Van Peebles, I guess I need this.

Top Chef Quickfire Challenge Game
Kevin is going to win.

Wall Mount Fish Bowl Aquarium Tank Beta Goldfish
Two things about this item. One, it's a ghetto-ass fish tank that mounts to your wall. Two, I would totally mount it to the ceiling! Ideally, when some super-cop comes to take me out, this will shatter in slow motion as I hit the floor. [CUT TO] Goldfish is gasping for air [FADE OUT]

 That fish is freaking out! 

3M Performance Plus 8979N Nuclear Grade 48-Millimeter-b​y-54.8-Meter Duct Tape, Slate Blue
"It is with the profoundest regret that I report that the Nuclear Grade duct tape does not . . . and I mean definitely not . . . eliminate the seepage of the unique form of energy created by cold fusion." - Amazon 1 Star Review

Skeleton Clock by Loricron Clocks - Antique Brass Finish Skeleton Clock
I don't know if it's because I've played too much Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time or what, but I've really wanted a nice mechanical clock recently. This just looks classy, like an acryclic wall mounted fish tank.

Klipsch Synergy SUB-12 Subwoofer Speaker
Ever wonder if your downstairs neighbors know exactly how many shots it takes to get through a certain level? Now you can eliminate all the mystery with a giant subwoofer! Nothing says "I LOVE YOU, AND THIS AWESOME SHOTGUN" like giant speakers in a tiny apartment.

Ryan is disappointed that Amazon doesn't sell handguns.  


  At least I'm not an anteater. 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4 (Girl in Gold Boots / Hamlet [1961] / Overdrawn at the Memory Bank / Space Mutiny) 
I'd rather that Shout! Factory just release a single, ridiculously expensive package with the full run of MST3K, but of the stuff that's been released so far, this volume's a highlight for me. Space Mutiny 's pretty good, but Raul Julia's performance in the breathtaking made-for-PBS sci-fi epic Overdrawn at the Memory Bank needs to be seen to be believed. It makes Street Fighter seem like a dignified way to go out.
Star Trek: The Original Series - Seasons 1-3 [Blu-ray] 
It's true, JJ Abrams reminded me what I already knew: Star Trek is awesome. A nice, crisp transfer of the original 35MM filmstock, plus the option to toggle between the original special effects and the (tastefully restrained) new CG effects shots, make this a must-have for me.
Star Trek: The Original Series: Classic Captain's Chair Replica 
Is there a simultaneously more awesome and tragic way to spend three thousand dollars? Probably, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head.
Apples to Apples Party Box - The Game of Hilarious Comparisons
My girlfriend turned me onto Apples to Apples a few years ago, and it's an ideal way to make interacting with your family during the holidays more bearable. Also available in Junior, Jewish, and Bible editions. Weird.
Apple MacBook Pro MB991LL/A 13.3-Inch Laptop 
SPEAKING OF APPLES!!! Going into its third year of service, my current MacBook is starting to feel its age.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Its A Very Sunny Christmas 
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is basically a live-action South Park but with a central cast that is more openly vulgar, stupid, selfish, and hateful. This is their Christmas special. Happy holidays!
In proper Beatles fan fashion, I'd just like to declare “Hey Bulldog” as the best, most underappreciated song in the band's catalog. Discuss!

 It's bacon!

Omaha Steaks Precooked Bacon Slices 
As novel as the whole bacon-flavored food craze is, you can't beat straight-up bacon. This is 100 strips of pre-cooked bacon, the perfect gift for your loved ones who love life, but hate living it.
Trademark 10-HT1F 84 x 42 Texas Holdem Poker Padded Folding Table 
As a first-time homeowner, I can't help but feel like my house won't be a home until it features a large, permanent poker table.
TOTO Seats SW554 01 Washlet S300 Toilet Seat - Elongated, Cotton  
I threw something similar to this on last year's list. It's a year later, and I don't have a crazy-expensive toilet seat that performs all manner of magical feats on one's undercarriage. What is this, communist Russia?

Jeff doesn't know it's Christmas.


 See, it says 'executive' right on it. So you know it's for me! 

Kindle DX 
This is something I'd probably dig, but would never buy myself... because I typically buy one to three books a year. Right around the time I get into the second book I think "man, I should get a Kindle." But that would just be stupid.
Executive Draw Poker
I live a life of elegance and I demand the finest video poker that money can buy. Thankfully, this one has been helpfully marked "executive," so you know it's good.
Moose Mountain 100 balls in a mesh bag 
I'm still thinking about sectioning off my living room and turning it into a giant ball pit. Come on, that'd be rad.
Apple Cinema 30-inch HD Flat-Panel Display 
The four screens I currently have don't heat up the room enough. This second, gigantic monitor should do the trick. Naked computing, here I come! 

  Combine with Commando Pro for extended range!

LG 27in Washing Machine Front Load - Cherry Red 
My current washing machine is a complete pile of junk. Also, this one is cherry red.
Cold Steel Knife Voyager XL 
I don't know about you, but nothing makes sitting on the couch and watching mindless television more enjoyable than having a gigantic knife to play carefully flip open and shut over and over again. This one can stab through the hood of a car.
Victor Electronic Rat Trap 
The only good rat is a dead rat.
iTouchless Bio-Matic Fingerprint Door Lock For Right Hand Door, Silver 
Keys are so played. If I could use fingerprints to open my front door, we'd be living in the future. Next up, voice verification. At that point, I'd just feel like I was living inside Sneakers 24/7.

  Rats check in, but THEY DON'T CHECK OUT.

Valley-Dynamo Hot Flash 2 
My air hockey dream continues to be unfufilled. This one has room for a black light to make stuff glow.
State by State With the State: An Uninformed, Poorly Researched Guide to the United States 
OK, you got me. I already own a copy of this that I bought when it was new, and it's terrific. But since then, it's gone on to become some kind of collector's item. So I figure I should probably start hoarding them. When the apocalypse comes, pages from this book will be the only hard currency left!

Posted by TheClap


Posted by brocool

Nice list!

Posted by Erik


Posted by lukegib
Posted by Kohe321

Wow this list is awesome! Great work guys! Have a happy thanksgiving.

Posted by misterpope

Good old Amazon. Never fails.
Posted by carlthenimrod

I like the 99 cent sale on the 360 Arcade unit. Almost a whole dollar, what an amazing deal.

Posted by Milkman

None of Drew's links work.

Posted by nail1080

Wow why have I been spending all my money on games all this time!

Posted by Jeffsekai


Posted by DewRequired

OMG are the rats checked in forever?!

Posted by Video_Game_King

Of course the 70s were strange, Ryan. When else would cereal mascots have two DUIs :P?
Or you could litter your ceiling with goldfish landmines. Then you adopt your evil persona as That Goldfish Guy (all the good ones were taken).
Electronic rat trap? Does it come with a little statue of Emperor Palpatine that shoots lightning and shouts "ULTIMATE POWERRR!!!!" whenever a mouse gets stuck in it?

Posted by Dynamitekyle


Posted by MauveForest

Nice washing machine Jeff, it even has a steam clean option, wow!

Posted by RHCPfan24

I love the Giant Bomb holiday gift guide!!  IGN and other sites' gift guides really are worthless; we don't need to know what are the good games or not. This type of article is funny yet full of stuff that I would like to get too.
Drew, yes, I know the handshake. It really is one of the best movie moments of the 80s.
Ryan, go get the Beatles Mono Set. I bought it a few weeks ago and it is excellent. Hey Bulldog is also a pretty good song, so I agree with you there.

Posted by Tebbit

That nuclear duct tape has some hilarious customer reviews.

Posted by The_Philosopher

Best holiday wishlist guide thingy of all time.

Posted by Raven_Sword

lol, I loved that Sonic teh Headgehog cartoon. I already have it on DVD.
Posted by Poki3
Uranium Ore is by far the best gift. Reading Customer Reviews of that is hilarious xD
Posted by NickNorman

Ryan, you're so right. I love Hey Bulldog.
There is so much crap here that I'd love to have, if only to use once or twice and forget about. LED Faucet Lights? A Space Invaders shaped Ice cube tray? A fish tank that you can mount on the wall? Yes please. 

Also: Where's Dave's list? I'd love to see some of his crazy PC-gaming-is-the-best-thing-ever stuff.

Posted by BenderUnit22

Wow, they actually sell uranium ore

Posted by Torrim

Why are they offering Duct tape together with a rubix cube for a discount.  THESE THINGS DONT GO TOGETHER.

Posted by cstrang
@TheClap: But there are SIX cookies. SIX.
@Vinny:  I feel you about the Xbox, man.  I'm still rocking the component only.  It makes me feel old.  Doesn't really go with my 42" HDTV.
Posted by TheYear20XX

Just bought that Space Invaders ice cube tray. Hell yes. Thanks Brad.

Posted by Demonstride

This reminds me that I should make my Christmas list....

Posted by Shifty_Mcfly

I'd buy those thermal goggles Drew, but the shipping is way too much.

Edited by skrutop

@brad: I have the Space Invaders ice cube trays, and I can attest that they are as awesome as you'd believe.  They even have little divots in the mold for eyes, so when you put them in punch they look like their eyes are glowing red.  F'n sweet!!!
@ryan: Space Mutiny is one of the funniest episodes of MST3K ever.  Slab Hardbody.  Chunk Gristlechest.  Big McLargeHuge!

Edited by tineyoghurt

You know, they recorded Hey Bulldog while ad libbing for the Lady Madonna promotional video.

Edited by Cazamalos

i want to see the SNIDE wishlist NOW NOW YA

Posted by Winternet

Damn that binocular is expensive. As is the air hockey table. The poker table seems rad. You know you can't miss on those Air albums, Brad. They suck your life if you don't buy it. And I SO want that chair. The most wicked thing ever.

Edited by Driadon
Edited by NoXious

These lists make me feel bad I spent 300$ on games the last month alone, it could've been spent so much better.

I wish Dave was considered part of the crew! :(

Posted by EpicSteve
Posted by Cerza

Great lists guys.

Posted by Dalai

And Ryan has the best taste.  MST3K, Apples to Apples, poker, and bacon combined make for a hilariously enjoyable Christmas.

Posted by RipTheVeins

 Wait... Ryan, like me, enjoys It's Always Sunny? It all makes sense now.

Posted by Diamond

Now the Giant Bomb staff needs to buy all these things and feature them in a series of videos!

Posted by SXBIG
Posted by Linkyshinks

I've had my eyes on the Star Wars sensor bar holder myself.

Posted by Wildfire570

So what is the purpose of having Uranium Ore?

Edited by MichaelScott

Hey Bulldog is an amazing Beatles song, my guess as to why it's so underappreciated is that it was never released on any of their singles and it was on the Yellow Submarine soundtrack. Definitely the most underappreciated Beatles song.  
Apples to Apples sounds pretty awesome, as does the executive draw poker and the Uranium Ore. So many great ideas! 

Posted by Driadon
@Wildfire570: In case your neighbor is a terrorist.
Posted by TripMasterMunky

20k for thermal goggles? Daannngg.

Posted by SuperJoe

Where's Coonce's wishlist of snowboards, gel, and porn?

Posted by mleach26

Awesome list again, well done guys :D, I particularly like the replica Captains chair
Also the Blu-ray of Star Trek is a good choice as well

Posted by Sharpshooter

I want that door lock.
Posted by Th3_James

now i wanna watch jingle all the way

Posted by Metal_Mills
@Wildfire570 said:
" So what is the purpose of having Uranium Ore? "
To say "I own Uranium Ore"
And then poison people with it.
Posted by Davola

The reason Hey Bulldog is under appreciated is because its on Yellow Submarine, who even has that album?

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