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Edited by pixieface
@Rawrnosaurous said:

Almost all my work in some way comes back to him, though.

Completely understandable. Why wouldn't it? I can tell that your friend meant the world to you and I can sympathize with such love. Having someone who understands you and accepts you no matter what is one of the most comfortable relationships to have... The loss of which is like a vacuum where happiness ought to be. It just feels wrong. Your dedication to respect his memory is very admirable.
I wish I could give a cure-all for grief, but there isn't one. It's a life-long process. I am sure you know that already. If depression makes it so you can't create (and I don't say that to be rude or presumptive, I say that because I have been in that situation), then another coping mechanism I can relate to you is that I will seek comfort in animals. Dogs are the best animals. They don't judge. They just want pets and snacks and they will love you unconditionally. They are sponges for pain. I'm in university, so I can't have animals. Though, I occasionally do volunteer at the animal shelter when I have the extra time giving rescued dogs walks and such. I also hijack my friend's pets and spoil them rotten.
If all else fails, I travel. Not even that far because, like I said, university. Walking and exercise releases endorphins and it feels good. When I walk, I visible make progress. Like creating something, it's a tangible and it's easy to wrap my head around. It's the little victories that help in the end.

I'm not going to give you direct advice because I don't know the details of your situation, I don't know you, and I would be a pretentious ass to assume I can solve all of your problems, no matter how much I would like to be able to. I will say, however, that I also made the switch from art major to english major due to emotional distress, though our situations are different, so I do feel for you. I also swore off art for a time but I came back to it eventually when I got my barrings again. Anti-depressants can be a worthwhile crutch and one that I certainly used for a time just so I could make it through everyday routines that others take for granted. Therapy, while it does not work for everyone, can be beneficial to some people just as it was for me. I'm not telling you to seek them out, just that they are good options despite the severe stigma attached to them.
Regardless of all of my rambling, please keep yourself healthy. Keep eating. Drink fluids. Get some sleep. That's what matters most.
Posted by Dick_Mohawk

Sorry for your loss, it's always a really difficult time when you lose someone so close.

I'm sure your friend knew how much you cared, it's almost an unspoken thing between best buds just because it doesn't need to be said. You connect on a level that is so much more profound then just general friendships.

Mourn for your friend, think of him, share your memories of him with others who knew him, but also know he wouldn't want you dwelling about it. He'd want you to spend your time living your life to the full.

Easier said than done, I know. Your friend is a part of you, a part of your life and experiences and in a way, will always be with.

Give it time and mourn in your own way, but also live your life.

Posted by Rawrnosaurous
@pixieface: I met my best friend the first day of college and we basically gravitated towards each other right away. We were both in the same field going through art classes that we invariably were both in. He was always a better artist than I was but we would play off of each other for concepts and weird things to do and work on but my urge to draw died when he did. As much as I feel sometimes that I should be drawing, I can't draw anymore he kinda took that with him. So I have had to switch majors now because on one hand I know I can't do his memory justice (annoying pun because that's his name) so I have ended up switching over to an english degree. Almost all my work in some way comes back to him, though.
Edited by pixieface

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I mean that. I hope you're okay.
I deal with it by pouring myself into the creation of something, mostly an illustration or a story. I've actually found that I subconciously sort out my issues when I write stories that, on the surface, would appear to have nothing to do with my life. Every character reflects a real world issue I have to varying degrees. Every situation is an allegory for what I'm facing on the outside. Characters solving their internal struggle is like me solving my internal struggle. If a mentor character dies in the story, it can be a reflection of a real world loss. The protagonist dealing with it helps ease me along the path of recovery. If he or she is brave enough to accept what happened and move on with life, then I am brave enough, too. It's not as if I actively assign characters to people I know in real life. It just sort of happens this way. The subconscious has a way of getting baggage out. The process can be very cathartic.
Drawing or painting a picture doesn't have the same problem-solving nature that writing does for me. It's more to just dump out my emotions onto paper. Furiously scratching into paper to create the image of, say, a screaming and contorted face gets raw anger out effectively.

The most important part of this process is that the end result is tangible. If I can't stand to look at whatever I create, I have the option of burning it, throwing it out, or ripping it up. Or, I can be proud of what I create. I can point at it and say, Bitches one and all, I did this. I can also share the result of my grief with others. Allowing people to see my secret, internal grief takes away a little bit more of the pain I keep bottled up every time. If something is intangible, like mourning via a bottle, then I have to understand the pain and destroy it on some higher, metaphysical level. A physical thing in front of me is much easier to deal with.
If you are interested in this sort of thing but feel storytelling or drawing isn't for you, then know that there are multiple avenues of creation you can pursue. Metal working and wood carving are both physically and mentally demanding, and can draw a lot of the anguish out of you when you're scraping at wood with a huge knife or banging away at metal with a gigantic hammer. I would imagine fixing up a car or tending to a garden would have the same result, too, and I know people who find Minecraft incredibly soothing for this very reason. 
Otherwise, I sleep too much, I cry a lot and get panic attacks. It's never an easy road, no matter how good your coping mechanisms. I wish you the best of luck.

Posted by lazyturtle
Ok, first of all..sorry about your friend. When I was in high school my best friend was killed in a car accident, which I saw happen. I slept for about 2 days after that, then I didn't think about it again for a while. I avoided talking about it with people (it was especially irritating because people always wanted details). The whole situation hit me pretty hard about a year later, on an evening that I went out drinking, but the next day I just pushed it aside and didn't talk about it  or think about it for a while. 
In retrospect, I'd say I didn't handle it well. Avoidance is apparently not the best way to deal with things.  I'm wasn't a very emotional person to start with (for example, I've been overcome with emotion once in my life that I can remember: the first time I saw my first child born), but I think that not talking about it made my emotional state worse...I really don't feel much anymore, unless I really stop to think about it. Even then..it is kind of a muted feeling, more like watching someone on TV rather than feeling something yourself. From time to time I've considered getting some consuling on the issue..but I can't bring myself to go there. 
Anyway, the point is, don't go down the avoidance path. I think that's caused me nothing but trouble. I'm not going to say cry, because its not something that I've every found helpful (frankly crying irritates the crap out of me), but I would say spend some introspective time, thinking about what you can do differently in the future. But also realize that no matter what you do, you'll feel sad, depressed and regretful over a lost loved one.  
@Tim_the_Corsair said:
 The one thing I will say is that telling the people in your life you love them is a great thing, but don't think for one second that your friend didn't know you felt that way. Everyone tortures themselves over this stuff, but if you take a step back you'll realise that you know that your loved ones care for you, regardless of how the express it; there's no reason to ever think they don't realise you feel the same way.
This is also some good advice. Just know that your friends know you love them, doesn't matter if you say it or not.
Posted by Rawrnosaurous
@H2Oyea: Yea, my bestfriend passed away not too long ago still can't come to terms with it very well regardless of how I try.
Posted by Tim_the_Corsair

Cry, don't be afraid to let yourself be sad.

It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason: it works. I lost a very close friend to a suicide drug overdose almost a decade ago, and things still occur that fuck me up. I let it out when I can, because otherwise I would regress to the emotional robot I was back then.

Being creative is another way to channel some of that stuff in a positive way. Some of my best fiction and poetry has been written due to being depressed for whatever reason (particular after a loss). It doesn't have to be wrist-slash depressing writing either, its more just about channeling the badness until you are last that particular moment.

The one thing I will say is that telling the people in your life you love them is a great thing, but don't think for one second that your friend didn't know you felt that way. Everyone tortures themselves over this stuff, but if you take a step back you'll realise that you know that your loved ones care for you, regardless of how the express it; there's no reason to ever think they don't realise you feel the same way.

Posted by RLLink
@H2Oyea said:
Are you saying your best friend died?  Edit: Is there some weird Elfen Lied talk going on here?
For some reason I started thinking that as well.
Also, I use music, anime, and games.
Posted by medacris

I don't know what happened, but I can assure you it's a normal feeling. The few people that reach out to me are very dear, and I constantly worry that they're going to die or I'll lose contact with them and they'll never know how important and valued they are to me. But I have trouble expressing my feelings sometimes- I worry I'll come across as clingy, or they won't interpret my feelings as legitimate, or the words just won't come out. But when they do, even if I just blurt out some long-winded appreciation speech out of nowhere, it always feels good to get it off my chest.
I don't know how to deal with loss myself. Lately I've just been dwelling on everything I've even minorly screwed up on and losing all motivation to do the right thing and move on.

Posted by Matoya


Edited by Aegon

Are you saying your best friend died? 
Edit: Is there some weird Elfen Lied talk going on here?

Posted by Rawrnosaurous
@GunslingerPanda: You too? God I hate that girl!
Posted by GunslingerPanda

Memory repression.

But then some pink-haired girl with horns showed up and fucked it all up.

Posted by Rawrnosaurous

As much as I pride myself on being able to articulate fairly well with the written word, sitting down and trying to make your feelings come across while writing, still seems to be something that is difficult for me. I have a weird compulsion lately where before I go to sleep, I feel the need to put something up on facebook trying to describe my feelings for people and what they mean to me. I tend to write status updates before I fall asleep trying to express my feelings for someone or several people, such as tonight where I tried to let the most important people to me, know how much I love and appreciate them.
I know in essence what I'm doing is trying to get over the guilt I have for not telling my best friend how much I love him and appreciate him. I know he knew it, but I look back and realize I didn't tell him as often as I should. I'm getting emotional up in this bitch.
Besides the obvious suggestion of you guys making sure everyone you love knows how much you love and appreciate them, how do you guys deal with loss? That doesn't involve drinking cause I have that one down pat.