Douchebags With Microphones: Your Worst Online Experiences

It's happened to all of us: You pop in your favorite on-line game, log in and all of a sudden you start hearing that horrible, just hitting puberty, squeaky 13-year old voice blaring on your headset. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, that sound is so recognizable and so fucking irritating.
 
So what are your worst on-line gaming experiences?

Getting knocked off by a bad connection.

" Getting knocked off by a bad connection. "

Surprisingly, the one experience I've had with online gaming (Team Fortress 2, 360 version) was actually pretty decent. People used the microphone more for friendly conversation and discussing tactics rather than calling each other gay.

" Surprisingly, the one experience I've had with online gaming (Team Fortress 2, 360 version) was actually pretty decent. People used the microphone more for friendly conversation and discussing tactics rather than calling each other gay. "

There have been several times in the past where I will join a lobby, say one word to a friend, and then get insulted by a bunch of British people.

Well, once I was playing the original Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (on Xbox 360, in 2009... in a game with only about 6-8 people in it) and some dude was mic spamming sex moans.

I've never had a bad experience that was worth remembering. Assholes with mics are like assholes in real life, all their faces are just a blur to me now. Except I can mute assholes with mics.

Somehow I forgot to mention my experience regarding microphones. O_o I haven't had any bad experiences at all. Then again I don't play multiplayer games much. The only thing I can remember is when I was playing MW2 and in one day I had three people laugh at my name. I don't think that's a bad thing though.

" @Video_Game_King said:

" Surprisingly, the one experience I've had with online gaming (Team Fortress 2, 360 version) was actually pretty decent. People used the microphone more for friendly conversation and discussing tactics rather than calling each other gay. "

Same everytime i play that game ive never had a game without helpful/ informative teammates  "

One of my former friends is the constant for horrible experinces. He's the type to play a bad game, bitch about it, and then brag to the other team (like OH SHIT WE WHOOPED YOUR ASSES). What an Asshole he is :\

" Well, once I was playing the original Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (on Xbox 360, in 2009... in a game with only about 6-8 people in it) and some dude was mic spamming sex moans. "

One notable thing was when I was playing counterstrike source, I was just playing the game and someone called me a stupid motherfucker and kicked me from the server for no apparent reason.

" @ZombieHunter said:

" @Video_Game_King said:

" Surprisingly, the one experience I've had with online gaming (Team Fortress 2, 360 version) was actually pretty decent. People used the microphone more for friendly conversation and discussing tactics rather than calling each other gay. "

Same everytime i play that game ive never had a game without helpful/ informative teammates  "

Same here. Probably why it's one of my favorite online games. "

" One notable thing was when I was playing counterstrike source, I was just playing the game and someone called me a stupid motherfucker and kicked me from the server for no apparent reason. "

Variety of horrendous experiences 
 
12 year olds telling me my mom was their most recent lover only to hear them yell "cheat!" or "mods!" right after I kill them. 
Someone playing some soft rap music is always a plus. 
Always enjoy a kid making the same ominous noise continually until I am forced to mute them. 
 
And then party chat was invented, and my soul smiled.

I actually don't mind. It's kind of hillarious hearing kids cursing out an adult. Saying homophobic and racist slurs makes you think how they look like and what how they have no lives.

I hate when someone is either listening to music really loud or they are attempting to pipe in music over their mic, but they have a really shitty mic so it just sounds like a lot of static/white noise.

GTA street races were the worst. I heard some terrible stuff being said to kids over those headsets. 
 
I swear, if I had a kid, no damn headsets until they were 21. 

I have issues with 12 year olds. For the rest; I just laugh my ass off at whatever shit they throw at each other.

For some reason I've always had trouble with weed users.  I thought they are the peaceful type. :(

I've never had a positive experience on a Gears game online. There's something about the people that play those games... ugh

There are way too many for me to remember specific ones.

Last night, The instant I get in a MW2 game (first of the night) I'm assaulted by a high pitched cracking voice SCREAMING Britney spears songs into his mic, Which was I'm guessing broken because on top of his horrible singing of horrible music his mic wouldn't stop crackling, Which of course made it all the better.
As luck would have it, He was on the other team.
So I play, At the end of the match the kid has gone like 40-2 (Headquarters)
The instant we hit the lobby, HES STILL SCREAMING a different Britteny Spears song, According to his teammates he never stopped the entire match....  
After some reserach last night I think I found him
  

You know, usual homophobic slurs. I remember one kid swearing at me for camping on Search and Destroy in MW2...when that's probably the smartest way to play in that mode,

when i use a mic it's because i want to get into the game and am prepared for whatever is coming my way.  saying that i put people in their place if they wanna talk smack or be a douche bag and i fuckin verbally wreck them.

Don't really have one. Instamute everyone on my team and the other as soon as the game starts.

" 12 year olds telling me my mom was their most recent lover only to hear them yell "cheat!" or "mods!" right after I kill them.  "

I generally hear older people picking on kids simply because they are kids. Who cares how old someone is? Let them play.

I run into this all the time, and I fucking loathe it.
 
People who have conversations with someone in the room on the mic. We're playing the game and dudes talking to his mom.
 
"YEAH MOM I TOOK THE TRASH OUT. ...... YES I WASHED THE FUCKIN' DISHES MA! LEAVE ME ALONE I'M BUSY!... SHUT THE FUCK UP DENISE! I'LL FUCKING STAB YOU!"
 
-_-
 
Or people who are obviously having a conversation with someone on a cell phone or something. Like we want to hear about how your day went.
 
Also, playing WoW some guy came in our vent server and played some Soulja Boy over and over. He kept getting kicked and coming back. It was hilarious and maddening at the same time.

" playing WoW some guy came in our vent server and played some Soulja Boy over and over. He kept getting kicked and coming back. It was hilarious and maddening at the same time. "

I once had an Engineer yell "get away from my dispenser nigger!" when I was trying to heal up.
 
Also any douchebag who yells at you for the thing they guy who left before you joined did in a game of Left 4 Dead qualifies for this thread. Especially if they kick you.

What pops is my mind is several months ago I was playing Day of Defeat: Source, and every time your team wins it would play an anthem pertaining to your side. Every time this kid's team won he would whistle the fucking theme into the mic, really loudly.

Little kids playing 18 rated games piss me off. 
Also the way that they instantly insult you because they have nothing better to do. 
Its especially worse when there is a group of them... multiple high pitched voices urgh! 
I ha one tell me that he "gave my mum a rim job, smerfed her, and then pownded her with a strap on" and when i asked him whether he knew what those meant he said get fucked. at least use words you understand if you must insult me 

Here are the people I hate:
 
* People who don't use microphones. Why in the fuck are you playing a multiplayer game and not using the microphone that came with your system? It's a multiplayer game. Not a single player game. Your team is counting on your cooperation and if you're not using a mic (or muting everyone) - you're just going off on your own doing your own thing. I hate that shit.
 
* Kids making random noises, singing, having full-blown conversation with their real life friends instead of having those conversations out of game. Especially in M-rated games. Why the FUCK are you foisting your fucking shitballing snot-nosed eight year old brat on a community of adults in a game that is meant for 17+? We're not your fucking babysitters and we didn't squirt out a kid, because we don't want to hear the little shits randomly spewing retarded beeping sounds and singing and shit. I would give anything for online services to give me an option to click a "do not play with people under X age" so I could make sure I only ever played with adults. That won't help with the racist and homophobic shit, but it'd help with a lot of inane conversations and random noise-making.
 
* Idiots spewing racist or homophobic comments. I never hear the 'N' word in real life, but I hear it dozens of time per sit-down at the XBOX in on-line games (especially on XBox and especially on games like MW2 -- not so much games like Burnout Paradise). Seriously - what the fuck is wrong with you people? I file complaints on these assholes out of principal, but I know MS doesn't give a fuck. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to play online if you're one of these groups of people that people are constantly hurling these words about. Along this line, fucking idiots who insult people from the UK or AUS as soon as they get on. Oh no - someone with an accent! Tell them to go fuck themselves and learn to speak American and let's tell them about how we saved their asses in WWII! -- Along the same lines, the fucktards from the UK and AUS who get on and do the same thing toward Americans (though, to be frank, I can't blame them considering the brainless bullshit fucking xenophobic retarded yellow-ribbon wearing fucktards spew in the first place).
 
* Finally, the people who think they run the game and are going to tell everyone what to do and how to play and piss themselves when we don't do what they tell us. Or people who think they are the only people who know how to play and the rest of the team is holding them back and intentionally fucking them over. We're just there to help that person's win ratio and to hell with us. 
 
* On a related note, I often mute anyone in MW2 who uses the "Joint Ops" and "weed icon" and other stuff in their profile. It's a great indication of a total fucking moron. Hurr durr! Joint Ops! Get it! I LIKE WEED MOTHER FUCKER! DURR DURR DURR!  

All of the above get muted immediately. I have a low tolerance. Swearing is fine (and awesome!), but the first slur, inane conversation, or random fucking noises and I mute.

People always whine about the little kids, but the real problem is all the 13-25 year old morons/racists/scumbags/losers who don't shut up and scream left and right, cussing up a storm over everything, or just generally be stupid and offensive. I would like to give them all a quick, permanent death for the sake of all mankind. I find little kids can be pretty awesome, unless they start giving into the peer pressure of their older, retarded peers and start trying to act like they do. When that happens, it's just sad, and again, makes me want to dispose of these losers, for good.

It happened to me yesterday. I was playing Resident Evil 5 co-op and some 10 year old with a squeaky annoying voice joined...he even coughed kinda squeaky. I should also note that he was a complete retard and had no clue to play. I alt+f4'ed :|

Most of my experiences were either with people eating, breathing, or playing music on the mic. Other times with Tekken 5 Dark Resurrection  online and people doing disconnects when they know they are losing. Other than that my favorite is when I'm on vent or teamspeak and we use the mic to actually setup tactics and strategies for battlefield or any other FPS's.

the weed kids..ugh..bragging about how they are smoking the best weed at the moment and how high they are 
 
also yeah the people that play music really loud and think that everyone wants to listen to their terrible music. 
 
and yes the 12 year old kids spouting nothing but nonsense and making noises over and over again.

when i was playing madden online when i was about 12-13, I got my ass handed to me by this guy and after the game the guy said
 
douchebag: "You fucking suck, you just do hail marrys and short runs you fucking fag!"  
Me (in high pitched kid voice): "i just got this game last night" 
douchebag: "yeah whatever faggot, you fucking suck and shouldnt play this game ever again"
 
 
I exited the game in rage and never picked it up again.

people who sing Avenged sevenfold, and people that whistle, i want to kill them all

I disabled voice chat long ago.

I was once called a nigger lover because I had a low score ten seconds into Left 4 Dead versus mode, as infected.

Mic is generally disabled in  Valve games; voice_enable 0 ftw. However in MW2 I haven't really had that bad of a situation yet; I just generally mute if people are loud. However communication is really hard in that game compared to CS or TF2 cause there are way too many spots that someone can be. Can't be like "window" or whatever cause there are 15000 of them on any given map.
 
Voice is disabled in Fat Princess as well and well I rarely play any other MP games on my PS3 anyway. I just turn on my headset, mute it and ignore it.

I hate it when some shithole who I haven't muted yet joins the game right before host migration in MW2. Then I'm basically powerless to do anything, but hear them scream into the mic. I've had good experiences with players that had mics in MAG beta. Yeah, cos those few that had them, were the leading guys and they directed the other players. And they were not only essential to win, but also sometimes helpful.