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Posted by Beforet

So imagine me, long flowing black hair and twelve (yes) rock solid abs, sitting in my swivel chair while pontificating over my growing collection of unplayed games. Struck was I with the responsibility of actually making a decision, of choosing a direction down which I would lead my life into a new future. This frightened me greatly, so in place of committing, I instead decided to crawl back into my cave of blissful, ignorant nostalgia and forget about the big, scary sky of infinite possibilities. I replayed...dramatic ellipses.

Final Fantasy VII

Yo, this game is good. Which is to say, it is still good. The graphics are pretty terribad, being from that woeful age of early PSX not3D modeling that has aged like a unmolested corpse. But otherwise, the game holds up. The combat is quick, the materia allows a level of customization that does not devour the rest of the game, and the music is effing incredible. Seriously, check this shit:

So the game part is still great, but the rest falls apart under modern scrutiny. The script is sloppily translated, with grammar gaffs and awkward dialog, and the story itself is often incomprehensible. The characters are either paper thin cardboard cut outs or Cloud and Tifa, with any depth and characterization added to them being forgotten or ignored halfway into the game. Having said that, the plot does have its moments and I was actually impressed by the oddly postmodern dynamic between Zack, Cloud and the player.

Conclusion!: FFVII is still a great game despite its graphical and written short comings. It's fun to play, the music is great to listen to and the plot does have some interesting moments. It deserves to be played by everyone.

What Final Fantasy VII does not deserve is a...

Remake

“What?!” say the enraged voice in the back of my skull, “you just finished fellating the damned game!” Well, you see, it's kind of an issue that I have with our demand for remakes: we just want an excuse to replay our favorite games. And it's true. When a game is good, you want more of it. But we also don't want to replay the exact same game, so we ask for a remake that will allow us to justify it to ourselves. I'm the same way. I squee'd like an anime high school girl with over-enlarged tits when Konami announced the MGS HD stuff. But do MGS2-3 need HD remakes? There in lies the rub: those games haven't gone anywhere. FFVII has not gone anywhere. It's in fact very easily acquired through PSN. And the game itself, block men and smurf shoes aside, plays very well today. So there is no reason for it to be remade.

I could go into further details why it shouldn't be remade, such as the game becoming a corridor crawl and Cloud turning into a prick, but I won't. Because I just did. If anything should happen with this game, it ought to be a rerelease on PSP with an updated script. Or, you know what, make the PC version available on Steam. That has both the improved script and HD mods. Square wouldn't even need to put work into it!

Remakes have their place, but it should not be to rehash the games we already love. We should reserve remakes for those games that have great promise but fail for one reason or many. A game that tells a great story but has tedious gameplay. A game that delivers on great characters but falls short on basic mechanics. A game that has a fucking terrible card minigame. A game like...

Final Fantasy IX

“...What?” asks the confused voice at the far left side of my skull. Yes, you see, I forgot to mention that I also replayed FFIX, one of the franchise's “black sheep” to many a fan. IX is actually my favorite game in the franchise, but I wanted to see how the game fared when set against the juggernaut.

I'll start by saying that IX does what NintenSevendon't. The characters are amazing, the story is coherent and large in scope, and the writing is many levels above. Themes such as death, humanity and effing genocide are addressed, yet the game doesn't drown in the sea of its own melodrama. And it has a much better villain (suck it Sephiroth, Kuja is both prettier and deadlier. What you kill, a snake? That and he's a man of culture). And it has Vivi, who is my fucking bro. Edit: Final Fantasy IX also has the best chocobos in the series!

I mean, just look at this guy!

That said, the game, the part you play, is not good. FFVII's quick battle transition is replaced with a 5-10 second loading screen. VII's relatively quick encounters are replaced with bloated attack animations and long wait times between command and execution. And it has random encounters, and fuck random encounters.

The worst part is maybe the trance system. Limit Breaks, you may remember, were VII's awesomely broken super attacks. Most characters' limit breaks were capable of one shotting mooks, and Cloud was a physical god with a full bar. Zidane, likewise, has Level 9 Diety powers when in trance, but everyone else's is either useless or just barely make up for the character's shortcomings. You can't control when they are activated, and the trance bar empties if the battles ends while the character is “Tranced.” Which really sucks if that happens right after you make the battle ending attack.

Thievery is a tedious mechanic which is only compounded by being the main character's gimmick. Good items can be had, but the luck based nature of the thing makes it more of a chore than it's worth.

And the card game. Tetra Master was probably made to emulate the success of Final Fantasy VIII's Triple Triad. I could write a whole blog-NO-book about this game, but here's what it comes down to: in Triple Triad, big number beat little number. In Tetra Master, you rely on Hexadecimal values and prayer, hexadecimal values and prayer!

I know that I just eviscerated the poor game, but do not misunderstand me: Final Fantasy IX is still my favorite in the series, despite its faults. Everything else about it works perfectly, it's just the game part that brings it down. If Square were to remake this game and fix the problems, like tighten up the animations, replace the dice rolls for stealing with a minigame or something, cut the random encounters and make a card game that runs on human logic, then Final Fantasy IX could be amazing in every respect.

And I would love to see Vivi rendered in glorious HD

Glorious!
Posted by Hailinel

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

Posted by CL60
@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.
Posted by wefwefasdf

I loved FF IX. My favorite game in the franchise.

Posted by Hailinel

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

Posted by CL60
@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

You are aware that's why I said that, right?
Posted by niamahai

the biggest stumbling block for a FF7 remake is the the entire combat system. The "you-slap-me-I-slap-you" turn based combat is so 1998.

and damn you. You have just sold me the need for a FF7 remake.

Posted by Brendan

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

You are aware that's why I said that, right?

I hope your both aware of how aware you are of each of your awareness, otherwise you would be unaware of just how silly this sounds.

Posted by CL60
@Brendan said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

You are aware that's why I said that, right?

I hope your both aware of how aware you are of each of your awareness, otherwise you would be unaware of just how silly this sounds.

I am aware. I just had to let him know of my awareness, because he got all up in my grill.
Posted by Fluxxed

This guy are sick.

Posted by Hailinel

@CL60 said:

@Brendan said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

You are aware that's why I said that, right?

I hope your both aware of how aware you are of each of your awareness, otherwise you would be unaware of just how silly this sounds.

I am aware. I just had to let him know of my awareness, because he got all up in my grill.

I wasn't intending to get up in your anything. I was just sayin'. :P

Posted by Faint

I don't want to see Square Enix do an HD remake any of their good titles until they get their shit together.

Posted by IBurningStar

You are getting a follow from me for sticking up for FF IX. Vivi is the best character in the entire series!

Posted by McGhee

FF9 sucked, FF7 was great, and FF8 was the best. And no, I don't wanna fight about it.

Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG

i used to want Square to make an HD remake but i realized im not a fan of Square games and i could just play the original FFVII by downloading it through PSN.  sure i didnt get to play the game when it came out and i havent played it yet but that doesnt mean i cant enjoy the experience

Posted by DAFTPUNK

Final fantasy X remake would be pretty :)

Posted by Grillbar

look i love FF VII alot but the only reason i would want then to do a remake is for people to finaly shut up and to see the people who has been crying about then not doing it go meh and then ignore it.

Posted by BombKareshi

'Nother reason for a remake of Final Fantasy VII for me would be full voice acting. Takahiro Sakurai as Cloud and Ken'ichi Suzumura as Zack all the way, man!
 
Also, I'm all for making cosmetic changes to the story. That's what alternate retellings are for. I seem to remember some people being annoyed by the changes they made in that short anime Last Order, but I loved every bit of that OVA, much more than the CG movie that it accompanied.

Posted by Hailinel

@BombKareshi said:

'Nother reason for a remake of Final Fantasy VII for me would be full voice acting. Takahiro Sakurai as Cloud and Ken'ichi Suzumura as Zack all the way, man! Also, I'm all for making cosmetic changes to the story. That's what alternate retellings are for. I seem to remember some people being annoyed by the changes they made in that short anime Last Order, but I loved every bit of that OVA, much more than the CG movie that it accompanied.

Last Order was pretty much booted from the continuity with the release of Crisis Core.

Posted by chrissedoff
@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Brendan said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

@CL60 said:

@Hailinel said:

There is but one reason and one reason only I want to see a remake of Final Fantasy VII.

I want to see that glorious cross-dressing minigame and all that's associated with it in full HD glory.

In HD he would just look like lightning.

You are aware that Lightning was designed to be a female Cloud, right?

You are aware that's why I said that, right?

I hope your both aware of how aware you are of each of your awareness, otherwise you would be unaware of just how silly this sounds.

I am aware. I just had to let him know of my awareness, because he got all up in my grill.

I wasn't intending to get up in your anything. I was just sayin'. :P

final fantasy characters all look dumb
Posted by Ragdrazi
@Beforet said:

    

I always felt like that song was more then a little inspired by Paul Revere & The Raiders' "Cherokee People".
Edited by Sooty

They might as well remake it because they sure as hell can't make new RPGs that are good these days.
 
or well I'm being a bit mean there, but they have been releasing pretty average stuff despite high production values.

Posted by BombKareshi
@Hailinel said:

Last Order was pretty much booted from the continuity with the release of Crisis Core.
I haven't played Crisis Core, so I wouldn't know, but my whole point was basically that I don't care for continuity as long as the presentation is good. I love Last Order for the way it portrays the game's events, whether or not it can be reconciled with the rest of the story. The same would apply for an FFVII remake if one were ever to exist.
Posted by Hailinel

@chrissedoff: I've noticed you never really have anything nice to say about the series.

Or Square Enix at all, really.

Posted by vidiot

It's the game part of the Final Fantasy VII remake, I'm most certainly interested in. There is some definite improvements that can be made mechanically with that game, and at the same time you don't want to alienate the fan-base with something that's not Final Fantasy VII.
 
I don't want Square to make a remake of Final Fantasy VII. Even though there's tons of raw potential for a Final Fantasy VII remake, the company right now is a complete mess. They're too busy doing everything but, a Final Fantasy VII remake. Their also re-releasing their back-catalog on every system but, an HD console. Hell, they publicly didn't even know that was a possibility, or something, recently. 
 
A simple solution: Get the PC version. Last time I checked, I thought there was a re-translation project. (It's been a while) They also have modes that swap character models, music, it's really impressive stuff given how haphazard that port is.

Posted by Apollo87

The only reason I'd liek to see HD remakes of actually some PSX games (FVII, IX and MGS) is because for the life of me I can't get myself to play them today with those graphics, I was lucky enough to experiment FFVII and IX when the graphics were acceptable but MGS I missed and just can't play bare to see those graphics, that's actually the only reason I haven't gotten into the MGS series, I actually bought the collection when it came out on PS2. 
 
To me actually both FF could use a remake and in case of VII I think if they don't make a big fuss about it and just bring the graphics up to date and sell it as a downloadable or go the way of an HD collection I could really see myself purchasing it. 
 
They could even do what some other companies have done where you can toggle between the new graphics and the old ones just use it as a skin for the game and I'd be pleased, I know this most probably won't happen since Square doesn't know how to do something without making a big deal about it but one can dream that maybe someday they'll see the way of the pretty easy buck without going all out on production values. 
 
On a side note I enjoyed IX's story and characters much more than VII's.

Edited by Skald

You had me at the third consecutive capital I.

Not that I'd buy it, I just think it's an interesting idea, calling for a PS1 Final Fantasy game that isn't VII to be remade.

Posted by SaturdayNightSpecials

@Beforet said:

So imagine me, long flowing black hair and twelve (yes) rock solid abs,

I first thought this meant you were twelve years old with rock-solid abs.

Posted by probablytuna

Just finished downloading and installed Final Fantasy VII from the PSN (FINALLY THE HK PSN IS BACK UP). Took me roughly five hours to download 1.3GB God damn I hate my internet.

Anyway, I'm one who doesn't really care if Final Fantasy VII gets remade or not. If it does, then perhaps a whole new generation of fans can enjoy it in all its HD glory. If it doesn't, we always have the original versions to cherish and play. Same with the MGS HD Collection the OP mentioned. Although I'm more excited for that because I can't (or rather, can't be bothered) get my hands on a new PS2 and copies of MGS2 and MGS3 so now that they're re-releasing it, I can play it again.

Posted by Toms115
@Faint said:
I don't want to see Square Enix do an HD remake any of their good titles until they get their shit together.
this. unless everyone from the original team was on board i don't think i could ever trust square enix to not fuck it up. 
 
also: ffviii > ffvii and ffix
Posted by Sayishere

In terms of the 3D Final Fantasy games, i would say in terms of visuals, 7 needs a remake. 9 and 8 looks so what ok, but the character models of 7 are really bad for this day and age.

Posted by Dookysharpgun
@Faint said:
I don't want to see Square Enix do an HD remake any of their good titles until they get their shit together.
This. Dear sweet baby jesus this! 
 
@niamahai said:

the biggest stumbling block for a FF7 remake is the the entire combat system. The "you-slap-me-I-slap-you" turn based combat is so 1998.

and damn you. You have just sold me the need for a FF7 remake.


I don't know about that, I think a lot of modern JRPGs that use that system are still entertaining. A remake of FFVII shouldn't entail a different combat system, because Square have a nasty habit of late, picking pointless combat systems, devoid of any strategy or player participation, and shoving them into half-assed games. So which is worse? A slightly dated system that is still perfectly valid in this day and age, or a new, useless combat system that would be criticized and could kill a great remake?
Posted by laserbolts
@Beforet I agree a remake of 9 would be amazing. I enjoyed 9 more than 7 but both are amazing games. Good read but I am disappointed with one thing. You wrote about 9 and didn't even mention the awesome chocabo (have no clue how to spell it) treasure digging madness minigame! I fucking loved that shit and spent hours at it. I think it more than made up for the shitty card game in the game.
Posted by Beforet

@laserbolts said:

@Beforet I agree a remake of 9 would be amazing. I enjoyed 9 more than 7 but both are amazing games. Good read but I am disappointed with one thing. You wrote about 9 and didn't even mention the awesome chocabo (have no clue how to spell it) treasure digging madness minigame! I fucking loved that shit and spent hours at it. I think it more than made up for the shitty card game in the game.

God dammit yes! Chocobo Hot and Cold is so much better than Chocobo racing in FFVII and that shit in X. Really, Final Fantasy IX has the best fucking chocobos in the series. Eff it, just cut the card shit and pur more focus on Choco, Square!

Posted by ttocs

Awesome post!

Posted by Karkarov

You know I was almost agreeing with you until you got to the part about how we should only remake bad games not good ones.  If you are going to remake anything at all it better be an excellent game that was worth re-playing in the first place.  FF9 does that meet that criteria.

Posted by fini_fly

I think they should remake FF9 because like me and probably many others, they missed it due to the release of the PS2.

Posted by ryanwho

Why remake FF7 when they can remake FF4 a 7th time?

Posted by ryanwho
@Ygg said:
They might as well remake it because they sure as hell can't make new RPGs that are good these days.  or well I'm being a bit mean there, but they have been releasing pretty average stuff despite high production values.
DQ9 was good. The Enix side of SE pulls their weight.
Posted by Elyk247

FFVII was just an okay game, I don't see the huge fuss. 
But yeah if they remade it and gave me Kingdom Hearts 3, they will make a shitload of moolah.

Posted by Beforet

Perhaps I should not have titled this blog post the way I did, sarcastically, as some people seem to have taken the wrong impression.