I started hormones today, somewhere around nine hours ago as I hit the "save your blog" button here and send this away to be forever etched into the colorful, soggy, tried-to-bleach-it-out-but-these-stains-aint-goin-nowhere history of the internet.
It's an interesting thing to change your life so completely, especially when change comes so quickly. I made the decision to transition on December 3, 2012 and now on September 3, 2013, I have finally begun the process of taking the medication I need to become somebody I can be happy with. I really only began the process of making it to this point on July 1, 2013. Two month is all it took to reach my goal. It seems silly that I stressed out about it for so long before deciding to take the plunge and see a therapist when I look back on it now but it's also a massive change. This is literally life changing, in a way that something big like finishing college or starting a new career can never be. I can go nowhere with one of those things, I can quit a job, but I will never be able to take back being a girly.
But a lot happened in those nine months. Tons of video games were released, many that I played, some that led to me making new friends or rekindling old friendships I thought were long over. I made new friends here on Giantbomb. New consoles were announced. I became so depressed over confusion and stress about my gender and the way I viewed myself and how everybody else treated me over it(they are finally starting to understand that I am serious, though!) that I felt the only option was to take my own life. I came reallll fuckin' close and the only thing that saved me was hesitation causing me to involuntarily stop what I was doing.
I wish I could say that I am genuinely happy now and it's all okay and my life is so much better, but really, not much has changed. Some of my friends are still toxic people that make me unhappy, a couple of people that I live with are still completely awful and seem to actively try to make me miserable... I wonder on a daily basis how many people give a shit about me and/or whether or not I'd REALLY be missed if I were gone. I am still very depressed, but I feel like that may not be the case for much longer. I've been completely over the moon all day. My life is changing. It's the first step on the road to something great. By the end of it I will have a new name, new gender, new sex, maybe a new home, maybe a new job, maybe new friends... I want my life to be something I can be happy with. And maybe, just hopefully, something I can be proud of.
So, uh... yeah. I kinda just wanted to tell the group of people that I've been sitting at the edges of trying to be a part of for years that I'm doing something huge! Follow your dreams or some shit!