Pop'n Twinbee
( I can't understand what the hell is going on!) Nothing about this makes sense! Hell, the music does not even come close to conveying something that resembles confusion! And now I not only have to blog about a game like this, but must also end this sentence in something that isn't an exclamation mark!? *sigh* There's no use in rambling about the confusing everything that is this blog. Might as well bloat it up a couple of paragraphs so it at least looks like I know what I'm talking about.
Granted, the game is shorter and easier than Smurfette (as Bushwald Sexyface has never stopped telling me), but there are still some challenging moments in the game, like the later everything in general. Also, the main poIwer-up system requires an attention span that you know no child has. Here's how it works: you shoot a cloud, and for whatever reason, a bell pops out. Shoot the bell enough times, and it changes color, indicating that it'll give you a certain power-up. Tell me how any of this makes sense. A little kid is already stressed enough by the large amount of projectiles on screen; add power-ups that require shooting into the mix, and you have a much cuter version of Columbine on your hands. Also, how the hell are little kids supposed to remember which color gives which power-up? I only recognized one to two of them, and I still remember the weakness order of several Mega Man games.
Hold on, somebody's explaining it to me: there aren't that many power ups. Just two shot ones, two speed ones, a shield, and the typical Gradius option one. Trust me, it's not a lot! In fact, it makes the game come across as a bit simplistic, almost bare-bones. The only things that manage to set it apart are the Xevious-esque bombs and the health system. I'd call the latter one an improvement, but unfortunately, it never seems to be an improvement. I like the feature, granted, but it always manages to make the game easier, since you can just soak up enough bullets to build 9 Transformers. The bomb feature, however, does not have this problem, mainly because it has no effect on the gameplay whatsoever. Every bomb locks onto specific targets within 3 miles of their intended area, there are no power-ups for the bomb whatsoever, and whatever you do shoot can just as easily be killed with a very powerful sneeze. You can get through the entire game without this f-I think I should just end things right here. *nervously walks out of room*
Review Synopsis
- This game earns the Smurfette Award for Easy Shortness.
- So....many...bells.....So.....gey!.....(Yes, gey is a word...now.)
- Underneath it all, it's a normal shooter.
Is it odd that this video gives me an erection?
Mighty Final Fight
( OK, this one I actually understand.) It still kinda weirds me out that somebody thought Mayor Haggar wasn't cute enough, but at least I can see the logic behind that decision. Somebody wanted more money (even though this is an arcade game already ported to the SNES, Sega CD, and everything else you could buy anywhere), so they decided to remake Final Fight for the NES. However, what didn't occur to them is that people buy a game to play it, not just because it looks really, really cute.By this, I mean that it's very hard to say that you "play the game" so much as you "tape down the turbo button and occasionally hold down right." That is all you do in this game: punch and walk right. I'm aware that the original Final Fight did this, but while I also insult it for that, at least the other versions threw in a few things to mix things up, like weapons. Oddly enough, they're almost not in this game, presumably because Haggar's already confident in the killing power of his mustache. Even when Haggar discovers that not all men fear the mustache, all he has is a single weapon that only he can equip (which is not an issue, since it's a single player game that only gives you one weapon over the course of five levels). Please tell me why punching is not the favorable option.
But back to that thing I said before. Anybody see a pattern here? They were trying to make a Final Fight RPG that was so ahead of its time, it decided to borrow things from future RPGs! You know essential things like a chibi art style, jackhammer combat, and decent music. That's the only unquestionably good thing about Mighty Final Fight: its music. It's a Capcom game for the NES, and we all know the story behind that: it started the Baroque Movement in Europe (you know, that thing with Beethoven and Mozart and all those other guys). That's how good the music in this game was: it pretty much created all other music. But you know what was happening at the same time? French Revolution. Turns out this game is so bad that it makes a game of Cranial Soccer sounds preferable. Now you see why I don't like this game, the one that earns the Most Appropriate Title for its Time Award.
Review Synopsis
- Just hold down the B button.
- Why are there RPG features? If I wanted what this game was offering, I'd just play Earthbound Zero.
- Just play the SNES version.
Log in to comment