Here's a simple yet deceptive question: Is it actually possible to make a video game movie that isn't complete and utter garbage?
Just think about that for a minute. Because I have been. For more than a few minutes. Of all the movies based on video games, go ahead and try to name ONE that was good. Go on, try. I'll wait.
No, no. Not just alright. I don't want to hear that whatever film you're thinking about had some 'cool bits' in it. That's not enough. I want you to come up with a film based on a video game that you believe to be completely solid in quality. Having a little trouble aren't you? I understand. I understand because I've been thinking the same thing. They don't exist. Now, I am fully aware we can't expect Oscar Wilde levels of drama here but there ARE stories in the video game world that would certainly make for interesting and perhaps, fucking awesome movies. But this potential gets lost along the away. Somewhere between Hollywood executives buying the rights to a game and the atrocity being released in cinemas.
What brought this on, you ask? Silent Hill, I answer. I finally watched the movie the other day and even though it showed promise to begin with, by the second half it became a total chore to watch. It seems the producers thought it a great idea to make a movie from most of the content of Silent Hill 2: the game. But the trouble is, the game and the movie elicit two very different responses. Namely:
Movie: Okay so there's religious zealots and a girl who ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Well, I got to thinking. Every single video game snapped up by Hollywood turns out to be a big pile of doo doo. Every. Single. One. Isn't that amazing? What other source material has been treated this badly? Every comic books are being turned into great films nowadays so WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
First of all, people who make movies don't know shit about games. They continue to try and make movies from games that don't suit the medium. Ones that shouldn't ever be films. Super Mario Bros, Streetfighter II, Doom. If you've even glanced at these games, chances are you didn't think they would make worthwhile films. Congratulations, you are a rational human being. But people with the power to make movies are different from you. They're the kind of people to see this...
Pictured: potential box-office gold
...and think "NOW THAT WOULD MAKE A BRILLIANT MOVIE!" (Yes, it's The Sims and yes, they're making a Sims movie. I can't wait to see the main actor eat, take a shower and then go to the toilet).
Second of all, decent storylines in games do exist and Hollywood recognises that. But after purchasing the rights to an impressive game, they can't help but tweak it enough to completely destroy it. Here's a quick example.
RESIDENT EVIL (the game): As part of a special forces team, Chris Redfield & Jill Valentine discover a colossal mansion out in the woods filled with zombies. After a lot of pant-filling scares and horrible monsters, you soon realise the leader of your team is part of a corporation-based plot to weaponise a virus to turn everyone into the mindless walking dead.
RESIDENT EVIL (the movie): Waking up nude in a bath, a woman named Alice discovers she has amnesia. A cop and a bunch of commandos join her in infiltrating an underground research facility run by an evil computer. And it's filled with zombies. She gets her memory back and it's revealed she is a) married to the cop and b) an unstoppable killing machine.
Okay, so the game isn't groundbreaking in the story department. But it would make a pretty decent horror movie if it was done right. The movie, however, can't help but the present the argument 'Why call it Resident Evil?'. If you desire to make a film about an amnesiac female hero and rogue computers and zombies, then go do it. The game didn't invent the concept of motherfucking zombies so there's no reason to remain loyal to it's name.
Which brings me back to Silent Hill. The game series has had its ups and down in terms of story, but there was a few nuggets of absolute gold in there. So if you were enticed enough to make a movie out of it, what's the point in changing it? It's like making a Lord Of The Rings movie with robots, space monsters and Martin Lawrence and just throwing in a few Hobbits to please the fans.
I'd like to take this opportunity to formally apologise for Silent Hill. I wasn't responsible for the film but as an avid fan of the games I feel a pang of regret.
I'm sorry, Pyramid Head. You are one of the most original, frightening and engaging characters ever to come out of a video game and while your brief appearances in the film are definitely the highlight, everything else around you sucks ass.
Here's a simple yet deceptive question: Is it actually possible to make a video game movie that isn't complete and utter garbage?
Just think about that for a minute. Because I have been. For more than a few minutes. Of all the movies based on video games, go ahead and try to name ONE that was good. Go on, try. I'll wait.
No, no. Not just alright. I don't want to hear that whatever film you're thinking about had some 'cool bits' in it. That's not enough. I want you to come up with a film based on a video game that you believe to be completely solid in quality. Having a little trouble aren't you? I understand. I understand because I've been thinking the same thing. They don't exist. Now, I am fully aware we can't expect Oscar Wilde levels of drama here but there ARE stories in the video game world that would certainly make for interesting and perhaps, fucking awesome movies. But this potential gets lost along the away. Somewhere between Hollywood executives buying the rights to a game and the atrocity being released in cinemas.
What brought this on, you ask? Silent Hill, I answer. I finally watched the movie the other day and even though it showed promise to begin with, by the second half it became a total chore to watch. It seems the producers thought it a great idea to make a movie from most of the content of Silent Hill 2: the game. But the trouble is, the game and the movie elicit two very different responses. Namely:
Movie: Okay so there's religious zealots and a girl who ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Well, I got to thinking. Every single video game snapped up by Hollywood turns out to be a big pile of doo doo. Every. Single. One. Isn't that amazing? What other source material has been treated this badly? Every comic books are being turned into great films nowadays so WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
First of all, people who make movies don't know shit about games. They continue to try and make movies from games that don't suit the medium. Ones that shouldn't ever be films. Super Mario Bros, Streetfighter II, Doom. If you've even glanced at these games, chances are you didn't think they would make worthwhile films. Congratulations, you are a rational human being. But people with the power to make movies are different from you. They're the kind of people to see this...
Pictured: potential box-office gold
...and think "NOW THAT WOULD MAKE A BRILLIANT MOVIE!" (Yes, it's The Sims and yes, they're making a Sims movie. I can't wait to see the main actor eat, take a shower and then go to the toilet).
Second of all, decent storylines in games do exist and Hollywood recognises that. But after purchasing the rights to an impressive game, they can't help but tweak it enough to completely destroy it. Here's a quick example.
RESIDENT EVIL (the game): As part of a special forces team, Chris Redfield & Jill Valentine discover a colossal mansion out in the woods filled with zombies. After a lot of pant-filling scares and horrible monsters, you soon realise the leader of your team is part of a corporation-based plot to weaponise a virus to turn everyone into the mindless walking dead.
RESIDENT EVIL (the movie): Waking up nude in a bath, a woman named Alice discovers she has amnesia. A cop and a bunch of commandos join her in infiltrating an underground research facility run by an evil computer. And it's filled with zombies. She gets her memory back and it's revealed she is a) married to the cop and b) an unstoppable killing machine.
Okay, so the game isn't groundbreaking in the story department. But it would make a pretty decent horror movie if it was done right. The movie, however, can't help but the present the argument 'Why call it Resident Evil?'. If you desire to make a film about an amnesiac female hero and rogue computers and zombies, then go do it. The game didn't invent the concept of motherfucking zombies so there's no reason to remain loyal to it's name.
Which brings me back to Silent Hill. The game series has had its ups and down in terms of story, but there was a few nuggets of absolute gold in there. So if you were enticed enough to make a movie out of it, what's the point in changing it? It's like making a Lord Of The Rings movie with robots, space monsters and Martin Lawrence and just throwing in a few Hobbits to please the fans.
I'd like to take this opportunity to formally apologise for Silent Hill. I wasn't responsible for the film but as an avid fan of the games I feel a pang of regret.
I'm sorry, Pyramid Head. You are one of the most original, frightening and engaging characters ever to come out of a video game and while your brief appearances in the film are definitely the highlight, everything else around you sucks ass.
The good video game storylines are blatantly ripped from films, or so convoluted and stupid that they wouldn't translate to movies anyway. They're picking the wrong games.
Resident Evil? Doom? Mario Brothers? Who played any of those and thought "man, I wish there was a 2 hour movie dedicated to the storyline." No one. Max Payne was the first game that should've been a good movie, but they changed everything for no reason at all.
The other problem is that the major market is for gamers, but if they've already played the game, why would they want to see a movie of the same exact thing? Why wouldn't they just play the game? I think some video game movies could be good. But I'm thinking the same level of quality that a Transporter film brings, not Schindler's List.
When I heard about the Max Payne movie, I was tentatively enthusiastic. I thought to myself: "its already set in a film noir world, and its a crime thriller! The worst they could do would be make a Sin City ripoff."
I of course underestimated them. Instead they were sitting around in their suits and then John from marketing jumped up and said.
"Fucking demons, dude. Fucking demons."
And they rolled with that. They rolled with that. They rolled harder than anyone's ever rolled ever.
Gears? Not a good movie. Halo? I could see it, maybe. Resistance smells like Doom all over again. Killzone? Mebbe.
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