Posted by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

In Final Fight, Metro City is a tough place to live. Gang members of all shapes and sizes, from a Japanophile that takes his obsession to eleven to a beauty of indeterminate gender, terrorize the local population. The city’s police force does such a poor job that, when the mayor’s daughter is kidnapped and held hostage by the gang’s leader, the mayor himself has to take off his shirt and go to town.

The gang in question? Mad Gear. And their leader? Belger. (Or, Horace Belger, in Final Fight: Streetwise, but we’ll not speak of that game again.) What man could be so devious, so conniving and brutish, that he’d send his goons to kidnap Jessica Haggar?

This guy.

My goodness, what a dapper looking fellow. He certainly has the brawn underneath that bulging dress shirt. But what is up with that motorized chair? Do you arrive in Belger’s inner sanctum with the intent of pounding a disabled man?

Well, no. Because once the chair is destroyed, it’s very obvious that despite his age, Belger is one spry bastard. He jumps around the room, firing his crossbow as wave after wave of goons come surging for the assist.

Wait, what? A crossbow? Oh, come on, man. That isn’t fair. I know you’re the final boss, but this is a brawler. You should be demonstrating your might by using your glorious forearm strength to fight Cody, Haggar, and Guy man to man to…

Uh, actually, that’s probably more than enough for one guy to handle. Crossbow? Sure, carry on!

As the fight nears its conclusion, Belger adopts a battle strategy that proves to be extraordinarily foolish. He leaves back and forth in front of a giant office window that’s just begging to get smashed. And it does get smashed. By Belger.

He plummets to his doom. The word “defenestration” can’t be used when describing the fates of many bosses, but for Belger, it fits even better than that amazing shirt. But don’t feel too bad for him. After all, he did come back as the final boss of Final Fight Revenge. In which he can be defeated by his own former minions. Also, he’s a zombie. And he performs part of the Thriller dance during the end credits.

I'm not even joking.

Actually, on second thought, openly weep for this man. For his only source of remaining pride is his sweet beard.

#1 Posted by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

In Final Fight, Metro City is a tough place to live. Gang members of all shapes and sizes, from a Japanophile that takes his obsession to eleven to a beauty of indeterminate gender, terrorize the local population. The city’s police force does such a poor job that, when the mayor’s daughter is kidnapped and held hostage by the gang’s leader, the mayor himself has to take off his shirt and go to town.

The gang in question? Mad Gear. And their leader? Belger. (Or, Horace Belger, in Final Fight: Streetwise, but we’ll not speak of that game again.) What man could be so devious, so conniving and brutish, that he’d send his goons to kidnap Jessica Haggar?

This guy.

My goodness, what a dapper looking fellow. He certainly has the brawn underneath that bulging dress shirt. But what is up with that motorized chair? Do you arrive in Belger’s inner sanctum with the intent of pounding a disabled man?

Well, no. Because once the chair is destroyed, it’s very obvious that despite his age, Belger is one spry bastard. He jumps around the room, firing his crossbow as wave after wave of goons come surging for the assist.

Wait, what? A crossbow? Oh, come on, man. That isn’t fair. I know you’re the final boss, but this is a brawler. You should be demonstrating your might by using your glorious forearm strength to fight Cody, Haggar, and Guy man to man to…

Uh, actually, that’s probably more than enough for one guy to handle. Crossbow? Sure, carry on!

As the fight nears its conclusion, Belger adopts a battle strategy that proves to be extraordinarily foolish. He leaves back and forth in front of a giant office window that’s just begging to get smashed. And it does get smashed. By Belger.

He plummets to his doom. The word “defenestration” can’t be used when describing the fates of many bosses, but for Belger, it fits even better than that amazing shirt. But don’t feel too bad for him. After all, he did come back as the final boss of Final Fight Revenge. In which he can be defeated by his own former minions. Also, he’s a zombie. And he performs part of the Thriller dance during the end credits.

I'm not even joking.

Actually, on second thought, openly weep for this man. For his only source of remaining pride is his sweet beard.

#2 Edited by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

Man, the editor is acting up something fierce tonight. Hopefully I'll have it straightened out in a bit.

It's fixed!

#3 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@Hailinel said:

After all, he did come back as the final boss of Final Fight Revenge.

No man should suffer a fate that cruel.

#4 Posted by Hailinel (25205 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

@Hailinel said:

After all, he did come back as the final boss of Final Fight Revenge.

No man should suffer a fate that cruel.

May his fate serve as a lesson to us all.

What that lesson is, I have no idea.