Internet Shaming Confessionals and Apologies

Deal with it.

The infamous words that sparked the fires of the enormous backlash for the Xbox One launch. Spoken by Adam Orth over Twitter in what he perceived as a private conversation with a colleague, these words would change his life and turn thousands of rabid gamers into bloodthirsty animals. Myself included. I was furious and I made sure that the world knew it. It hinted at the direction that Microsoft was planning to take their new console in and I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that I was appalled at the lack of respect.

In the end the outcry actually brought about consumer friendly changes to the policies and hardware but I now feel that what I did was wrong. A man lost his job and was verbally harassed for months. His family was uprooted and forced to move. He will, forever, have this incident directly associated with his name. I helped bring him to his knees and participated in the cacophonous ridicule just because he was rude and close-minded. And I feel terrible about it.

It's good to voice your opinion. Whether it be to large corporations who want to turn you into an ATM, governments who care about lining the pockets of the wealthy, or individuals and groups you disagree with politically. You have the right to speak your mind and it's very important on an individual level to stand up for what you believe in. It will help shape who you are. I had every right to say what I did about Adam Orth and Don Mattrick and Yusuf Medhi but I now know that what I did was wrong. It's one thing to voice my opinion and it's another to join a mob. It didn't feel like it at the time. I thought I was being just. I thought I was fighting for the common people that were being left in the dust. In a sense I was, and then it all kept going and turned into something sinister. I was fueling my hatred and anger and focusing it at individuals who were already getting it from every direction. Spewing it out into a world that just doesn't need that garbage right now.

So, here and now, I would like to admit that I was wrong to participate in the dogpile and publicly apologize to Adam Orth, Don Mattrick, and Yusuf Medhi. I was being cruel. I still feel that what they did was wrong but I know that in the end I was also wrong. I can empathize with them for walking into an absolutely grotesque onslaught of hyper focused hatred coming from everywhere across the world. Hatred not necessarily for them, but for what they represented at the time. I can't imagine being in their shoes. I'm extremely sorry and all I wish to them is love and forgiveness.

I'm afraid to look further into myself because I have ridiculed many others. Mark Zuckerberg, Eric Schmidt, Tom Wheeler, James Clapper, Keith Alexander, and Leigh Alexander are some off the top of my head. A lot more as well. I'm sorry to everyone. Please forgive me if I'm been a part of anything that caused you pain. I wish you nothing but love now. I will do my best to improve my attitude towards those that I disagree with because hating or shaming them won't bring any positive change or civil discourse.

Please, in this thread, feel free to apologize to anyone that you might have personally shamed, publicly shamed, or even just offended. Whether it be Anita Sarkeesian, Phil Fish, Justin Beiber, Kim Kardashian, Caitlyn Jenner, Kanye West, George Bush, Monica Lewinsky, Brittany Spears, etc. If not for them, than for yourself. Holding those kinds of feelings just brings about more stress and anger. It's good to release it and let it go.

Don't try to destroy what you hate, fill the world with love instead.

Not to take away from the sentiment of this post, but is there some means through which you could apologize to Mr. Orth directly?

Apologizing to him on the GB forums is a nice but ultimately empty gesture. Or perhaps just be more accurate and frame this thread as a confessional rather than an apology.

MS fired Orth over his comments due to the backlash from gamers. Guess he could by an Xbox: One and a copy of ADR1FT as an apology.

On a podcast he told the story of how he came up with Adr1ft and he is still not over being fired by MS, being a creative director at MS seems like a pretty hard job to get over. I mostly stay away from game news now because of i guess gamers would be the correct term here. They just seem like the hardest group of people to please, take offense to the slightest offence and never forget it even when it's corrected.

It was hypocritical bullshit to fire him, and then continue with the exact same awful plan. He should never have had to die on that sword, and it was wrong of MS to force him to do so. Was "Deal with it" honestly much more insulting than "[if you don't like our always online DRM garbage] we have console for you, it's called an Xbox One"? That still sounds an awful lot like "deal with it" to me.

Looking back, that guy really did get a raw deal. :(

I'm sure there is. I don't use Twitter. I'll apologize directly somehow. It's more a confession of guilt. The apology is just part of the confession. It's an exercise in compassion and I don't want this thread to be about anyone specifically, I just wanted to start. This thread is meant to be a safe place for people who feel bad about something to vent and get it off their chests.

As a little aside to the sentiment, I'd like to share a perspective.

When disagreements happen, especially on the internet where we're mostly faceless, it's all too easy to reduce a human being to the embodiment of we find disagreeable. What someone says and even does, is still separate from who they are. I don't disagree with people, I disagree with ideas they may have. I don't hate people, I hate sentiments that are harmful and lead to violence.

For example, I think Anita frames her arguments in a dishonest and destructive way that leads to more harm than good. But I have absolutely no problem with Ms. Sarkeesian herself. Firstly, I don't know her and probably never will, so to make any character judgments would be idiotic. But moreover, she's just a person like me and everybody else. She has her thoughts, and I have mine. And while I will always try to voice what I think is right, and challenge what I think is wrong, none of that ever has to do with who she is as a person.

It's inherently human to be tribal. MS vs. Sony, East vs. West, America vs. whoever, it unfortunately comes naturally to all of us. So when we encounter an idea we don't like, it's exceedingly easy to categorize a human being as "the enemy". SJWs vs. GamerGaters, all. But if we can only remember that crucial distinction, that people are distinct separate beings from their ideas, we can productively engage with those who feel differently than us, while still increasing unity as a whole.

Enter into every interaction with love and respect, and you can't go wrong.

The funniest thing about the always online backlash is that we are living that reality as we speak. So many games have online integration these days that in retrospect it seems like a really petty thing to get so worked up about.

I don't believe in, understand, or accept the concept of "shaming". It's absurd.

The main problem with it, is that it's an outward social manifestation of our culture's over-the-top self-centeredness.

"If someone says something negative toward you, it's not because they are mad at you. It's not because they don't like you. It's not because they disagree with you. It must be because they want you to feel bad and "ashamed" about yourself." I mean... what? Get over yourself, fictional person I am talking to. A person who says negative things about you isn't doing it because they want you to feel badly about yourself. The truth is, they DON'T CARE how you feel. That's rather the whole point. Out of sheer mean-ness, or because they so strongly believe in their point of view, they feel the need to express themselves. IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.

This ridiculous and absurd concept of "shaming" grew out of feminist circles. I used to consider myself a feminist or femanist ally. But after this year... no more. Their whole ideology has gotten so grotesque and bizarre that I don't affiliate with it anymore at all.

Half naked lady walking in public? PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. I'm not "shaming" you. I don't CARE if you feel ashamed or not. Your being ashamed is completely irrelevant to me. I simply do NOT want to see your half naked body in public the same as YOU don't want to see guys with pants around their ankles. We're trying to have a freaking society here.

@bananasfoster: Shame is a feeling that, when you experience it, is meant to help you course correct. People organically feel shame when they don't perform to their best abilities. It isn't even just relegated to people, animals feel it too. Like when a dog pees on the carpet and they get scolded, they will tuck their tail between their legs and drop their ears because they did something bad and they're ashamed. I don't think it's a cultural thing at all. It's an emotion.

the reason he got fired was the backlash, i'm sure MS wouldn't have fired him until gamers decided to crucify him. It wasn't what he said it was the backlash from what he said that got him fired. Also not really hypocritical since they didn't continue with the plan after they fired him, they changed pretty much everything everyone was angry about.

I was very against the original vision for the XboxOne. I wrote an email to MS's board to let them know I was buying a PS4 instead and moved on. They've since made the x1 a fairly attractive package to play Halo on and I've since bought one.

Did you by any chance read Jon Ronson's new book?

Woah woah woah woah. If anyone in my industry responded to legitimate customer concerns (or frankly, even if they responded that way to completely ridiculous and irrational customer concerns) with the words "deal with it", they would be fired on the spot. Your customers are the only reason that you have a salary. Fuck that guy. I hope he learned his lesson.

And I'm not saying you were right either. I don't know enough about what you did or said to contribute to the vitriol, but I'm more responding to the people who making making Orth out to be some victim because he was fired for responding rudely to customers. That is absurd. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Period.

I don't understant what did you wrong that you regret so, being mad on a forum isn't that bad. MS pushed Orth out the door not you, as a consumer you had every right to be unhappy.

http://www.theverge.com/2013/4/5/4185938/adam-orth-speaks-on-required-internet-connection-for-durango-rumors

"Sorry, I don't get the drama over having an "always on" console," he said, before adding a #dealwithit hashtag.

The press didn't help pouring fuel on the fire and publishing the private tweets a shit storm was guaranteed, then the hypocrisy in shaming the audience after the fact.

http://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/2014-03-20-adam-orth-internet-toxicity-has-been-chilling

Adam Orth: Internet toxicity has been "chilling" for industry

@c418

I would like to apologize to Daniel Rosenfeld, better known as C418. During the release of Fez, he wrote this review.

http://www.giantbomb.com/fez/3030-24768/user-reviews/2200-22770

Before it was posted to Giant Bomb, I read the exact same review on his personal blog. At the time, I thought I was being clever and made a snide remark regarding his review. I felt like because it came from his blog, he shouldn't of posted the review here. For whatever reason that day, I took my anger out on him. Every time I think of Fez, Phil Fish or Minecraft, I think of that remark I made. To this day I am embarrassed I made that remark and would publicly and personally like to apologize to C418.

During the pregnancy of our first child, I cannot tell you how many times I played Minecraft while my spouse lied next to me, listening to the soothing sounds of a pickax destroying blocks, and your music. To this day, I still regarding the soundtrack you creating for Minecraft to be one of the best soundtracks in Video Games. So again, Daniel Rosenfeld (C418), I apologize sincerely and honestly for silly remark I made.

I agree. And a lot of their features seemed to be very progressive and headed in a cool direction where digital games start to get more and more of the conveniences and perks that have been neglected as digital sales have gotten to become a bigger and bigger deal. It was a good starting point that they could've expanded on.

@bananasfoster: I had never seen the word "shaming" being applied so broadly until recently, so I'm lead to (mostly) agree with you. It's a very easy word to use and it's capable of discrediting just about every one of your opponents you come across and it can be used in pretty much any/every situation. It's a big euphemism, one that I'm not entirely comfortable with. It enables people to conveniently dodge away from criticism or arguments at any moment and paints the opposite person as some sort of oppressor or evildoer when this generally isn't the case at all. The vast, vast majority of people on the internet don't actually care about you as a person or your feelings - they tend to just disagree with your opinions. Taking every criticism on a personal level and then processing it into "I'm being shamed" is a seriously disconcerting symptom of narcissism. It's the same reason why nobody can take a joke nowadays (Troy Baker's recent joke is an example). People need to learn that they're not that special after all, and not everybody is out to get them.

I think it's important to address mob mentality on the internet. I think it's important to encourage people not to be total dicks on the internet. Portraying these people as "shaming" others isn't the way to do it.

I'm pretty sure he was fired long before MS announced that they were changing their always online plans, which is why I view it as hypocritical.

While I fully agree with not biting the hand that feeds, he was originally talking to a friend over twitter, but wasn't using private tweets. That changes things somewhat, and I do feel a bit sorry for the guy losing his job like that, at least looking back. Then again, internet mob or no, he probably stepped far too close to breaking the NDA I'm sure he was under. He certainly tipped Microsoft's hand when it came to their always online plans, so he arguably should have been fired for that.

Did he ever apologize, though? What was his side of the story? One thing I especially dislike about this modern internet call-out culture is when an apology does come, and people venomously reject it so they can continue looking down their noses at the "bad person." I still remember reading NeoGAF during a Penny Arcade controversy, and feeling sickened by all the self-righteous posts that gleefully, figuratively spat in the face of someone who was trying to say that they were sorry, and who fully admitted that they were wrong.

And that's when an explanation or apology is even known about in the first place. Many times, no one ever bothers to report the other side of the story, which is something I truly despise from most modern journalism, much less just gaming journalism.

It's sad to see people who are supposedly against online bullying give in to the demands of online bullies.

@artisanbreads: None MS policies were progressive and were so convoluted GB couldn't work them out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk3z8rKjpkg

If you want a digital future just buy digital you don't need a online check with a restriction on used games for that, EU digital prices are crazy.

http://www.gamesradar.com/Dying-Light-proves-physical-media-is-still-alive/

@mattwrafter:Not yet. But I'm aware of it and I watched his TEDTalk as well as Monica Lewinsky's and think they're on the cutting edge of pushing for civil discourse online. It's basically what inspired me to write my confession.

@doublespy: thanks for sharing. I'm a huge fan of C418.

Does anyone else have any confessions about how they handle themselves online? This thread could be about so much more than the Xbox One launch. Anyone at all? Maybe how you handled yourself during gamergate? Whether you were on either side there was a lot of anger being thrown around. It could be nice to try to get that behind you. This includes more than death threats. It's easy to gang up on those you believe were wrong. We'll have an easier time getting past hate if we try to rise above it and be the first to offer forgiveness and understanding of the whole picture.

That video was after they changed their policy, due to backlash.

The original, "you have to be connected to the internet" plan was quite simple to figure out. There was a little confusion at first but that always expected since reveals are just massive info dumps and there is a lot of info to go through.

Fuck him. His comment betrayed a shocking lack of concern for his customers - the people literally responsible for feeding him. It was almost comically, Snidely-Whiplash-twirling-his-mustache evil. He deserved everything he got. I'm sure dude's not exactly out living on the streets nowadays anyway.

I've no apologies to make. Everyone I've intentionally and unintentionally offended over the years deserved what they got. :-D

@zombie2011: Not true at all pure revisionism, MS reveal their console on 21st May 2013 the reaction.

http://kotaku.com/that-xbox-one-reveal-sure-was-a-disaster-huh-509192266

Yet when the questions started coming in about used games, about forced connectivity, about word that you can't even lend games to a friend, Microsoft reps went to pieces. Twitter accounts contradicted executive statements.

http://www.theverge.com/2013/5/21/4352596/the-xbox-one-is-always-listening

The Xbox One will always be listening to you, in your own home.

After 2 weeks of rampant speculation later on 6th June 2013 xbox wire posted the first concrete info on how the system would work a week before E3. X1 had to have a always-on connect, a license was needed to trade used games, and kinect was always-on and listening.

http://news.xbox.com/2013/06/connected

http://news.xbox.com/2013/06/license

http://news.xbox.com/2013/06/privacy

The GB reaction video was posted on the same day.

http://www.giantbomb.com/videos/an-xbox-one-drm-breakdown/2300-7459/

You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry to have been somewhat contributing to the derail. I definitely have some things to say in this area, but I'll have to post them when I have more time. Hopefully some others can continue the thread with its original purpose in mind until then.

Anyone else remember.. I think it was "@alexglass", a user who came into the Giant Bomb forums pre-Xbone release and ranted and raved about how great it was going to be? He also made vague excuses about how always online and no used games was a good thing for the consumer. He was one of the most prolific posters here for about a month or two. Then, he completely disappeared right after it was released and hasn't been back since. A bunch of posters here called him on that shit and he denied it every time.

I overreacted to the Mass Effect 3 ending thing. I never threatened anyone, never called a developer a name, or demand they change it. But I still bitched about it, loudly, and contributed to blowing the situation way out of proportion. And that's the important word here, proportion. When everyone has a voice, and a right to use it, what should be a conversation at room volume, becomes a deafening cacaphony of voices, screaming, often at a single target who they feel has wronged them. And when they have no-one elected to speak for them, they all do, and the proportionality is thrown out of whack.

I make a conscious effort now, to not dog pile on someone, not to be part of the choir of screams that can ruin someone's life. No matter how much I feel like saying something.

Yep, the ME3 controversy was another one. I actually was on the defense for that game. I didn't like the ending but I thought a lot of the complaints were stifling artistic freedom, even the freedom to mess up is a valuable thing. But, if I look back on my own contribution I'm still not completely proud of how I defended it. And the things I remember people saying to each other were vicious.

Whenever one of those types of events starts I feel like it's so easy to get sucked into them. It's consuming like a drug or an addiction.

I appreciate the sincerity of this post and would include myself among others who failed to take higher or better roads in the past. While I've never been overly harsh to many of the specific people you mentioned, I have attacked their attackers or defended them, etc all in the same mess of arguments, and that shit wasn't right.

I strive for better, this is a great thread to remind me of that.

This is an area where we can all probably do better if we're being honest with ourselves. It's really nice to see some introspection, @spraynardtatum. I feel like most people never take a hard look in the mirror, so kudos for doing that and taking it a step further by publicly admitting it. I'm sure I've got a much longer list that I've mostly forgotten, but the one I can recall here was a rant against the non-premium members that was definitely over-the-top asshole. I basically tried to look down on others, and that's a pretty fucked up thing to do in just about any situation. I regret it, and I'd like to apologize to the board for that one. I was out of line.

Regarding "shaming" as a concept, it's a sadly very real phenomenon which the internet, social media, and media has exacerbated. I don't think anyone who says/does deplorable things should be able to hide behind perceived or actual shaming as a basis for defending their own actions that brought on derision in the first place, but watching someone get absolutely torn to shreds by the mob is brutal. Often, the response is far more horrible, and it seems like anything, no matter how awful, is fair game. It's "open season" if the collective takes issue with someone, and that's frightening. Virtual crucifixions are not okay.

I know it's been mentioned already, but Jon Ronson's TED talk really is fantastic. Highly recommended on the subject. I feel like we're far too simplistic with this stuff. Person said bad thing? CRITICIZE and say equally bad/worse thing. Do we really have to be this bloodthirsty? If we were as quick-triggered with positive thoughts, the world would be a far better place. It starts on an individual level, and this thread is thus very welcome, and will be a resounding success if it simply makes someone think twice the next time they want to post something overly negative about others. Let's all try to do that.

You're a child. Or you've got an unbearably childish attitude. Hopefully you look back, years down the line, and come across this comment, and thank everything and everyone around you for inciting a change in your outlook, and decide to start contributing in a positive way to the communities you're a part of.

What part of my comment made you think I'm a child? I stand by the first, and as it turns out, Adam Orth is running an Indie game company and says the past two years since the disaster were the best of his life. He "lost weight, recommitted himself to his family and moved to southern California and started a game company". Did he not deserve what he got?

My second comment was very much tongue-in-cheek. I know it's hard to tell these things on the Internet, but I thought the stupid smiley face at the end made it pretty clear.

Childish is expecting others to behave in the manner you deem acceptable.

I didn't realize it was tongue in cheek. I've met a lot of people who genuinely want nothing but the worst for the people who they disagree with, and it actually do it with a smile. Sorry, because I actually did think you were being a childish dipshit. I also didn't realize that dude has been pretty happy, since he isn't one of the people I follow very closely day-to-day. So it's good to know that you aren't actually a monster. At least, not entirely.

I don't expect people to behave in a manner I "deem acceptable," by the way, unless it's childish to expect people to treat one another with decency and respect. So long as people aren't being malicious, I don't mind how they live their lives.