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#1 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

Ive been playing games since the mid 80's. the original mario was the first game ive ever played and ive been gaming ever since.ive owned pretty much every console there is so i know how to play a video game. flashforeward about 20 years and i meet my girlfriend who i love to death and will probly marry one day. now before me, the only video games she's ever played were animal crossing and mario 64. now me being the game nut that i am i exposed her to it not really expecting much. ive tried to get past girlfriends to play games but aside from some drunken rock band sessions or the occasional awkward grand theft auto,ive had little success. but not with her. shes taken to gaming like a duck with water. shes plays constantly and even listens to pod casts lol.

but here is my problem. i enjoy watching her play games. its alot of fun and shes actually quite good at them. but somtimes when shes playing a game,she does it all wrong. then i try to pipe in with some helpful advice and she yells at me.like im ruining the game or somthing. for example. shes made it over halfway through max payne 3 only using bullet time once or twice. she is repeatedly killed and starts over,over and over again. i try saying,"hey babe,try using bullet time or shoot dodge.it really can make those firefights a bit easier." then she either doesnt listen to me or gets on me about forcing her to play the game my way. or how she will spend over an over in one section in Snake Eater.trying to sneak past all the gaurds un noticed. only to get to the very end and get caught and die. i try saying," sweetie, you have a tranq gun for a reason. if that dude is in your way,just pop him and move on." and again im met with the same anger.

now i am aware that this just might be her playstyle and thats fine. it just seems to me that she is intentionaly trying to make the game as difficult as possible. i try to help but it gets me nothing. ive noticed alot of my fellow gamers dont like being told what to either. so what are some helpful ideas you guys got?

#2 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Don't play games with her. You're either going to piss her off or drive yourself insane.  
Source: Personal experience.

#3 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@Ravenlight: it's not like it's a huge issue. wel regulary play co-op games all the time. i just watched her play RDR and it was great. i just wish i could find the right way to explain to her that one of the central things in max payne is fucking bullet time and that by not using it shes literally playing it wrong.

#4 Posted by Pezen (1657 posts) -

Don't give her advice while she is playing, it is too easy to come across as condescending. Instead, when she is done with a session, talk about her experience and if she points to a fristration, give her advice and not "hete is how you should fo it" instruction.

#5 Posted by laserbolts (5352 posts) -

There's nothing worse than a backseat gamer. It drives me nuts.

#6 Posted by TooWalrus (13255 posts) -

That's the thing, you've got to let her play the way she wants to, and hopefully, eventually, she'll get it. It's weird, the (couple) of girls I know who are actually into gaming tend to be very... angry.  
 
@Ravenlight: This is irrelevant, but I really like your avatar.

#7 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@TooWalrus: no i know. i mean she enjoys the games regardless of how she plays them it just bugs the hell out of me.

#8 Posted by Patman99 (1620 posts) -

Let her be free. If she is having fun then 'eff it. Obviously the way she plays is totally fine with her or she would ask you a question. It sounds like her style of play bothers you more than it does her.

Online
#9 Edited by runnah555 (148 posts) -

How about you mind your own damn business and let the woman play the damn game!

Jesus if you were my boyfriend I would have already found some dude with a bitchin 'stache who didn't give a shit about how I played some video game, and then bang the shit outta him.

#10 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -
@TooWalrus said:

 
@Ravenlight: This is irrelevant, but I really like your avatar.
Thanks :D 
It was the impetus to learn what meager Photoshop skills I have.
#11 Posted by Rafaelfc (1417 posts) -

Do not tell her what to do EVER. Just let her fail and maybe she will ask you for advice, then you tell her what you think.

#12 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19377 posts) -

Would you like it if someone else constantly told you what to do in a video game because you were "playing it wrong"?

#13 Posted by Bwast (1342 posts) -

Poop on her side of the bed before bedtime. She'll get the hint.

#14 Posted by Ekami (266 posts) -

Touch her shoulder.

#15 Posted by Funkydupe (3321 posts) -

Giving someone advice is OK by me and you should definitely do that. Don't tell someone 'how to play it right' though, as that can get pretty fucking annoying. Don't sit there and force the issue either.

#16 Posted by Piqued_Interest (63 posts) -

If I was missing a major game mechanic and someone told me about it I would be thankful.

Being a girl has little or nothing to do with it. It is her own insecurity about being taken seriously that is getting in the way of her actually playing it as it was designed to be played.

#17 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@runnah555: lol wow,overeact much? i dont sit there and hound her. its very rare when i even mention stuff like that too her.

good luck finding your Stasch man. hope hes clean.

#18 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

Never give advice to women...like ever, unless they ask. You'll be going down a dark path otherwise.

#19 Posted by Phatmac (5726 posts) -

@FluxWaveZ said:

Would you like it if someone else constantly told you what to do in a video game because you were "playing it wrong"?

This.

#20 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@Piqued_Interest: exactly,im not screaming at her how to play the game,just pointing out that bullet time is the key gameplay element for max payne and it would help her alot if she maybe used it somtimes. i dont scream at her everytime she forgets to aim in COD and insteads "spray and prays". im NOT a monster.

#21 Posted by Silvergun (297 posts) -

@TheDudeOfGaming said:

Never give advice to women...like ever, unless they ask. You'll be going down a dark path otherwise.

I'll expand on that, don't give out unsolicited advice in general. People seldom appreciate it, and in the vast majority of cases, they can get on just fine without your wisdom.

#22 Posted by runnah555 (148 posts) -

There is no excuse for domestic violence.

#23 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@Silvergun: but where do you draw the line? if im watching someone play a game and they keep doing they same wrong thing over and over again and all i have to do is say one word and the problems solved,do i keep my mouth shut?

#24 Posted by Animasta (14718 posts) -

@DoctorDanger99 said:

@Silvergun: but where do you draw the line? if im watching someone play a game and they keep doing they same wrong thing over and over again and all i have to do is say one word and the problems solved,do i keep my mouth shut?

yes. If they want to know, they'll ask; some people like doing things for themselves you know

#25 Posted by Silvergun (297 posts) -

@DoctorDanger99 said:

@Silvergun: but where do you draw the line? if im watching someone play a game and they keep doing they same wrong thing over and over again and all i have to do is say one word and the problems solved,do i keep my mouth shut?

That's exactly what you do. She's playing, so let her do it her way. If she gets frustrated and asks for your help then by all means help, otherwise just chill, she'll probably be more than happy just to have your company than to have you be an ever present hint line.

#26 Posted by Eaxis (950 posts) -

Let them play until they they ask for help. If they do want help, just help with the problem, encourage them on and explain how games can be unfair and difficult sometimes.

#27 Posted by supamon (1334 posts) -

Honestly? If that's the sort of reaction you get when you try to help her, then don't help. This isn't a knock on you or your advice. Some people just want to play the game their way or are too caught up in what they're doing. When she's not playing you could try discussing with her what exactly she enjoys about the game. Maybe she's really into the game and wants to play it like a pure stealth, leave no trace mission.

#29 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@supamon: good point.ill be sure to use it in the future,nice avatar by the way.

#30 Posted by MentalDisruption (1664 posts) -

If I were you I would just let her learn naturally. Doesn't really matter if she isn't playing well or is forgetting key things as long as she is having fun. If you have a conversation about a game and she says she's stuck or whatever then tell her what you'd do in that situation, but don't make it sound like you're telling her what to do or like you're correcting her. Bottom line is games are supposed to be fun, and there's no wrong way to play them as long as she is enjoying gaming. Which it sounds like she is.

#31 Posted by Azteck (7449 posts) -

Here's what you do; stop telling her how to play. Even if you mean well, and I'm sure she realizes it too, it does get really really frustrating when other people try to play the game for you. Just let her play at her own pace if she thinks it's fun. So what if she dies, as long as she enjoys herself, does it actually matter?

#32 Posted by Hunter5024 (5909 posts) -

It sounds like your girlfriends pretty hardcore. Maybe she just likes the challenge.

#33 Posted by Inquisitor_Sif (58 posts) -

Live with it, dude. Maybe you'll end up enjoying it one day.

#34 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6401 posts) -

@Ekami said:

Touch her shoulder.

and after that, stop calling her "babe".

#35 Posted by NegativeCero (3026 posts) -

Yep, just let her play and be happy that she is interested in playing games, because it seems important to you. Otherwise you may turn her off playing games altogether.

#36 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@Godlyawesomeguy: lol shes loves it when i call her babe

#37 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -

Tell her to calm the fuck down and take it like an adult.

I hate people who refuse to listen to constructive criticism. Usually when I have a hard time with a game I APPRECIATE that, unless it's just a bunch of stuff that never works for me. And at that point I'm just pissed at the game not the person.

Just let her play games, or hope you can convince her to grow up.

#38 Posted by Karkarov (3230 posts) -

Let her play her way, if she dies she dies. Then Rocky will come into the ring and get revenge for her while simultaneously defeating communism.

In all seriousness maybe you need to talk to her outside of game time because she might need to learn to chill a bit. If she gets that pissed over you giving her gaming advice I am curious as to why you are considering a long term relationship. I would hate to see what happens when you have to discuss something that is actually important.

#39 Posted by YI_Orange (1169 posts) -

For one, maybe when she's pissed already is not the best time to give advice, people tend to react badly to that. Even then though, I've noticed that if your advice is actually good and you're not a total douchebag your advice will get taken anyway eventually, even if you're told to fuck off when you give it. Maybe try leaning into being an asshole about it but in a way that says "hey I'm only playing!"? That works sometimes. Also, maybe you're just being a complete douche about it and don't realize it.

#40 Posted by Dad_Is_A_Zombie (1225 posts) -

It's supposed to be fun. She's having fun until you chime in. Stop doing that.

#41 Posted by panvixyl (325 posts) -

If she does not want your "advice" then shut the fuck up and leave her alone.

#42 Posted by MegaLombax (421 posts) -

Don't help her. It's patronizing. Just leave her be, watch her make the mistakes. Sooner or later, she'll figure out how to properly play the game. Or she might even turn to you and ask for advice. It's not worth getting into arguments over silly things like this.

#43 Edited by Piqued_Interest (63 posts) -

@MegaLombax: Patronizing? Why? Because she is a lady? Or because she is too stubborn to realize the core mechanic of a game?

I still am confused as to why people are unable to take helpful suggestions from a more experienced person. I don't feel patronized when my Dad tells me how to fix a car - I feel fing greatful that he is able to impart knowledge onto me - even if he doesn't always do it in the nicest way possible.

The thing with Video Games is that on a core level they are driven by mechanics - if was telling her that the opinions she drew from a movie/tv show/art exhibit were wrong there would be a problem, but telling someone the "correct" means to play a game is akin to my dad teaching me how to change my oil.

I don't like backseat drivers, but when I learned stick a little constructive feedback was appreciated instead of having to troubleshoot my way through the situation. At a certain point I became comfortable with the "correct" way of driving stick and thus stopped having to have a running dialogue with a more experienced person if they happened to be in the car at the time.

#44 Posted by pyromagnestir (4337 posts) -

Either:

Rip the controller from her unworthy female hands and show her how a man does things! Then send her to the kitchen to bring you a beer and a sammich!

Or:

If she's ultimately having a good time, then don't bother her. No one likes to hear they're doing it wrong. Just look at any Endurance Run, for example.

#45 Edited by Dagbiker (6978 posts) -

Think to your self, would gaming be fun if every 10 minuets someone told you you where playing it wrong?

Ether you or her are going to be annoyed, and if its her, she probably isn't going to want to play video games anymore.

Also you have to remember, we joke about the commonality of the memes, but a lot of this stuff isn't second nature for a non gamer. And took years of playing games to learn.

#46 Edited by TheHT (11682 posts) -

Don't be a dick and encourage having fun. That includes lightening the mood when things get tedious and not spouting off about "playing it wrong", for example.

I don't mind getting advice like "BAD GUY ON YOUR LEFT!!" when I'm playing games, but I would mind if someone was in my ear constantly telling me "use bullet time. use bullet time. shootdodge. shoulda used bullet time."

#47 Posted by Clonedzero (4200 posts) -

you're probably sounding condescending without meaning to.

telling someone how to play a game is really annoying. like i remember someone saw me playing skyrim and they criticized me for not maxing smithing asap, and i was like "i know, i dont want to use it because it makes it too easy". but they were all dickish and annoying s aying "but dude you can have the best stuff! you're leveling all wrong".

part of enjoying video games is playing them yourself and figuring out how to overcome challenges. if you just say "do this, and this" everytime, it kinda sucks the fun out of it.

#48 Posted by MegaLombax (421 posts) -

@Piqued_Interest: Patronizing because clearly DoctorDanger99 is far more experienced in gaming, judging from his original post.

@MegaLombax: Patronizing? Why? Because she is a lady?

...really?

All I'm saying is this, let the game teach her how to play. If she plays it wrong, then she gets penalized. Plain and simple. She probably doesn't need both the game and her guy telling her this.

I'm not saying its wrong for DoctorDanger99 to help. Some people might prefer that. But judging from her reaction, she clearly doesn't want the help. She wants to experience everything on her own. So maybe he should give her that avenue instead of repeatedly doing something that might damage the relationship in the long run.

#49 Posted by hawkinson76 (376 posts) -

Don't do it. What is the ultimate goal, to move up from playing on easy to playing on medium
Or hard? To s rank a game? I don't do either of those things, I play lots if games and have fun, NOT using a lot of the mechanics because they are not fun.

This is specifically in response to the idea of making her a "better gamer" in general, this isn't boot camp, the goal is fun. That said, if every fight in assassins creed takes twice as long because she isn't countering, well, go ahead and reminder her, but is he says "I tried and can't get the timing" then stop there until
She actually asks for help figuring it out

#50 Edited by jayjonesjunior (1094 posts) -

stop trying to be nice, women can pick that up, she will feel like you are patronizing her.