I have been writing this letter of and on for about six months. I Really don't know where to start. Some of you gentlemen have been a part of my life for going on ten years others around six. I don't think I'm alone in saying that I do not do much conversing with you. Just consuming the Quick Looks, Video Things, Big Live Live shows and Unprofessional fridays.
I know that it has been said before that you guys have helped others, me included thru bouts of depression. And just shitty times in general with a good laugh and an escape. Consistently every week for a couple years the bombcast was the best three hours I could spend. It is still. But when I had some of my lowest times I counted on you guys to bring me some semblance of solace.
I have recently in the last three years tried to tear down my ego. To grow up. To engage my community and reengage my friends and family in their lifes. I did not think until recently that means my internet community as well. I did not realize that someone who my only encounters were listening too and having my letters read by them, could affect me so much by their loss. Without Ryan Davis my world got a little darker. It is amazing to think that he has been gone for almost a year. Losing someone I care about has not happened many times in my life. I lost a good friend Alan Kelley to testicular cancer when he was eighteen years old. In six months he was diagnosed to dead. But we had a heads up luckily, we got to spend time and lessen his and our burdens a little.
I know that a lot of us come here only for a laugh and your opinions. And those are great. But if this really is a community I'm going to be engaged in then I think we should be willing to tackle things like loss and you should know how I really feel. That Jeff, Brad, Vinny Drew, Rorie, Patrick, Alexis and Alex have empowered me to try and do better to move ahead with my life and not be afraid of failure. To not just be stuck in the same rut I have been in. To Reengage. To live.
One part this site does fairly well is being respectable to each other. While not perfect at least with Patrick he has challenged us to do better. On other boards the vitriol honestly is almost too much. The here one second gone the next sentimentality and lack of a thought process have kept me at bay. When I have tried to discuss things, it seems that people do not want to hear a nuanced position. But only prove that they are right and you are either a faggot, cunt, troll and wrong. I am analytical. I like to have thought about something before i give an opinion. I like to learn. I like to have at least some grasp of the inner workings of a thing before spewing garbage out of my mouth. I have also acted too quickly or not really thought of the meaning of the words I have written and said. And I have regretted that as well. We have all wanted to be heard, noticed, congratulated and liked. But we should all be respected. I used to have a hard time hearing other peoples opinions. Now I want to know how they got there. What their journey was like. But I have learned that the greatest thing you can do is a little act of kindness. A door held open, money or food to a friend in need, helping someone with anything makes me feel the best.
I know with Vinny going home that the site is going to change and I am so excited to bring someone new into the family. To get fresh opinions and perspectives. But I just wanted you guys to know that I love you guys. The way you guys have operated have giving me insight into the industry that I love. Being able to see developers, different sites writers and you, the Giant Bomb crew give us so much of yourselves. I know that were not friends in the truest meaning of the word but I feel like we are. I think celebrity is a weird creature. That I can have these feelings proves to me that I am back on MY right path. And just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for letting me be there with Luchadeer, sleepy brad, Video Things, Dennis Dyack, a porn set, Dave Lang drunk, Hot-dog patrick and a cake in a toilet. It has been one hell of a ride. And now for many more....
I miss you Tico. So much
p.s. sorry for the rambling nature of this. I have no editor.