The Giant Bomb Quoter

LIVELY!

@asian_pride, @MjHealy, @Sarumarine: Thank you for the awesome quotes, you guys are really bringing it! I've added everything, which was quite a bit!

@Sarumarine: That was quite the motherlode of quotes, there. The game concept is really interesting. I hope you don't mind that I grabbed all of the quotes. I'm liking the increasing representation of Brad, and the special appearances by other Whiskey Media members too!

"From the fine makers of 'cunt.'" - Vinny Caravella

is my favorite Bombcast quote.

Is "Cause I want to eat a shit steak for science!" in there?

@Video_Game_King: It is not, but it can be! Is that Jeff?

@MrLandmaster: Yeah, the game was that I provided the quotes there, and you had to guess what Quick Look they were from. But I'm glad you found my quotes useful!

EDIT: I got "There's nothing casual about it" followed by "It's a magical fucking hammer, dawg!"

I love this thing.

@MrLandmaster said:

Is that Jeff?

As Jeff would probably say, "Hell yea it is, motherfucker!"

@Video_Game_King: Excellent, added!

OK, I got the Pac Man cookie quote twice in a row. It's not even like there are enough quotes to cheese the RNG like that, so I'm really confused.

I love it.

@Video_Game_King: It's just a standard random number generator. A quote is picked at random from the collection each time, so there is a chance (however unlikely) that the same one can get picked again the next time. You can roll a 6 twice in a row when you roll a die. Think of this as a much, much larger die.

I'm already perfectly aware of the mechanics behind a random number generator (I am a Fire Emblem fan, after all). I'm just remarking on how strange that one occurrence was.

Also, does anybody feel like the quotes line up to tell some kind of story?

@MrLandmaster said:

@Video_Game_King: It's just a standard random number generator. A quote is picked at random from the collection each time, so there is a chance (however unlikely) that the same one can get picked again the next time. You can roll a 6 twice in a row when you roll a die. Think of this as a much, much larger die.

Isn't there a way you can optimize the algorithm so that it avoids repeating quotes?

The amount of Ryan Davis in these quotes is pleasing.

"Upstairs is where I grow all my fans." -Drew Scanlon

I guess it's a great thing that the first quote I saw was this:

"Cunt" - Vinny Caravella

Oh, goddamit.

This is grand.

@Snail said:

@MrLandmaster said:

@Video_Game_King: It's just a standard random number generator. A quote is picked at random from the collection each time, so there is a chance (however unlikely) that the same one can get picked again the next time. You can roll a 6 twice in a row when you roll a die. Think of this as a much, much larger die.

Isn't there a way you can optimize the algorithm so that it avoids repeating quotes?

Give or take a debug

This brings back the laughs.

"I'm an ice cream cone!" - Jeff Gerstmann

It's laugh out loud funny.

"We'll be doing the panty check and I'll know if you're unclean!" - Jeff

From the 3rd episode of the Persona 4 Endurance run

I'm trying to build a website in here! - Dave Snider

Now eject! - Vinny Caravella

Vinny, I'm gonna capture the shit outta you! - Ryan Davis

@Salarn said:

@Snail said:

@MrLandmaster said:

@Video_Game_King: It's just a standard random number generator. A quote is picked at random from the collection each time, so there is a chance (however unlikely) that the same one can get picked again the next time. You can roll a 6 twice in a row when you roll a die. Think of this as a much, much larger die.

Isn't there a way you can optimize the algorithm so that it avoids repeating quotes?

Column Head
var nSelectMax = quotes.length; function printQuote() { var randomQuote = Math.floor(Math.random() * nSelectMax); var quoteObject = quotes[randomQuote]; $("#quote").html(quoteObject.quote); $("#byline").html("- " + quoteObject.name); quotes[randomQuote] = quotes[nSelectMax]; quotes[nSelectMax] = quoteObject; if(randomQuote > 0) { --nSelectMax; } else { nSelectMax = quotes.length; } }

Give or take a debug

Oh man this is brilliant! Much more efficient than what I was going to do (I'm still new at this!).

The only problem it had was that nSelectMax was off by one in these two lines:

quotes[randomQuote] = quotes[nSelectMax];

quotes[nSelectMax] = quoteObject;

Anyway, I've updated the site so now there won't be any repeat quotes until you exhaust the list. Thanks, Salarn! :)

I don't know whether it's from hunger or what, but I'm like, cramping up from all these awesome quotes. So many fond memories, y'know? Good job, @MrLandmaster !

I rounded up a few, no idea if they've been mentioned, feel free to ignore them if they are.

"'Let's go to the Jack Spot.' No! No, thank you sir. Though, that probably says more about me than about the game." - Jeff in the NFS: Most Wanted QL

"I PUT BUCKET ON HEAD- WE GO! PROTECT ME FROM SPACE BULLETS!" - Jeff in the Story Time: Adventures QL

"This is happening. Now." Jeff in the Noby Noby Boy QL

"I dun wanna go to E3, there might be Lobtha Monstas dere" -Ryan in the 5/10/11 Bombcast

"You wanna see your fucking worst nightmares come to life in avatar form?" -Jeff in the 06-17-2011 Happy Hour

"N-word that I won't sayyyyy" -Vinny in an old I Love Mondays or something (Video Here)

"Post-Apocalyptic future? Man, you throw dark!" - Jeff in the Video Thing: It's a Website

"Do you know about Shin Megami Tensei games? Because I sure as hell don't!" -Jeff in the Video Thing: It's a Website

"I want googly eyes on my breakdancing Infamous 2 box!" -Ryan in the 06-17-2011 Happy Hour

"Oh God, now I have a truck." -Vinny in the 9/15/11 TNT

"Red Truck is better than Blue Truck." -Jeff in the 9/15/11 TNT

"I'll show you my Infinity Engine. It's out in the parking lot, spinnin' brodies around the block, bro." -Jeff in the Killzone 3 TNT

"It was a Whatchamacallit. Don't fuck around." -Ryan at the PAX Prime 2012 panel

"I'm into having sex. I ain't in to making love!" -Jeff from somwhere

"Mamma's chocolate pie, by the way, fucking sucks." -Jeff from the Motionsports QL

"I know if I were gonna fling shit at somebody, I would want to do the shitting part privately, and then step out with a hand fulla action." -Jeff in the 03-13-2012 podcast

And I could go on and on.

"That sounded to me like the Rock Band version of sucking your own dick"

- Brad Shoemaker.

Amazing job duder!

EDIT: Just got one from this week's TNT: "Get off my lawn and then come back with a copy of Quake 3, and if you say anything about Team Arena, I'm fucking kicking you back off the lawn." - Jeff Gerstmann

"Becuase the Dutch are cheap." - Ryan Davis P4 Endurance run

"I like bad Alucard cosplay." - Vinny Caravella P4 Endurance run

No problem. :) Some more quotes!

"Social Link with the Fox!? This is the greatest game ever made!" - Jeff Gerstmann P4 Endurance Run

"Nice foley work, Jeff." - Ryan Davis

"She (Diane Sawyer) touched my leg. I wore shorts on national television. And a FUBU jersey. Marking the moment in which...people stopped wearing FUBU..." - Jeff Gerstmann

"You're the worst people ever. I work with assholes." - Jeff Gerstmann, New Super Mario Bros. Wii Quick Look

"Skylanders is probably aimed at kids, but whatever. I am a legal adult who can drink, buy pornography, rent a car, and vote... and I think it's still pretty cool." - Jeff Gerstmann, Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure review headline.

"That guy is tripping balls." - Alex Navarro Test Drive Unlimited 2 Quick Look

"Listen to that guitar ripping. LISTEN TO THAT GUITAR RIPPING!" - Jeff Gerstmann Sonic CD Quick Look

@The_Hiro_Abides@Eviternal@michaeldim@RetroVirus@asian_pride You guys are amazing! Quotes have been updated.

Also, there still seem to be issues with quotes repeating... I will have to investigate further.

@MrLandmaster: Can you be more specific on what repeats people are seeing?

The amount of effort it would take to make it 'feel random' (i.e. perfect distributed and not random at all) is not really worth it. There is a 1 in nNumItems chance that on a loop an element would repeat, you could pre-shuffle the list and then iterate over it in a loop, you'd then get a great distribution but zero randomness after the first loop.

quotes[randomQuote] = quotes[nPick- 1];
quotes[nPick - 1] = pTemp;
}
}

var nIndex = 0;
function printQuote()
{
if(nIndex >= quotes.length)
{
nIndex = 0;
}
var quoteObject = quotes[nIdex++];
$("#quote").html(quoteObject.quote); $("#byline").html("- " + quoteObject.name);
}

If you want to create a feeling of 'random enough' where quotes don't repeat in a certain range, say no repeats within five printings

var randomQuote = Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length);
var quoteObject = quotes[randomQuote];

var quoteObject = quotes[nIdex++];
$("#quote").html(quoteObject.quote); $("#byline").html("- " + quoteObject.name);

quotes[randomQuote] = vExclusionList.pop();
vExcusionList.push(quoteObject);
}

Or you could just used the XKCD random number generator.

Of course, all of this is to make something 'feel' more random by actually making it less random. Humans are designed to find patterns, our brains are wired that way, and it really sucks sometimes to fudge math to make things 'feel' right.

p.s. I didn't test the above code, but it should be close :)

Anything to preserve these timeless quotes is superb work.

Oh wow this is hot! How was this made? Is there any source code for this at all?

@MrLandmaster: This is great!

Also, I'm playing Cave Stpry right now.

Most excellent.

Hey, guess what? Have a bunch more I went and mined out. I'm just throwing them out, so they may or may not already in there.

"Before I left you, I had not sentenced anyone to be circumcised" -Vinny in the 4/17/12 Bombcast

"Girls watch out, you might have to worry about the penis I made. It's half my penis." -Vinny in the 4/17/12 Bombcast

"The Boggle part of it is kind of... Boggling?" - Brad Muir in the Apples to Apples QL

"More like Assholes to Assholes." -Ryan in the Apples to Apples QL

"Sparky Whitmore just did a Tim Allen amount of cocaine. And now he's READY FOR THE FUCKIN' FEUD!" -Ryan in the Family Feud (2012?) QL

"You are history's greatest monster." -Ryan in one of the Bombcasts (Here)

"Turn the video quality back up! TURN THE VIDEO QUALITY BACK UP!!" -Jeff in the Multimedia Celebrity Poker QL

"Motionsports! Hello!" -Jeff in the Motionsports QL

"Satan is weak to wind, I dunno if you knew that." -Jeff in the Persona 4 Endurance Run

"I put the baby in the microwave. To stop it from screamin' at me, so I could play more World of Warcraft." -Jeff in one of Wiskey Media Happy Hours, you know which one.

"And remember, Big Jeffery says keep your hands and feet inside the- Oh Jesus! Looks like we gotta skip town again." -Jeff in the Rollercoaster QL

"You locked eyes with Elmo, that's a mistake. Don't make eye contact with Elmo." -Ryan in the Sesame Street TV QL

"Thresh every motha fuckin' thang!" Ryan in the Farming Simulator 2013 QL

"Is Jeff still creepy? Yep, Jeff's still creepy." -Ryan in that one Happy Hour

"Rollers!" -Jeff in the Persona 4 Endurance Run: Part 91

I don't know if you wanna do twofers, but this is a good one:

"Ryan, we're gonna summon Satan!" "Have fun, kids." -Jeff and Ryan respectively in the Persona 4 Endurance Run (Here)

@Salarn: I found the bug in the original code. The if statement was testing for the wrong condition:

If randomQuote was ever 0, nSelectMax would get reset, and randomQuote has a chance of being of 0 every time printQuote() is called.

Instead, I now check if nSelectMax > 1. So really your original code still works great, but thanks for offering further advice! :)

@Bolt3: It's made with HTML, CSS, JavaScript and jQuery. Right click -> View source to see the code and markup :)

@MrLandmaster: Right right, sorry about the bug, glad it's all sorted out now. That's what I get for trying to code sober after midnight.

Picture me, in my underwear, doing the electric slide. And you will have a good idea of how my weekend went.

- Jeff Gerstmann

"I sure do like dig Doug."? Unless it's a joke that's going way over my head, it should be "I sure do like Dig Dug.".

"I loved you in Splash!" - Drew Scanlon

Another quote from Random PC Game: Blade Runner Part 2

This is fantastic. It's a bit disturbing though that half of these quotes are Ryan saying either shit, fuck, or dick, or any combination of the three. If Ryan would get a swear-jar, he'd be able to pay for everybody's yearly subscription.

Thank you so much for this magical creation. I am looking into add-ons that let you set a web page as a wallpaper. My computer is about to become a lot more awesome.

Also, it seems like Ryan likes to fuck a lot of stuff.

"Gandhi's a dick." -Ryan Davis

"You don't want to fuck the iPhone." -Patrick Klepek

This is superb!

For the interest of clarity though, the quote about the dog's ass and Jeff (boy, did I not see me typing that when I woke up today) needs correcting. It is "Hook my mouth up to that dog's ass", as shown here:

Also, my personal favorites for possible addition:

"KISS MY FLUFFY ASS!" -Vinny

"It's not Dubsteppy enough, it's not wobble bassy enough" - Jeff in Giant Bombstep v.2 (by way of Hamst3r)

"NOTHING STOPS THE GAME ROOM QUICK LOOK!" - Jeff Gerstmann

"There's a dog in the office. There's a dog in the office! THERE'S A DOG IN THE OFFICE!" - Ryan Davis.

Hope you get the bugs filled out, because here I come with some moar quotes! =P

"More like, the Shame Room." - Ryan Davis

"This looks good for a Wii game." - Brad Shoemaker

"¡Exzécutable!" - Will Smith

"China Don't Mind." - Norman Chan

"Nothing stops the Endurance Run, motherfucker!" - Jeff Gerstmann

"I don't know what happened! Did you see what happened!? I'll tell you what fucking happened! I was fighting that guy and the camera clipped through a wall, and I got stabbed in the back! And I lost all my souls! How the fuck do you like that!?" - Vinny Caravella

"There's no wink to that. I means, put on a fake dick." - Jeff Gerstmann

"You're not gonna be delivering fucking pizzas! You're not gonna be strapping on fake dicks and fucking people with it. Oh wait -- STRAP IT ON!" - Jeff Gerstmann

"Vinny, we've been duped!" - Brad Shoemaker

"Emails!" - Brad Shoemaker

"It is driving me virtually insane, all the people saying that I am into Jamiroquiai." - Jeff Gerstmann

"It's not even subtle 3D! It's like, 'popping out at your eyes' 3D!" - Patrick Klepek

"Oh shit! Her butt's a robot!" - Jeff Gerstmann

"You're the Punisher or my dad. He does have a magical gun, and a sick skull shirt." - Vinny Caravella

"There's a gaint dog in that intersection. There's a giant dog in that intersection. There's a giant dog in that intersection." -Ryan in the Deadly Premonition ER

Epic. Just leaving this site up in the background is epic.

Dude! This should be turned into a screensaver.

this is great. awesome job!

Everyone's quotes have been added! Seriously, you guys are awesome. This list is already much bigger than I ever expected!

@Lyfeforce: Noted! The quote's been corrected.

@dungbootle: I've also wondered about the Dig Dug thing. For now, I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt that it's a deliberately chosen wording (I don't remember the origin of the quote). If anyone knows, let me know.