Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

Hey Bombardiers,

I have been writing this letter of and on for about six months. I Really don't know where to start. Some of you gentlemen have been a part of my life for going on ten years others around six. I don't think I'm alone in saying that I do not do much conversing with you. Just consuming the Quick Looks, Video Things, Big Live Live shows and Unprofessional fridays.

I know that it has been said before that you guys have helped others, me included thru bouts of depression. And just shitty times in general with a good laugh and an escape. Consistently every week for a couple years the bombcast was the best three hours I could spend. It is still. But when I had some of my lowest times I counted on you guys to bring me some semblance of solace.

I have recently in the last three years tried to tear down my ego. To grow up. To engage my community and reengage my friends and family in their lifes. I did not think until recently that means my internet community as well. I did not realize that someone who my only encounters were listening too and having my letters read by them, could affect me so much by their loss. Without Ryan Davis my world got a little darker. It is amazing to think that he has been gone for almost a year. Losing someone I care about has not happened many times in my life. I lost a good friend Alan Kelley to testicular cancer when he was eighteen years old. In six months he was diagnosed to dead. But we had a heads up luckily, we got to spend time and lessen his and our burdens a little.

I know that a lot of us come here only for a laugh and your opinions. And those are great. But if this really is a community I'm going to be engaged in then I think we should be willing to tackle things like loss and you should know how I really feel. That Jeff, Brad, Vinny Drew, Rorie, Patrick, Alexis and Alex have empowered me to try and do better to move ahead with my life and not be afraid of failure. To not just be stuck in the same rut I have been in. To Reengage. To live.

One part this site does fairly well is being respectable to each other. While not perfect at least with Patrick he has challenged us to do better. On other boards the vitriol honestly is almost too much. The here one second gone the next sentimentality and lack of a thought process have kept me at bay. When I have tried to discuss things, it seems that people do not want to hear a nuanced position. But only prove that they are right and you are either a faggot, cunt, troll and wrong. I am analytical. I like to have thought about something before i give an opinion. I like to learn. I like to have at least some grasp of the inner workings of a thing before spewing garbage out of my mouth. I have also acted too quickly or not really thought of the meaning of the words I have written and said. And I have regretted that as well. We have all wanted to be heard, noticed, congratulated and liked. But we should all be respected. I used to have a hard time hearing other peoples opinions. Now I want to know how they got there. What their journey was like. But I have learned that the greatest thing you can do is a little act of kindness. A door held open, money or food to a friend in need, helping someone with anything makes me feel the best.

I know with Vinny going home that the site is going to change and I am so excited to bring someone new into the family. To get fresh opinions and perspectives. But I just wanted you guys to know that I love you guys. The way you guys have operated have giving me insight into the industry that I love. Being able to see developers, different sites writers and you, the Giant Bomb crew give us so much of yourselves. I know that were not friends in the truest meaning of the word but I feel like we are. I think celebrity is a weird creature. That I can have these feelings proves to me that I am back on MY right path. And just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for letting me be there with Luchadeer, sleepy brad, Video Things, Dennis Dyack, a porn set, Dave Lang drunk, Hot-dog patrick and a cake in a toilet. It has been one hell of a ride. And now for many more....

I miss you Tico. So much

p.s. sorry for the rambling nature of this. I have no editor.

#1 Posted by TrafalgarLaw (1124 posts) -

All right, good write-up. You sound a little down though?

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

#2 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

@trafalgarlaw:

Celebrity is interesting. But that is part of my thoughts, that I held the people around me to a different standard and didn't think that the place that I consume my media affected my life. That I did not need to interact with it. That's all.

They brought me some joy and helped me engage different parts of my life. When your unemployed you lose a lot of self worth. You fall out of you. You don't want to be a burden on your friends so you slink away. It takes decades to build relationships. But a short time to hurt them But in that haze you see people who you had read and watched make big changes, make a website. What Giant Bomb did was somehow mirror my life at that time. Starting over.

I cant speak for other people here in the States. My friends have helped me. That's why I am able to talk about it. Without the people I grew up and have grown old with, seeing them have children letting me back into their lives that I neglected. I would not have even posted this.

Things should always be said.

#3 Posted by Mister_V (1285 posts) -

Phew....

I thought this was something else..

Carry on.

#4 Posted by GunslingerPanda (4746 posts) -

Wait, what? This isn't complaining about the site's current quality? What sick alternate dimension is this!?

#5 Posted by Gaff (1753 posts) -

Sorry for your loss. It's always gut wrenching to see people experience loss at a young age. Time dulls the pain, but it'll never go away completely.

On the other hand, it takes a lot of courage to accept humility and work on relationships instead of taking them for granted. And a lot more to do so in public.

Kudos.

#6 Posted by development (2330 posts) -

Sounds like you're saying the site helped you out, if I'm reading you correctly. If that's the case, congrats.

#7 Posted by armaan8014 (5404 posts) -

I've been meaning to write a thank you letter to the GB community myself. They've educated me and opened my eyes to so many things I would have never known of otherwise. I owe a lot to this site :)

#8 Edited by CornBREDX (5285 posts) -

Aw shucks.

#9 Posted by Toxeia (729 posts) -

@trafalgarlaw: I feel like the hobby tends to draw in people that are introverts to an extreme, often depressed (in a clinical sense), and isolated from others. I know I share Fameoner's sentiments towards the staff at GiantBomb for nearly all the same reasons.

@fameoner : Fist bump bro. Ryan was my Princess Diana, too. And it's been weird and wonderful.

#10 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

I am just trying to make the Internet I want to see. We can lift each other up instead of trying to always think our opinions are the only ones. Differences of opinion are not the end of the world. They are the start.

#11 Edited by Keirgo (30 posts) -

Right on FameOner, nicely put letter, I can say that you are not alone, I too have had similar feelings/experiences.

I used to simply consume the media on this site, not interacting with anyone, yet not realizing how it was affecting me. I am finally, after many years and my own recent bout with depression, slowly starting to come out of my shell, making my way into this community and the wider world. It is incredible what I have been missing, and what a great community this is, that has helped me so much simply by being there and being awesome.

Anyways, enough of my own ramblings. Kudos to you and many thanks to the GB community. :)

#12 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

@keirgo:

Not saying there is anything wrong with that. But I feel the need to combat the negative.

#13 Edited by TruthTellah (9081 posts) -

Glad to hear it, duder.

#14 Edited by gogosox82 (424 posts) -

Sympathies about your loss. It always hurts to lose someone close and that young especially to cancer. Glad to see your doing better.

#15 Edited by TheManWithNoPlan (5508 posts) -

People like you are why I love this community.

<>
#17 Posted by EveretteScott (1488 posts) -

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

That's a hefty generalization there.

Apologizes* about your loss. It always hurts to lose someone close and that young especially to cancer. Glad to see your doing better.

Sympathies*

Just a friendly correction.

#18 Edited by sccdemir (89 posts) -

My condolences. My advice would be to not get too much caught up with the big internet family aspect of things. Yes we all love the GB guys and the community, and we all love sharing a laugh or entertaining moments with each other and I think it's a perfectly natural reaction to feel close to the people here on the site and show but in reality, I don't want to say that they don't care but you don't really get to know people with this kind of limited contact with them. Jeff, Brad, Drew and Vinnie, they all feel like friends but they don't know you. We all like to say that we care about the people here but when it all hits the gutter in real life, your real friends or family will be the ones that really give a damn about your well-being. That's not to say no one gives a fuck, just that you shouldn't expect people to have the same type of affection a friend could have for you in the real world. It would be no problem whatsoever for me to tell you to ''hang in there, we love you too brother'' but that's pretty much the extent of consideration that you'll get from an internet community. Typing is easy.

That said I'm glad you took the time to write down your thoughts. Take care.

#20 Edited by gogosox82 (424 posts) -
#21 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

@gogosox82:

Hey he is right, I forgot an F. I hope I do better in the future. KAPPA

#22 Edited by FameOner (25 posts) -

@sccdemir:

I totally concur. That is why I returned to the life around me first. It's been Five years since I was really sad, and now would like to be happy everywhere. I definitely do not think we are "friends'. Just that by them continuing with there life's helped me.

#23 Posted by Dark_Lord_Spam (3301 posts) -

That's a beautiful, generous outlook you've got, duder. It takes a strong person to experience hardships like those and still have a fundamentally positive mind. As far as improving the status quo of public discourse on the internet, you've got support. Even if the form a discussion takes can't be changed, it'll be enough to expand the thinking of others so that they might better reflect on the conclusions of those around them.

#24 Posted by sccdemir (89 posts) -

@fameoner: Oh, absolutely. It helps. I totally get where you are coming from.

#25 Posted by Chop (1997 posts) -

I was actually gonna send Brad something similar on tumblr recently. Now that I'm out of it and able to look back at what I once was like, there was a solid year or two where Giant Bomb was probably the only thing stopping me from doing something really stupid.

Much love

#27 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -

@chop:

Good. Good for us duder!

#28 Posted by GnsDemon (115 posts) -

@fameoner: Way to go man. I really enjoyed reading the letter. After finding out about Vinny moving on to NYC and starting a new bomb east. I want to get more involved in this community too. I've done the exact same thing. I just come to the site and watch the videos and comment sometimes. I want to be part of this awesome community more. Just like you are doing!

#29 Posted by cmblasko (1235 posts) -

Love you too, man! Really nice write-up.

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

I obviously can't speak for all of America, but outside of friends from college who don't live around me I don't really have any friends who are as into video games as I am. Most of my friends do play video games to varying degrees but none of them are passionate about the development, design or industry side of things. The closest I get to being involved with in-depth discussions about video games nowadays is listening to the Bomb Crew or talking with you guys on the forums.

So in a way you are right, at least in my case.

#30 Posted by FameOner (25 posts) -
#31 Posted by YoThatLimp (1908 posts) -

All right, good write-up. You sound a little down though?

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

What a truly stupid statement.

#32 Posted by Random45 (1209 posts) -

@trafalgarlaw said:

All right, good write-up. You sound a little down though?

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

What a truly stupid statement.

Man, I'm trying to come up with something witty about robots, but I can't think of shit. My wit is about as sharp as a marble...

#33 Edited by TrafalgarLaw (1124 posts) -

@yothatlimp said:

@trafalgarlaw said:

All right, good write-up. You sound a little down though?

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

What a truly stupid statement.

Hmmm? I see lot of topics that boil down to "I have no friends", including this forum (not your topic, OP). It's an observation, not an attack...chill out. 25% of Americans have no one to confide in. How odd do you find that even on this forum, some people say they have no friends but consider the bomb crew their only friends (in mailbags, threads etc.), which most of them only see through video? I'm not the one to define anyone's friendship but you must admit this paints a bleak picture for our generation if our only friends are on a screen...

#34 Posted by Blackbear (20 posts) -

Couldn't have said it better myself. I wish you the best duder!!

#35 Posted by YoThatLimp (1908 posts) -

@yothatlimp said:

@trafalgarlaw said:

All right, good write-up. You sound a little down though?

Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling no one in america makes or has true friends and they follow (videogame) celebs to experience it by proxy.

What a truly stupid statement.

Hmmm? I see lot of topics that boil down to "I have no friends", including this forum (not your topic, OP). It's an observation, not an attack...chill out. 25% of Americans have no one to confide in. How odd do you find that even on this forum, some people say they have no friends but consider the bomb crew their only friends (in mailbags, threads etc.), which most of them only see through video? I'm not the one to define anyone's friendship but you must admit this paints a bleak picture for our generation if our only friends are on a screen...

I am not attacking you, it is still a pretty stupid broad statement. I am glad your google skills found an article written in 2006 about a study in 1985 and 2004 that polled 1500 people, generalizations are still pretty dumb. You seem to consider yourself a master of American social issues while never even stepping foot in the country, a little bit weird, no?

While we are speaking in dumb broad strokes, Giant Bomb draws in its fair share of creepy obsessed weirdos world wide so those kind of comments don't really surprise me.

#36 Posted by adam1808 (1496 posts) -

Now I want to give you a hug through the internet.

#37 Posted by Fattony12000 (7412 posts) -
#38 Posted by Retodd1889 (19 posts) -

Thumbs up.