#1 Edited by Bam_Boozilled (150 posts) -

As I was trying to sleep last night, I got real nostalgic about The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess. One of the things I thought was how Link and another character Ilia seemed to have some romantic thing going on, but it never really went anywhere. Maybe it's because Link always responds to emotional moments with nothing more than a smile and a nod. I'm not huge on romance, but this bugged me. So I slept on it.

Today I did some internet surfing on the topic. This produced some fan fictions, which I found intriguing to read. Maybe they would elaborate on their relationship some more? Both past and future. I'd like to read a story that continues on the TP adventure.

So I decided to read some of the fan fics. And . . . well . . . I don't know what I expected. There is a very distinct 3 part format I have found, of the handful of fan fics I've read.

1. Intro: Everything starts off relatively quite and normal

2. Sudden sex scene: Very obviously the focus of the whole story. These things go into exceptional detail as well. This is what I would think reading 50 shades of Gray to be like.

3. Conclusion: Characters finally finish their very sensual act and the whole story wraps up quite quickly.

So is this a commonality among most fan fictions? Or do these Ilia+Link authors really want to write up a steamy sex scene in stunning detail? Not necessarily complaining, just curious.

#2 Posted by Levio (1783 posts) -

Post the fic here so we can judge how good it is.

Online
#3 Posted by e30bmw (356 posts) -

You didn't know that fan fictions are full of shitty sex scenes? Did you just start using the internet?

#4 Posted by Flappy (2127 posts) -

Welcome to Fanfiction.net

#5 Posted by Zalrus9 (107 posts) -

So, from what I hear, some fanfiction is actually quite good. However, most of it does seem to exist to prove that rule 34 exists. You can always check TvTropes to see the fanfic recommendations of a particular series you want to read fanfiction for.

As always, apply Sturgeon's law to fanfiction, as you would with most media: 99% of it is shit

#6 Posted by audioBusting (1477 posts) -

Not all, but a lot of them are. And God bless 'em for it.

#7 Edited by SoldierG654342 (1735 posts) -

As someone who used to write the stuff: Yeah, basically. I mean, there is good stuff out there, and it's in larger quantities than most people tend to think, but a lot of it is just boning.

Most sites that host fanfiction usually have some sort of filtering system, so you can filter out the smut if you don't want to see it in most cases.

#8 Posted by Flappy (2127 posts) -

@zalrus9 said:

So, from what I hear, some fanfiction is actually quite good. However, most of it does seem to exist to prove that rule 34 exists. You can always check TvTropes to see the fanfic recommendations of a particular series you want to read fanfiction for.

As always, apply Sturgeon's law to fanfiction, as you would with most media: 99% of it is shit

That is most certainly the case. There are some very interesting, well-written fanfiction out there, but they're lost beneath the sea of poorly-written, lime/lemon-filled dribble.

#9 Posted by DeadeyeMcCoy (251 posts) -

Only the good ones.

Really, though, it's many small diamonds spread out in a massive dumpster. If you care enough, you'll go diving in to find them, and man do those diamonds make it worthwhile.

#10 Edited by Three0neFive (2287 posts) -

If people who write fanfiction were any good at writing they wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

You could show me the most well-written piece of fanfiction out there and I'd still be steadfast in my belief that literally all fanfiction is horrible, melodramatic, middleschooler-who-draws-himself-as-sonic-and-posts-it-on-deviantart garbage.

#11 Edited by Bam_Boozilled (150 posts) -

@e30bmw said:

You didn't know that fan fictions are full of shitty sex scenes? Did you just start using the internet?

Haha, I certainly did feel that way when the characters in the first one I read started making out hardcore. I did kind of see it coming, but wasn't expecting to get a sex scene the first one I read. I avoided fan fictions before, because I didn't have much interest. Now I'm not sure what to do with them. My innocence is gone now.

@three0nefive said:

If people who write fanfiction were any good at writing they wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

You could show me the most well-written piece of fanfiction out there and I'd still be steadfast in my belief that literally all fanfiction is horrible, melodramatic, middleschooler-who-draws-himself-as-sonic-and-posts-it-on-deviantart garbage.

I can agree with that to some extent. While the scenes were raunchy, I was kind of thrown aback by how descriptive they were. Talk about painting a picture with words. Of course some were better than others.

@deadeyemccoy said:

Only the good ones.

Really, though, it's many small diamonds spread out in a massive dumpster. If you care enough, you'll go diving in to find them, and man do those diamonds make it worthwhile.

@flappy said:

@zalrus9 said:

So, from what I hear, some fanfiction is actually quite good. However, most of it does seem to exist to prove that rule 34 exists. You can always check TvTropes to see the fanfic recommendations of a particular series you want to read fanfiction for.

As always, apply Sturgeon's law to fanfiction, as you would with most media: 99% of it is shit

That is most certainly the case. There are some very interesting, well-written fanfiction out there, but they're lost beneath the sea of poorly-written, lime/lemon-filled dribble.

As this was my first foray into fan fiction I don't really know if I could classify them as good or bad. They were decent enough at describing the setting and the... acts the characters engaged in. Though there wasn't much more to the plot then that. I think I will take all of your advice and keep digging for some gems. Maybe broaden my range from this Link+Ilia thing. I could use a good read that continues from the video games I love.

#12 Edited by Brackynews (4045 posts) -

No. Some of them have Tingle in it. Those are the ones you want.

#13 Edited by Ley_Lines (251 posts) -

If you don't like my shippings, don't read them. Zelda and Midna are my OTP.

All kidding aside, I've really enjoyed a lot of the creepy pasta that gets floated around. If you're looking for a good and scary Zelda story read "BEN Drowned". It's a scary Majora's mask story that gets absolutely amazing with the level of involvement the author went to. I won't spoil it but there are youtube videos that go along with it. Trust me, read it. I enjoyed this animal crossing creepypasta as well.

#14 Edited by Tru3_Blu3 (3184 posts) -

Not all of them. Some fanfiction go to great lengths by making hilariously serious, plothole filled epics, brimmed with crappy fan service from the series it encompasses.

Sort of like Mass Effect 3 or Halo4... (burn)

#15 Edited by Bam_Boozilled (150 posts) -

@levio

Post the fic here so we can judge how good it is.

Hey, if you really want it, here is the very first fan fiction I ever read:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3223911/

Interesting start to fan fiction reading, I must say.

If you don't like my shippings, don't read them. Zelda and Midna are my OTP.

All kidding aside, I've really enjoyed a lot of the creepy pasta that gets floated around. If you're looking for a good and scary Zelda story read "BEN Drowned". It's a scary Majora's mask story that gets absolutely amazing with the level of involvement the author went to. I won't spoil it but there are youtube videos that go along with it. Trust me, read it. I enjoyed this animal crossing creepypasta as well.

Midna and Zelda? Now that is a combination I haven't really thought about. As long as it doesn't interfere with my Link and Ilia :p

Those creepy pastas sound pretty interesting. I always enjoy a good horror story. Be it written, television show, movie, or video game.

#16 Edited by GaspoweR (2799 posts) -

@bam_boozilled: You pretty much hit the nail in the head with the 50 Shades of Gray since that is one example of fan fiction that spun off into its own thing and the hook was pretty much the sex. Also fanfiction is pretty similar to doujin hentai versions of popular manga and anime where sometimes there is a bit of story and then BAM, sex scene.

#17 Posted by Hailinel (23874 posts) -

@bam_boozilled: Not all of it is. I mean, yeah, there is a huge amount of fanfiction that is just porn without plot (and much of it is horribly written), but there are also stories, pornographic or not, that are actually fairly well written.

Online
#18 Edited by Animasta (14648 posts) -

you want to know about fanfiction I will tell you about fanfiction! I read a lot of it because I'm too lazy to go to the library. Like a lot. I've almost run out of fanfiction to read in my preferred universe as well... though that could be that I don't care about Buffy/Angel or Buffy/Spike and that's more than half the buffy fanfiction everywhere.

Sex scenes are there sometimes, but they're (usually) never in the higher rated stuff. Plus there's going to be a lot less stuff for that pairing than, say, link/zelda or whatever.

Plus, there's going to be more fanfiction for stuff like Buffy or Harry Potter then the Legend of Zelda. and the more fanfictions there are, the more of a chance there'll be good fanfictions for it. Like, I really hate Glee at this point, but there's a lot of fanfiction for that goddamn show and there's some pretty good stuff there... I bet even in stuff like Twilight (undoubtedly there are better written fanfictions than that stupid goddamn book).

but yes, lots of it is terrible. and usually, the good authors generally stop writing fanfiction and try writing an actual book if they're that good.

actually, your avatar is King Bumi (from Avatar), right? There's plenty of good stuff there.

#19 Posted by Turtlebird95 (2306 posts) -

Get out while you still can.

#20 Posted by davidwitten22 (1708 posts) -

If I only I could find the Pokemon fanfictions I wrote back in middle school...

Lots of sex in those.

#21 Edited by Vuud (1943 posts) -

SQUAD BROKEN!!

Man I hope nobody remembers that.

#22 Posted by tsutohiro (364 posts) -

Everything starts off relatively quiet and normal.

...then, fanfiction.

Yeah.

#23 Posted by Sinusoidal (1289 posts) -

Hey, if you really want it, here is the very first fan fiction I ever read:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3223911/

Well, that was some fucking awful, awful fucking.

There's better out there, there really is. But expect to wade through another eight-hundred-and-thirty-seven of those before you find one.

#24 Posted by Village_Guy (2492 posts) -

I've read some good My Little Pony fan fiction... and some pretty bad ones too.

I think fan fiction is a pretty mixed bag overall, you get something decent once in a while, and a lot of bad stuff. And then there is stuff like Cupcakes (which I luckily have avoided) and Rainbow Factory (which I thought wasn't too bad) in every fandom.

#25 Posted by hermes (1369 posts) -

99% of the fanfics on Internet exist for one of two reasons:

  • To have established characters to have sex
  • To introduce a new character (most likely a Mary Sue), an avatar of the author to hang out with the characters, be BFF, save the day and... have sex with them.
#26 Posted by Brodehouse (9585 posts) -

I read a fanfic about Chie and Yosuke having awkward phone sex.

It was pretty hot.

#27 Posted by Killerfridge (301 posts) -

I wrote a 50,000 word fanfiction for that Avatar film that came out in 2009 (remember that?) I was...pretty obsessed back then. I read quite a bit too, and some of it was fantastic, really good. Then like, so much would be slash fiction with terrible, terrible sex scenes.

But I did find some rather sober ones. I wish I could find the one I was thinking about, it was ridiculously good.

#28 Posted by Random45 (1045 posts) -

If people who write fanfiction were any good at writing they wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

You could show me the most well-written piece of fanfiction out there and I'd still be steadfast in my belief that literally all fanfiction is horrible, melodramatic, middleschooler-who-draws-himself-as-sonic-and-posts-it-on-deviantart garbage.

What if the fan-fiction is written by an established author?

Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Future's Past is fantastic, easily the best HP fanfic out there, and in my opinion, I think it's better than canon. Though there are a handful of things I don't like in it (mostly its depiction of Snape).

Another excellent example, perhaps the BEST example, is The Spirit of Redemption. It's a Mass Effect fanfiction that ignores the third game entirely, is 3.4 million words long, has hundreds of well established and developed Original Characters, and it is so much better than the canon material that it isn't even funny. The author of this story goes into such extreme detail that in my mind, Mass Effect 3 never happened - THIS is what happens instead.

(Seriously though people in this thread, if you're even remotely interested in Mass Effect, check this story out)

#29 Posted by TruthTellah (8529 posts) -

I read a fanfic about Chie and Yosuke having awkward phone sex.

It was pretty hot.

That actually sounds amazing. I haven't heard of a phone sex fanfic before.

#30 Edited by LikeaSsur (1495 posts) -

If people who write fanfiction were any good at writing they wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

You could show me the most well-written piece of fanfiction out there and I'd still be steadfast in my belief that literally all fanfiction is horrible, melodramatic, middleschooler-who-draws-himself-as-sonic-and-posts-it-on-deviantart garbage.

Give peace a chance.

#31 Edited by MocBucket62 (1149 posts) -

I never read fanfictions themselves, but this is the general description I've read elsewhere of what they are like. That's why I avoid them, because they're practically sex-driven garbage.

Online
#32 Posted by oldenglishC (922 posts) -

Wasn't there one that featured Ryan, Jeff, and sexy cannibalism?

#33 Posted by Brodehouse (9585 posts) -

@truthtellah: It was _pretty_ hot.

Pretty sure it was written by a chick, too, and I feel like women write hotter erotica.

#34 Posted by Krullban (1023 posts) -

Wasn't there one that featured Ryan, Jeff, and sexy cannibalism?

Yeah.

Ryan sat at his desk in the little Sausalito offices. The glow of the monitor illuminated his face as he searched the internet for the latest in sports drink technology. He wasn’t particularly excited at the moment just content to be working at a place with good people and good friends. He yawned gently as he struggled to find anything interesting.

Jeff sat next to him in his Herman Miller Aeron Chair. He thought it was comfortable but was really happy with the clean design. At this moment a sudden pang of hunger struck him. He looked around the room.

“We really need a refrigerator down here, yo!” he said in his half mocking, half revering tone. “I’m like starving, dawg!”

“Do you want to just order some pizza or something?” Ryan asked knowing what the answer would be.

“Nah, man we had pizza yesterday. What about that In & Out Burger? You know they got some tasty burgers.”

“Yeah… but I’m not really in the mood for burgers either.”

“Geez, I’m just starving though!” Jeff blurted.

Ryan stared at Jeff. He didn’t know how to sate his friend’s hunger. They’d have these discussions every day and his friend’s picky eating habits were starting to get on his nerves. He decided that he would have to do something a little more forward in order to get the situation under control.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The dark was soothing and seemingly cooled his warm body. In a calm voice he spoke clearly, “Jeff, if you want something to eat. Eat me.”

“Ha! Dude, no seriously, I’m hungry!” Jeff responded.

With his eyes still closed and breathing slowly Ryan raised his voice slightly, “Jeff I don’t want to hear you talking about food anymore. Just eat me. Just fucking eat me.” He drew a large serrated knife from his desk drawer. The long leather wrapped handle was heavy but the balance of the knife was perfectly centered on its hilt.

“Dude! What are you do…”

Before Jeff could finish Ryan plunged the knife with both hands into his abdomen. The sound was dull and moist. Ryan could hear this sickening thud even before he felt the pain. It shot from the wound towards his back and then into his neck. It was excruciating. Warm blood poured down his shirt and dribbled onto the floor. He struggled with the knife to open the wound.

Jeff was stunned. His eyes were impossibly wide and he was listening to the blood pour out of Ryan’s abdomen.

With the knife firmly in his belly he moved both his hands into a palm upward grasp and started sawing the teeth of the blade into his flesh. It was not a smooth motion. The ragged knife cut and tore his fat and the blood was freely flowing onto his hands and pooling onto the carpet.

As Ryan opened the wound up Jeff watched as the yellowish glistening pieces of fat fell to the floor. The rapid pulling thrusts of the knife in flesh sounded like someone was slowly beating an egg. The smell of exposed fat was like that of a freshly opened jar of mayonnaise. When Ryan had torn through about half a foot of his own body he let go of the knife and left it sticking in the bottom of the open wound.

At this point the odor hit Jeff and he realized that Ryan had been screaming. It was a low bellowing noise interrupted with gurgling gasps and brief cries.

Ryan then grasped the edges of his exposed innards and dug his fingers into the subcutaneous fat. He started to pull himself open. His own flesh was warm and slick so he had to bury his hands deeper to get a better hold.

As Ryan tore frantically tore into his own body Jeff could now see the red ragged fibers of muscle as Ryan’s fingers ripped into them. They twitched in concert with Ryans screams and sickened him.

He had opened a hole in his belly enough to expose his abdominal muscles and the fascia intertwined in them. His fingers couldn’t pierce through this barrier though. He pulled the knife that was already buried above his groin and started to saw through the muscle. Because of the large serrations of the knife he had to tug violently to rip through the fascia.

Jeff watched in silence, not realizing that he had held his breath throughout the entire ordeal. Then an even more horrifying vision befell him. Ryan had stopped making human screaming noises and was now just grunting between frantic knife jabs but through the blood and torn flesh Jeff could clearly see loops of bowel starting protrude out of his friend.

Ryan fell to his knees and the sudden impact caused his intestines to pour through the wound. He hadn’t stopped tearing with the knife and pierced through the walls of his small bowel. The spasms of his intestines caused fluid stool to mix with the blood pouring out of Ryan and it smelled like a freshly butchered deer.

The smell was so strong that Jeff’s stomach cramped and he too fell to the floor in front of his eviscerated friend.

At this Ryan whimpered in weakened, breathless gasps but not stopping his disembowelment, “Fucking eat me, dude. Eat that shit.”

Jeff, dazed with horror, grabbed one of Ryan’s torn bowel loops. It convulsed to his touch and was slippery to hold. As he held Ryan’s intestines he could feel the powerful contractions go from one side of his hand to another. He was shocked at this and almost dropped it. The mix of fecal fluids and blood ran down his arms in pulpy threads.

Ryan stared at Jeff. The only noise coming from Ryan’s mouth now was of an impossibly long and low gutteral exhalation.

Jeff tugged on Ryan’s bowels in order to further free them.

#35 Edited by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

Just listen.

#36 Posted by oldenglishC (922 posts) -

@krullban said:

@oldenglishc said:

Wasn't there one that featured Ryan, Jeff, and sexy cannibalism?

Yeah.

Ryan sat at his desk in the little Sausalito offices. The glow of the monitor illuminated his face as he searched the internet for the latest in sports drink technology. He wasn’t particularly excited at the moment just content to be working at a place with good people and good friends. He yawned gently as he struggled to find anything interesting.

Jeff sat next to him in his Herman Miller Aeron Chair. He thought it was comfortable but was really happy with the clean design. At this moment a sudden pang of hunger struck him. He looked around the room.

“We really need a refrigerator down here, yo!” he said in his half mocking, half revering tone. “I’m like starving, dawg!”

“Do you want to just order some pizza or something?” Ryan asked knowing what the answer would be.

“Nah, man we had pizza yesterday. What about that In & Out Burger? You know they got some tasty burgers.”

“Yeah… but I’m not really in the mood for burgers either.”

“Geez, I’m just starving though!” Jeff blurted.

Ryan stared at Jeff. He didn’t know how to sate his friend’s hunger. They’d have these discussions every day and his friend’s picky eating habits were starting to get on his nerves. He decided that he would have to do something a little more forward in order to get the situation under control.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The dark was soothing and seemingly cooled his warm body. In a calm voice he spoke clearly, “Jeff, if you want something to eat. Eat me.”

“Ha! Dude, no seriously, I’m hungry!” Jeff responded.

With his eyes still closed and breathing slowly Ryan raised his voice slightly, “Jeff I don’t want to hear you talking about food anymore. Just eat me. Just fucking eat me.” He drew a large serrated knife from his desk drawer. The long leather wrapped handle was heavy but the balance of the knife was perfectly centered on its hilt.

“Dude! What are you do…”

Before Jeff could finish Ryan plunged the knife with both hands into his abdomen. The sound was dull and moist. Ryan could hear this sickening thud even before he felt the pain. It shot from the wound towards his back and then into his neck. It was excruciating. Warm blood poured down his shirt and dribbled onto the floor. He struggled with the knife to open the wound.

Jeff was stunned. His eyes were impossibly wide and he was listening to the blood pour out of Ryan’s abdomen.

With the knife firmly in his belly he moved both his hands into a palm upward grasp and started sawing the teeth of the blade into his flesh. It was not a smooth motion. The ragged knife cut and tore his fat and the blood was freely flowing onto his hands and pooling onto the carpet.

As Ryan opened the wound up Jeff watched as the yellowish glistening pieces of fat fell to the floor. The rapid pulling thrusts of the knife in flesh sounded like someone was slowly beating an egg. The smell of exposed fat was like that of a freshly opened jar of mayonnaise. When Ryan had torn through about half a foot of his own body he let go of the knife and left it sticking in the bottom of the open wound.

At this point the odor hit Jeff and he realized that Ryan had been screaming. It was a low bellowing noise interrupted with gurgling gasps and brief cries.

Ryan then grasped the edges of his exposed innards and dug his fingers into the subcutaneous fat. He started to pull himself open. His own flesh was warm and slick so he had to bury his hands deeper to get a better hold.

As Ryan tore frantically tore into his own body Jeff could now see the red ragged fibers of muscle as Ryan’s fingers ripped into them. They twitched in concert with Ryans screams and sickened him.

He had opened a hole in his belly enough to expose his abdominal muscles and the fascia intertwined in them. His fingers couldn’t pierce through this barrier though. He pulled the knife that was already buried above his groin and started to saw through the muscle. Because of the large serrations of the knife he had to tug violently to rip through the fascia.

Jeff watched in silence, not realizing that he had held his breath throughout the entire ordeal. Then an even more horrifying vision befell him. Ryan had stopped making human screaming noises and was now just grunting between frantic knife jabs but through the blood and torn flesh Jeff could clearly see loops of bowel starting protrude out of his friend.

Ryan fell to his knees and the sudden impact caused his intestines to pour through the wound. He hadn’t stopped tearing with the knife and pierced through the walls of his small bowel. The spasms of his intestines caused fluid stool to mix with the blood pouring out of Ryan and it smelled like a freshly butchered deer.

The smell was so strong that Jeff’s stomach cramped and he too fell to the floor in front of his eviscerated friend.

At this Ryan whimpered in weakened, breathless gasps but not stopping his disembowelment, “Fucking eat me, dude. Eat that shit.”

Jeff, dazed with horror, grabbed one of Ryan’s torn bowel loops. It convulsed to his touch and was slippery to hold. As he held Ryan’s intestines he could feel the powerful contractions go from one side of his hand to another. He was shocked at this and almost dropped it. The mix of fecal fluids and blood ran down his arms in pulpy threads.

Ryan stared at Jeff. The only noise coming from Ryan’s mouth now was of an impossibly long and low gutteral exhalation.

Jeff tugged on Ryan’s bowels in order to further free them.

11/13/2013 - The day all my erections died.

#37 Edited by Zelyre (1122 posts) -

I pick up the master sword and then charge at Ganon. With a slash in teh air I kill Ganon and found Princess Zelda.

"Your ok." I say to Zelda as she dusts herself of. "Oh Link take me" she says.

Suddenly a rush off air fills teh room. I look up and see a bloo hedgehog standing above me. He has piercing green eyes the color of limes in the middle of the summer. His sneakers are red like the flush filling my cheeks. He reaches back and I look up to see a chili dog. Its the yumtasticest chili dog I have ever seen. Dripping with chili cheese the hot dog was the size of the bun and the bun was covered in 100 poppy seads.

Sephiroth looked at me and says eat the chili dog. So I do. Tails says "Let's go bowling"

Sephiroth, Sonic, Tails, and I went and bowled.

~Fin~

There's some pretty good fan-fiction out there. However, the strength of the written word is also its weakness. Writing is empowering, and as you write, you feel like you're creating something meaningful. You don't need to spend a lot of time learning the fundamentals of a skill before you can churn out a finished product.

The feedback you get from writing is different than playing an instrument, or cooking, or painting. You know when you play the wrong note, or if you're making a horrible sound. You know when something is burning. You know you're using the wrong colors just by looking. That feedback is instant.

If you tell yourself, "Man, the story I'm writing is awesome!" without ever reading it once it's committed to paper, bad things happen!

#38 Posted by Scrawnto (2434 posts) -

Fan fiction has always just seemed like a crutch for people who can't create their own interesting characters or setting. Either that, or they just really want to see Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy get it on, so they have to write it themselves.

#39 Posted by Willza92 (259 posts) -

It's a bad idea to bring up fan fiction on Giant Bomb. It always awakens... something rotten.

@krullban said:

@oldenglishc said:

Wasn't there one that featured Ryan, Jeff, and sexy cannibalism?

Yeah.

Ryan sat at his desk in the little Sausalito offices. The glow of the monitor illuminated his face as he searched the internet for the latest in sports drink technology. He wasn’t particularly excited at the moment just content to be working at a place with good people and good friends. He yawned gently as he struggled to find anything interesting.

Jeff sat next to him in his Herman Miller Aeron Chair. He thought it was comfortable but was really happy with the clean design. At this moment a sudden pang of hunger struck him. He looked around the room.

“We really need a refrigerator down here, yo!” he said in his half mocking, half revering tone. “I’m like starving, dawg!”

“Do you want to just order some pizza or something?” Ryan asked knowing what the answer would be.

“Nah, man we had pizza yesterday. What about that In & Out Burger? You know they got some tasty burgers.”

“Yeah… but I’m not really in the mood for burgers either.”

“Geez, I’m just starving though!” Jeff blurted.

Ryan stared at Jeff. He didn’t know how to sate his friend’s hunger. They’d have these discussions every day and his friend’s picky eating habits were starting to get on his nerves. He decided that he would have to do something a little more forward in order to get the situation under control.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The dark was soothing and seemingly cooled his warm body. In a calm voice he spoke clearly, “Jeff, if you want something to eat. Eat me.”

“Ha! Dude, no seriously, I’m hungry!” Jeff responded.

With his eyes still closed and breathing slowly Ryan raised his voice slightly, “Jeff I don’t want to hear you talking about food anymore. Just eat me. Just fucking eat me.” He drew a large serrated knife from his desk drawer. The long leather wrapped handle was heavy but the balance of the knife was perfectly centered on its hilt.

“Dude! What are you do…”

Before Jeff could finish Ryan plunged the knife with both hands into his abdomen. The sound was dull and moist. Ryan could hear this sickening thud even before he felt the pain. It shot from the wound towards his back and then into his neck. It was excruciating. Warm blood poured down his shirt and dribbled onto the floor. He struggled with the knife to open the wound.

Jeff was stunned. His eyes were impossibly wide and he was listening to the blood pour out of Ryan’s abdomen.

With the knife firmly in his belly he moved both his hands into a palm upward grasp and started sawing the teeth of the blade into his flesh. It was not a smooth motion. The ragged knife cut and tore his fat and the blood was freely flowing onto his hands and pooling onto the carpet.

As Ryan opened the wound up Jeff watched as the yellowish glistening pieces of fat fell to the floor. The rapid pulling thrusts of the knife in flesh sounded like someone was slowly beating an egg. The smell of exposed fat was like that of a freshly opened jar of mayonnaise. When Ryan had torn through about half a foot of his own body he let go of the knife and left it sticking in the bottom of the open wound.

At this point the odor hit Jeff and he realized that Ryan had been screaming. It was a low bellowing noise interrupted with gurgling gasps and brief cries.

Ryan then grasped the edges of his exposed innards and dug his fingers into the subcutaneous fat. He started to pull himself open. His own flesh was warm and slick so he had to bury his hands deeper to get a better hold.

As Ryan tore frantically tore into his own body Jeff could now see the red ragged fibers of muscle as Ryan’s fingers ripped into them. They twitched in concert with Ryans screams and sickened him.

He had opened a hole in his belly enough to expose his abdominal muscles and the fascia intertwined in them. His fingers couldn’t pierce through this barrier though. He pulled the knife that was already buried above his groin and started to saw through the muscle. Because of the large serrations of the knife he had to tug violently to rip through the fascia.

Jeff watched in silence, not realizing that he had held his breath throughout the entire ordeal. Then an even more horrifying vision befell him. Ryan had stopped making human screaming noises and was now just grunting between frantic knife jabs but through the blood and torn flesh Jeff could clearly see loops of bowel starting protrude out of his friend.

Ryan fell to his knees and the sudden impact caused his intestines to pour through the wound. He hadn’t stopped tearing with the knife and pierced through the walls of his small bowel. The spasms of his intestines caused fluid stool to mix with the blood pouring out of Ryan and it smelled like a freshly butchered deer.

The smell was so strong that Jeff’s stomach cramped and he too fell to the floor in front of his eviscerated friend.

At this Ryan whimpered in weakened, breathless gasps but not stopping his disembowelment, “Fucking eat me, dude. Eat that shit.”

Jeff, dazed with horror, grabbed one of Ryan’s torn bowel loops. It convulsed to his touch and was slippery to hold. As he held Ryan’s intestines he could feel the powerful contractions go from one side of his hand to another. He was shocked at this and almost dropped it. The mix of fecal fluids and blood ran down his arms in pulpy threads.

Ryan stared at Jeff. The only noise coming from Ryan’s mouth now was of an impossibly long and low gutteral exhalation.

Jeff tugged on Ryan’s bowels in order to further free them.

#40 Posted by jimmyfenix (3829 posts) -

@willza92 said:

It's a bad idea to bring up fan fiction on Giant Bomb. It always awakens... something rotten.

@krullban said:

@oldenglishc said:

Wasn't there one that featured Ryan, Jeff, and sexy cannibalism?

Yeah.

Ryan sat at his desk in the little Sausalito offices. The glow of the monitor illuminated his face as he searched the internet for the latest in sports drink technology. He wasn’t particularly excited at the moment just content to be working at a place with good people and good friends. He yawned gently as he struggled to find anything interesting.

Jeff sat next to him in his Herman Miller Aeron Chair. He thought it was comfortable but was really happy with the clean design. At this moment a sudden pang of hunger struck him. He looked around the room.

“We really need a refrigerator down here, yo!” he said in his half mocking, half revering tone. “I’m like starving, dawg!”

“Do you want to just order some pizza or something?” Ryan asked knowing what the answer would be.

“Nah, man we had pizza yesterday. What about that In & Out Burger? You know they got some tasty burgers.”

“Yeah… but I’m not really in the mood for burgers either.”

“Geez, I’m just starving though!” Jeff blurted.

Ryan stared at Jeff. He didn’t know how to sate his friend’s hunger. They’d have these discussions every day and his friend’s picky eating habits were starting to get on his nerves. He decided that he would have to do something a little more forward in order to get the situation under control.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The dark was soothing and seemingly cooled his warm body. In a calm voice he spoke clearly, “Jeff, if you want something to eat. Eat me.”

“Ha! Dude, no seriously, I’m hungry!” Jeff responded.

With his eyes still closed and breathing slowly Ryan raised his voice slightly, “Jeff I don’t want to hear you talking about food anymore. Just eat me. Just fucking eat me.” He drew a large serrated knife from his desk drawer. The long leather wrapped handle was heavy but the balance of the knife was perfectly centered on its hilt.

“Dude! What are you do…”

Before Jeff could finish Ryan plunged the knife with both hands into his abdomen. The sound was dull and moist. Ryan could hear this sickening thud even before he felt the pain. It shot from the wound towards his back and then into his neck. It was excruciating. Warm blood poured down his shirt and dribbled onto the floor. He struggled with the knife to open the wound.

Jeff was stunned. His eyes were impossibly wide and he was listening to the blood pour out of Ryan’s abdomen.

With the knife firmly in his belly he moved both his hands into a palm upward grasp and started sawing the teeth of the blade into his flesh. It was not a smooth motion. The ragged knife cut and tore his fat and the blood was freely flowing onto his hands and pooling onto the carpet.

As Ryan opened the wound up Jeff watched as the yellowish glistening pieces of fat fell to the floor. The rapid pulling thrusts of the knife in flesh sounded like someone was slowly beating an egg. The smell of exposed fat was like that of a freshly opened jar of mayonnaise. When Ryan had torn through about half a foot of his own body he let go of the knife and left it sticking in the bottom of the open wound.

At this point the odor hit Jeff and he realized that Ryan had been screaming. It was a low bellowing noise interrupted with gurgling gasps and brief cries.

Ryan then grasped the edges of his exposed innards and dug his fingers into the subcutaneous fat. He started to pull himself open. His own flesh was warm and slick so he had to bury his hands deeper to get a better hold.

As Ryan tore frantically tore into his own body Jeff could now see the red ragged fibers of muscle as Ryan’s fingers ripped into them. They twitched in concert with Ryans screams and sickened him.

He had opened a hole in his belly enough to expose his abdominal muscles and the fascia intertwined in them. His fingers couldn’t pierce through this barrier though. He pulled the knife that was already buried above his groin and started to saw through the muscle. Because of the large serrations of the knife he had to tug violently to rip through the fascia.

Jeff watched in silence, not realizing that he had held his breath throughout the entire ordeal. Then an even more horrifying vision befell him. Ryan had stopped making human screaming noises and was now just grunting between frantic knife jabs but through the blood and torn flesh Jeff could clearly see loops of bowel starting protrude out of his friend.

Ryan fell to his knees and the sudden impact caused his intestines to pour through the wound. He hadn’t stopped tearing with the knife and pierced through the walls of his small bowel. The spasms of his intestines caused fluid stool to mix with the blood pouring out of Ryan and it smelled like a freshly butchered deer.

The smell was so strong that Jeff’s stomach cramped and he too fell to the floor in front of his eviscerated friend.

At this Ryan whimpered in weakened, breathless gasps but not stopping his disembowelment, “Fucking eat me, dude. Eat that shit.”

Jeff, dazed with horror, grabbed one of Ryan’s torn bowel loops. It convulsed to his touch and was slippery to hold. As he held Ryan’s intestines he could feel the powerful contractions go from one side of his hand to another. He was shocked at this and almost dropped it. The mix of fecal fluids and blood ran down his arms in pulpy threads.

Ryan stared at Jeff. The only noise coming from Ryan’s mouth now was of an impossibly long and low gutteral exhalation.

Jeff tugged on Ryan’s bowels in order to further free them.

Jesus , Not this shit again! every year someone needs to bring this fan fiction up!