#251 Edited by timE1985 (16 posts) -

So now that all 12 envelopes are out in the world somewhere or another, can we summarize the information we have and the information that's still needed? I understand that we've looked at the light sequence and are anticipating more videos on holidaybullshit.com but is there an organized and efficient way in which to display the information and theories thus far? There is this: http://cah-holiday-bs.wikia.com/wiki/CAH_Holiday_BS_Wiki that had been mentioned before (including this: http://cah-holiday-bs.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Theories). I'm just wondering what we can do further to solve this baby.

#252 Posted by gla55jAw (2685 posts) -

Damn, I had been holding on to the envelopes until yesterday. I had no idea about this. A card with my name on it is pretty amazing though.

#253 Posted by matthewglidden (15 posts) -

Possible connection between day 5's golden rings and day 9, as its dancers are Beyoncé from "Single Ladies" and its lyric, "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

Day 5's diorama on HolidayBullshit.com is the one that includes a "blue box," "Captain Crunch," and shows a phone receiver, another type of "ringing." (Its phone receiver is also face-down, as if placed on an acoustic modem.) Captain Crunch himself (John Draper) figures into the puzzle series from Ready Player One, which CAH might've emulated in creating this one.

Three items from Day 5's diorama also appear in day 3:, a blue bow, a menorah (six candles visible), and the disco ball. Day 3 also has a bejeweled cell phone. CAH (via Max) already said the puzzle moves from stage to stage, so finding common elements may ID the progression to follow, for example in phone calls to make.

#254 Posted by timE1985 (16 posts) -

@gla55jaw: Why must people insist on spoiling this? I'm sorry if you found out about it in advanced, but don't ruin it for others.

#255 Edited by ErkMeister (10 posts) -

Maybe WE are the puzzles!!!

Or the puzzle is literally bullshit.

#256 Posted by jordan355 (1 posts) -

I could see the puzzle being total bullshit. Finally started getting mine in, and my first thought after figuring out the first substitution puzzle was "this is probably a troll move saying that we should recycle. Don't throw anything away, recycle instead! You'll know what you did was right, and because you're helping the Earth survive longer, you win!"

#257 Posted by timE1985 (16 posts) -

@jordan355: This from the reddit thread:

ADDITIONALLY: I've received a clue directly from Max regarding the puzzle.

"To dispel any rumors: There really is a puzzle, it's not a trick or a gimmick. There are multiple steps to the puzzle, one leading to the next. There is a solution, and if you solve it you will know what to do to let us know you solved it first."

#258 Posted by kiapurity (26 posts) -

... okay, mail. Made a giant leap from 7 to 11 and 12 today.

Obviously missing 8-10. I give up on understanding post office forever

#259 Posted by timE1985 (16 posts) -

@kiapurity: I received 11 and 12 very early also. In fact, seems you've gotten more than I have.

#260 Posted by ErkMeister (10 posts) -

Maybe they are telling us that they are our true loves! Because of the Christmas song! On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me... Or since we only received pictures of those instead of the actual thing then we do not actually have true loves :-( lol

#261 Edited by Woozie (11 posts) -

I know someone mentioned it earlier in this thread, but no one seemed to follow up on it. There's clearly a pattern on https://www.holidaybullshit.com/ with the ornaments and the sparkles at the top of the page. Maybe a musical clue? With the ornaments hanging at different heights, and accented by the sparkles, it almost looks like a music sheet. But I'm not the best at figuring this stuff out.

#262 Posted by crazynick (7 posts) -

Hey guys, I just came across your group and would love to join. Has anyone been on the FAQ on the holidaybullshit website? If you click their logo it takes you to posts that they have been posting... It's 42 pages long! I just noticed it but am going to bed. I'll read through it tomorrow but thought I would share it with you since there may be clues hidden in there!

Here is the link: http://cah.tumblr.com/

#263 Edited by timE1985 (16 posts) -

@crazynick:

Hey guys, I just came across your group and would love to join. Has anyone been on the FAQ on the holidaybullshit website? If you click their logo it takes you to posts that they have been posting... It's 42 pages long! I just noticed it but am going to bed. I'll read through it tomorrow but thought I would share it with you since there may be clues hidden in there!

Here is the link: http://cah.tumblr.com/

I read all 46 pages today. Mainly because it get paid to be bored and surf the internet. Certainly not to find any Holiday Bullshit related things, of course that all stops by page 2 or 3. I call Bullshit on your weak attempt to contribute. But that's perfectly fine, all I've really done here is reply to things like this.

#264 Posted by crazynick (7 posts) -

Lol, trust me I have been trying everything from lining up lights on the envelopes mad magazine style to using the coal to see if there were any rubbings on the envelopes.... I get more anxious than my dog does waiting for the mailman and more disappointed than a kid that just found out about Santa when there isn't any bullshit in my mail. I came across it late last night, saw that it was 42 pages and decided to put it off until today since I was already being nagged by the gf for not being in bed yet. Looking forward to hopefully a few new packages tomorrow! Happy hunting!

#265 Edited by crazynick (7 posts) -

Also, (and this may be me reading into things a little two far) it seems that on most of the envelopes there are subtle 'pointings' to various lights... day one the branches on the left seem to be pointing at yellow and purple lights, day 2 the cigarette smoke is pointing to the yellow light, day 3 whatever is coming out the 'collie bird's' ass is pointing to green, day 5 the star is pointing to yellow and the blotches next to the star are both pointing to purple, day 6 the 4th goose is pointing to yellow... and that is all the envelopes I have.

I'm also wondering if it is a code for a url like woot did for the 12 bags of crapmas (ie bit.ly/1kbeGUb)

b = blue

y = yellow

i = indago

g = green

t = teal etc.....

#266 Posted by FateOfNever (1809 posts) -

I didn't even know there was an extra insert in the day 1 envelope until I found this topic. How crazy is that?

I'm not sure what this would be. I feel like all of these theories on the lights and stuff are probably going too far. It is possible, after all, that we're not supposed to throw away the envelopes not because the answer to the puzzle is in them, but maybe you need all 12 of them as part of the final answer itself to give as an answer to the CAH guys. Such as, what if the answer ends up being "Send us all 12 envelopes." or something along those lines. Then again, since this can be completed as a group and if the group finds the answer, it probably wouldn't be to send in or mail them something back. I'd definitely feel better having all 12 envelopes myself, in hand, with all the gifts, before even trying to really figure this thing out. But then that puts a lot of people at pretty big disadvantages. Unless the website is also involved at which point they actually have a way to put in a sort of hard limit on when the absolute earliest someone could complete it is. But, even then.

I guess it's hard to say where to draw the line on how deep to go with this stuff. It's fun and wild all the same though. We don't get a lot of stuff like this in the world today, and no matter the outcome, I'm appreciative of the CAH team for not just the 12 days of bullshit, not just for supporting a charity with the money, but for giving people something mysterious and fun to take part in.

#267 Posted by timE1985 (16 posts) -

I'd definitely feel better having all 12 envelopes myself, in hand, with all the gifts, before even trying to really figure this thing out. But then that puts a lot of people at pretty big disadvantages. Unless the website is also involved at which point they actually have a way to put in a sort of hard limit on when the absolute earliest someone could complete it is. But, even then.

Considering that they've said that anyone can solve the puzzle, including people not receiving 12 Days of Bullshit, I'd have to say that the website and videos have everything to do with it. As for not throwing it out, maybe the envelopes simply give hints about the solution through the website. That is, we may have an advantage over the people not receiving them. If anyone disagrees with this logic, please explain.

#268 Posted by droid_fighter (3 posts) -

I'm new to posting in the group here, and have been reading all of the posts here since i found this site last week. The insert doesn't officially say that anyone could solve it including those that are not getting their BS. But i guess its possible. there have been so many theories floating around here its pretty awesome, and i cant wait to see what they update tomorrow that should bring it all together.

#269 Posted by kiapurity (26 posts) -

I don't think I'm going to get 8-10. Nothing in the mail-- I'm scared that they may have been lost :(

#270 Posted by samazement (3 posts) -

In case it's of importance, the order of the colors of all the dioramas (since I'm assuming day 12 won't have a diorama because the dioramas are only on odd days with red card packs) are Red, White, Blue, Green, Gold, Black.

#271 Posted by erny5796 (2 posts) -

Day 12 is up. I wonder if we type in something specific into the card we get a special message.

#272 Posted by droid_fighter (3 posts) -

Hmm, anyone have any ideas? I was all on board for the lights spelling something out, but what I had assumed to be the cipher (the tiled site) didnt seem to give me much.

#273 Posted by drgoodhair (4 posts) -

i'm thinking whatever the answer is when we come up with it, gets input to the card. now we just need to figure out what the question is

#274 Posted by deadlance (1 posts) -

I checked the source of the website containing the card input. It's responses are all hard coded. There's nothing there. I don't think that's where we'll turn in the figured out response. I'm pretty much willing to bet that the CAH website and the holiday bullshit site have nothing to do with the puzzle.

#275 Posted by droid_fighter (3 posts) -

Well I know that the answers aren't all random because certain names, like my own Bryan, illicit direct responses. Also, Jesus Christ and several others. So I feel it is very possible that the next step could be given through that medium.

#276 Posted by FateOfNever (1809 posts) -

Well, so far of things I know that give related responses - Jesus, Mario, and Dick. I'm trying to see what else I can find for day 12 that actually has related responses, not that I know if it has anything to do with actually solving the puzzle or not.

Also tried typing in the encrypted message that came with day 1 and nothing happened.

#277 Edited by samazement (3 posts) -

Debbie, Sam, Max, and Gay all have unique responses as well.

#278 Posted by Jachin (39 posts) -

Wow, there is crazy amount of unique responses.

#279 Edited by FateOfNever (1809 posts) -

Tony also has one, as does Abraham and George.

So maybe this could be related, somehow, to the solution. But what you're supposed to enter, or how you're supposed to figure that out? Still no clue. I tried things like Captain Crunch, Stormtrooper, C3P0, Batman, thinking maybe the previous days would be something or lead to something, but no luck. It also seems to only recognize single names. So, if you enter a first name and last name together, it doesn't seem to care, and all of the unique responses have only been to what the first name entered is. Again, not sure if this even has to do with the answer or not, but, it's probably as good of a lead as any other.

Edit: Actually, I feel like the unique responses (so far, anyway) could just be tied to who all subscribed to the 12 days of bullshit, along with some others (or maybe not?) But, there could still be something related to it, considering that we were told that the puzzle was a multi-step thing, and entering something into the card and getting a response seems like it could easily be a step in the process.

#280 Posted by The_Reflection (241 posts) -

So, if you type in the name Beulah on the day 12 thing you get a phone number 815 762 0829 and if you say your name is beulah they say you have a stupid name and hang up.

I feel like this is the number to call with whatever information we need to give them.

#281 Edited by ErkMeister (10 posts) -

I typed Cards Against Humanity and it was like "wait that's kind of an awesome name"

Also type in Rick it's awesome!

#282 Posted by WhytePanther (106 posts) -

I was going through the source, and there's another phone number. Entering Lena gives you: Girls. Great show. Let's talk about a development deal. Call me - (312) 756-0834

#283 Edited by sleeper86 (2 posts) -

JSON object with all name responses. Rick and Carlton are the only two links. I assume you have to call one of the numbers:

{

"AARON": [

"An extra A, to match your extra chromasome."

],

"DJANGO": [

"Did you mean the over-rated musician with the stupid name or the overcomplicatd web framework with the stupid name?"

],

"ABBY": [

"Abby. Gets stabby. Don't make her crabby! Abby."

],

"KANYE": [

"Watch the Throne was really disappointing."

],

"ABDUL": [

"Abdul. What a ghoul. Smells like drool. Abdul."

],

"WIL": [

"You watch sports with a horse head on. And your name is stupid."

],

"ABE": [

"Let's be honest. Your name is stupid."

],

"BIZ": [

"Biz is as bad a name for a person as Jelly is for a company."

],

"ABEL": [

"I hope your brother kills you."

],

"ABIGAIL": [

"Hebrew for \"her father's joy.\" Your father's joy must have been making his daughter live with a shitty name."

],

"ABRAHAM": [

"Four score and seven years ago your parents gave you a dumb name."

],

"ADA": [

"What'd you eat? I just ada turkey sandwich. Leftovers from Thanksgiving."

],

"ADAM": [

"The first man. Fucked it up for the rest of us. Thanks asshole."

],

"ADDIE": [

"Addie. Short for \"Additional brain cells needed.\""

],

"ADELE": [

"A mac.",

"Please stop singing. I can't cry anymore."

],

"ADOLFO": [

"Adding an \"O\" to your name doesn't hide the fact that your first name is still Adolph."

],

"ADOLPH": [

"Just unfortunate."

],

"ADRIAN": [

"ADRIAAAAN! ADDRIIIAAAAANNNN YOUR NAME IS STUPID.",

"Yo."

],

"ADRIANA": [

"Ancient greek for \"tree weasel.\""

],

"ADRIENNE": [

"Yo."

],

"AGNES": [

"Your name looks like acne. It just does. Deal with it."

],

"AGUSTIN": [

"Wait, what is your name?"

],

"AIDA": [

"If I were in your parents shoes, Aida named you something not stupid.",

"Yeah, and my name is \"Phantom of the Opera.\""

],

"AILEEN": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"AIMEE": [

"You're trying too hard."

],

"AJ": [

"Nice acronym. You gonna name your son FBI?"

],

"AL": [

"Al. That's it? Al?! YOUR NAME IS TINY."

],

"ALAN": [

"It is not known if Alan stands for \"little rock\" or \"handsome.\" I'm going to go with \"stupid.\""

],

"ALANA": [

"Alana. Makes me wanna. Get into a sauna. With pirhanas. Alana."

],

"ALBERT": [

"They named a dick piercing after you."

],

"ALBERTA": [

"You are a city in Canada."

],

"ALBERTO": [

"Spanish for \"dick piercing.\""

],

"ALEC": [

"The best Baldwin. The worst name."

],

"ALEJANDRO": [

"Too many syllables. Go home."

],

"ALEX": [

"Alex. Short for \"Alex is a stupid name.\""

],

"ALEXANDER": [

"There was Alexander the Great, then there was Alexander the So-So. That must make you Alexander the Disappointing."

],

"ALEXANDRA": [

"The feminine version of the name \"I don't care what your name is.\""

],

"ALEXIS": [

"Alexis a stupid name.",

"Woof."

],

"ALFRED": [

"Ah, Alfred. Old English for \"counselled by elves\". That's pretty stupid."

],

"ALFREDA": [

"Sauce."

],

"ALFREDO": [

"Alfredo. That's a sauce, not a name."

],

"ALICE": [

"Alice. Your body is a wonderland, and by that I mean it's chock full of bizarre creatures and opium hallucinations."

],

"ALICIA": [

"Whatever happened to Alicia Silverstone? Oh yeah, she died of having such a stupid name."

],

"ALISA": [

"Alisa. At least-a your last name isn't so stupid!"

],

"ALISHA": [

"At least you're trying to have a good name, too bad it's stupid."

],

"ALISON": [

"Elvis Costello wrote a song about you. Well, about your name and how dumb it is."

],

"ALISSA": [

"You spelled it wrong."

],

"ALLAN": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"ALLEN": [

"You mispelled Ellen."

],

"ALLIE": [

"Come back when you're ready to use your big-girl name."

],

"ALLISON": [

"Reminds me of that Elvis Costello song about a man who dumps a woman because her name sucks."

],

"ALLYSON": [

"My son is my ally. We've teamed up to tell you this, you have a dumb name."

],

"ALMA": [

"What's your Alma Mater? Go back there, take a course in linguistics, find a new name."

],

"ALTA": [

"Vista. Search for a new name."

],

"ALVIN": [

"Where's Simon? Where's Theodore? Right. They left. Because your name is stupid."

],

"ALYSON": [

"You parents never taught you how to spell your own name? That's really sad."

],

"ALYSSA": [

"Where'd you learn how to spell names, the Internet?"

],

"AMANDA": [

"Your name is also what people say when they hear it: \"Ah, man, dat's a stupid name.\""

],

"AMBER": [

"Amber. The material I'll have to trap my head in so I don't have to hear your stupid name."

],

"AMELIA": [

"German for \"industrious\" and \"fertile.\" Just like your mother last night."

],

"AMIE": [

"You spelled Amy wrong. You're welcome."

],

"AMOS": [

"I love you too. Idiot."

],

"AMY": [

"Amy is a namy that is lamy. Don't blame me!"

],

"ANA": [

"Ana, the lazy way to spell \"Anna.\""

],

"ANASTASIA": [

"Dumb movie. Dumber name."

],

"ANDERSON": [

"Anderson, teah, OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"ANDRE": [

"No one wants to have dinner with you. Because your name is stupid."

],

"ANDREA": [

"A much better name for an opera singer."

],

"ANDRES": [

"You added an S to your name, Andre, thinking it's clever. Nice try."

],

"ANDREW": [

"Ancient Greek for \"manly,\" which in ancient Greece meant that you had sex with little boys."

],

"ANDY": [

"And y not rename yourself?"

],

"ANGEL": [

"Named for the being who descended from heaven to convince your mom to give you a shitty name."

],

"ANGELA": [

"I read that book about you. ANGELA'S ASHES. Frank McCourt knew what he was doing. However, your mom didn't. Your name is dumb."

],

"ANGELICA": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Devilica.\""

],

"ANGIE": [

"You should get an Angie-oplasty. You know, to fix your stupid name."

],

"ANITA": [

"Anita second to recover from how stupid your name is."

],

"ANN": [

"Her?"

],

"ANNA": [

"Anna Anna Bo-banna, Banana Fanna Fo you have such a stupid name."

],

"ANNE": [

"Her?"

],

"ANNETTE": [

"Go use a net to catch yourself a new name. Yours is stupid."

],

"ANNIE": [

"Annie get your gun. And shoot your parents for giving you such a stupid name."

],

"ANNMARIE": [

"Combining two stupid names just makes your name twice as stupid."

],

"ANTHONY": [

"You have the same name as Anthony Weiner."

],

"ANTOINETTE": [

"Off with your head! For having such a stupid name!"

],

"ANTONIO": [

"In Spanish your name means \"beyond praise.\" 'Cause it's so stupid."

],

"ANTONY": [

"Forgot the H there, pardner. ; p"

],

"APRIL": [

"April. A rainy, depressing month that makes everyone long for summer. Good job."

],

"ARIEL": [

"Go back under the sea where your name belongs."

],

"ARLENE": [

"Just...let Jon Arbuckle take you out on a date already."

],

"ARMAND": [

"Actually that's kinda cool."

],

"ARMANDO": [

"The spanish form of Armand. Congratulations, your name is stupid in two languages."

],

"ARNOLD": [

"Too easy, Ahnold."

],

"ART": [

"Fart."

],

"ARTHUR": [

"Arthur? I hardly know hur!"

],

"ASHLEE": [

"HAHAHAHAHAHA"

],

"ASHLEY": [

"Ashley, a girl that is bored and looks up her name on Urban Dictionary.",

"Sorry for the mixup. We meant to make fun of your sister's name."

],

"AUDREY": [

"I liked the plant you were named after better."

],

"AUGUST": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"March.\""

],

"AURORA": [

"The city of lights. Home to Wayne's World. Worst name for a human being."

],

"AUSTIN": [

"Cool town. Dumb name. Move there, change your name."

],

"AUTUMN": [

"Well, technically only until December 21st."

],

"AVA": [

"Your name is the same forwards and backwards, in case you forget which way to read, dummy."

],

"AVERY": [

"Avery time I hear your name I want to vomit."

],

"AVIS": [

"I'll take 3 Honda Fits please."

],

"BARBARA": [

"As pretty as a bush."

],

"BARRY": [

"Strawbarry, bluebarry, lingonbarry, hatebarry, yourbarry, namebarry."

],

"BART": [

"Don't have a cow, man, but your name is stupid."

],

"BASIL": [

"Hungry."

],

"BEATRICE": [

"Aren't you one of the Golden Girls?"

],

"BECKY": [

"Grow up. You're an adult. Get an adult's name."

],

"BELINDA": [

"Yes. Be Linda. That's a much better name than yours."

],

"BEN": [

"Big Ben, the most iconic clock tower in London, was renamed Elizabeth Tower. You should really consider this change for yourself as well.",

"From the Hebrew for \"son of my days.\" Don't worry, it makes sense if you're stupid."

],

"BENITA": [

"Almost pretty."

],

"BENITO": [

"Your parents must have been on the wrong side of World War II."

],

"BENJAMIN": [

"Benjamin, the name you go by when you really want to get mad at people who call you Benny.",

"Big Ben, the most iconic clock tower in London, was renamed Elizabeth Tower. You should really consider this change for yourself as well.",

"From the Hebrew for \"son of my days.\" Don't worry, it makes sense if you're stupid."

],

"BERNADETTE": [

"Please, put down the matches. That's a felony."

],

"BERNARD": [

"You're a saint for having put up with such a stupid name your whole life."

],

"BERNICE": [

"Aren't you one of the Golden Girls?"

],

"BERTHA": [

"Come on. That can't be your actual name."

],

"BERYL": [

"of monkeys. All with better names than yours."

],

"BESSIE": [

"You're either from the Civil War or you're a cow."

],

"BETH": [

"Beth. That short for Elizabeth or Bethany? Doesn't matter. Both stupid names."

],

"BETHANY": [

"Any one named Beth out there? Any Beths? Any Beths? Guess not. Time to leave."

],

"BETSY": [

"I bet your parents didn't know what they were doing when they gave you your stupid name."

],

"BETTIE": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Betty."

],

"BETTY": [

"If this is your name, you are a 90-year-old knitting enthusiast. Congratulations on living this long."

],

"BETTYE": [

"Typo."

],

"BEULAH": [

"Please call 815.762.0829 - I will make fun of your name personally."

],

"BEVERLEY": [

"Great name for a set of hills. Terrible name for a human."

],

"BEVERLY": [

"Great name for a set of hills. Terrible name for a human."

],

"BIANCA": [

"Italian for \"white.\" Estonian for \"a goat's underbelly.\""

],

"BILL": [

"I should BILL you for every second I have to listen to your stupid name."

],

"BILLIE": [

"Go on holiday. Take your stupid name with you.",

"You spelled your name wrong, Billy."

],

"BILLY": [

"Way to really grow out of your childhood name there, Billy."

],

"BJ": [

"Nice acronym. You gonna name your son FBI?"

],

"BLAKE": [

"Blake! What kind of name is that? Who puts an L after a B, and then an A and a K, and an E at the end??"

],

"BLANCA": [

"Your name means white. The absence of color. The absence of meaning. The absence of thought. The absence of anything."

],

"BLANCHE": [

"Good thing to do to a tomato. Bad thing to do to a woman."

],

"BOB": [

"Bob's your uncle. And probably your father, too."

],

"BOBBIE": [

"Come back when you have a serious name to give me.",

"You spelled your name wrong. Stupid."

],

"BOBBY": [

"Oh Bobby, won't you go and get your grandmother another glass of lemonade? And while your up, find a less stupid name for yourself."

],

"BONITA": [

"This is a pretty stupid name."

],

"BONNIE": [

"Where's Clyde? Exactly. Your name is stupid."

],

"BORIS": [

"Please don't Bore us with your stupid name."

],

"BRAD": [

"Brad, from a long tradition of \"Names of Asshole High School Football Players.\""

],

"BRADFORD": [

"Bradford. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"BRADLEY": [

"Just go by Brad. It still stucks, but takes less time to write."

],

"BRAIN": [

"Do you really have one?"

],

"BRANDI": [

"Should have a Y at the end, like, \"Y is your name so stupid?\""

],

"BRANDIE": [

"As if Brandy wasn't bad enough."

],

"BRANDON": [

"Steer drivers would often brand their property so they wouldn't get lost. But, you should brand a new name on your ass, because your name is stupid."

],

"BRANDY": [

"Great drink, stupid name."

],

"BRENDA": [

"I have a vendetta against stupid names like Brenda."

],

"BRENDAN": [

"Solid, classically stupid Irish name."

],

"BRENT": [

"Old English for \"high place.\" Your parents were in a high place when they named you."

],

"BRET": [

"You're missing a T there, Bret."

],

"BRETT": [

"The Hitman Heart. Someone needs to hire a hitman to execute your name."

],

"BRIAN": [

"Well, I guess it's more accurate than \"Brain.\""

],

"BRIANA": [

"Almost like the cheese, but stupid."

],

"BRICE": [

"Your name has rice in it. That's the only thing going for you."

],

"BRIDGET": [

"Roadt, no. Streett, no. Curbt, no. Overpasst, no. Oh, thanks. Crossword finished."

],

"BRIDGETT": [

"No, you're supposed to take the Bridge MM to get to Memphis, silly."

],

"BRIT": [

"Brit. Smells like shit. Makes me spit. Brit."

],

"BRITNEY": [

"I'll believe that's the right way to spell it when Britney Spears makes the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

],

"BRITTANY": [

"You know what you and Brittany Spears have in common? A dumb name and a lower back tattoo."

],

"BRITTNEY": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Brittany."

],

"BROOKE": [

"Let's go fishing! My name is Creek. I'll be your friend. Your only friend. Ever."

],

"BROOKS": [

"We're Dunn here."

],

"BRUCE": [

"Bruce Lee... Bruce Willis... the inspirational stories of people who overcame cripplingly terrible names to become total badasses. Good luck."

],

"BRYAN": [

"Y? Y do you have such a stupid name."

],

"BRYANT": [

"Couldn't settle for just Bryan, huh? Had to fancy it up with that T?? WELL I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY."

],

"BRYCE": [

"A good Irish name. Gaelic for \"monkey armpits.\""

],

"BRYN": [

"Uh, it's spelled Brynn."

],

"BRYNN": [

"Uh, it's spelled Brynne."

],

"BRYNNE": [

"Uh, it's spelled Bryn."

],

"BRYON": [

"This is just all sorts of wrong."

],

"BUD": [

"Or you a dog or a man? You have a dog's name."

],

"BUDDY": [

"Remember my buddy and me? That doll that boys were supposed to carry around? I bet that was the high point of your life. Cause now, your name is really stupid."

],

"BURL": [

"Mr. Ives? You are real! It's a Christmas miracle."

],

"BURTON": [

"What are you on?"

],

"BYRON": [

"If Bryan had dyslexia, and was also really stupid."

],

"CAITLIN": [

"A solid, classically stupid Irish name."

],

"CALEB": [

"A classic, solidly stupid Biblical name."

],

"CALVIN": [

"Too bad you can't pee on your own name, cause it's stupid."

],

"CAMERON": [

"Literally means \"crooked nose\" in Gaelic. Case closed."

],

"CAMILLE": [

"el camil. Spanish for, the dumb name."

],

"CANDACE": [

"You spelled \"Canned Ice\" wrong."

],

"CANDICE": [

"Your internet connection has been lost."

],

"CANDY": [

"Funny.",

"Gum."

],

"CARA": [

"That's just an \"a\" tacked onto a mode of transportation. Try again."

],

"CARL": [

"If you're gonna go with Norse, why not something more awesome? Like Gunnlaug."

],

"CARLA": [

"Do tell, can one find your name on a nametag at a bank?"

],

"CARLOS": [

"Mencia. You were named after Carlos Mencia. Strangle your name away."

],

"CARLTON": [

"<img src=\"http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/760779/carlton-dance-o.gif\">"

],

"CARLY": [

"Carly. Smells gnarley. Looks like Chris Farley. Carly."

],

"CARMELA": [

"Q: What is Carmela? A: Something to dip apples into."

],

"CARMEN": [

"Some should write an opera about how stupid your name is.",

"Where in the world - did you get that stupid name?"

],

"CAROL": [

"Anthropoligists hypothesize that the first ever woman named Carol also had a stupid name."

],

"CAROLE": [

"Anthropoligists hypothesize that the first ever woman named Carole also had a stupid name."

],

"CAROLINA": [

"North? South? Both stupid."

],

"CAROLINE": [

"Hands, touching hands. Reaching out to grab a dictionary to find a new name."

],

"CAROLYN": [

"Your name means, song of happiness. Too bad it actually makes the world sad."

],

"CARRIE": [

"No one will ever like your name. EVER. Does that make you angry? Like, REALLY ANGRY?"

],

"CARTER": [

"The only President name that is also the name of my childhood dog. You're really winning this game called life."

],

"CASEY": [

"Casey. Great name, if you're a crime fighting dude in a hockey mask. Otherwise? Not worth repeating.",

"We hired Casey Kasem to record the following message, \"This week on the top 40, number 1, our name is dumb.\""

],

"CASSANDRA": [

"In Greek mythology, daughter of King Priam, who was most famous for giving his children stupid names."

],

"CASSIE": [

"Cassie. Kinda gassy. Looks like Lassie. Cassie."

],

"CATHERINE": [

"see Katherine"

],

"CATHLEEN": [

"Acceptable answers were: none of the above."

],

"CATHRYN": [

"You spelled Katherine wrong. You're welcome."

],

"CATHY": [

"You're so chatty. And stupid. | Ben Folds has to carry you cause you're name is so stupid."

],

"CECELIA": [

"I cecelia think that your name is very stupid."

],

"CECIL": [

"HAHAHAHAHA"

],

"CECILIA": [

"Cecilia, you're breaking my heart. Your name is heartbreakingly stupid.",

"Sounds like something you'd find in a spongy decaying mass of fecal matter."

],

"CEDRIC": [

"The entertainer. He's funny. Your name isn't. It's stupid."

],

"CELESTE": [

"AND THE ANGELS SANG YOUR NAME FROM THE HEAVENS, \"CELESTE ... WHAT A DUMB NAME\""

],

"CELIA": [

"Just googled it. No results. Go hide in a closet."

],

"CELINA": [

"You are a type of water beetle."

],

"CESAR": [

"Mmmm....just thinking about dressing. Wait...what? That's your name? HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahhaHAHAHAHAHA! Idiot."

],

"CHAD": [

"Here's a poem: Chad is bad. / He makes me sad. / I wish his name was Brad. / Chad."

],

"CHANCE": [

"Unlucky."

],

"CHARITY": [

"Here's a donation. Get a new name."

],

"CHARLENE": [

"Go back to 1962 when that name was relevant."

],

"CHARLES": [

"Barkley.",

"Chuck. Chucky. Chaz. Fuck, man, you can't even shorten your name to something that isn't stupid."

],

"CHARLIE": [

"Hey, where's your angels? Can we meet them? No? Then you're not worth anything."

],

"CHARLOTTE": [

"Your name is a web. A sticky gross web. A stupid sticky gross web."

],

"CHASE": [

"Come and get me."

],

"CHASITY": [

"You wish."

],

"CHAUNCEY": [

"That's just unfortunate."

],

"CHELSEA": [

"Great for soccer. Bad for names."

],

"CHERI": [

"You spelled Cherry wrong."

],

"CHERRY": [

"Put that on top of the pile of suck ass names."

],

"CHERYL": [

"Cheryl, the favored name of hairdressers all over the world."

],

"CHESTER": [

"The cheetah? Your parents were high when they named you. Only explanation."

],

"CHRIS": [

"Chris. Short for \"Christ, what a stupid name. I mean, seriously.\""

],

"CHRISTIAN": [

"Better than being called Protestant on the playground, but still, really lame."

],

"CHRISTIE": [

"You misspelled \"Christopher.\""

],

"CHRISTINA": [

"Commonly shortened to nonexistence because it is such a stupid name."

],

"CHRISTINE": [

"Aliens have been spotted over Nevada! Quick Christine, give them your stupid name for collateral!"

],

"CHRISTOPHER": [

"Commonly shortened to nonexistence because it is such a stupid name.",

"Go PHuck yourself."

],

"CHRISTY": [

"Member of the 1992 Olympics team?"

],

"CHRYSTAL": [

"Nice try, CRYSTAL."

],

"CHUCK": [

"I liked you better as Charles."

],

"CINDY": [

"Cindy... I actually can't think of anything bad to say."

],

"CJ": [

"Nice acronym. You gonna name your son FBI?"

],

"CLAIRE": [

"Oh, I got my belly button pierced at you."

],

"CLARA": [

"I'm seeing it very clearly now, your name is very stupid."

],

"CLARE": [

"You spelled Claire wrong. You're welcome."

],

"CLARENCE": [

"Every time a bell rings an angel reminds us the name Clarence is stupid."

],

"CLARICE": [

"Well hello, Clarice. What a stupid name you have, my dear."

],

"CLARISSA": [

"Explain something to me: why is your name so stupid?"

],

"CLAUDIA": [

"Claudia. Latin for \"bat testicles.\""

],

"CLAY": [

"Mud. Dirt. Poop. Fecal matter."

],

"CLAYTON": [

"Clay ton. A ton of clay. That's what your stupid name means."

],

"CLEO": [

"My grandparents dog was named Cleo. A big dumb fat dog. You're welcome."

],

"CLEVELAND": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Baltimore.\""

],

"CLIFF": [

"Your stupid name makes me want to jump off one."

],

"CLIFFORD": [

"A big red dog. A big red dumb name."

],

"CLIFTON": [

"Clifton. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"CLINT": [

"Do you feel lucky? You shouldn't, because your parents gave you a shitty name."

],

"CLINTON": [

"Little blue dress. Cum stain. You."

],

"CLYDE": [

"Clyde the Glide Drexler. Prince of Portland. Could dunk on an 11 foot rim. Could jump high enough to escape you and your stupid name."

],

"CODY": [

"Cody? Blow me."

],

"COLE": [

"Put you in your stocking and smoke it."

],

"COLEEN": [

"Do you hear me Coleen your name? No? That's because you have a stupid name."

],

"COLEMAN": [

"Sleeping bag, check. Lantern, check. Name, stupid."

],

"COLIN": [

"Lock me up. For Colin you stupid!"

],

"COLLEEN": [

"Do you hear me Colleen your name? No? That's because you have a stupid name."

],

"COLLIN": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"CONNIE": [

"(In a Scottish accent) Connie you get a better name?",

"Mmmm....deep dish pizza. Oh wait? Were you talking? No one listens to people with stupid names."

],

"CONSTANCE": [

"The quality of your stupidity."

],

"CORA": [

"Your parents were trying too hard."

],

"COREY": [

"Your girlfriend, Topanga, has a stupid name, too."

],

"CORNELIA": [

"One half corn. Other half stupid."

],

"CORY": [

"Your girlfriend, Topanga, has a stupid name, too."

],

"COURTNEY": [

"Cocks.",

"Literally, Old French for \"pug nose.\" We can't improve on that."

],

"COY": [

"That's a fish."

],

"CRAIG": [

"The name Craig came from the Scottish word for \"man who lives by rocks,\" which is neat since the name is as dumb as rocks."

],

"CRISTINA": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"CRYSTAL": [

"Wait...I'm seeing something in my ball...your name is stupid."

],

"CURT": [

"Let's be blunt instead. You have a dumb name."

],

"CURTIS": [

"We've literally never met a man named \"Curtis.\" Perhaps because it's such a stupid name."

],

"CYNTHIA": [

"\"Cynthia\" is a movie starring Elizabeth Taylor. The movie is about a sickly girl who finds an outlet in music. You should do the same thing and find a new name while you're at it."

],

"DAISY": [

"Ah, the daisy, stupidest of flowers."

],

"DALE": [

"Earnhart. Earn yourself a new name."

],

"DALLAS": [

"Your name backwards is \"SALLAD.\""

],

"DAMIEN": [

"Hi Damien. You name reminds people of eating Chinese noodles. Stinky Chinese noodles."

],

"DAN": [

"You're the man. But your name? Not the man. In fact, sissy. Sissy name."

],

"DANA": [

"Good an impressions, bad at names.",

"You're missing an \"I\" from your name there, Diana."

],

"DANE": [

"Dane. Tiny brain. What a pain. Dane."

],

"DANI": [

"Mother of dragons. Daughter of parents with bad taste in names."

],

"DANIEL": [

"Hebrew for \"God is my judge, and he judged my name to be stupid.\""

],

"DANIELLE": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Daniel.\""

],

"DANNY": [

"Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes, are calling your name stupid."

],

"DANTE": [

"Woah. Chill out. Don't blow your top off."

],

"DAPHNE": [

"Is that how you spell your name. Huh. Go figure."

],

"DARLA": [

"Darla, the drunken way to say \"darling.\""

],

"DARLENE": [

"You must have found your name in a trash can."

],

"DARNELL": [

"Where in the Darn Hell did you get such a stupid name?"

],

"DARRELL": [

"Darrell. Body like a barrel. Drools like he's feral. Darrell."

],

"DARREN": [

"It was quite Darren of your parents to give you such a stupid name."

],

"DARRIN": [

"It was quite Darren of your parents to give you such a stupid name."

],

"DARWIN": [

"Respect. Just respect."

],

"DARYL": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"DAVE": [

"Dave. Seriously? That's the best your parents could do?"

],

"DAVID": [

"David Bowie covered himself in exquisite costumes and fanciful makeup to distract people from how boring the name \"David\" is.",

"Roses are red, violets are blue, your name is David, you have a stupid name."

],

"DAWN": [

"Guess it didn't dawn on your parents to name you something not stupid.",

"I'll break you with a vampire's fang, stupid.",

"The sun will rise, the sun will set. A new day tells us that your name is stupid."

],

"DEAN": [

"If I was the dean of the College of Naming Babies, I would expel your parents."

],

"DEANN": [

"De worst."

],

"DEANNA": [

"Member of the 1992 Olympics team?"

],

"DEBBIE": [

"Stop being such a downer. Bitch."

],

"DEBORAH": [

"Your name rhymes with labia menora. Like, from a vagina. Your name rhymes with vagina."

],

"DEBRA": [

"Ah yes, the fabled Debra - ancestor to the Zebra."

],

"DEE": [

"Making one letter into 3 isn't a name.",

"You can't make a letter a name."

],

"DEIDRE": [

"You lost an R there, pardner."

],

"DEIRDRE": [

"A beautiful, classically stupid Irish name."

],

"DELBERT": [

"Clearly you misspelled Dilbert."

],

"DELORES": [

"Claiborne. Too bad they don't have make-up for names. Yours could use a little eyeliner."

],

"DELORIS": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"DENIS": [

"You're missing an N there, Dennis."

],

"DENISE": [

"Acronym: Doing Everything Nice Is Surely Exciting! See how lame your name is."

],

"DENNIS": [

"Like tennis but with no balls.",

"Your name is a menace to society. I wanna drink juice in the hood to forget how stupid your name is."

],

"DENVER": [

"Great airport. Great city. Stupid name."

],

"DEON": [

"Deon. I want to pee on. Your name. Because it is stupid."

],

"DEREK": [

"You should rig yourself up a new name there, friendo."

],

"DERRICK": [

"You should rig yourself up a new name there, friendo."

],

"DESIREE": [

"And I desire that you'd get a new name."

],

"DEWEY": [

"Where's Huey and Louie?"

],

"DEXTER": [

"Look, I'd say your name is stupid, but I'd be afraid you'd murder me."

],

"DIANA": [

"Ah yes, Diana. Ancient Roman goddess of the moon, the hunt, and stupid names."

],

"DIANE": [

"Here's a ditty about you and Jack. Jack left you because your name is terrible."

],

"DIANN": [

"Here's a ditty. Your name is dumb."

],

"DIANNA": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"DIANNE": [

"Here's a dittie. Jack left. Because your name is stupid."

],

"DICK": [

"Nailed it."

],

"DIEGO": [

"Diego. Drinks Faygo. Drives a Winnebago. Diego."

],

"DINO": [

"Fred's dog. I'm sorry for you."

],

"DIXIE": [

"I have to whistle your name. If I say it out loud, dogs start barking."

],

"DOLLY": [

"You should buy one. See what its name is, and then walk around with her name instead."

],

"DOLORES": [

"Aren't you one of the Golden Girls?"

],

"DOMINGO": [

"You are a day of the week."

],

"DOMINICK": [

"I shop at you!"

],

"DOMINIQUE": [

"Wilkins: A high flying slamma jamma from Atlanta. But you, you can't jump AND you have stupid name."

],

"DON": [

"You should \"Don\" a new name, dummy."

],

"DONALD": [

"Your name is framed by double D's, unlike your face ever."

],

"DONNA": [

"Donna Summer...Summer....summer...the only time of the year to relax and enjoy the fact that you have a stupid name."

],

"DONNY": [

"Go back to 1965."

],

"DORA": [

"Explore renaming yourself."

],

"DOREEN": [

"BOREEN."

],

"DOROTHY": [

"Sorry, but no matter how many times you click your heels together, your name will still be stupid."

],

"DORTHY": [

"Is this a typo?"

],

"DOUG": [

"Doug. Face like a pug. Thorax like a bug. Who is he? Doug."

],

"DOUGLAS": [

"Douglas. More like pug tits."

],

"DREW": [

"Short for \"my parents drew a blank when trying to give me a good name.\""

],

"DUNCAN": [

"DUNCAN NO-NUTS."

],

"DUSTIN": [

"I'd best be Dustin off my megaphone so I can tell the world how stupid your name is."

],

"DUSTY": [

"Yeah you are."

],

"DWAYNE": [

"That's the Rock's name. Give it back or he'll body slam you to death."

],

"DWIGHT": [

"Everyone thinks of that tool from the Office. Probably says some cheesy line to your face. That's your life now, isn't it?"

],

"DYLAN": [

"And I bet your brother's name is \"Hunter,\" and your sister's name is \"Bristol.\""

],

"EARL": [

"Look! It's the Earl of Stupid!"

],

"EARLE": [

"Earle to bed, earle to rise up and find a new name for yourself."

],

"EARNEST": [

"I earnestly believe you have a stupid name."

],

"EBONY": [

"Or Ivory. Don't forget ivory."

],

"ED": [

"Erectile dysfunction."

],

"EDDIE": [

"Great name for a guitarist, stupid name for you."

],

"EDGAR": [

"Edgar Allen NO."

],

"EDITH": [

"Bonus points if you are still alive."

],

"EDNA": [

"You're either 80 or a horse."

],

"EDUARDO": [

"From the old english \"eadweardo,\" which means \"odd weirdo.\""

],

"EDWARD": [

"Ed, Edd 'n Eddie. Stupid, stupid 'n stupid."

],

"EDWIN": [

"You Edwin for the dumbest damn name."

],

"EFRAIN": [

"Please refrain from going by this stupid name."

],

"EILEEN": [

"Come on, get a new name. Yours is lame."

],

"ELAINE": [

"You are a town in Arkansas. How does that make you feel? Pretty stupid, huh?"

],

"ELEANOR": [

"Was actually in charge of running the white house. The white house is what we call the shitter out back."

],

"ELI": [

"Eli. He lie. We all lie. Here's some truth: you have a stupid name."

],

"ELIAS": [

"A classic, solidly stupid Biblical name."

],

"ELIJAH": [

"A classic, solidly stupid Biblical name."

],

"ELISA": [

"Lisa with a little extra stupid at the start of it."

],

"ELISABETH": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Elizabeth."

],

"ELISE": [

"Elise that's not my name!"

],

"ELIZABETH": [

"A beautifully stupid name, from the idiotic \"El\" to the slack-jawed \"iza,\" then stumbling to the finish line with a breathless \"beth.\" Perfect stupidity."

],

"ELLA": [

"Ellava stupid name."

],

"ELLEN": [

"She should talk to you about changing your name."

],

"ELLIOT": [

"Yeah, your name looks a lot like a toilet."

],

"ELLIOTT": [

"Drop an L, rearrange your name. Toilet. Yup. Toilet."

],

"ELMER": [

"Fudd. Fuddddddddddd. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuudddd. F. U."

],

"ELMO": [

"How's it feel to have someone's hand stuck up your butt?"

],

"ELSA": [

"God bless you."

],

"ELSIE": [

"Anagram: I eels. Gross. Like your name."

],

"ELTON": [

"Yeah, you'll always be the second favorite Elton in people's lives, won't you?"

],

"ELVIRA": [

"I didn't know you were still relevant, Elvira."

],

"ELVIS": [

"Fingers crossed you're still alive."

],

"EMILIA": [

"You spelled it wrong."

],

"EMILY": [

"You know why Emily didn't get a rose? Her name was too stupid."

],

"EMMA": [

"Ever read Emma by Jane Austen? Me neither."

],

"ERIC": [

"Eric. From a noble viking tradition of having stupid names."

],

"ERICA": [

"Erica is just \"Eric\" with an \"a\" tacked on. You're not fooling anyone but yourself."

],

"ERICK": [

"You must be Scandanavian. Scandanavians - cool. Your name? Lame."

],

"ERICKA": [

"Pick the C or the K and go with it. Greedy bastard."

],

"ERIK": [

"Erik. From a noble viking tradition of having stupid names."

],

"ERIKA": [

"Erika is just \"Erik\" with an \"a\" tacked on. You're not fooling anyone but yourself."

],

"ERIN": [

"I'm Erin on the side of honesty when I tell you your name is stupid."

],

"ERMA": [

"Erma freaking out this is your stupid name!"

],

"ERNEST": [

"Go to jail. Go to camp. Go to school. Go to Africa. Go away from here with you and your stupid name."

],

"ERNESTINE": [

"Ernestly try and get a new name, this one is very stupid."

],

"ERVIN": [

"Nice try, Magic."

],

"ESSIE": [

"Whoa Essie! What a stupid name you have!"

],

"ESTHER": [

"Your name is a star. You are not. But you are famous for having a dumb name."

],

"ETHAN": [

"Your name means gift of the island. Yeah. Some gift. A stupid name."

],

"ETHEL": [

"You're either 80 or a horse."

],

"EUGENE": [

"\"Eu-\" means good in Greek, so your name actually means \"good genes.\" How ironic."

],

"EUGENIA": [

"Did your genes give you this stupid name?"

],

"EULA": [

"No one ever reads you."

],

"EUNICE": [

"Are you a Golden Girl?"

],

"EVA": [

"That's the stupidest name I eva heard."

],

"EVAN": [

"Evan. IQ of seven. Won't go to Heaven. Evan."

],

"EVE": [

"Your name reads the same forwards and backwards, in case you forget what direction to read. Dummy."

],

"EVELYN": [

"Eve is a stupid name, Lyn is a stupid name, put together: double stupid."

],

"EZRA": [

"You know what's better than Ezra? Everything."

],

"FABIAN": [

"Go back to the romance novel you crawled out of, you slimy man."

],

"FAITH": [

"Faith. Something I'll need to get me through the harrowing experience of listening to your name."

],

"FANNIE": [

"Something to sit on, that's all its good for."

],

"FANNY": [

"Quit objectifying yourself! You are beautiful. All of you."

],

"FAYE": [

"Your name sounds like a fart blown away by the wind."

],

"FELECIA": [

"Anagram: i.e. FECAL"

],

"FELICIA": [

"Ms. Day, so lovely to meet you. Listen, I know you don't have much time, but...wait...hold on...I just wanted to talk to you about. Ah, fuck."

],

"FELIX": [

"A more popular cat than you'll ever be. You...with your stupid name."

],

"FERN": [

"You are a plant."

],

"FERNANDO": [

"Fernando Botero: a man for whom only sculpture could express the stupidity of his name."

],

"FIDEL": [

"I'm not gonna touch this one."

],

"FLORA": [

"Fauna."

],

"FLORENCE": [

"A beautiful city in Italy. A stupid name for a homo sapien."

],

"FLOYD": [

"If you're not pink, get the fuck off my website."

],

"FOREST": [

"You are an ecosystem."

],

"FORREST": [

"Can't see you for the trees. No wait...run. Run FORREST. Run, you'll never escape your terrible name!"

],

"FOSTER": [

"Beer good, name bad."

],

"FRAN": [

"You lost a K there, Frank. ; )"

],

"FRANCES": [

"Plural for stupid name."

],

"FRANCINE": [

"Are you an 80-year-old widow?"

],

"FRANCIS": [

"France is a country, not a name.",

"You deserve to be punched, just because of your name."

],

"FRANCISCO": [

"From the latin \"Francis.\" Congratulations, your name is stupid in two languages."

],

"FRANK": [

"Let me be frank here. You have a stupid name."

],

"FRANKLIN": [

"Franklin. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"FRED": [

"Man, Fred is a stupid name. Why don't you go by Freddie instead -- oh right, because that's stupid too."

],

"FREDA": [

"Do you can your own peaches, Freda?"

],

"FREDDIE": [

"Heard you got fingered. Was that pleasant?"

],

"FREDDY": [

"I had a dream last night that your name was stupid, Freddy."

],

"FREDERIC": [

"Spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"FREDERICK": [

"You have two names in your name. Fred and Rick. That's stupid."

],

"FREIDA": [

"Two words. Wax job."

],

"FRIEDA": [

"I have a confession. I'm a Frieda your name! Ahhhhh!"

],

"GABRIELA": [

"You're missing an L. Also some brain cells. Dummy."

],

"GABRIELLE": [

"Xena's companion. Notable for her stupid name."

],

"GAIL": [

"Like the wind I feel on my face whenever you talk your stupid words."

],

"GALE": [

"Like the wind I feel on my face whenever you talk your stupid words."

],

"GARRY": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Gary."

],

"GARTH": [

"I too have friends in low places. But they all have better names than you."

],

"GARY": [

"Gary. Scary. Hairy. Unnecessary. Gary."

],

"GAVIN": [

"I'm havin' a hard time listening to your name be spoke out loud."

],

"GAY": [

"Sorry. Junior high was probably tough for you."

],

"GAYLE": [

"Did you know if you drop two letters from your name it says \"Lye\"?"

],

"GENE": [

"We looked deep into your genetic coding. Your sequence is spelled s-t-u-p-i-d-n-a-m-e."

],

"GENEVA": [

"According to the Geneva Conventions, your name counts as a crime against humanity."

],

"GENEVIEVE": [

"I'll buy a vowel. E? Yikes."

],

"GEOFFREY": [

"I mean...it's better than Jefferey, but still a dumb name."

],

"GEORGE": [

"Of Greek origin. A solid, classically stupid name."

],

"GEORGIA": [

"What should be on your mind? Getting a new name."

],

"GEORGINA": [

"Typo."

],

"GERALD": [

"Gerald Ford: a shitty president who no one remembers.",

"Ger- is the root meaning old. Like, really old. It's surprising that you found this website and knew how to use it. Can you even see this? If you can read this - say it out loud - my name is stupid."

],

"GERALDINE": [

"This was actually my great grandmother's name. She was born in 1899. There's just no way you are named that and are still alive."

],

"GERMAN": [

"French dressing."

],

"GERTRUDE": [

"It's about to get rude in here. You have a stupid name."

],

"GIL": [

"At least you can breath underwater."

],

"GILBERT": [

"Gilbert and Dilbert walked into a bar. Gilbert had a studiper name."

],

"GILDA": [

"Radner, high five. Your last name, no five. Just one finger. The middle one."

],

"GILLIAN": [

"Uh, it's spelled Jillian, stupid."

],

"GINA": [

"Your name is two thirds of a vagina."

],

"GINGER": [

"Ginger, the tastiest of flavors. Ginger, the stupidest of names."

],

"GLADYS": [

"Glad I don't have to listen to your stupid name anymore."

],

"GLEN": [

"When? No. What'd you say? When? No. What'd you say? Oh. GLEN. Stupid name."

],

"GLENDA": [

"Glenda, the bad name for a good witch."

],

"GLENN": [

"You share your name with Glenn Beck. Enough said."

],

"GLORIA": [

"Glory to whoever had the balls to name you this stupid name!"

],

"GORDON": [

"They're waiting for you Gordon. In the \"renaming room.\" For your dumb name."

],

"GRACE": [

"Very courtly, and stupid."

],

"GRACIE": [

"Graceland's more inept cousin."

],

"GRAHAM": [

"Graham. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"GRANT": [

"Grant me the wish to never hear your name again! Thanks."

],

"GREG": [

"Greg. One short leg. Walks with a peg. Greg."

],

"GREGG": [

"An extra G. In honor of your extra chromasome."

],

"GREGORY": [

"Gregory Hines. Amazing tap dancer. Your name will never live up to him. He should dance on the grave that should be your name.",

"Gregory, from the Latin \"Gregorious,\" which stands for \"envious of other people's better names.\""

],

"GRETCHEN": [

"The noise I make while vomitting with a little extra \"EN\" at he end of it."

],

"GROVER": [

"Fuzzy, purple, president. CREEPY."

],

"GUADALUPE": [

"You misspelled guacamole. Please try again."

],

"GUILLERMO": [

"del Toro! Ole! Salsa! Mexico City! Colonization! Columbus! Ocean! Earth! Planet! Solar System! Space! The Big Bang! Nothing. You are nothing."

],

"GUS": [

"Ew."

],

"GUY": [

"Seriously. Could your name be any lazier? Is your dog named dog too?"

],

"GWEN": [

"Gwen will you change your name to something better?"

],

"GWENDOLYN": [

"Member of the 1992 Olympics team?"

],

"HALEY": [

"A stupid comet with a stupid name that passes Earth every 75 years. Let's keep it that way."

],

"HALLIE": [

"Hallie Hallie bo-ballie banana fanna fo you have such a stupid name."

],

"HANK": [

"Short for Henry. Long for if only my parents loved me enough to name me something with class."

],

"HANNAH": [

"Hannah, spelled backwards, is \"stupid name.\"",

"Reads the same forwards and backwards, in case you forget which direction to read."

],

"HANS": [

"You're missing a \"D\" from your name, Hands."

],

"HARLEY": [

"Vroom vroom."

],

"HAROLD": [

"If you're gonna go Norse, why not something more awesome? Like Gunnlaug.",

"The only thing not stupid about you is your chicken, stupid."

],

"HARRIET": [

"Tubman. Respect."

],

"HARRIETT": [

"Tubman. Respect."

],

"HARRISON": [

"Harrison. OK, yeah, but what's your first name?"

],

"HARRY": [

"Not only is your name stupid, but your mom is stupid because she spelled Hairy wrong."

],

"HARVEY": [

"I'm not entirely sure your name exists, Harvey."

],

"HATTIE": [

"Cut name for a hat. Dumb name for a lady."

],

"HAZEL": [

"Ah, Hazel: the color of my total indifference to your name."

],

"HEATH": [

"Cool creamy chocolate outside, sticky gross name inside."

],

"HEATHER": [

"Heather. Mind like a feather. Rigid like leather. Heather."

],

"HECTOR": [

"Hector? I hardly know 'er!"

],

"HEIDI": [

"Don't hide'y just because you have a stupid name'y!"

],

"HELEN": [

"Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships. I'm pretty sure your face sunk them, though."

],

"HELENA": [

"What a shithole."

],

"HELENE": [

"You just had to muck it up with that extra E, didn't ya?"

],

"HELGA": [

"Hella ugly."

],

"HENRIETTA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Henry.\""

],

"HENRY": [

"Awesome name for a king. Stupid name for everyone else.",

"What kind of name is Henry? I mean, who puts an E after an H, followed by an R and a Y? So stupid."

],

"HERBERT": [

"Your name sucks so hard we should just call you Hoover."

],

"HERMAN": [

"What are you, some kind of effeminate super hero?"

],

"HERMINIA": [

"The lost city of Herminia, a polluted land of the werefishpeople."

],

"HESTER": [

"Shame on you."

],

"HILARIO": [

"No, your name is."

],

"HILARY": [

"Man, your name is hilarious."

],

"HILDA": [

"No way that's your name. I don't believe you."

],

"HILLARY": [

"I knew a dog named Hillary once, whenever it got around new people, it would barf. Your name has the same reaction."

],

"HOLLIE": [

"Prickly shit berries."

],

"HOLLY": [

"Holly-lujah! I never have to hear your stupid name again.",

"Prickly shit berry."

],

"HOMER": [

"d'oh. a d'eer. a female d'eer. d'umb n'ame."

],

"HOPE": [

"I hope you start going by your middle name."

],

"HORACIO": [

"I can't even recognize you anymore."

],

"HOUSTON": [

"We have a problem. It's with your name and it being stupid."

],

"HOWARD": [

"Before Jar Jar Binks, your name stood as the worst character George Lucas ever directed. Congrats."

],

"HUBERT": [

"Who bert?"

],

"HUGH": [

"Hugh have the ugliest damn name I've ever heard."

],

"HUGO": [

"Hugo change your name right now. Thx."

],

"HUNG": [

"Unlike you."

],

"HUNTER": [

"Hunter? But what's your first name?"

],

"IAN": [

"Little known fact: IAN is an acronym for Incredibly Annoying Name."

],

"IDA": [

"Little known fact: IDA is an acronym for I'm a Dumb Ass."

],

"IMOGENE": [

"I'm a gene too."

],

"INEZ": [

"No, I nez."

],

"IRA": [

"Why aren't you making This American Life right now? Why are you wasting your time here?"

],

"IRENE": [

"Greek for \"peace\". Tok Pisin for \"piece of crap\""

],

"IRIS": [

"I see a stupid name."

],

"IRMA": [

"Irma gerd, yir nirm is srrrr sturpid."

],

"ISAAC": [

"Where'd you get that extra A, the Stupid Store?"

],

"ISABEL": [

"It's spelled Isabelle, stupid."

],

"ISABELLA": [

"You should get that looked at."

],

"ISABELLE": [

"It's spelled Isabel, stupid."

],

"ISAIAH": [

"You're not allowed to have that many vowels in your name."

],

"ISMAEL": [

"No one wants to call you Ismael. Your name is stupid."

],

"ISRAEL": [

"I'm not even going to touch this one."

],

"ISSAC": [

"Tee hee. Is sac."

],

"IVAN": [

"I vant you to get a new name."

],

"IVY": [

"Please put one in, I'm going braindead from hearing your name."

],

"Izzy": [

"Izzy. So dizzy. Puts me in a tizzy. Izzy."

],

"JACK": [

"Your name is a verb. I can't begin to tell you how stupid that is."

],

"JACKIE": [

"Jackie. Chan. Here's a plan: get a new name."

],

"JACKLYN": [

"You spelled Jacqueline wrong. You're welcome."

],

"JACKSON": [

"Jackson. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"JACKY": [

"Jacky. Chan. Here's a plan: get a new name."

],

"JACLYN": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Jacqueline. You're welcome."

],

"JACOB": [

"In Portuguese, your name is IAGO. Like that annoying bird from Aladdin. Your name is just as annoying."

],

"JACQUELINE": [

"We salute you. And your stupid name."

],

"JACQUES": [

"You misspelled Jack."

],

"JAIME": [

"Lame-y.",

"You spelled Jamie wrong."

],

"JAKE": [

"You are a medieval toilet."

],

"JAMES": [

"Q: What do James Madison, James Monroe, and James K. Polk have in common? A: A stupid name."

],

"JAMI": [

"Three fourths jam. Four fourths stupid name."

],

"JAMIE": [

"Jamie is a name derived as a pet form of James. Ha, you were named after someone's pet.",

"We hate Uncle Jamie! Love actually does exist. Just...not in your name."

],

"JAN": [

"What, because Janet was too hard to say?"

],

"JANA": [

"Jana bana bobbana banana fanna fo your name is so stupid."

],

"JANE": [

"Boooring. Come back when your name isn't a metaphor for the everywoman."

],

"JANET": [

"Damnit, Janet, your name is stupid."

],

"JANICE": [

"Stupid. Like someone tried to name you Janet but chickened out at the end."

],

"JANIE": [

"You spelled \"Jane\" wrong."

],

"JARED": [

"We don't know how you turned eating sandwiches into a career, but, jealous. NOT."

],

"JARRED": [

"The Subway guy? Choke on a footlong."

],

"JASMINE": [

"Named for the flower that symbolizes how little I care about your name."

],

"JASON": [

"Jason Jason bo-bason banana fanna fo fason fee fi fo you have a very stupid name."

],

"JASPER": [

"Jasper, the name of butlers and 80 year old men."

],

"JAVIER": [

"Jav-i-you ever thought about a name change? You should."

],

"JAY": [

"Your name is just a letter spelled out. If that's not stupid, I'm not a talking computer."

],

"JAYNE": [

"Where'd you get that Y, the Stupid Store?"

],

"JAYSON": [

"Spell it right, turd."

],

"JEAN": [

"Either you're from the 50s or French. Either way, stupid name.",

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Shirt.\""

],

"JEANETTE": [

"A smaller and stupider version of Jean."

],

"JEANNE": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Shirt.\""

],

"JEANNETTE": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Shirtette.\""

],

"JEANNIE": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Shirtie.\""

],

"JEFF": [

"Jeff Daniels: funny actor. Jack Daniels: what you should drink to forget your stupid name."

],

"JEFFERSON": [

"Jefferson? OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"JEFFERY": [

"Better than Geoffrey. But still a dumb name."

],

"JEFFREY": [

"I mean....it's better than Geoffrey. But, still a dumb name."

],

"JEFFRY": [

"...it's better than Geoffrey. But still a dumb name."

],

"JEN": [

"J.E.N. - just explaining nonsense. Like your name."

],

"JENIFER": [

"Someone got lazy when typing up your birth certificate, didn't they?"

],

"JENNA": [

"What, you're too good for Jennifer?"

],

"JENNIFER": [

"Q: What do Jennifer Lawrence and Jennifer Connelly have in common? A: A stupid first name."

],

"JENNY": [

"What, you're too good for Jennifer now?"

],

"JEREMIAH": [

"Bullfrog. Bullshit. Your name is bullshit."

],

"JEREMY": [

"Pearl Jam 4 eva! <3 <3 xoxoxoxo"

],

"JERI": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"JEROME": [

"The anglicization of Hieronymus. Hieronymus. HIERONYMUS."

],

"JERRY": [

"Not as noble as Larry. Not as interesting as Terry. Stupid."

],

"JESSE": [

"Girl's name, boy's name. Both stupid.",

"Uncle Jesse! Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! Seriously. Quit saying your name out loud. It's causing people's ears to bleed."

],

"JESSICA": [

"I had a girlfriend named Jessica once. Not. Your name is stupid."

],

"JESSIE": [

"Girls name, boys name. Both stupid."

],

"JESUS": [

"Respect."

],

"JEWEL": [

"You're name isn't that valuable."

],

"JEWELL": [

"Where'd you get that extra L? Put it back right now!"

],

"JILL": [

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown because he couldn't stand saying Jill's stupid name."

],

"JILLIAN": [

"Uh, it's spelled Gillian, stupid."

],

"JIM": [

"Jim. Short for \"Jim, get out of my face with your stupid name!\""

],

"JIMMIE": [

"Grow up."

],

"JIMMY": [

"Hey Jimmy, come back when you're ready to use a big-boy name.",

"Jimmy hat. Enough said."

],

"JO": [

"Seriously? That's the best your parents could do?"

],

"JOAN": [

"Joan. Moan. Groan. Stupid name."

],

"JOANN": [

"Combining two stupid names doesn't make your name any less stupid."

],

"JOANNA": [

"1 name + 1 name does not = good name."

],

"JOANNE": [

"Combining two stupid names doesn't make your name any less stupid."

],

"JOAQUIN": [

"Get back to work on your movies there, Joaquin."

],

"JODI": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"JODIE": [

"Jo, die."

],

"JODY": [

"Jody. Kinda grody. Impresses nobody. Jody."

],

"JOE": [

"If your name was any more average, it would be a man with a beer belly watching TV in a Snuggie."

],

"JOEL": [

"One letter away from Noel. Why do you hate Christmas?"

],

"JOEY": [

"You're one of the few people who saw \"Friends\" and said, hey! That's a good name!"

],

"JOHANNA": [

"Ah, Johanna, a good Christian name."

],

"JOHN": [

"Open your mouth, you're made to be pooped in.",

"Open your mouth, you're made to be pooped in.",

"Wow. John. How original. Your parents must have thought really hard about that one."

],

"JOHNATHAN": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"JOHNATHON": [

"Saying your name out loud feels like running. Just makes everyone tired."

],

"JOHNNIE": [

"It's hard to hide a boner behind a name.",

"Your name has one \"NIE\" too many there, John."

],

"JOHNNY": [

"Johnny, the stupid way to try to make the stupid name \"John\" feel special."

],

"JOLENE": [

"Jolene, Jolene, Joleeene, Joleeeeeene. I'm begging of you, please change your name."

],

"JON": [

"Jon. Short for \"I'm too dumb to remember there's an H in John.\""

],

"JONAH": [

"How are you reading this from inside a whale?"

],

"JONAS": [

"\"My name is STUPIIIIIIIIIID\""

],

"JONATHAN": [

"Your name has too many syllables. Try again."

],

"JONI": [

"Like the music, hate the name."

],

"JORDAN": [

"Country yes, name, no.",

"Still living in '96, eh?"

],

"JORGE": [

"When people read your name aloud, do they make it rhyme with porgy?"

],

"JOSE": [

"Q: What do Jose Canseco and Jose Reyes have in common? A: A stupid name."

],

"JOSEFINA": [

"That's just ridiculous."

],

"JOSEPH": [

"In the Bible, Joseph wore \"a long coat of many colors\" to distract from the fact that his name was so stupid."

],

"JOSEPHINE": [

"Josephine. The femine form of \"Stupid.\""

],

"JOSH": [

"Hebrew for \"God's gift.\" But who are you God's gift to? It's definitely not women..."

],

"JOSHUA": [

"Hebrew for \"God's gift.\" I hope your name came with a gift receipt.",

"Were you named after a TREE?! HA. Stupid name."

],

"JOSIAH": [

"What do you own a general store in 1850?"

],

"JOSIE": [

"The pussycats agree: Your name is stupid."

],

"JOY": [

"Joy. An emotion I do not feel when I hear your name."

],

"JOYCE": [

"Joyce to the world, your name is stupid."

],

"JUAN": [

"Juan. The number of times I ever want to hear your stupid name."

],

"JUANA": [

"Do you wanna get a better name?"

],

"JUANITA": [

"Juanita, the name you absolutely have to spell when you say it."

],

"JUDITH": [

"For when going by the name \"Judy\" sounds \"too hip.\""

],

"JUDY": [

"Hey, seriously. I am having this dispute with my neighbor. I can't get him to cut my lawn. Can you help? Oh wait, nevermind, you're not a Judge. Your name is dumb."

],

"JULES": [

"Go down to the center of the earth, maybe you'll find a better name there."

],

"JULIA": [

"What do Julia Roberts and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss have in common? Stupid names."

],

"JULIAN": [

"Latin for \"belonging to Julius.\" WHO IS JULIUS AND WHY DO YOU BELONG TO HIM??"

],

"JULIANNE": [

"Latin for \"belonging to Julius.\" WHO IS JULIUS AND WHY DO YOU BELONG TO HIM??"

],

"JULIE": [

"In Illinois, a person is supposed to call JULIE before digging. But, who do you call if your name sounds stupid? You're all alone.",

"What do Julie Andrews and Julie Chen have in common? A stupid name."

],

"JULIET": [

"Your Romeo is dead."

],

"JULIETTE": [

"Your Romeo is dead."

],

"JULIO": [

"Next time you're down at the schoolyard, leave your name there. It's really stupid."

],

"JUNE": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"March.\""

],

"JUNIOR": [

"I guess its better than Jr."

],

"JUSTIN": [

"Justin time to tell you how stupid your name is."

],

"JUSTINE": [

"Justine time for me to tell you how stupid your name is."

],

"KAITLIN": [

"Come back when you're ready to spell your name like a big girl."

],

"KARA": [

"Short for Katherine? Long for stupid."

],

"KAREEM": [

"Block this: your name is stupid."

],

"KAREN": [

"Karen. Actually, a name for an ethnic group in southeast Burma. Who KNU? That's pretty cool. Unfortunately for you...your name is stupid.",

"I don't kare what you go by, your name is still stupid."

],

"KARIN": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Karen. You're welcome."

],

"KARL": [

"If you're gonna go Norse, why not something more awesome? Like Gunnlaug.",

"Leave M(e)alone. Like Karl Malone. Get it? Shutup dumb name."

],

"KARLA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Karl.\""

],

"KARYN": [

"Get that y out of here, KAREN."

],

"KATE": [

"A simple, flirty name. For a trashy wannabe.",

"Oh what a bonnie stupid name you have!"

],

"KATELYN": [

"Come back when you're ready to spell your name like a big girl."

],

"KATHARINE": [

"The extra a is for asshole."

],

"KATHERINE": [

"see Catherine"

],

"KATHERYN": [

"You spelled Katherine wrong. You're welcome."

],

"KATHIE": [

"Come back when you're ready to spell your name like a big girl."

],

"KATHLEEN": [

"Leen over here and listen close to this whisper. *Your name is stupid*"

],

"KATHRINE": [

"Try spelling your name the correct way."

],

"KATHRYN": [

"You can't replace an i and an e with a y. Don't be lazy."

],

"KATHY": [

"Kathy. Often short for \"Kathy is a stupid name.\""

],

"KATIE": [

"Katie. Often short for \"Katie is a stupid name.\""

],

"KATRINA": [

"Apologize."

],

"KATY": [

"Katy. Often short for \"Katy is a stupid name.\""

],

"KAY": [

"Your name is just a letter spelled out. If that's not stupid, I'm not a talking computer."

],

"KAYLA": [

"Every kiss begins with what a stupid name you have."

],

"KEITH": [

"Keith your stupid name to yourselth!"

],

"KELLEY": [

"Uh, you spelled your name wrong."

],

"KELLI": [

"You're name is Kellina. Quit hiding behind your already shameful name."

],

"KELLY": [

"Consult the blue book for the value of your used car. Also, consult the index for a new name. Yours is repulsive.",

"That's a color, not a name.",

"That's a color, not a name."

],

"KELSEY": [

"Old english for \"victory ship.\" New english for \"turd boat.\""

],

"KELVIN": [

"Sir, we just received the temperature reading. The stupidity of your name is off the charts!"

],

"KEN": [

"Do you have plastic genitals too?"

],

"KENDALL": [

"Take away the a, replace it with an o. You get Ken doll. Your name is stupid."

],

"KENDRA": [

"Barbie's urban friend."

],

"KENNETH": [

"I haven't even met you and already I hate you.",

"Kenny, the name you choose when you want people to take you seriously."

],

"KENNITH": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"KENNY": [

"Kenny means handsome in Irish. The Irish are liars."

],

"KENT": [

"Kent spent the rent. Get bent."

],

"KENYA": [

"Parents were clearing doing it in the map room after school."

],

"KERI": [

"Your name looks like something you would find at the bottom of a sink drain."

],

"KERMIT": [

"Someday you'll find it, a new name connection. The lovers, the dreamers and your dumb name."

],

"KERRI": [

"Kerri on."

],

"KERRY": [

"Kerry me away from here, your name is so dumb!"

],

"KEVEN": [

"Doulbe the es, twice the lame."

],

"KEVIN": [

"Old Irish for \"gentle birth.\" Urdu for \"botched abortion.\""

],

"KIERSTEN": [

"DUNCE."

],

"KIETH": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"KIM": [

"Just leave.",

"Kim. Mind dim. Can't swim. Kim."

],

"KIMBERLEY": [

"Where'd you get that extra E, the Stupid Store?"

],

"KIMBERLY": [

"Kimberly, Idaho. Voted the best tasting water in Idaho. Drink some down to wash the bad taste that is your name out of your mouth."

],

"KIRBY": [

"You suck. Literally."

],

"KIRK": [

"Get over yourself, \"captain\"."

],

"KIRSTEN": [

"DUNCE."

],

"KITTY": [

"Me-ow. Tennis anyone?"

],

"KRIS": [

"Who taught you to spell your name that way? The Kremling Krew? From Donkey Kong? You know? Forget it."

],

"KRISTA": [

"If you drop the A from your name then it would read \"Christ what a dumb name.\""

],

"KRISTEN": [

"Kristen, a strong, masculine name."

],

"KRISTI": [

"Haha. Get out of here with you spelling your name like that. Let the door hit you on the way out too."

],

"KRISTIE": [

"You spelled Christie wrong."

],

"KRISTIN": [

"This just in, Kristin. Your name is stupid."

],

"KRISTINA": [

"Learn how to spell, dummy."

],

"KRISTINE": [

"Too good for a \"ch\", huh? Well, you're not."

],

"KRISTOPHER": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"KRISTY": [

"It's like your parents wanted to name you something better, but then Kristy fell out of their mouths."

],

"KRYSTAL": [

"Try again, Crystal."

],

"KURT": [

"Let me be curt. Your name sucks."

],

"KURTIS": [

"Kurtis a very stupid name."

],

"KYLE": [

"Kyle. Has no style. Breath smells like bile. Kyle."

],

"LACEY": [

"Mummy and duddy met in a lingerie store didn't they?"

],

"LACY": [

"Good for underwear. Bad for names."

],

"LAKEISHA": [

"Almost a lake, not quite a person."

],

"LAKISHA": [

"Almost a lake, not quite a name."

],

"LANA": [

"Lana! Don't worry, I'll save you! From your stupid name!"

],

"LARRY": [

"Ha, you were named after a bird.",

"Larry, Barry, and Gary walked into a bar. Larry had the stupidest name."

],

"LATOYA": [

"Your brother is dead. For that we are truly sorry. But, hey, thanks for purchasing this Christmas gift. We didn't think you would, but hey, you did! We appreciate that. We also appreciate the fact that you have a dumb name."

],

"LAURA": [

"Translates to victor. Congratulations. You won the stupidest name award."

],

"Lauran": [

"No one spells their name this way. You just added N onto Laura. Stop while you're ahead."

],

"LAUREL": [

"You are a tree."

],

"LAUREN": [

"The plural of Laura. Several times stupider."

],

"LAURENCE": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"LAURI": [

"You misspelled Laura."

],

"LAURIE": [

"The plural of Laura. Several times stupider."

],

"LAVERNE": [

"Shirley you could have picked a better name for yourself."

],

"LAWRENCE": [

"If only we could strap your name to some horses and quarter it."

],

"LEAH": [

"Anagram: Heal. Heal yourself. Get a new name."

],

"LEE": [

"Haha, your name rhymes with pee.",

"Windward. Blow me away from your stupid name.",

"Your name is eel backwards, dummy."

],

"LEIGH": [

"Leigh it out to me, how stupid do you think your name is?"

],

"LENA": [

"Girls. Great show. Let's talk about a development deal. Call me - (312) 756-0834"

],

"LEO": [

"Lion. King of the jungle. Peasant of names."

],

"LEON": [

"Your name is Noel backwards. Why do you hate Christmas?"

],

"LEONA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Leon.\""

],

"LEONARD": [

"Live long and give yourself a new, better name."

],

"LEONARDO": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Michelangelo.\""

],

"LEROY": [

"French for 'The King'. English for 'Dumbass'."

],

"LES": [

"Less is more. But in your case, Les is less."

],

"LESA": [

"Lisa, what happened to your eye?"

],

"LESLIE": [

"Celtic for, \"from the gray fortress\". How does that make you feel?",

"Leslie, a strong masculine name.",

"Leslie? For real?"

],

"LESTER": [

"Lester leetah loves leetos."

],

"LETA": [

"Like Feta, but from a goat's butt instead."

],

"LETITIA": [

"Lake Titicaca?"

],

"LEWIS": [

"Where's Clark? Weren't you guys in love or something? Is he the one that died of syphyllus? You're probably lonely now. That's upsetting. Alone with your stupid name."

],

"LIDIA": [

"Elmo sang a song about a lidia once. It was creepy. Your name, is creepy."

],

"LILA": [

"Anagram: ALL I. Use it in a sentence. All I want for Christmas is a new name."

],

"LILLIAN": [

"Latin for pure. American for purely stupid."

],

"LILLIE": [

"You can't replace one letter with three. It's a LIE. Y are you lying to yourself Lily?"

],

"LILLY": [

"The stupidest of flowers."

],

"LILY": [

"A beautiful flower. An ugly name."

],

"LINCOLN": [

"Look behind you."

],

"LINDA": [

"Linda. Spanish for \"pretty.\" Lithuanian for \"horse afterbirth.\""

],

"LINDSAY": [

"You spelled \"Lindsey\" wrong."

],

"LINDSEY": [

"You spelled \"Lindsay\" wrong."

],

"LISA": [

"If someone yelled \"Lisa!\" in the woods but nobody heard it, it would still be a stupid name."

],

"LIZ": [

"Short for lizard, the stupidest of animals."

],

"LIZA": [

"Type in your full name, dummy."

],

"LIZZIE": [

"Ever play the arcade game, RAMPAGE, by Game Refuge? There was a dinosaur that would destroy buildings with your same name. Let's let her keep the name. You find a new one.",

"Lizzie, for when people named \"Elizabeth\" who want to be taken seriously."

],

"LLOYD": [

"Why don't you tack another L on there, you moron."

],

"LOGAN": [

"Your parents either have an affection for Wolverine or Steakhouses. Either way, stupid name."

],

"LOIS": [

"Lois! Don't worry! I'll save you from your stupid name!"

],

"LOLA": [

"Run, Lola, run! From the fact that your name is stupid."

],

"LOLITA": [

"Too easy."

],

"LONNIE": [

"You have been stripped of your right to have this name."

],

"LORAINE": [

"Beat it McFly."

],

"LOREN": [

"No matter how you spell it, this is still a lady's name."

],

"LORENA": [

"Just, put the knife down."

],

"LORETTA": [

"Look, I'll be cool. Just don't cut off my penis."

],

"LORI": [

"Short for Lauren. Long for stupid."

],

"LORRAINE": [

"Beat it McFly."

],

"LOU": [

"A little bit of jessica in my life, a little bit of sandra by my side, a little bit of get a new name is all you need."

],

"LOUELLA": [

"That's just unfortunate."

],

"LOUIE": [

"Louie, the name you absolutely have to spell when you tell people what your name is."

],

"LOUIS": [

"Do you pronounce your name Louis or Louie? I pronounce it \"stupid.\""

],

"LOUISA": [

"I had a girlfriend named Louisa in 3rd grade. Not. Your name is stupid."

],

"LOUISE": [

"Thelma jumped off of a cliff to escape your stupid name."

],

"LOURDES": [

"Your name is a royal pain in my ass."

],

"LOWELL": [

"You're named after the best character from the TV show, Wings. That is not a compliment."

],

"LOYD": [

"You lost an L there, pardner."

],

"LUCAS": [

"Lucas. Smells like mucous. Warm like puke is. Lucas."

],

"LUCIA": [

"I think Atlanta has a few bones to pick with you."

],

"LUCILLE": [

"We're having a Ball without you and your stupid name."

],

"LUCY": [

"Reminds me of that Beatles song, \"You Have Such a Stupid Name.\""

],

"LUIS": [

"Hey Luis! I like your shirt. But, your name is dumb."

],

"LUISA": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Louisa. You're welcome."

],

"LUKE": [

"I am your father. And I am so sorry for naming you such a stupid name."

],

"LULA": [

"Are you five?"

],

"LUPE": [

"The biggest fiasco? How terrible your name is."

],

"LUTHER": [

"Adding one more theses to the door: 100. My name is stupid."

],

"LUZ": [

"Luzer."

],

"LYDIA": [

"Rhymes with chlamydia. You should see a doctor."

],

"LYNDA": [

"Y? Just ask yourself, y?"

],

"LYNN": [

"No true vowels? You've done the impossible. Spelling a stupid name."

],

"MABEL": [

"Mabel not.",

"No, MY bell."

],

"MABLE": [

"Mable. The baby of maybe and able."

],

"MAC": [

"Who's hungry?"

],

"Mackenzie": [

"Mackenzie. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"MADELEINE": [

"You are a soft cookie."

],

"MADELINE": [

"You are a spongey dessert."

],

"MAE": [

"Nope, it's December."

],

"MAGGIE": [

"You're trying to hard to sound hip and cool. Give it a rest."

],

"MAJOR": [

"We salute you and your dogs name."

],

"MALCOLM": [

"Come back later, I'm in the middle of saying your name is stupid."

],

"MAMIE": [

"Why do you even get out of bed in the morning?"

],

"MANDY": [

"You broke Barry Manilow's heart with your stupid name."

],

"MANUEL": [

"Manuel? You should read a Manual about how not to have a stupid name."

],

"MARC": [

"You misspelled your name."

],

"MARCIA": [

"MAR C.I.A - Your name is a code word that will destroy the modern government. We have alerted the authorities."

],

"MARCIE": [

"You spelled Marcy wrong, dummy."

],

"MARCO": [

"Polo!"

],

"MARCUS": [

"Marcus: just the name \"Mark\" but with extra stupid on top."

],

"MARCY": [

"Remember that band Marcy Playground? Remember how stupid their name was? Ah, memory lane."

],

"MARGARET": [

"Commonly shortened to \"Maggie,\" otherwise there'd be too much stupid."

],

"MARGARITA": [

"I'll need a few more of those if I'm going to keep hearing your name."

],

"MARGIE": [

"No one is named Margie. Tough break."

],

"MARGO": [

"Yes. Please leave."

],

"MARGRET": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"MARGUERITE": [

"Where'd you get all those letters? The Stupid Store?"

],

"MARIA": [

"Maria! Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying. What they don't tell you is that the music is klezmer and the prayer is to Baal."

],

"MARIAN": [

"Looks like martian. You from mars? Gleep gloop. You have a dumb name."

],

"MARIANNE": [

"Pick a name please."

],

"MARIE": [

"Marie Curie died. That's sad. Almost as sad as your name."

],

"MARILYN": [

"Your name should have died with Monroe."

],

"MARINA": [

"Place for boats. Not for names."

],

"MARIO": [

"The best-known Mario is a plumber who beats up turtles. Pretty damn stupid."

],

"MARION": [

"Oh fair maid Marion, I'm here to rescue you--what the--sorry dude, wrong castle.",

"Sounds like a goofy scientist named you. Oh! One did? That explains it."

],

"MARISA": [

"Marissa, Larisa, and Clarissa walked into a bar. Marissa had the stupidest name."

],

"MARISOL": [

"Isn't that another word for umbrella?"

],

"MARISSA": [

"Marissa, Larisa, and Clarissa walked into a bar. Marissa had the stupidest name."

],

"MARJORIE": [

"Just makes people think of jam. Or butter. Sometimes both."

],

"MARK": [

"The name Mark originated from the Roman-- ah fuck it, you have a stupid name.",

"X Marks the spot. A stupid spot, for a stupid name."

],

"MARLA": [

"Go away."

],

"MARLENE": [

"Mar + lene = the stupidest fucking name I've ever heard."

],

"MARLIN": [

"You are a fish."

],

"MARLON": [

"Bingo. You're a way and brother. That's an insult."

],

"MARSHA": [

"Adding an \"a\" onto a ugly place doesn't bode well. Think about it. Swamp-a. Tampa-a."

],

"MARSHALL": [

"You've got the authority to find yourself a new name. 'Cause, right now, yours is stupid."

],

"MARTHA": [

"POTUS goes to Martha's Vineyard every year to escape the lame quality of your name.",

"What do Martha's Vineyard and Martha Stewart have in common? Stupid names."

],

"MARTIN": [

"Damn, Gina, that's one stupid name!"

],

"MARTY": [

"Beat it McFly."

],

"MARVIN": [

"Anyone ever NOT think of the martian when they talk to you? Didn't think so."

],

"MARY": [

"I bet you're still a virgin too.",

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary / Your name, is it stupid? Very.",

"Mother of Jesus. Daughter of parents with shitty taste in names."

],

"MARYANN": [

"Choose one. It's not fair to the rest of us."

],

"MARYANNE": [

"Don't get greedy. Pick a name."

],

"MARYLOU": [

"You should. He'd be good to you. Better than your name."

],

"MASON": [

"I'm going to drawn a line. If you cross it, you'll find a better name."

],

"MATHEW": [

"Where'd the other \"t\" go? Must have got lost in the womb."

],

"MATILDA": [

"AHAHAHAHAHA"

],

"MATT": [

"My best friend's name is Matt! He lives in a hole because he's ashamed of his stupid name."

],

"MATTHEW": [

"Overcame his incredibly stupid name to write the first book of the New Testament, which now also bears an incredibly stupid name. Good for him."

],

"MATTIE": [

"Two ts? Really? I think you forgot what ds look like. Like, Ds nuts. Suck it! Your name is stupid."

],

"MAURA": [

"You went one letter too far. Your name is actually Laura. Please try again."

],

"MAUREEN": [

"You spelled \"Moron\" wrong."

],

"MAURICE": [

"Some people call me Maurice - but they shouldn't, because that's a dumb name."

],

"MAVIS": [

"I need to staple your mouth shut so you never say your name out loud again. It burns the aureculars."

],

"MAX": [

"Short for \"Maximum stupid.\""

],

"MAXINE": [

"Maxine. Face like a latrine. Look at that pissy sheen. Maxine."

],

"MAXWELL": [

"The best part of waking up, is folgers in you-- what the? No. Now I'm angry. You fooled me."

],

"MAY": [

"Nope, just checked. It's December."

],

"McKenzie": [

"McKenzie. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"MEAGAN": [

"You accidentally added a second A to your name. You're welcome."

],

"MEGAN": [

"Rearrange your name. What's it spell? \"Nag me.\" Uh, yeah, exactly."

],

"MEGHAN": [

"The extra H is for horrible."

],

"MELANIE": [

"Melanie. Pay the penalty. For the felony. Of having a dumb name. K thx."

],

"MELBA": [

"You're named after the black sheep of the cracker bowl."

],

"MELINDA": [

"No, I'm Linda."

],

"MELISA": [

"See Melissa."

],

"MELISSA": [

"See Melisa."

],

"MELODY": [

"Sing this out loud right now: \"my name is dumb.\" Nice harmony."

],

"MELVIN": [

"Just stop with this stupid name."

],

"MERCEDES": [

"Hop in one and drive away, hopefully to never hear your name uttered again."

],

"MEREDITH": [

"Welsh for \"great lord, what a stupid name!\""

],

"MERLIN": [

"You might know magic, but you can't spell a decent name if you tried."

],

"MICAH": [

"Ham, i c? You're a ham."

],

"MICHAEL": [

"Derived from the Hebrew expression \"Who is like God?\" which is what God kept yelling as he pounded your mother from behind.",

"Michael Flatley. Lord of the dance. Lord of stupid names. He is your Lord, because your name is stupid."

],

"MICHEAL": [

"Dyslexia."

],

"MICHELE": [

"You lost something. It's the extra L in your name. Don't you look silly."

],

"MICHELLE": [

"Michelle, ma belle, these are words that go together well ... if you're trying to create the stupidest name!"

],

"MICKEY": [

"Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine your name is stupid."

],

"MIGUEL": [

"Miguel. You smell. Go to hell. Miguel."

],

"MIKE": [

"Mike. The sound a stupid man makes when he's punched in the solar plexis."

],

"MILAGROS": [

"Your name is gros."

],

"MILDRED": [

"You're either 80 years old or a horse."

],

"MILES": [

"You're miles behind everyone else in the race for a good name."

],

"MILLICENT": [

"Millicent the lame."

],

"MILO": [

"Otis?"

],

"MINDY": [

"I have a project for you. Go get a better name."

],

"MINNIE": [

"M-outtie."

],

"MIRANDA": [

"You have the right to a stupid name."

],

"MIRIAM": [

"All those M's in your name can't hide how stupid it is."

],

"MISTY": [

"Misty - may I train you to get a better name?"

],

"MITCH": [

"Mitch. Sounds filthy. Scrub your name off of you."

],

"MITCHEL": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"MOHAMED": [

"I'm not going to touch this one."

],

"MOHAMMAD": [

"I'm not going to touch this one."

],

"MOHAMMED": [

"I'm not going to touch this one."

],

"MOLLIE": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"MOLLY": [

"Your name is more popular for drugs. Doesn't that make you feel sad? It should."

],

"MONA": [

"What the heck you are smiling about all the time? Wipe that dumb smirk off your face and quit looking at me!"

],

"MONICA": [

"You probably don't have any Friends. You know, on account of your shitty name."

],

"MONIQUE": [

"Monique. Such a freak. Her undies leak. Monique."

],

"MONTY": [

"Let's make a deal, Monty. Change your stupid name."

],

"MORRIS": [

"If less is more, then morris less."

],

"MORTON": [

"Salt. One more time for emphasis, SALT."

],

"MOSES": [

"Let my people-- decide a new for you, okay?"

],

"MUHAMMAD": [

"I'm not going to touch this one."

],

"MURRAY": [

"Hi. This is Bill Murray. No one will ever believe you that I actually wrote this. Your name is stupid."

],

"MYRA": [

"No YourRa. Wait, let's go with SheRa instead."

],

"MYRNA": [

"That's ridiculous."

],

"MYRTLE": [

"You beach."

],

"NANCY": [

"Stop being so negative."

],

"NAOMI": [

"Your parents were trying to be exotic."

],

"NAPOLEON": [

"Hope you aren't short. That'd be a double whammy."

],

"NATALIE": [

"This is not-a-lie: your name is stupid."

],

"NATASHA": [

"STOP HURTING MOOSES AND SQUIRRELS."

],

"NATE": [

"I have a cousin named Nate. He hates his name and wishes it could be anything else."

],

"NATHAN": [

"Nathan, the name given to pedophiles all over the world."

],

"NEAL": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"NED": [

"Winter is coming. Get your stupid name inside."

],

"NEIL": [

"What do Neil Young, Neil Diamond, and Neil Armstrong all have in common? Stupid names."

],

"NELLIE": [

"You're either from the Civil War or you're a cow."

],

"NELSON": [

"MAN--dat's a lame name."

],

"NETTIE": [

"Gross."

],

"NEVA": [

"Neva tell anyone your real name."

],

"NEWTON": [

"Not quite cookie. Not quite cake. Not quite a name."

],

"NICHOLAS": [

"Nicholas. Has so much syphilis he doesn't know where his pickle is. Nicholas."

],

"NICHOLE": [

"Ha. Nice Hole."

],

"NICK": [

"Nick, short for \"Dickolas\"."

],

"NICKOLAS": [

"Haha. Merry Christmas you Saint. Saint Dickolas."

],

"NICOLAS": [

"Unless your last name is Cage, you have no right to spell your name this way."

],

"NICOLE": [

"In Greek, it means \"victorious people\", but you already knew that didn't you? Cause you're really smart. Too bad you have a dumb name."

],

"NIKKI": [

"Are you the Nikki from that Prince song? It's funny, he was just telling me about how stupid your name was."

],

"NINA": [

"Pinta, and Santa Maria. Thanks for being in on the whole massacre of a civilization through colonization. Cunt."

],

"NOAH": [

"Named for the two things people yell when they hear your name. No! Ah!!!!"

],

"NOE": [

"Nope."

],

"NOEL": [

"The first, and hopefully the last person to be named this."

],

"NOELLE": [

"The first NOELLE, the angels did say, \"ew, no, put this one back.\""

],

"NOLAN": [

"Go ahead, pitch me another name."

],

"NORA": [

"Nor I. Nor you. Nor should anyone have a name as bad as yours."

],

"NOREEN": [

"Nor I. I don't like your name neither."

],

"NORMA": [

"You're either 80 or a horse."

],

"NORMAN": [

"Rockwell was the best artist ever. The name Norman died with him. You're a living disgrace."

],

"NORMAND": [

"Your name sounds like snoring."

],

"NUMBERS": [

"Letters."

],

"OFELIA": [

"What the PHuck?"

],

"OLA": [

"Hola. nice name. Not."

],

"OLGA": [

"Did your name come with pigtails?",

"Olga. Your name sounds like someone getting punched in the stomach."

],

"OLIVE": [

"The color people's faces turn when they hear your name."

],

"OLIVER": [

"Oliver? I harldy know 'er!"

],

"OLIVIA": [

"Olivia, the process that olives use to procreate."

],

"OLLIE": [

"Flip. Kick. Tail grab. Stupid.",

"Ollie oxen free-all of humanity from your stupid sounding name."

],

"OMAR": [

"Omar god, your name is so stupid."

],

"OPAL": [

"Oh pretty! No, the rock, not your dumb name."

],

"OPHELIA": [

"Tragic."

],

"ORA": [

"Yes please."

],

"ORLANDO": [

"Rather eat a bloomin' onion than listen to your name being spoken."

],

"ORVILLE": [

"Who wants popcorn?"

],

"OSCAR": [

"You should win an Oscar for stupidest name."

],

"OTIS": [

"Milo?"

],

"OTTO": [

"Your name spelled backwards is \"stupid name.\""

],

"OWEN": [

"O wen o wen will you figure out that your name is stupid? How about now."

],

"PABLO": [

"From the latin \"paulus,\" meaning \"small\" or \"humble.\" You're making this too easy."

],

"PAIGE": [

"In the footnootes it reads, this is a stupid name."

],

"PAM": [

"No Trans Fats!",

"Now in butter flavor!"

],

"PAMELA": [

"Sex tape. Your name makes people think of a sex tape."

],

"PANSY": [

"Nailed it."

],

"PARKER": [

"Parker? I hardly know her!"

],

"PAT": [

"Ah, the best name to put the words \"Creepy Uncle\" in front of.",

"The number one name to have \"Creepy Aunt\" in front of.",

"yourself on the back for having the dumbest name known to humankind."

],

"PATRICE": [

"You spelled Patricia wrong."

],

"PATRICIA": [

"You know your friends call you \"Pat\" behind your back, right?"

],

"PATRICK": [

"Patrick, from the Latin name \"Patricius\", which means \"nobleman\" or \"I have no charisma.\""

],

"PATSY": [

"No way that's your name. I don't believe you."

],

"PATTI": [

"Patti cake, Patti cake, your name is stupid."

],

"PATTY": [

"Cake, patty-cake baker's man, bake me a new name so that you can quit walking around sounding like a moron.",

"Mayonnaise."

],

"PAUL": [

"In the first century AD, Paul the Apostle wandered throughout Asian Minor and Europe, preaching Christ's gospel and having a stupid name."

],

"PAULA": [

"You can't just make a girl name by taking a guy name and adding \"a\" to the end. Stupid."

],

"PAULINE": [

"You can't just make a girl name by taking a guy name and adding \"ine\" to the end. Stupid."

],

"PEARL": [

"Pearl. A name whose stupidity grows for years in your mind until its scintillating idiocy becomes unbearable. Then you makes a stupid necklace out of it."

],

"PEDRO": [

"Derived from the latin \"petra,\" which means \"stone\" or \"I have no charisma.\"",

"I vote for Pedro to get a new fucking name."

],

"PEGGY": [

"Short for Margaret. Long for stupid name."

],

"PENELOPE": [

"Wife of Odysseus. Daughter of parents with terrible taste in names."

],

"PENNY": [

"Your names is so stupid that even your coin is the dumbest one."

],

"PERRY": [

"Take this bottle of champagne, break it on your new yacht. Then sail away so your name is never heard again."

],

"PETE": [

"Big or Little?"

],

"PETER": [

"When you finally arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter will come out and say, \"Boy, don't WE have a stupid name!\""

],

"PHIL": [

"Three fourths of your name are consonants. Go home."

],

"PHILIP": [

"From the Greek 'Philippos', or \"Lover of Horses\". These jokes just write themselves.",

"I just did a chemical analysis of your name, and its PH level is too high. Also its stupid level.",

"Let's be real. All of your friends call you Phil. Quit pretending to be something you're not."

],

"PHILLIP": [

"From the Greek 'Philippos', or \"Lover of Horses\". These jokes just write themselves.",

"I just did a chemical analysis of your name, and its PH level is too high. Also its stupid level.",

"Let's be real. All of your friends call you Phil. Quit pretending to be something you're not."

],

"PHOEBE": [

"Get rid of some vowels and we'll talk."

],

"PHYLLIS": [

"You're either 80 or a horse."

],

"POLLY": [

"Polly wanna shut up about it?"

],

"PRINCE": [

"No. &"

],

"PRISCILLA": [

"Sounds like a prudish monster terrorizing Tokyo."

],

"QUEEN": [

"Are you a Chihuahua? Wow. A typing Chihuhua. Look everyone!"

],

"QUENTIN": [

"Hey, I have been working on this movie script, will you take a look at it?"

],

"RACHAEL": [

"HAHAHAHAHAHA"

],

"RACHEL": [

"Rachel, a good Biblical name. You know what else came from the Bible? Satan."

],

"RACHELLE": [

"The names Rachael and Michelle had a name baby that should have been aborted."

],

"RAE": [

"Great word for Boggle. Stupid for you."

],

"RAFAEL": [

"A good painter, if you judge painters on how stupid their names are."

],

"RALPH": [

"How do you know someone is saying your name and not just vomiting? Hm?"

],

"RAMON": [

"Keep on rammin'."

],

"RAMONA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Ramon.\""

],

"RANDAL": [

"Weren't you in that one movie? Clerks? No? Stupid name."

],

"RANDALL": [

"Weren't you in that one movie? Clerks? No? Stupid name."

],

"RANDY": [

"The worst Quaid."

],

"RAPHAEL": [

"The most bad ass turtle. Oh wait, you're not a bad ass. You just have a lame name."

],

"RAQUEL": [

"I think I had your poster on my wall once."

],

"RAUL": [

"That's one Raul stupid name you got there."

],

"RAY": [

"Doe: A deer. A female deer. Ray: A stupid fucking name."

],

"RAYMOND": [

"Raymond? More like Gaymond."

],

"REBA": [

"Country. Pure country. Pure garbage."

],

"REBECCA": [

"Fun Fact: Rebecca by Alfred Hitchcock won the 1940 Academy Award for Dumbest Name."

],

"REBEKAH": [

"You spelled Rebecca wrong. Dummy."

],

"REED": [

"You probably can't."

],

"REGGIE": [

"Reggie. Got a wedgie."

],

"REGINA": [

"You do realize that your name is almost vagina right?"

],

"REGINALD": [

"Usually shortened to nonexistence because it is such a stupid name."

],

"REID": [

"If only you could."

],

"RENA": [

"That just sounds like the female version of a crappy city in Nevada."

],

"RENEE": [

"Your name is mostly vowels. Also, it's mostly stupid."

],

"REUBEN": [

"Your parents were hungry when they named you."

],

"REVA": [

"My great grandmothers name. She was a gypsy whore."

],

"REX": [

"Gross man. You are a gross man."

],

"RHEA": [

"Rhea Perlman, we miss Cheers. But not your ugly name."

],

"RHONDA": [

"Help me Rhonda. Help help me, Rhonda. By changing your name to something not stupid."

],

"RICARDO": [

"In German, your name means powerful ruler. Measure 14 inches from where you are. Then punch yourself with your stupid name."

],

"RICH": [

"Your name is an adjective. That is stupid."

],

"RICHARD": [

"Dick."

],

"RICK": [

"<iframe width=\"320\" height=\"240\" src=\"//www.youtube.com/embed/oHg5SJYRHA0?autoplay=1&showinfo=0&controls=0&rel=0&iv_load_policy=3\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen></iframe>"

],

"RICKEY": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Ricky."

],

"RICKY": [

"Tricky Ricky was slipped a Micky and woke up with a new name that was better suited for him and his poor lifestyle choices."

],

"RILEY": [

"Really? Lame."

],

"RITA": [

"I can't get rita yer stupid name!",

"Lovely Rita. You were a meter maid. But, you couldn't find a better name?"

],

"ROB": [

"How distinguished of you to shorten your proper name down to something so stupid."

],

"ROBBIE": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Robby."

],

"ROBBY": [

"Are you a child or an adult. Time to choose."

],

"ROBERT": [

"Commonly shortened to Bob, Rob, Robbie, and Dumbass.",

"Dude."

],

"ROBERTA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Robert.\""

],

"ROBERTO": [

"Tomo origato Mr. Rob-oh dang."

],

"ROBIN": [

"Yeah, right, and my first name is Batman.",

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Batman.\"",

"You are a bird."

],

"ROBYN": [

"Looks like OBGYN. AMIRIGHTLADIEEEEZ?!"

],

"ROCCO": [

"Not even cool enough to have a nickelodeon show nAmed after you. Come on, they have NICKMOM. Feel left out."

],

"ROCKY": [

"You're probably the best at getting punched in the face repeatedly and calling that a \"victory.\""

],

"ROD": [

"Nailed it."

],

"RODGER": [

"Rodger, for when you can't decide to go by Rod or Roger."

],

"RODNEY": [

"Dangerfield. Danger! Danger! Danger! Your name is stupid."

],

"ROGER": [

"In England, 'to roger' is slang for 'to fuck'. Go yourself yourself."

],

"ROMAN": [

"Lend me your ear. Your name is stupid."

],

"ROMEO": [

"Where for out thou--oh. There you are. Just wanted to say, you have a stupid name."

],

"RON": [

"Don't be shy, type in the full name."

],

"RONALD": [

"Like Donald, but if Scoobie Doo said it."

],

"RONDA": [

"Help me Ronda. Help help me, Ronda. By changing your name to something not stupid."

],

"RONNIE": [

"...knew a kid named Ronnie once. Hated him, and his name. Much like you."

],

"RONNY": [

"Come back when you start spelling your name like a big boy."

],

"RORY": [

"Rhy ris rour rame ro rupid, Rory?"

],

"ROSA": [

"Like the flower, but more stupid."

],

"ROSALIE": [

"It's not a lie that your name is pretty stupid."

],

"ROSALIND": [

"Go back to 16th-century England. K thx."

],

"ROSANNA": [

"The stupidest form of \"Rose.\""

],

"ROSANNE": [

"Stop doing comedy."

],

"ROSE": [

"A rose by any other name would sound less stupid."

],

"ROSEANN": [

"Stop doing comedy."

],

"ROSEMARIE": [

"You are an herb."

],

"ROSEMARY": [

"You are an herb."

],

"ROSETTA": [

"Russian. Italian. German. Spanish. In just 6 short weeks!"

],

"ROSIE": [

"Palms. You're a palm baby."

],

"ROSLYN": [

"Ro ro ro your boat all the way to the governor's office to pick up an application for a name change."

],

"ROSS": [

"Ross. Never flossed. Teeth full of moss. Ross."

],

"ROXANNE": [

"Roxanne! You don't have to put on the red light. But you don't have to change your awful name."

],

"ROXIE": [

"Ro ro ro your boat all the way to the governor's office to pick up an application for a name change."

],

"ROY": [

"French for \"king.\" American for \"dude who cleans the showers at a truckstop.\""

],

"ROYAL": [

"I'll have a your name with cheese."

],

"RUBEN": [

"Clearly your parents were hungry when they named you."

],

"RUBIN": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"RUBY": [

"Ruby, a precious stone. Not as precious as diamond, though. Why didn't your parents name you Diamond?"

],

"RUDY": [

"Get in there kid! They're chanting your name! They want you to be tackled and break your legs cause you name is so stupid."

],

"RUFUS": [

"You are a dog."

],

"RUSSEL": [

"You lost an L. Stupid."

],

"RUSSELL": [

"That's not a name. That's just a sound that leaves make.",

"You ought to Russell up a less stupid name for yourself. Stupid."

],

"RUSTY": [

"Phew. Dang. Named after a hillbillies truck? Dang."

],

"RUTH": [

"Ruth. Truth. Here's the truth. Your name is stupid."

],

"RYAN": [

"Like Bryan, but too stupid to remember the B."

],

"SABRINA": [

"Not even Sabrina the Witch could cure her name of the stupid."

],

"SADIE": [

"Sadie. Dumb ladie. Had a babie. Named her Sadie."

],

"SALLIE": [

"You're spelling it wrong, dummy."

],

"SALLY": [

"When Harry met Sally, he was like, \"Dude, your name is pretty dumb.\""

],

"SALVADOR": [

"Sorry, Savior, but no one can save you from the stupid name your stupid parents gave you."

],

"SAM": [

"At least Sam Adams makes beer. What have you ever done with your stupid name?",

"No. I am. NOoooooooo. I am. Noooooo....I am. I am."

],

"SAMANTHA": [

"Your name means listener. Listen to this - your name is stupid."

],

"SAMMIE": [

"Spell your name like a big boy."

],

"SAMMY": [

"Try spelling your name like a big boy."

],

"SAMUEL": [

"No one was better at pointing out stupid things than Mark Twain. Point in case: He changed his name from Samuel.",

"Samuel. More like yam smell!"

],

"SANDRA": [

"Add a \"ra\" to the stuff that gets stuck in your vagina and that's your name.",

"Bullocks! Even the English think you have a stupid name."

],

"SANDY": [

"Bad adjective, even worse noun.",

"Never good as an adjective. Even worse as a noun."

],

"SANG": [

"Try lip synching instead. Your name sounds terrible."

],

"SARA": [

"I can't tell which half of your name is more stupid, the \"Sa\" or the \"ra.\""

],

"SARAH": [

"Adding an H to the end of your name won't make it any less stupid."

],

"SASHA": [

"Sasha, Russian for \"defender of man\". Australian for \"slimy mammalian sack\""

],

"SAUL": [

"Better call someone with a better name."

],

"SAVANNAH": [

"Savannah. A place where good names go to die."

],

"SCOTT": [

"Beam me up, so I can get the heck away from your dumb name."

],

"SCOTTIE": [

"Pippen! You'll always be second best. The first loser."

],

"SEAN": [

"Hey, Sean. Come back when you stop spelling your name like an idiot."

],

"SEBASTIAN": [

"Little.Mermaid.Enough.Said."

],

"SELENA": [

"Greek for \"moon.\" English for \"overrated pop star.\""

],

"SELMA": [

"Sell my what? Answer ME!"

],

"SERENA": [

"Less stupid than Venus, more stupid than pretty much every other name."

],

"SETH": [

"Seth. The sound of air leaving a balloon."

],

"SEYMOUR": [

"Butts."

],

"SHANE": [

"Shane? More like Shame. On you. For having a stupid name."

],

"SHANNON": [

"Irish for \"wise river.\" English for \"dumb name.\""

],

"SHARLENE": [

"As if Charlene wasn't a stupid enough name."

],

"SHARON": [

"Let me SHARE something with you. Your name is stupid."

],

"SHARRON": [

"Where'd you get that extra R, the Stupid Store?"

],

"SHAUN": [

"You spelled your name wrong."

],

"SHAUNA": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Sean-a."

],

"SHAWN": [

"Boys name, girls name. Both stupid.",

"Shawn, the only stupid name you absolutely have to spell every time someone asks."

],

"SHAWNA": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Sean-a."

],

"SHEILA": [

"From the Gaelic for \"blind.\" Like your parents when they picked your name from a hat."

],

"SHELBY": [

"As in, by shells? You were conceived on a beach? Probably."

],

"SHELIA": [

"Sh-yearight. If that's a name, I'll sell you some ocean front property in Arizona."

],

"SHELLEY": [

"Anagram for HELL YES! As in, hell yes, I agree, that is a stupid name."

],

"SHELLY": [

"Are you a turtle, or a human?"

],

"SHEREE": [

"Your name rhymes with itself. Very stupid."

],

"SHERRI": [

"You are a type of alcohol."

],

"SHERRIE": [

"I'd love a sherry, to drink away my brains and forget how dumb your name is."

],

"SHERRY": [

"You are a beverage."

],

"SHERYL": [

"Did you know that your name only has one vowel? That's dumb."

],

"SHIRLEY": [

"Surely, your name is very stupid."

],

"SIDNEY": [

"Anglo-Saxon for \"wide island.\" Full of stupid people."

],

"SIMON": [

"Simon says, \"I have such a stupid name.\""

],

"SOCORRO": [

"The World Cup is just around the corner!"

],

"SOFIA": [

"You are the capital of Bulgaria. Dummy."

],

"SON": [

"No, someone did not name you this. Your father's legal name must be \"Father\". You have a dumb name and so does your dad."

],

"SONDRA": [

"Sounds like you have a stupid name."

],

"SONIA": [

"Too Russian."

],

"SONJA": [

"Yeah, I played Mortal Kombat 2. I get it."

],

"SONYA": [

"Too Russian."

],

"SOPHIE": [

"You only have one choice. To find a better, less stupid name."

],

"SPENCER": [

"Nice gifts. They made it all the way into the trash can."

],

"STACEY": [

"Shortened from \"Anastasia\" because it was too much stupid to deal with."

],

"STACI": [

"You spelled your name wrong, Stacey. You're welcome."

],

"STACIE": [

"You spelled your name wrong, dummy."

],

"STACY": [

"Shortened from \"Anastasia\" because it was too much stupid to deal with."

],

"STAN": [

"Hey, you forgot the A between the S and the T."

],

"STANLEY": [

"You won the Cup for the stupidest name."

],

"STEFAN": [

"You spelled Stephen wrong. You're welcome."

],

"STEFANIE": [

"You spelled Stephanie wrong. You're welcome."

],

"STELLA": [

"STELLA!!!!!",

"Stella. That's the name of one of the characters in Tennesee Williams classic, \"A Streetcar Named Something Not as Stupid as Stella.\""

],

"STEPHANIE": [

"Stephanie, the feminine form of \"This is a stupid name.\""

],

"STEPHEN": [

"Go PHuck yourself.",

"I just did a chemical analysis of your name, and its PH level is too high. Also its stupid level.",

"Take a page from Stephen King's book and get hit by a van for having such a dumb name."

],

"STEVE": [

"Steve. Steeeeeeve. Sssssssteve. Steveveveveve. Stupid name."

],

"STEVEN": [

"The plural of Steve. Several times stupider."

],

"STEVIE": [

"Come back when you start spelling your name like a big boy."

],

"STEWART": [

"Stewart, the feeling you get right before you need to poop."

],

"STUART": [

"Little. Like your penis."

],

"SUE": [

"Sue yourself for a better name."

],

"SUMMER": [

"Technically, it's still Autumn. Unless its past December 21st. Then, you're way off with your dumb name."

],

"SUNG": [

"Sung. Past tense of \"Stupid.\""

],

"SUSAN": [

"I can't tell which half of your name is stupider, the \"Su\" or the \"san.\""

],

"SUSANA": [

"You lost an N there, friend."

],

"SUSANNA": [

"Oh! Susanna, do not cry for me. Just change your stupid name."

],

"SUSANNE": [

"Susanne. Nothing bad I can say about that name. Besides that it's STUPID."

],

"SUSIE": [

"Raise your hand in the air. Look around you. Everyone with their hand in the air has a stupid name."

],

"SUZANNE": [

"Just Susan with a superiority complex."

],

"SYDNEY": [

"You are a city."

],

"SYLVESTER": [

"Suffering succotash, you've got a lame name."

],

"SYLVIA": [

"Sylvia. More like salvia!"

],

"TABATHA": [

"You were almost certainly named after a character in Bewitched."

],

"TABITHA": [

"We've been keeping tabs on how stupid your name is. Our count? 537,000."

],

"TAD": [

"Just a tad stupid for a name. Just a tad."

],

"TAMARA": [

"How's your sister doing? She's hot.",

"Your name sucked yesterday. Your name sucks today. And your name will suck Tamara."

],

"TAMMIE": [

"You spelled Tammy wrong."

],

"TAMMY": [

"Tammy! I think I heard your name as a caller on a Republican talk radio show!"

],

"TANIA": [

"You spelled Tanya wrong. You're welcome."

],

"TANNER": [

"Tanner than who?"

],

"TANYA": [

"I'm not going to say anything. I have a long career of ice skating ahead of me."

],

"TARA": [

"Let me guess. You were born in 1993."

],

"TASHA": [

"Da, Tasha, yous is stupid name."

],

"TAYLOR": [

"Did your parents specifically Taylor your name to annoy me?",

"Trying finding a first name, not a last name."

],

"TED": [

"Let me talk to you for a second, Ted. Your name is stupid."

],

"TEDDY": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Sexy Lingerie.\""

],

"TERESA": [

"An anagram for Ah Trees. That would have been a better name for you."

],

"TERRA": [

"Pots be broken by Link. If only he could smash your name too."

],

"TERRANCE": [

"see Terrence"

],

"TERRENCE": [

"see Terrance"

],

"TERRI": [

"You were named after a washcloth. Did your parents conceive you in a garage?"

],

"TERRY": [

"Terry, a cloth to clean up sweaty fecal matter. Also, your name.",

"You were named after a cloth. a CLOTH."

],

"THADDEUS": [

"!!!"

],

"THELMA": [

"Loise jumped off of a cliff to get away from your stupid name."

],

"THEODORE": [

"There's no way that's your name."

],

"THERESA": [

"Greek for \"to harvest,\" Spanish for \"stupid name.\""

],

"THOMAS": [

"That \"H\" better stay silent, or else I'm gonna tear its little arms off its crossbar thing.",

"Thomas, noun, \"A dumb name.\""

],

"TIA": [

"How's your sister doing? She's hot."

],

"TIFFANY": [

"Tiffany, the ancestral name of people who buy pink convertables."

],

"TIM": [

"Tim. Short for \"Time for a new name!\""

],

"TIMMY": [

"No one wants to tell anyone you fell down a well, since your name is so stupid."

],

"TIMOTHY": [

"Even people with the stupid name Tim think the name Timothy is stupid."

],

"TINA": [

"Tina, the ancestrial name of chihuahua dogs everywhere."

],

"TJ": [

"Nice acronym. You gonna name your son FBI?"

],

"TOBY": [

"To be, or not to be? Not Toby."

],

"TOD": [

"You lost a D there, pardner."

],

"TODD": [

"50% of your name is the letter D. Your name is stupid. Q.E.D."

],

"TOM": [

"Tom. Short for \"Tomorrow I am going to change my stupid name!\""

],

"TOMAS": [

"Gimme a T. T! Gimme an H! Aw.....let down."

],

"TOMMIE": [

"Where's my gun?",

"You spelled your name wrong, Tommy."

],

"TOMMY": [

"Unless your name is followed by \"Lee\" then it is a dumb name, my friend."

],

"TONI": [

"Where's Tony and Toní©?"

],

"TONY": [

"You should win a Tony for Stupidest Name."

],

"TONYA": [

"Equation. Start with a man's name. Add a vowel to the end. Equals: even stupider name."

],

"TRACEY": [

"Dick.",

"Tracey. Kind of spacey. Has an ugly face-y. Tracey."

],

"TRACI": [

"Traci. Kind of spacey. Has an ugly face-y. Traci."

],

"TRACIE": [

"Tracie. Ugly face-ie!"

],

"TRACY": [

"Dick.",

"Tracy. Kind of spacey. Has an ugly face-y. Tracy."

],

"TRAVIS": [

"Travis Barker is this awesome drummer for Blink182. He's spun off to drum for other projects like the Transplants and Boxcar Racer. He's 5'11 and has a lot of tattoos. Hm, what else? Oh yeah, he has a very stupid first name."

],

"TRENT": [

"Tent? Rent? Pick one. Both would be a better name for you."

],

"TRENTON": [

"Nothing good ever came from Jersey."

],

"TREVOR": [

"Welsh for \"big village, no one home.\""

],

"TREY": [

"Tres stupid."

],

"TRICIA": [

"Tricia sounds like someone I would hate."

],

"TRINA": [

"What? That can't be a real name."

],

"TRINIDAD": [

"No. Tobaggon."

],

"TROY": [

"Troy. Named for a city so stupid it was conquered by 20 men in a wooden horse."

],

"TYLER": [

"Tyler? I hardly know her!"

],

"TYRONE": [

"Tyrone. You will die alone. No one will hear you moan. Tyrone."

],

"TYSON": [

"Chicken."

],

"ULYSSES": [

"Epic. Epic fail."

],

"URSULA": [

"Disney only made you 6 legs in the film. CHEAP."

],

"VALERIE": [

"Valerie, from the Latin \"valere\", meaning \"to be stupid\"."

],

"VAN": [

"Yeah, right, and my name is \"Car.\""

],

"VANESSA": [

"Vanessa is a mess of a stupid name."

],

"VAUGHN": [

"Vaughn. OK, but what's your first name?"

],

"VELMA": [

"Nice glasses, four eyes."

],

"VERA": [

"Wang."

],

"VERNA": [

"The name your father gave you when he really wanted a \"Vern.\""

],

"VERNON": [

"Isn't that a Ginger ale?"

],

"VERONICA": [

"Your name has too many syllables. Try again."

],

"VICKI": [

"Vicki. Where'd you get that hicky? Looks icky. Vicki."

],

"VICKIE": [

"You spelled it wrong."

],

"VICKY": [

"Like Vick, but not really."

],

"VICTOR": [

"You know who's not a victor? You because your name is stupid."

],

"VICTORIA": [

"Want to know Victoria's secret? She has a stupid name."

],

"VINCE": [

"Your name means conqueror. Yup, you conquered all other stupid names. Yours is the stupidest."

],

"VINCENT": [

"Vincent Price was so awesome the name Vincent should have died with him. Shame on you."

],

"VIOLA": [

"Viola. That's not a name. That's a shitty violin."

],

"VIOLET": [

"Violet, the color of autoerotic asphyxiation."

],

"VIRGIL": [

"Latin for \"virgin.\""

],

"VIRGINIA": [

"Who's afraid of Virginia Woolfe? Nobody. But, everyone is afraid of your stupid name."

],

"VIVIAN": [

"Vivian, the ancestral name of people who really like red wine and operas."

],

"VONDA": [

"Vonda."

],

"WADE": [

"Careful not to drown."

],

"WALDO": [

"I found you and your stupid name. Stupid."

],

"WALKER": [

"Texas stupid name."

],

"WALTER": [

"Walter Payton was the greatest running back ever to play football. He rushed over 1,600 yards in one season just trying to escape his stupid name."

],

"WANDA": [

"I wish I had a wand to make your name less stupid."

],

"WARREN": [

"Warren. A place where rabbits have sex. Good job."

],

"WAYNE": [

"Wayne, the most popular stupid name because of the pop icon Bruce --- I mean, Wayne Brady."

],

"WENDELL": [

"Wendell you get such a stupid name?"

],

"WENDY": [

"3rd star to the right and straight on until you find a better name."

],

"WESLEY": [

"Right, we get it. From the Princess Bride. Shut up about it already with you and your stupid name."

],

"WHITNEY": [

"Uhm, there's something white on your nose."

],

"WILBUR": [

"That's some pig of a name you've got there."

],

"WILFRED": [

"Will Fred make a better life decision?"

],

"WILL": [

"I.am.Smith.Legend.Stupid.",

"Won't."

],

"WILLA": [

"Won'ta."

],

"WILLIAM": [

"Will I? I am. Am what? Stupid."

],

"WILLIE": [

"Let's free you from your name."

],

"WILLIS": [

"Whatchu talkin' bout, stupid name?"

],

"WILMA": [

"Eh, it's a living.",

"How's Fred doing? Oh wait, he's a fictional character that lived with dinosaurs. Culturally setting back our knowledge of evolution for decades! You should feel bad. No, not because of that. Because your name is dumb."

],

"WILSON": [

"Do you know what creepy neighbors and volleyballs with blood on them have in common? Your stupid name."

],

"WINIFRED": [

"You spelled Winnie wrong."

],

"WINNIE": [

"W-outtie."

],

"WINSTON": [

"Don't tell anyone, but I think you're the best Ghostbuster."

],

"WYATT": [

"Wyatt? More like QUIET."

],

"YOLANDA": [

"Wait, that's kind of an awesome name."

],

"YVETTE": [

"How can I make fun of your name if I can't pronounce it?"

],

"YVONNE": [

"You wanna go get a new name there, Yvonne?"

],

"ZACHARIAH": [

"Nice neck beard, penis wrinkle."

],

"ZACHARY": [

"A variant of the biblical Zechariah, who has an even stupider name."

],

"ZACH": [

"A variant of the biblical Zechariah, who has an even stupider name."

],

"ZACK": [

"A variant of the biblical Zechariah, who has an even stupider name."

]

}

#284 Posted by sleeper86 (2 posts) -

The number for Lena is the CAH support line

#285 Edited by Chtasm (443 posts) -

I don't think I'm going to get 8-10. Nothing in the mail-- I'm scared that they may have been lost :(


I haven't received 8-10 either. Maybe it's common for those to be slower than the rest?

#286 Edited by timE1985 (16 posts) -

@sleeper86: Are the 2 reported numbers the only possible results? This really seems like it'll be the correct path to the solution.

#287 Edited by timE1985 (16 posts) -

Also, people on Reddit have mentioned that some of the videos could be 3D. Does anyone have a way to verify and watch them closely? It would be easy enough for them to hide an image in frames for the "second eye".

Additionally, I found only 1314 unique names in the source code for Day 12. That's odd to me considering there were 100,000 Bullshit subscribers. I assumed that each person would have a unique message. Is it really possible that there are enough repeats to cover everyone with only 1.3% unique names?

#288 Posted by sulgi (2 posts) -

Has anyone figured out what the 'puzzle' was? I only got 5 of my envelopes still :(

#289 Posted by kiapurity (26 posts) -

@chtasm: I did eventually get 8. 9-10 are still missing.

And what's this about phone numbers? Damn it, CAH. I can't even do anything with phone numbers!

#290 Posted by PutALittleEnglishOnIt (7 posts) -

The other number is a cell phone from somewhere in IL according to white pages, I am still waiting for envelope 6 and 9 to arrive, I agree that the lights seem to represent some sort of code but not sure if it corresponds with the website and letters in pictures on the site as that leaves a few light colors without anything now that all 12 days are posted, I also don't think they would hide the phone number to call them within the coding of the website, the first place any tech savvy person would look, seems a little too easy considering the rest of the puzzle is seeming to be really hard, I think the contact info to say you have solved it will be within what ever the final revealed answer is when we crack the puzzle, decode the lights or what ever it is that we have to solve lol.

Pretty fun though and thoroughly time consuming, very excited to receive all these fun cards even if the one with my name on did upset my girlfriend as she doesn't have one since we only purchased one in my name lol.

Loving the drawings on the envelopes and the donation they made was awesome, not sure if the red envelopes have anything to do with anything as I read somewhere someone thought if you looked through them certain words lined up but mostly didn't make any sense.

Perhaps the sequence of the colored light bulbs reveals a number or web address that will explain how to say hey I cracked it, only time will tell, when someone smarter than I figures it out lol.

#291 Edited by PutALittleEnglishOnIt (7 posts) -

I did notice there are a lot of people talking about the colors of the lights and if there are four or five colors, I propose their are the whole rainbow spectrum as on some envelopes I clearly see red yellow green blue and a darker more purple color but on others some of the lights look like not blue or that purple, so perhaps we have Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo and Violet? so 7 possible colors that are on the envelopes?

For example on the Swan envelope bottom left is clearly a green and a light violet kind of purple, but then top left under the orange looking ones and the yellow one there is a darker more purple one, and on the top middle area of the maids envelope there is clearly a blue one that is different from both of these, now I highly doubt there would be such color differences unless they were meant to be there? What does everyone think?

With this being said, someones idea about converting it into a coded sequence just got more complex, same with the guy who tried to convert it into a QR code image by making a 21 x 21 grid using colors but basing it on 5 colors not the full possible 7.

So assuming a 7 color rainbow of lights

With Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo (Darker Purple) Violet (Lighter Purple)

Day 1 envelope becomes.

GVVGGY(R/O)YIYVI(R/O)YII(R/O)YYV(R/O)(R/O)IYGVYGYIIGY(R/O)GGVYVIY(R/O)YGYY

Where the Red and Orange I was not 100% sure on as they all kind of look orange to me on that envelope and some darker more read looking lights on other envelopes such as the leaping lords envelope left side looks way more red than the day 7 swan envelope top left does, even though the top left lights down the left side are a similar pattern on both those envelopes and on day 2 aswell, the top left side 5 lights are all Red/Orange twice followed by Yellow then either the Dark or Light Purple twice, which may give a clue to figuring out the meaning of the sequence for someone who can use that similarity to help crack the sequence.

Lol this whole thing has me thoroughly bamboozled :p

#292 Posted by pyroguy7 (2 posts) -

Ok, so I'm going to throw everything I found up here, before I drive myself crazy trying to figure it out. (not)Spoiler alert: I'm probably crazy.

So, I saw someone mention the uncredited Santa murdered comic from the Day 8 funny pages. I decided to Google "santa murder" and the first hit was something called "The Santa Clause Murderer." I read through it (because it seemed relevant), and followed the "back" link at the bottom to get to the posted story's main page. I did another Google search on the featured author Spencer Holst, which led me to this first hit.

In that article, they described that The Language Of Cats was a book about a code-breaking scientist. So naturally, I went back to the Holst page I found and read through that. While reading it, I noticed that a 2 and a 3 were randomly inserted into the text. Are these typos?

I didn't know what to do next, so I started reading some other things. Of note, I read ON HOPE, which, coincidentally, has 3 numbered reasons at the end of the story. It also starts off about a monkey, where there is a reference to talkings to someone like a monkey in The Language Of Cats. Is this related to what I saw in The Language Of Cats, or is this just coincidence? The story also had some strange typos, lie "neck- laces", "noth- ing", and "necldaces" (twice).

I poked around some more on the website and they cite a link that is broken, as well as there being a broken hidden link next to the "Mona Lisa Meets Buddha" entry in the bibliography at the bottom of the page. Another typo I noticed is the title of the webpage "The Monroe Street Monstor", when the name of the story on the page is typed as "The Monroe Street Monster." Read through that story too and noted the weird way "ciga- rette" was spelled, twice. There was also a line "Til take that bet!", which in context I think "Til" was supposed to be "I'll".

I decided to search for the domain that the two broken links belonged to, and again, the first hit was something of relevance. It is a pdf of attacking a developed block cipher called Serpent, using a technique they referred to as "The Rectangle Attack."

I started digging into the Serpent cipher and found out it is open source, and I downloaded some of the provided code.

This morning, I decided my head hurts too much to dig into this further, especially since I am no cryptographer. So I'm sharing it here. Honestly, I'm not sure if it means anything, but there were so many weird coincidences and google "first hits" that I felt like I needed to share it.

And now, I'm going to go take some aspirin, because being crazy is making my head hurt.

#293 Posted by pyroguy7 (2 posts) -

Also noting, I'm only posting this here, and not on reddit. I like Giant Bomb and it's community, even if I don't participate in it that much. I figure if this actually is a lead, we can have the head start ;-).

#294 Edited by PutALittleEnglishOnIt (7 posts) -

Sounds interesting but may just be a coincidence, anyone out there who knows about this Serpent stuff and how it could relate to the possible coded light pattern? or is this just a wild goose chase lol

#295 Posted by crazynick (7 posts) -

Interesting stuff

#296 Posted by HighHeelCartWheel (5 posts) -

I feel like we all got super quiet cuz we are running out of ideas. Lol. I am pretty sure that fact that every envelope light-string ends in a green light is significant. As far as I have noticed, no other light repeats. Maybe the code has to be read or figured out starting.with day 12s lights (last light, last envelope?)

#297 Posted by matthewglidden (15 posts) -

CAH said anyone could solve the puzzle (not just people who bought the 12 gifts), so online files like ClusterFuck, the posters, and their comics are good starting points. I've wondered about the uncredited Santa comic, since it doesn't seem to tie in elsewhere. Even if you're crazy to keep following that particular thread, it's in a way that people haven't exhausted themselves on yet and DOES relate to what everyone can use, not just people with the 12 envelopes.

@pyroguy7 said:

Ok, so I'm going to throw everything I found up here, before I drive myself crazy trying to figure it out. (not)Spoiler alert: I'm probably crazy.

So, I saw someone mention the uncredited Santa murdered comic from the Day 8 funny pages. I decided to Google "

santa murder

" and the first hit was something called "

The Santa Clause Murderer

." I read through it (because it seemed relevant), and followed the "back" link at the bottom to get to the posted story's

main page

. I did another Google search on the featured author

Spencer Holst

, which led me to this

first hit

.

In that article, they described that The Language Of Cats was a book about a code-breaking scientist. So naturally, I went back to the Holst page I found and read through that. While reading it, I noticed that a 2 and a 3 were randomly inserted into the text. Are these typos?

I didn't know what to do next, so I started reading some other things. Of note, I read ON HOPE, which, coincidentally, has 3 numbered reasons at the end of the story. It also starts off about a monkey, where there is a reference to talkings to someone like a monkey in The Language Of Cats. Is this related to what I saw in The Language Of Cats, or is this just coincidence? The story also had some strange typos, lie "neck- laces", "noth- ing", and "necldaces" (twice).

I poked around some more on the website and they cite a link that is broken, as well as there being a broken hidden link next to the "Mona Lisa Meets Buddha" entry in the bibliography at the bottom of the page. Another typo I noticed is the title of the webpage "The Monroe Street Monstor", when the name of the story on the page is typed as "The Monroe Street Monster." Read through that story too and noted the weird way "ciga- rette" was spelled, twice. There was also a line "Til take that bet!", which in context I think "Til" was supposed to be "I'll".

I decided to search for the domain that the two broken links belonged to, and again, the first hit was something of relevance. It is a pdf of attacking a developed block cipher called Serpent, using a technique they referred to as "The Rectangle Attack."

I started digging into the Serpent cipher and found out it is open source, and I downloaded some of the provided code.

This morning, I decided my head hurts too much to dig into this further, especially since I am no cryptographer. So I'm sharing it here. Honestly, I'm not sure if it means anything, but there were so many weird coincidences and google "first hits" that I felt like I needed to share it.

And now, I'm going to go take some aspirin, because being crazy is making my head hurt.

#298 Posted by matthewglidden (15 posts) -

Has anyone noticed the similarity between CAH's long lists of values and purchases to PNC's annual Christmas Price Index? There's another version called The True Cost of Christmas, which totals all gifts given, updated each year as Christmas approaches.

Bloomberg: "Twelve Days of Christmas Price Index for 2013."

Could be coincidence, but it's one way to compare things (and numbers) without actual code breaking.

#299 Posted by phuzzybunny (171 posts) -
#300 Posted by MisterMouse (3539 posts) -

I think we need to refocus our efforts and what we are looking for. On the CAH tumblr it says

  • The reason we included the cipher is that we thought it would tell you what to focus on to crack the first step of the puzzle.

So I am assuming based off of that, for the first part of the puzzle it would be word or letter based, leading me to believe that it is not the colors on the front. This entire thing is called 12 Days of Bullshit, and on each of the envelopes there is CAH's take on what present is given each day. I think if we look at it in the context of the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

Haven't been following the Reddit thread so don't know if this old material.