Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Cogs

(It could've been worse.) I could've called this the Cog Blog, you know. But I didn't. Be thankful for my infinite mercy. Oddly enough, you will never hear these words coming from Cogs, mainly because its mercy is very finite and used up very, very quickly. Play it for long enough (like, say, into a single puzzle), and it's going to mock you for your utter lack of intelligence. Maybe I utterly hate myself, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

In fact, I have no choice but to go with the self-hatred, given what's going on in this game. "What are you talking about", you say as you've clearly hijacked my blog. "Penis penis penis penis." Well, that was certainly mature of you, but I get what you're saying. What about living in a cuckoo clock could make you loathe yourself so? I've news for you: that wonderful mechanical aesthetic? It's all a front for some Saw-ass shit. And I mean that quite literally. Each of these puzzles has you crafting what you believe to be the tools to your freedom, but turn out to be the instruments of your demise. That music box, for instance? Turns out that tune sets off a bomb attached to your jaw that goes off at juuust the right frequency. Those stars aren't a mere reward for doing so well, but what you see as you ascend to the heavens. Or something like that. I don't know; there's no real explicit plot, and Dear Esther has taught me to over-analyze the fuck out of everything.

Steampunk ninja: ultimate badass, or silliest thing in the universe?

Good thing, too, given what type of game this is. It's a puzzle game where you rotate things until you're told to stop rotating things. But to be fair, there's more to Cogs than simply shuffling pieces about.....OK, there isn't, but there's a very good reason for that. It manages to get a lot out of simply rotating shit around. Balloons, music, steam, and everything else that can kill you horribly! Assuming, of course, that you actually manage to solve some of these puzzles, because they can be immensely difficult. So difficult, in fact, that I could only describe them using a word that had "MENSA" in it, if you careful readers picked up on that. (My own idiocy certainly wasn't helping.) I'm fine with it, though. They're nothing more than logic puzzles, so working them out on your own after hours of careful thought turns you into the Supreme Logic Master of the Cosmos....Or at least that's how it's gonna make you feel. The only exception would be puzzles that require you to flip the board around, which are less challenging fun and more mean-spirited taunts.

But on that note, the game could still use a bit of minor polishing to appease the over-analyzing dicks it creates. Control could use some refining oddly enough. I'm aware of how strange it is for a game to fuck up clicking around, but that's not the issue. Instead, the game doesn't teach you certain techniques that are absolutely necessary to solving these puzzles. I know that sounds like pointless whining, but given how often you find yourself trying to figure out these techniques, you'd think the game would inform you in some capacity as to how to perform them. Doesn't happen, though. I also wish you had the ability to undo moves in case you've fucked up. I'm aware of stars you get for finishing a puzzle in a certain number of moves, but the time stars are there to balance things out just fine. Even if that's not the case, you could still limit how many undos you get in one puzzle, somehow. Unfortunately, you'll never get to undo your mistakes. You must live with them for the rest of your bleak existence....Wow, what a mean way to end this blog. Maybe I should end it by praising the puzzle design or something like that?.....Nah. Enjoy your nihilistic decline, folks!

Review Synopsis

  • It's a well built puzzle game. That's really all I need to say about it.

Man, that game would've been so much easier if I was an Airbender. And if I could've told it to suck my dick.

The Jetsons: Cogswell's Caper

(Wait, I've already done that.)

Money Puzzle Exchanger

(That's better.) I'm guessing. Reading over my blog for it that I'm certainly not linking you to, turns out Cogswell's Caper was actually an OK game. Who knew? Anyway, Money Puzzle Exchanger. You have to exchange money in this puzzle game. I'd say more, but that's really all there is to it. Throw in some anime girls and me flailing about, hoping I'll actually get good at it, and you have the Money Puzzle Exchanger experience.

But let's pretend that this is a regular blog, for humor's sake. That means starting off with the story, which is...anime catgirls running past sunsets. Joy. Sadly, that's pretty much the entire game's aesthetic: animes and cute. Normally, I wouldn't be complaining about something this small, but it's really in your face about it. There's literally nowhere you can look in this game that isn't just utterly saturated with cute anime girls given vaguely money related names. (And a guy.) I mean, if you enjoy this type of thing, all the more power to you, but even for someone like me (meeeeee), this was too much.

An insult to lesbians.

I'd say that fortunately, the gameplay's here to make up for that, but it's just so hard to focus on that when you have the entire Sailor Bleach Evangelion cast breathing down your neck. But gameplay I shall focus on! You start things off by choosing from one of two entirely identical characters you'll never get a good look at, making you wonder why you'd ever bother. And then you get into things, and find out that it's just like every oth-OK, time to stop being so damn dismissive. Somehow, this game manages to be both relaxing and fast-paced. You're just matching up moneys into groups of two or five, but man, there can be a rhythm to it. It's the type of oddly satisfying thing where you can't enjoy all those cools moves you're pulling because that would leave less time to perform other cool moves. And then you execute a combo, watching your pair of anime tits become SHIVA, LORD OF ALL DESTRUCTION! ALL SHALL BE DESTROYED IN MY W-

Wait, I got that mixed up: turns out the other anime was Shiva. And so my ass has been kicked, an experience repeated many times over the course of Money Puzzle Exchanger. (Man, it sure is surprising how well this game conforms to Hindu lore.) This game does not fuck around. If you don't know what you're doing, this game is gonna chew you up and continue chewing you up, because it won't even allow you the satisfaction of a conclusion. You can avoid this by learning decent arrangements and speed the hell up, but the learning curve on this game sure is steep. It certainly doesn't help that the computer cheats on the later levels (there's no way they can move that fast without black magic). Look, do you want to have fun with this game? Get somebody else (preferably around your level) and pop it in for ten minutes of a quick match. That's what this game was made for. Anything except how I handled it. I mean, did you see all the irrelevant mythological references? DON'T END UP LIKE MEEEEEEE!!!!!

Review Synopsis

  • Words fail to describe how aggressively anime this thing is.
  • There's nothing more fun than moving between time.
  • Provided you can reach such a plane of existence.
  • Wait, did I just write the same blog twice in a row?
#1 Edited by me3639 (1853 posts) -

I played Cogs a while back and quit once it got into the Rubik's Cube puzzles. Fuuuuck. Agree its a solid tile-sliding game, looks great and is fun.....for a while.

I would recommend checking out Obulis. Its actually a cool marble type/ physics game that i found relaxing while sitting on the couch while watching Tv. Not brutally difficult except for a small handful of puzzles and worth the $2 price i got it for on Steam.

#2 Posted by ArbitraryWater (12123 posts) -

I think I got Cogs in one of those humble bundles I bought, and much like most of the things in the humble bundles I own, I have yet to play it and don't really intend to. Meanwhile, If I ever got a Neo Geo, I would most certainly play money puzzle exchanger, but this is all in the hypothetical future where I am rich and affluent enough to own a Neo Geo.

Tear Ring Saga. I dunno.

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#3 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@me3639 said:

Agree its a solid tile-sliding game, looks great and is fun.....for a while.

From what I remember, pretty much. It's better played in small chunks than all at once, since it can get frustrating otherwise, although I fear I'm just repeating what I said in the blog.

#4 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@arbitrarywater:

I hear ya on the Humble Bundle stuffs. There are just so many games I've gotten for free that I might not touch. Hammerfight or Atom Zombie Smasher, for example, although that's more because what I saw at first wasn't particularly good, and I'm a lazy bastard.

Tear Ring Saga. Do it. You know you want to.

#5 Posted by ArbitraryWater (12123 posts) -

@video_game_king: To be fair, I hear both of those games aren't so great. Also I am going through Tear Ring Saga and it continues to be super weird. Armored Arrow Shooters. Yay. Raffin is a monster.

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#6 Posted by Grimluck343 (1160 posts) -

That YouTube video is pretty fucking great.

#7 Posted by ImmortalSaiyan (4702 posts) -

I suppose I should check out that new airbender show, eh. I never cared for the bit of Avatar: The last airbender but maybe i'll like this new one.

#8 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@arbitrarywater:

Just wait until you see the ghost-puking dragon. Did I tell you there's a ghost-puking dragon?

@immortalsaiyan:

You probably should. It's pretty much The Dark Knight Rises, only with whatever the hell this is.

(Also, I wish PMs would function properly so I get alerted when you guys post on my blog. Or was that feature removed?)

#9 Posted by ImmortalSaiyan (4702 posts) -

@arbitrarywater:

Just wait until you see the ghost-puking dragon. Did I tell you there's a ghost-puking dragon?

@immortalsaiyan:

You probably should. It's pretty much The Dark Knight Rises, only with whatever the hell this is.

(Also, I wish PMs would function properly so I get alerted when you guys post on my blog. Or was that feature removed?)

I think I will. It seems neat. Where Airbender gave me a bad knock off shonen anime vibe. I assume the feature is still in there. Replys are just not working well. I had to come into this blog again to see you responded to me. The horror!

#10 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
#11 Posted by believer258 (12204 posts) -

@video_game_king: I think they removed the "alert me when someone posts on my blog" feature; I didn't get any messages for the three kind souls that posted on my blog Tuesday after realizing how no one else had done so.

#12 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@believer258:

Wait, seriously? Then what the hell's this topic-watching feature at the top of the page?

#13 Posted by Ravenlight (8011 posts) -

Fuck Cogs. I S-ranked that shit and fuck Cogs.

#14 Posted by RPGee (763 posts) -

Question: What's an ideal way for a modern man like myself to play Money Puzzle Exchanger? I'd like to try it sometime, but I've never bothered to look into what the best way to get it is. Or the easiest, I don't know.

#15 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@rpgee:

I have to imagine the PSN version. Availability trumps language concerns, at least in terms of an arcade puzzler you can figure out in a few minutes.

#16 Posted by Mento (2808 posts) -

@arbitrarywater: I believe Money Puzzle Exchanger is on PSN, or was last time I checked. If PSN ever had sales that were a little more enticing than "10% off to PS+ subscribers only", I'd keep an eye on it. I seem to remember some long ago TNT/Happy Hour where Ryan gushed about it for an hour.

Like yourself, I own a virtual copy of Cogs yet I've never played it. It didn't quite make it into May Madness of last year, but perhaps I'll throw it in with this year's lot. It always helps to have a few games on there that hate my guts. You know, for balance.

Moderator
#17 Edited by RPGee (763 posts) -

@video_game_king:

Is it on PSN? I swear I've looked for it in the past on there, and come up empty. Then again, I am in Australia, chances are there's some regional thing that means it doesn't turn up. I'll check again.

EDIT: Confirmed: Money Puzzle Exchanger is indeed not available in Australia. Fuck that noise.