Honestly, it hasn't really hit me yet. It's still just text on a screen to me.
Thats normal though, when my grandfather died a few months ago it took 2 full weeks to hit me, it barely phased me at all, then one night it suddenly hit me, HARD.
Granted i didn't know Ryan so i dont expect my reaction to be as severe, but still. It's still hard to conceive at the moment.
to be honest I think it's going to be at least a year before a new normal is established for me when it comes to games.
When the new consoles launch I'll notice he isn't there, when GoTY hits I'll notice he isn't there, when GDC PAX & E3 hit I'll notice he isn't there and probably every Tuesday for the rest of my life.
Right there with ya. I've been watching his old stuff and laughing my ass off and then my brain ticks in that he's gone and I just simply forget about jt. It fucking sucks but I have a feeling after this podcast goes live it'll hit me for real, and its gonna hurt like a mother fucker.
Honestly, it hasn't really hit me yet. It's still just text on a screen to me.
Thats normal though, when my grandfather died a few months ago it took 2 full weeks to hit me, it barely phased me at all, then one night it suddenly hit me, HARD.
Granted i didn't know Ryan so i dont expect my reaction to be as severe, but still. It's still hard to conceive at the moment.
The problem for me is that there is no one I can really talk to (irl), if I started to explain who Ryan Davis was and how I knew him they would probably look at me as if I just stepped out of some spaceship, and that probably doesn't help, so there is nowhere for me to really vent.
@simplexity: Duder, I know I've never spoken to you before, and for all you know I could be an elaborate spambot trying to sell you ch33p h3rb@l #ci@lis, but if you need to vent, hit me up. I'm sorta experienced in grief counseling
@simplexity: Duder, I know I've never spoken to you before, and for all you know I could be an elaborate spambot trying to sell you ch33p h3rb@l #ci@lis, but if you need to vent, hit me up. I'm sorta experienced in grief counseling
I appreciate it, I really do. But I feel like I need to talk to someone face to face about this, it probably makes it more real.
@simplexity: Hey, I understand. Trust me, if you have friends or family who care, they will understand as well. I mean, look at how some people are when a celebrity passes. This isn't any different, so don't feel weird that you have the feelings you have.
It probably won't sink in for me until the gang starts to do content with some regularity again. Like, I'm going to think I'm over it and then they'll be doing GOTY stuff and Ryan's list will be missing, and I'll just start bawling.
It's just so... unreal. And it's so easy for me to make myself forget it ever happened, until I'm quickly reminded again. The time in between I play a new episode for my latest TANG marathon is just enough for me to remember that he's gone, and every time it's like a quick splash of freezing cold water before I sink back into blissful ignorance with the next episode.
It probably won't sink in for me until the gang starts to do content with some regularity again. Like, I'm going to think I'm over it and then they'll be doing GOTY stuff and Ryan's list will be missing, and I'll just start bawling.
All I'm gonna say is, my best of 2013: Ryan Davis.
@simplexity: I'm in the same boat. I wish i knew one person irl to whom this means as much. How do you examine something like this? How do you convey that this guy from the Internet was so much more than just some guy from the Internet?
I'm in the same situation. I'm listening to some old bombcasts and just forget about it, then it pops into my head once into a while and I'm just like "dude....what? No way."
Yea I was just thinking how GOTY is going to break my heart all over again for some reason. I've listened to those episodes several times and just love the whole crews interaction.
Also, nearing the end of the Far Cry TANG episode... well... ='(
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So weird considering it's of course a joke made at the expense of how terrible Uwe Boll's movies are... only for it to now turn into the mother of all tear jerkers.
I grew up with religion and still consider it the forefront of my life, but if I were asked as I continue asking myself how a merciful god allows this to happen, I simply don't have an answer. I am not saying that to start a religious debate I just think we are all looking for answers right now. This is just gonna take time to sink in, I know I have been hoping to stumble on that one message in the boards that would seem to give peace to this whole situation but that's just not how life is. As hard as it is for me I know those closer to Ryan feel worse. I hate feeling sorry for myself when it seems misplaced to debate on if I have earned the right to care this much. So yea I am pretty much swinging around emotionally like a broken record while another day sets and we take another step to working through this.
I know he's dead, I saw the article soon after it was posted and could not fucking believe what I was reading and for a short while hoped it was some sort of sick joke but quickly realised it was the truth. I had a fairly large sob at my computer later that evening as it sunk in but its still taken up till now for it to really hit me - I keep coming back to it in my head like its something I dreamed and I realise all over again that this is real and Ryan is gone and it's still something I can barely get my head around it just seems like something that shouldn't be possible.
I think the bombcast has really brought it home for me, hearing all the GB crew talk so fondly of Ryan and their time with him and having them all get emotional at the end almost had me in tears again on the bus - I think now I've come to accept it, just about, maybe.
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