Magic Knight Rayearth
(Remember my Ugly Duckling intro to my Panzer Dragoon Saga review?) Well, there's another reason I used it, and I didn't tell you until now. The reason is because of this game. Back to the story, there's one detail I left out. In between the swan song and becoming the Dreamcast, the four-winged bird-thing involuntarily let out a fart. It wasn't a smelly fart or a loud fart, but the damage was done: it went out on a fart. That fart was Magic Knight Rayearth. As much as Saturn fans don't want to admit, the last Saturn game was not Panzer Dragoon Saga, but Magic Knight Rayearth instead.To be fair, though, Magic Knight Rayearth isn't that bad of a game, but it doesn't exactly start things on the right foot. It spends at least an entire Simpsons episode (most likely this one) setting up the story of three middle school girls destined to save a magical gumdrop world from an evil sorcerer. That may sound like a somewhat generic storyline, but what separates this from other JRPGs is just how girly it is. A lot of the events concern the girls flirting with recurring male characters or doing non sequitur good deeds but not taking credit for it because that's how truly nice they are! Consider it the opposite of Gears of War 2; whereas that game forced muscle-headed space marines to slice aliens in twain, this one make three girls fight their own periods.
Speaking of fighting, after sitting through 30 minutes of girly plot, I was quite surprised to find that this Magic Knight Rayearth was incredibly different from the SNES version. The first thing I noticed (other than the high amounts of estrogen) was that rather utilizing turn based battles, the Saturn version had much better real time battles. You crawl through dungeons like Zelda, slashing foes with one of three characters. However, you're going to be using Fuu (the shy girl) the most, for several reasons. First, while her friends get stuck with swords and offensive spells, Fuu has a bow and the only healing spell in the game. She can also charge her bow to lock onto multiple enemies, destroying any possible reason you could have for playing as the other two girls.
Aside from the balance issues, though, the combat is OK, but there's not much motivation to actually fight the enemies. You can only hold one item at a time, you're never going to buy anything (becaues of the previous statement), and you level at fixed intervals, so the only reason you have to kill the enemies is because they're in your way. To phrase it a bit more clearly: killing things isn't particularly fun. It's not bad, that's not what I'm saying, but it's not good, either. The only other noteworthy thing I can say is that the boss battles are very easy and all follow the same strategy: switch to Fuu (which I'm guessing is pronounced "F-you", given the previously mentioned super status), release your heat seeking arrows, heal if necessary.
The only boss battles I can think of that don't follow this pattern are the final battles. After our intrepid heroes beat up the villain in his poorly rendered CG castle, he transforms into a giant robot and you have to fight him in Galaga-esque fashion. I had the same confused look about me, but what confused me more was when I went to rescue the Princess, only to find out that SHE WANTS THE HEROES DEAD. THE SAME HEROES SHE SUMMONED. I yelled that out of disbelief. Yea, the game explains it, but I just couldn't dive into a plot hole this big. However, that's not the biggest flaw, oddly enough; the biggest flaw is just how short it is. The world of Cefiro is incredibly small, and while there are hidden items strewn about this estrogen-fueled land, but there's not enough reason to collect them. I realize that the last Saturn game I reviewed was short, but keep in mind it took me a month to beat. Compare that to Magic Knight Rayearth, a game I completed in three days. I don't know what the exact hour count was, but I'm guessing I could have completed it in a single 10 hour time span.
Review Synopsis
- The girliest story in video games since....well, I can't think of anything, so why not "girliest game ever?"
- The combat is OK, but needs some balancing.
- I finished this in three days.
I've wanted to post this video for quite some time, but never got the opportunity. Here is Keaton Fox with a rock remix:
Rapid Reload
(Ah, that's more like it.) Nothing more manly than shooting stuff. Well, there is one thing more manly...But this game is pretty manly for the fact that it's a shooter. I know what you're thinking: "Rapid Reload has to be the best name for the best light gun game ever." While that's probably true, this Rapid Reload isn't a light gun game; instead, this is a PS1 side scrolling shooter that feels like both Metal Slug and Gunstar Heroes combined into one. In fact, if I were to describe the game in one snippet, it'd be "looks like Metal Slug, plays like Gunstar Heroes."I might as well start with the latter part of the statement, since my "story first" style of writing doesn't work when you don't know what the hell it's about. As I said, you run around and wantonly shoot things because they look at you funny (or maybe it's because they look funny, I don't know). You have a variety of weapons, but like the aforementioned Magic Knight Rayearth, you're mainly going to use one: the electric-lock-on-death-line. Maybe it's just me, but I rarely used anything other than that weapon, since it locks onto multiple enemies and can be used as a shield. It's like somebody looked at the taser and said, "How can I make it deadlier?" To be fair, though, I'm sure the developers designed the game around these circumstances, since like Metal Slug and Gunstar Heroes, there can be a metric shitload of enemies on screen at any given time.
Obviously, this means the game is hard. However, like Ninja Gaiden II and many JRPGs I've played in Japanese (Mystic Ark, Dragon Quest IV, Thracia 776, etc.), I'm not sure the difficulty is a pure one. For example, while I don't have a problem with the high amount of bullets the bosses release, I do have a problem with this weird clicking noise whenever they do release said bullets. Wait a minute....damn it, wrong note. I meant to say, "I do have a problem when I absorb enough bullets to die." When you die (and you will, that's why I said "when"), you don't just start over in the exact spot; instead, you view a "Game Over, would you like to continue" screen, click yes, and go back to the beginning of the level. OK, there are checkpoints, but you still have to fight through all the enemies again, making it likely you go through all of that crap again.
"If you're the King, this game shou-". You couldn't finish that statement because I removed your head before you could. For those who can't decipher what the Now-Headless Horseman was getting at, it was that this game isn't too cheap. There is some truth in that statement, there are also some cheap moments in this game, like the "scrolling hole" problem. You know, where you move the screen up, and what was once a platform is now a hole to your death. Yea, this is definitely a game with an old school mindset. It's hard, there are lots of bullets, it controls well, it's just like many other shooters out there. And that's the problem, at least for me. I hate reviewing generic games because this happens: I'm left with nothing to say other than boring platitudes, making for a crap review. Crap reviews like this one. The actual game was fun to play, but Rapid Reload isn't a fun game to review. It would have been better if it was that light gun game I mentioned three paragraphs ago, so I'll give this game the Wasted Potential Award for Not Being a Light Gun Game.
Review Synopsis
- The difficulty lives in Ninja Gaiden II territory, which is just between Hardania and the Cheaponesia Badlands.
- The gameplay is OK, but doesn't do much to distinguish itself from other shooters.
- 日本語で終わるのはなぜですか？
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