#1 Posted by Bicycle_Repairman (224 posts) -

There have been many posts and topics about people writing about Ryan and what he meant to them personally or to the site/industry etc. Its really great to see so many people honoring him that way. But of course its also a way of coping with his loss. I won't join that massive group because most of the time i cope in silence with or without a good glass of whiskey. (Sorry Ryan no bourbon, Laphroaig or Highland Park 12 is where its at.)

But for the most part i cope with loss or get through tough times with humour. That for me is the healing elixir. It helps when the person in question was extremely funny.

Sometimes its better not to talk about something because its offensive or just has no place in the conversation. (I'm looking at you people posting on IGN about Ryan's weight.)

But i feel comedy has different rules. "Too soon" to me has never made sense. I feel double that way when comedy is used as a way to deal with the situation or your own emotions.

a couple of examples is when someone (can't remember who) said on twitter : it was the breastmilk. Or when Ryan's wife made a joke about her marriage being shorter than Kardashians. Both might seem offensive to some and both caught some small amount of shit for it on twitter. But how can someone feel he has the right to say "too soon" to Ryan's WIFE?

I just finished listening to the bombcast, and the only way they filled 2 hours was by making jokes. when things got serious it was silence. Joking around is what made them have at least some amount of fun while making a podcast about their friend that just passed away.

In the podcast Jeff talked about not posting some jokes on twitter because he had some negative feedback on it. i believe brad said he found some of it "too soon". Which i totally understand and respect! But I would urge jeff and everyone to just mourn in their own way. If that means posting some really sick joke, Go for it! It may offend some, but it will be a beacon of comfort for others.

So with this waaaaay to long article I would like to retire "Too soon"

I will continue my way of mourning. which is fantasizing how every single monty python sketch i know would play out if Ryan was a part of it. Starting with these 3.

#2 Posted by Creamypies (4091 posts) -

I'm with you man. But it's a difficult thing. Cos where do you draw the line?

#3 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
#4 Posted by Lucien_Lachance (219 posts) -

There's kind of a big difference between Anna and Jeff making jokes and us making jokes. They are his wife and best friend, respectively. We're just a bunch of random jerks on the internet.

#5 Posted by TAFAE (153 posts) -

I don't think anyone's gonna get on your case for cracking a few jokes as long as they aren't digging super deep. As was discussed on the Bombcast, Ryan was always the one to drop the first "too soon" joke, so he probably would have been happy to see that someone made a joke about the breast milk or the baby doing him in. In the worst case, maybe a mod deletes your post or locks your topic and you see where the line is and back off from it a bit.

The idea I've been rolling around in my head a little bit is a "Fuck Ryan Davis" livestream where the Bomb Squad sit around and drink and play a bunch of games Ryan fucking hated since he can't complain about them doing it. That would probably be too soon this week, but I think Ryan might have at least pitched it, then immediately apologized.

#6 Edited by Sanity (1951 posts) -

@lucien_lachance said:

There's kind of a big difference between Anna and Jeff making jokes and us making jokes. They are his wife and best friend, respectively. We're just a bunch of random jerks on the internet.

This, its also very hard to convey it the right way through text, people take things the wrong way and then its a mess. I get what your saying but at the same time its important to realize we didn't truly know the man. (most of us anyways)

#7 Posted by Bicycle_Repairman (224 posts) -

@lucien_lachance: @creamypies: I was more talking about letting the people that knew him act however they want, and not throw a "too soon" at anyone. But its kind of the same thing as @creamypies was asking. There is a big difference between shit talking and making a joke that some might find in poor taste. But its good to remember they sold T-shirts with FUCK RYAN DAVIS on it. Dark humour is already kind of accepted around here. I don't have the need to share these kind of things. But if someone is a big fan of the site and mr Davis i think its ok if you mourn him with posting a breast milk joke or something like that. If that helps you deal with it, fine go ahead. And it might bring a smile to another person feeling down about it.

#8 Posted by Bicycle_Repairman (224 posts) -

@tafae said:

The idea I've been rolling around in my head a little bit is a "Fuck Ryan Davis" livestream where the Bomb Squad sit around and drink and play a bunch of games Ryan fucking hated since he can't complain about them doing it. That would probably be too soon this week, but I think Ryan might have at least pitched it, then immediately apologized.

haha that would be great. And i agree this week might be too soon. But not because someone might find it offensive, but because the crew would obviously not be comfortable with a live stream about any topic least of all that topic. I don't think anyone would be.

#9 Edited by ProfessorEss (7523 posts) -

I did see someone (on Gamspot I think) get called out for making a joke about how the date of Ryan's passing (7/3/13) was proof of Half-Life 3. I understand we all have to be careful but I couldn't help but chuckle thinking about how much Ryan would love that - especially too soon.

#10 Posted by Gamer_152 (14111 posts) -

Your post seems somewhat self-contradictory, you say at the start that some things shouldn't be talked about because they're offensive, but that at the end that we shouldn't care if people are offended. I'm sorry, but I don't support what you're saying, it may be a different situation if Ryan's friends and wife want to make jokes, but there's a huge difference between the people that close to a tragedy making jokes, and those more distant from it doing so. In fact if you listen to the podcast again you'l find that Jeff said he voluntarily railed it in because his jokes were going too far. We all grieve in our own way and if you want to have your own private jokes or some light-hearted gags that's fine, but when it gets to genuinely publicly disrespecting the death of another human being so you and a few friends can have a laugh over it is not cool.

I'd also like to state on behalf of the mod team, if we catch so much as a whiff of anyone being a dick over Ryan's death, we will not think twice about removing you from this site, either temporarily or permanently.

Moderator
#11 Edited by Bicycle_Repairman (224 posts) -

@gamer_152: I think you might misunderstand my position. I agree with almost anything you said. In NO WAY am i saying people should be dicks about Ryan's death. If that is what you got out of my piece then i truly apologise! I even started by pointing out something that i had read and thought was completely disrespectful. My main point was that people should not cry out when Ryan's wife or friends make a joke, because thats the way they deal with the situation. Thats what most of this was about. Pointing out that making a joke or something like that can really help people, myself included. I'm sorry if it sounded like i wanted people to become offensive, i meant to say that people should be allowed to joke about. And that you shouldn't make angry remarks, thats all.

Sorry if it was not articulated well enough.

#12 Posted by Swoxx (3008 posts) -

There's kind of a big difference between Anna and Jeff making jokes and us making jokes. They are his wife and best friend, respectively. We're just a bunch of random jerks on the internet.

This.

#13 Edited by Jimbo (9998 posts) -

You don't need a rule. Use common sense and take your lead from those closest. If Anna can find some comfort in humour (and she's made her feelings pretty clear on this point), then nobody here is in a position to be telling anybody 'too soon'. As long as those closest aren't finding it distressing then timing stops being an issue; the spirit in which the joke is made is what matters, and it's usually easy enough to tell whether somebody is making a dark but good-natured joke or just flat out being a dick for the sake of being a dick.

#14 Posted by Gamer_152 (14111 posts) -

@bicycle_repairman: In which case I largely agree, I don't think that entirely came through in the opening post. The only thing I would say is that there's probably a grey area over whether one of Ryan's personal friends has the right to say something that upsets the others, but that's a matter for them to sort out between themselves.

Moderator
#15 Posted by Knives (711 posts) -

I was hoping Ryan's death was death by snu snu.

#16 Posted by Bollard (5867 posts) -

@bicycle_repairman said:

(I'm looking at you people posting on IGN about Ryan's weight.)

Note: Gamespot's comments also successfully reminded me that it is a worse cesspit than YouTube. Just a heads up.

Also I thought enemynanner's joke was fantastic, and if that's how she wants to cope with it, good on her.