The Epic Klepek Culinary Challenge!!! (Memberships Up for Grabs)

Gentle Bombsfolk, I come to you today to announce a contest... THE EPIC KLEPEK CHALLENGE (For those of you who didn't read the title). Now you may be wondering "Why should I care about this you jerk" to which I respond "Firstly you're the jerk, secondly THERE ARE TWO YEAR LONG PREMIUM SUBSCRIPTIONS UP FOR GRABS". Now that I have your attention here are the rules.

1. You must create a food or drink "worthy" of GiantBomb. This mean you must make something that in some ways pays tribute to the site, for example; you could go as easy as a Snack Packtrick Klepek (An open Snack Pack pudding) or as elaborate as a Porktirck Klepchop drizzled with some Ryan Davis Keyboard Gravy, and a side of Snider Sprouts (MAKE A DUMB GIANTBOMB RELATED PUN OR JOKE AS A NAME TO GO ALONG WITH YOUR FOODSTUFF.)

2. You must take a picture of the resulting abomination creation along with a piece of paper with your forum name, and the phrase I'm on TV. IF YOU DON"T INCLUDE THIS YOU WILL NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR A PRIZE.

3. DON'T BE A JERK, SERIOUSLY.

I will be awarding one of the prizes, and celebrity judge Patrick Klepek is also going to be awarding a prize. The contest is open from now until December 10th. so get to work.

LIKE THIS JOHNNY VIGNOC-TEA

This is weird, but cool?

Bookmarked thread. Prepare yourselves. Probably.

Are they going to prepare / eat this on a livestream? CBSi HR is going to love this.

Kleppin' your troubles away with the klepchop.

Hamburger sandwich.

I'll prepare a Salata Caravella with that extra ounce of Gerstmonnaise that is going to blow this board away.

Awesome. Got something in mind already.

The Chrono Crust Pie. It might be a Whopper Burrito in a Chicago-style pizza. Who can say.

@obcdexter said:

Gerstmonnaise

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

I'm not sure, but I think this might be the best forum thread ever made.

Best thread. Bookmarked.

Duders, despite durger duds' delicious design, don't devour dat, dingus.

While reading this I looked down to my cup of noodles and I decided they kind of look like Patrick's hair.

The Epic Klepek sounds like a sex move.

Mystery Food X

@Scrawnto said:

The Epic Klepek sounds like a sex move.

DO NOT TAKE A PHOTO OF THIS!!!!!

Alcobooze is welcome

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I'll see if I can concoct some suitable Giant Bomb themed cocktails. Alcohol counts, right?

Not going to enter but kudos on the idea, I look forward to seeing the results.

Introducing, the “Funky Barn Aftermath.”

After Jeff’s four-hour marathon of Funky Barn on the Wii U I think a dish needs to be named "The Funk Barn Aftermath"

I mean, really, how do you not have a delicious dish named after that disaster of a game?

Here it is, and I must say, it’s pretty good.

****I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.****

I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.

Ingredients:

12 boneless skinless chicken tits (err breasts) halves

2 (8 oz) cartons chive and onion cream cheese

12 slices of bacon

Instructions:

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Step 2: Spread 3 tablespoons of cream cheese over each chicken sweater bunny (err breast).

Step 3: Wrap with bacon

Step 4: Bake uncovered for 35-40 minutes (or until juices run clear, or the chicken jugs (breasts) reach 170 degrees Fahrenheit).

Step 5: Turn on the broiler and broil six inches from the heat for 5 minutes or until the bacon is crispy.

@l4wd0g: The name Funk Barn Aftermath made me think that you had somehow managed to recreate Jeff's slow descent into madness in food form.

@l4wd0g said:

****I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.****

Not following rule 2 makes sure you won't be, food looks good though.

Was going to make the "Horse Meat Rider", but have no idea how to procure any horse meat. Not around here, anyway.

I call it "Carbonated Giant bomb chiken avec ketchup".

@SmilingPig: But you're not on TV.

Disqualified.

"Snider" rhymes with "slider". I am just saying. "Carravella" already sounds like a food.
 
Someone please make something unapologetically debaucherous and call it "Deadly Premonition".

****Not associated with Jeff Gerstmann in anyway. Jeffy G being gangster and Denny's were the only way I could make it Giant Bomb related****

****Nor do I condone the abuse of alcohol or eating at anytime ever!****

3 AM Denny’s

What is more gangster than Jeffy G? If you’re thinking Denny’s at 3 AM, you’re right!

When you’re out at a club drinking and partying too hard, and you find yourself drunk and alone; if you’re like me, you’ll find your way to Denny’s. Maybe you’ll order a steak you can’t afford, but bought it anyway too make yourself feel better. Then you find yourself unable to eat the steak anyway because you’re crying to hard, and the fat, middle-aged, waitresses are laughing at you. You get a taxi home and you quote your favorite Mario quotes to yourself like, “It’s a me, Mario.” Those quotes don’t make you feel better and you go to bed. You wake up, swimming in your own vomit, with only ten minutes to be at your job at GameStop. The only thing you have to eat is your leftover steak that you didn’t refrigerate.

Then the Denny’s 3 AM is for you.

Turn that son of bitch, salty with your own tears steak into a delicious sandwich.

Cut that steak up, throw some mayonnaise on a fine slice of wheat bread, and fill it with yummy overly salted steak.

I thought of a pun, now I just need to figure out how to turn it into food.

Do drinks count? I'm not much of a cook but I can sure come up with a drink.

@JOURN3Y: YUP

GET THAT CHICKEN TO AN ICU!!!

Great. I just left town to go to a rural area. I can't just go pick up some Tostitos Scoops and energy drinks.

Edit: Doritos and Mountain Dew are probably easily accessible here though. Maybe I'll go make a Games Journalism.

Ryan Davis Keyboard Gravy

This reminds me of the Question of the Week where users invented an alcoholic drink for Giantbomb. Haha, good times!

My food looks terrible! I kind of don't want to post it...

How about a Ice cream Bombe of some sort?

You are offering a cooking challenge?

How do you know I'll just now be preparing it and not pulling one of the tons of photos I have on my Facebook since I cook all the goddamn time? O___o

@jakob187 said:

You are offering a cooking challenge?

How do you know I'll just now be preparing it and not pulling one of the tons of photos I have on my Facebook since I cook all the goddamn time? O___o

You need to post a photo that has your forum name and "I'm on TV." written on a piece of paper, next to your food.

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

I have a feeling that winning this thing would take spending an amount of cash greater than the membership cost.

@crusader8463 said:

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

We might as well end the challenge here! THIS IS GREAT.

Well here is mine!

So here we have mine! (It's terrible, I know...) We have a nice grilled sandwich made with LOVE. The sandwich is called the CHINA DONT CARE TO MAKE SUCH A DELICIOUS SANDWICH.

Here's a closeup HD shot!

We have some Grandpa Taswell's berries on the side. So yea, there's my entry!

Note: the ketchup was suppose to look like the giantbomb logo, but I failed...

Note2: There's a refreshing cup of water on the side! With a straw for your convience.

@SexyToad: Did you just toast your bread and put the stuff inside or is it grilled? The reason I ask is because I have tried many times to make what is essentially a grilled cheese with other things inside like ham and other meats, but I can never seem to keep it together. The cheese melts onto the topping it has right on top of it, but when I go to flip it always falls apart. Thought you might have a suggestion to help if you grilled it. My only work around thus far has been lots of cheese on both sides, but that just makes the whole thing pointless because the cheese over powers the other toppings.

@crusader8463: I grilled it. I usually butter up the bread so it won't stick at all. To flip I usually place a spatula underneath and place my hand on top, so it wouldn't fall apart. As long as it's not to thick, it shouldn't fall apart. Cheese is usually messy, so I add that halfway so it will melt quicker.

@crusader8463 said:

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

As of this posting this is a winning entry. Hopefully this will be some consolation, owner of a Sony handheld system

Bumping this for the weekend, COME ON PEOPLE FREE ACCESS TO PREMIUM VIDEOS UP FOR GRABS!!!

Yep

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

@ejiehi: So far there's only two eligible entries, @crusader8463 and mine, right?

@ejiehi: @SexyToad: NOOOO!!! Stop posting! The more you do the higher the chances that more people will see this and actually post something! I'm poor. I need this membership!

My wife is gone over the weekend which means I am able to use all my culinary might to do something special:

Vinny Caravella's Pile of Shame!

Gallery

It's half a baguette cut open filled with gyros and fries. Top with corn, beans, emmentaler and feta cheese. Melt it! I put some salad and onions on there because I'm not an animal. Eat with a can of tzaziki and ketchup. Bon appetit, you effers!

PS: I don't want the prize

Dave's "Holiday" Cider. Still need to think about the recipe.

@CoinMatze: man oh man, that looks good. The gyros really tie the whole dish together.

@CoinMatze: Sorry bro there's no other way to say it but that looks messy as hell. Not appetizing at all.