"Holy shit, leave me alone!" I shout hard enough to be heard across the street.
The man is unrelenting however and keeps moving forward, his eyes are filled with lust and madness.
"Shitshitshit" I mumble as I look around me for a means of escape.
Meanwhile, he growls and snarls at me as he makes his way towards me.
Looking back to him I can barely move in time to dodge the lead pipe he threw towards me and I bash into the wall.
"Pro tip: Don't walk into alleyways!" I curse towards myself as I see no other option but to fight.
The man seems to smile with whatever teeth he has left and then he lunges forward.
"Fuck off" I shout as I sidestep again and punch him on the back of his head as his momentum carries him past me.
I quickly grab the pipe he threw earlier from the ground and as he tries to rise from the floor I hit him.
The pipe makes contact and I feel his skull caving in.
He collapses with a sick gurgle and I pant to catch my breath, trying to wipe my hands on my jeans in an effort to wash away all the blood.
Futile, now my pants are as red as my hair and what good is fashion in a zombie infested world?
"Take a trip Tali, you look exhausted Tali, get away from all this nonsense Tali! That's what they told me so I did. But look at me now, in some half forgotten city fighting hordes of the fucking undead!"
My thoughts are disrupted when a pair of shrieks and cries are heard not far away, alerting me to the incoming presence of more zombies.
Infected, to be precise, and I take my stance right on time as the two mad men cut the corner and start dashing towards me.
As they walk into the pipe with dedication I absently wonder if I could make a profession out of this.
A low pitched growl echoes and another zombie appears at the edge of the alleyway.
He's big, like wouldn't fit in your door big, and he seems to be pretty angry.
But by all accounts he's a zombie, so probably bitten which sucks in the first place and to top things off he was either into some kinky shit or he escaped from the looney bin because I don't remember straightjackets being that common on tropical islands.
The big brute has had enough of my mind he decides and starts running towards me, with more precision than his previous comrades and probably four times the power so I quickly look for an exit.
No door has magically appeared in the wall of the alley but I spot a dumpster and I call the operator for a quick lesson on parkour, Matrix style!
Actually I don't and I just start to sprint as hard as I can towards it, climbing the metal object with the grace of a retarded monkey.
But, I'm alive still and on top (just how I like it!).
The zombie ran into the dumpster and is now surely a mental patient after that impact, his lust for blood only increasing from the impact and the fact he's not able to reach me probably makes him all the more pissed off.
Like most men it seems he doesn't like being bottom so I taunt faith and walk to the edge of the container.
I look down and place my heel between his eyes, he stumbles backwards and positively flips the fuck out.
Good, I'm satisfied with that, so I turn and climb the wall of the alleyway towards a rickety looking road of wooden planks and rusted metal walkways, sounds of madness diminishing as I leave the dreaded alley behind me.
I walk for a bit on the unstable makeshift high roads, trying to make myself believe I played enough Mirror's Edge to pull this off, and end up at a roof overlooking a small sidestreet.
I hear faint gurgles and cries so I quickly duck away and grab a big brick, ready to defend myself.
My horror quickly turns to laughter however as I see a zombie climb up the roof with even less grace than me climbing a dumpster.
He succeeds eventually and takes his first shambling steps towards me.
A thud is heard and teeth shatter in his mouth when I throw the brick at his face.
The weight of the stone versus the natural unbalance of a zombie makes for a spectacle as he backflips of the roof, disappearing into the nothingness he came from.
It's not the sunny ideal vacation I paid for but hell, I could get used to this.
But yeah, that's getting ahead of myself a little bit.
Someone wanted me to check out a water pump station and I've promised some people in a church I'd look for supplies, so I'll have to survive that first.
A glint catches my eye however and I turn to find a metallic chest staring at me (yes, chests have eyes now!), alluring me with the promise of hidden goodies.
I open the thing and find a pretty new shiny axe waiting for me.
I grab it with a grin and take a leap of the roof, nearly breaking my ankles and almost murdering myself by falling on the axe.
More gurgles and shouts are heard not far away and I clench the axe firmly in one hand.
This might not be what I expected it to be when I booked the trip but if there's one remedy for hating humankind its taking out a zombie apocalypse.
For now at least, I get bored so easily!
On a non zombie note did I tell you how much I hate time sinks with terrible rewards?
I don't mind collectibles but unless they're done in the style of The Darkness (one or two per level, hidden but not completely invisible or unreachable) or they at least offer you something for your time.
I fail to see the fun in collecting Assassin's Creed 1/2's flags/feathers, the rewards barely worth the time and more than likely the collectibles will be the last thing you do in a game anyway.
This same thing happened to me when I finished Darksiders 2 earlier today, noticing I missed around 30 stones and 10 relics.
Now that's not a huge number and I'm sure I could get them in a day but there's the point.
Am I going to sit in my room for a day, guide in hand, scavenging through every dungeon/nook/cranny again to check if I have collected this particular item?
I wish the game would somehow mark them on your map when collected or perhaps even allow you to buy a collectible radar on your second playthrough for like a million coins because I see no reason to walk through all of this again.
That's not to say it can't be fun and that there's people out there who don't like doing this kind of stuff but I've enough games to play and I don't feel that strongly about another 10-50G on my gamerscore.
The silly part is that I absolutely love MMO's and have leveled my fair share of characters, classes and crafting professions through the years.
Sometimes it just needs the right dressing I guess?
Props to the people who do 100% their games however, I only do it for the games I adore and if they offer me enough incentive too.
So I'll be stuck with two s-ranks forever (ME1 and ME2, ME3's ending burned all will to do my insanity playthrough) but that's life for ya.
So, Guild Wars 2.
I played the beta and was surprised by the smooth combat and fantastic world, not to mention the fun classes and skills that change per weapons!
I still think the Charr look like retarded hunchbacked Tauren but ah well.
Upon sorting through my wallet and finding 25 cent, 12 receipts for all kinds of stuff and a whole load of dust I came across two coupons for my local game store worth a whopping 46 and 26 euro's!
Alright that's 72 euro's combined and since I had nothing to buy with it I decided to pre-order Guild Wars 2 and also get a present for my little brother's upcoming birthday.
I'm sure he'll appreciate Fallout New Vegas since he's literally not stopped playing Fallout 3 since it came out and I'll be losing a lot of time that could (should) be spend writing but alas.
Looking forward to playing a MMO that doesn't want me to pay per month while still offering a experience and options for me to enjoy from start to finish.
At least that's what the forums and the information tells me, if that all turns out to be true is for a later blog.
Not sure about the level scaling when you run around lower areas or how limited my bank space is going to be but we'll see.
I'm sure I can find 54 euro's of entertainment by just leveling a few characters and classes with this smooth combat system.
And I can log in whenever I want instead of paying monthly and feeling like I'm missing out/could have been grinding/instancing/all the other things that make MMO's so fun yet so time consuming!
Writing sucks, did you guys know? Because it does.
Sure its fucking ecstatic when you are writing your stories and sometimes you feel as if you just won a race or something upon completing a story or a particular scene but man does it ever suck the life out of you at times!
I'm currently working on the last few chapters of a novel and I'm feeling terrorized by it every time I try to tackle it.
To give you a basic rundown I'm currently in a situation where 4 major players collide, revelations all around as secrets get spilled and patterns recognized but the kicker here is that not all 4 players like each other and there's a lot of things going on at the same time.
Player 1 is working with P2 to get P3 but P2 has a hidden agenda which P1 and P3 know nothing off but oh dear here comes P4 out of the blue (not really, but kinda) and P2's on the verge of reflex murdering P4 so P1 has to prevent that while also keeping an eye on P3 because P3 has stuff she needs...or something.
Fuck! See? Things happening everywhere and while I got the situation, motives and story down writing the scene itself is a challenge!
I like it a lot however and I'm enjoying the despair it gives me, it's like the writer's version of a dungeon boss.
I'll get it down eventually, hopefully tomorrow before Guild Wars 2 launches Tuesday, so I can take a breather and edit/rewrite it later.
That's it for now, thanks for reading (again)!
Time to close off with something deep and artsy.
Or not, ha.