My gaming prostate defiled! It's...e3 2009!

Greetings, GB dwellers and social people alike. I hope e3 is being as rhapsodic to you as it is to me, in fact I love e3 almost as much as Christmas, it is like rolling over a rock and finding something loathsome beneath, such have been the cackling idiocies I have contended with for the past few years. Each conference is like a present under the tree (albeit Sony's this year was akin to a big present scraped enough to see through) and I watch them like a fiendish nipper eager to climax or vitiate each suprise that is shown, while looking at the incessant gnarling via ardent verbicide on the forums. A magestic time indeed.

Being a handheld fanatic (and truly ecstatic), I have been delighted by the suprises Sony and Nintendo revealed upon us.

First of all, Resident Evil Portable. A portable Resident Evil with zombies on the cover is one of those revelations that hits my G-Spot, making the pinball machine in my head energize vehemently whilst keeping track of the conference, eating my sandwhich, drinking my Zero Coke AND ignoring the fanboys.

Second, Golden Sun DS. After 6 years of agonizing coma, Golden Sun returns. Golden Sun is a game I've wanted to play for a while and I didn't want to spoil the experience in an emulator but finding the cartridge has been a difficult endeavour. If it's a separate story (most likely, as the characters are descendant leftovers of unseen relationships with the original protagonists), I might buy it first. It's not as impactful technically for the DS as its predecessors have been for the GBA (you shall not be forgotten) but hey, it's Golden Sun and most fans will swallow it all with a smile.

Third, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. Yet another series I have been unfortunate (or downright obtuse) to have not played. Getting the original GBA game would be nice but the stories seem independent, thus aiding me in entering this series.

Fourth, The Legend Of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Having seen and read more about this game, it's what I wanted: more Zelda. Even if it's Zelda for dummies, I still like because the overworld isn't terribly enormous like Twilight Princess' and it will surely have humour to freshen it up.

On the home side of things, Super Mario Galaxy 2 and New Super Mario Bros. Wii were the highlights of the languid and mainstream-aimed Nintendo conference, heightening my  prostate stimulus. I do wish some more games were shown like Cosmic Walker but Dead Space: Extraction and Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles had me satisfied enough to overlook the rather blatant sell-out of Nintendo. As long as I get my core games, I really don't give a crawling fuck as to what they do, although I wish we had the esoteric gaming cult back.

Conference needling and puffing aside, PSP Go, aside from being as exciting as masturbating with a boxing glove, as made me think to make the shift to download only. UMDs are not ideal for the abuse I bequeath on them and being a battery cruncher and everything, I rather have them and the PsOne classics digitally where I can access them easily and for extended periods of time. I hope Nintendo makes the shift in the future, because having already lost Animal Crossing: Wild World and The Legend Of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, I wish those tiny cartridges would just disappear, they are just prone to being lost in sofa cracks and private cavities.

Scrambling in videogame ecstasy, I leave now.

Greetings, GB dwellers and social people alike. I hope e3 is being as rhapsodic to you as it is to me, in fact I love e3 almost as much as Christmas, it is like rolling over a rock and finding something loathsome beneath, such have been the cackling idiocies I have contended with for the past few years. Each conference is like a present under the tree (albeit Sony's this year was akin to a big present scraped enough to see through) and I watch them like a fiendish nipper eager to climax or vitiate each suprise that is shown, while looking at the incessant gnarling via ardent verbicide on the forums. A magestic time indeed.

Being a handheld fanatic (and truly ecstatic), I have been delighted by the suprises Sony and Nintendo revealed upon us.

First of all, Resident Evil Portable. A portable Resident Evil with zombies on the cover is one of those revelations that hits my G-Spot, making the pinball machine in my head energize vehemently whilst keeping track of the conference, eating my sandwhich, drinking my Zero Coke AND ignoring the fanboys.

Second, Golden Sun DS. After 6 years of agonizing coma, Golden Sun returns. Golden Sun is a game I've wanted to play for a while and I didn't want to spoil the experience in an emulator but finding the cartridge has been a difficult endeavour. If it's a separate story (most likely, as the characters are descendant leftovers of unseen relationships with the original protagonists), I might buy it first. It's not as impactful technically for the DS as its predecessors have been for the GBA (you shall not be forgotten) but hey, it's Golden Sun and most fans will swallow it all with a smile.

Third, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. Yet another series I have been unfortunate (or downright obtuse) to have not played. Getting the original GBA game would be nice but the stories seem independent, thus aiding me in entering this series.

Fourth, The Legend Of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Having seen and read more about this game, it's what I wanted: more Zelda. Even if it's Zelda for dummies, I still like because the overworld isn't terribly enormous like Twilight Princess' and it will surely have humour to freshen it up.

On the home side of things, Super Mario Galaxy 2 and New Super Mario Bros. Wii were the highlights of the languid and mainstream-aimed Nintendo conference, heightening my  prostate stimulus. I do wish some more games were shown like Cosmic Walker but Dead Space: Extraction and Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles had me satisfied enough to overlook the rather blatant sell-out of Nintendo. As long as I get my core games, I really don't give a crawling fuck as to what they do, although I wish we had the esoteric gaming cult back.

Conference needling and puffing aside, PSP Go, aside from being as exciting as masturbating with a boxing glove, as made me think to make the shift to download only. UMDs are not ideal for the abuse I bequeath on them and being a battery cruncher and everything, I rather have them and the PsOne classics digitally where I can access them easily and for extended periods of time. I hope Nintendo makes the shift in the future, because having already lost Animal Crossing: Wild World and The Legend Of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, I wish those tiny cartridges would just disappear, they are just prone to being lost in sofa cracks and private cavities.

Scrambling in videogame ecstasy, I leave now.

You are very articulate with words.